posted September 14, 2010 04:26 AM         

Yeah, so I am in this relationsip which is kind of tricky. Thing is I am not in love with her but she is head over heels in love with me. Now, I could have tried to fall in love with her but the problem is that she is there over the phone - because I met her over the net - damn it! - now before you begin to take this less seriously, please just hear me out because this is really serious and I need help help help!!

Now this girl is perfect for me. I read Relationship Signs and the love aspects in our horoscopes are so many - its perfect. Which is why it could work so very well even when its only on the phone. Now, I am to meet her come this Monday and immediately start living with her. Wierd, right? Well, just listen me out and advise me please, then!!

Now you must be thinking where the problem is right? Here it is: She is seventeen and is sort-of young. I am 24. Now somewhere down the line as we were getting "involved" we agreed we will again've to start with zero when we meet in person. In those times, I was happy and content because I saw dating and all that coming up ahead with me stably and slowly falling in love with her and such. But as the time came closer to meet and all, and still since a month or two we had to wait - so over the phone itself, to satisfy her - I started mouthing descriptions and we started indulging in what is called as phone sex - but I would use the future tense in all my sentences since we were going to meet eventually and make love.

So now I can't - and have tried many times to - allude to having any pre-dating at the time we meet so we can gradually graduate to hugging, kissing and making love. She says but we can't because we are already there. Well yeah, may be we did reach there and I didn't completely check myself. I know that if she leaves me I will cry buckets of tears which I did yesterday night when we were having a really emotionally charged fight where she would ask me specific and particular questions abt the status of the relationsip and what I want in the future and all that. But then I wrote and mailed her a story abt a man and a woman - in their thirties and forties - in love completely. I tried to show her a (magic) mirror - in which she could look and see us in the future with all of this behind us. (As is the suggestion of so many poets/pilosophers that the past is the dream of the future (and vice versa). Thus I wanted to show her that time when this would be a dream - and love a reality. BTW, we both write and our poems fell in love with each other first. Yeah, as lovers we can be oh-so-perfect and both of us totally know this!) One day how we will grow in love. But she is already so much oh so much in love with me - and I do look fwd to growing in love, and falling deeply in love with her through the period of dating/living together, whichever.

Now I could be ok even with her suggestion of living together - which will be over the weekends Sat/Sun and on holidays - weeklong ones - which we get aplenty - during festivals and such - since we're students. I am even excited abt it - my main plea to her is that she give me time to meet her and fall in love with her over time in real life.

While on the other hand, she says if she just sees me once it will be very difficult for her to forget me, to get over it - she says she has in the past known the pain of a bad relationship and just how bad a relationship can get she well knows - while, I, on the other hand have never had a love affair, a relationship to speak of - which is why I believe - since she's so ideal for me - that I will fall in love with her and such. So you see we are both coming from different places and want this relationship to work, thus.

And I am so sure it will.

Now yday, again after a session of phone sex, she somehow was convinced that I too love her when it is not true. Despite being a Taurean she became so confident she asked me to say it - I never say 'I love you' - when she says that I just say you're my baby and she's quite happy to hear it, too. So for a long time it was as though I were suspended in a limbo - I just didn't want to be in that place - she said, I know you love me, but I didn't and still - because we had been through exactly the same situation the day before!!! - I said, to avoid all the confrontation and tears, I love you. But not in a convincing manner and she sensed it and somehow we dragged ourselves out of it. Morning came today and again I told her on phone I'll make beautiful love to you whhen we meet. Whenever she hears that se feels oh so happy. You have to hear her the way she says 'yea' so tenderly like a doll. Yeah, we even have me all committed to love her and make love to her when we meet. BTW, yday she told me she hates it when I use the words 'when' or 'will'. So now when she says I love you I just stay quiet - or I tell her you're my baby.

Now, what if she expects (demands?) the same after one night of sex and I don't fall in love with her? It is so much like in Jerry McGuire - after lovemaking she falls in love with him but he doesn't. Even in the end he doesn't completely fall in love with her - he can't because all is muscles are so taut - he's trying to build a company and he can't unshackle himself and his heart for him to fall in love - even so I have - perhaps an inability to love, since I am in college and have to concentrate on my career and such, but she being in school is more free and so could fall in love.

I figure if only she had not told me she is so much head over heels in love with me, -- to put it poetically: if only some words were not said, there was a better chance of it coming true -- and this could've worked. My question to you is, which I obviously want you to answer looking at all the horoscopes - of which I know v little! - can we sweat it out, despite all the words already said, despite the quagmire we are in - or at least I am in - can I tell her the truth abt how I really feel (I will write her at length) and can I hope that we will succeed, this relationship will succeed?

It is like one of those relationships when a little girl falls in love with the heartless, suicidal moon. Do you think she can love me and cure me enough for it? I am like one of those poets who write amazing poetry - yea she loved me for my poems - but can't love. Have you heard of any magic? That's what I need... but what is practically at risk is her heartbreak somewhere down the years... But there is so much happiness also to look fwd to that she said this morning she is willing to risk anything. Oh, what should I do? If this relationship fails, well, I never had tears enough to cry, only poems enough to write - yeah, I am one of those dead people. While she says she loves me so completely she will never be able to love another, ever. I think perhaps she will love another again, but I am sure if she's even in the middle of a serious relationship - heck, if she's in the middle of a kiss and I come to her and tell her lets have ice-cream she'll leave anyone for me. I know it, I told her this and she said yeah that's true. Did I subconsciously wanted someone to just fall in love with me so I could assert and boost my self-worth? Were my poems just a tool I used - and now am I on my way out having now won her heart and knowing nothing what to do with it? Thoughts like these torture me sometimes as though I had a fever or were running a temperature or something. To some extent I think that is true. But I don't want it to be that way.

May be this internet - which is like a dream - we have met here before meeting in real life so she can convince me in this dream she will love me - so I can then meet her on real life and instead of anything else we can start directly with a kiss - with love. But there had to be a balance b/w the real and the poetic - now we have agreed to completely jump into it when some dating should have been there. I don't know... I don't know... But I want this girl and I know if somehow we skim over these times and I begin to love her - oh, once I just meet her - everything will be ok. Tell me what I should do.

horoscope comparison chart:

HER:

ME:

posted September 14, 2010 10:29 AM         

She THINKS YOU LOVE HER EVEN IF YOU TELL HER THAT YOU DON'T. SHE WILL HAVE SEX WITH YOU BASED ON THAT PREMISE OF HERS, NO MATTER HOW FAULTY IT IS. THAT IS WHY WE HAVE LAWS LIKE STATUTORY RAPE. YOU WILL BE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HER!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS RAPE BECAUSE SHE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING YOU TELL YOURSELF SHE UNDERSTANDS. SHE THINKS MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU DO.

posted September 14, 2010 07:14 PM         

I need to rest.
I shall try my best to get back with you asap.
I am dealing with exceedingly serious issues in my world at this time and do not know what will happen from moment to moment.

posted September 14, 2010 07:54 PM         

High school girls can be quite fickle, you know? I mean she may think she's in love, and believe it with all her heart, and then wake up one morning and go, MEH, maybe not.

At least that's how I was at 17.

I assume in your culture dating is not for mere amusement, but for serious consideration for marriage right?
That's what I remember about India, from college.

If that's the case, it's going to be hard for many of us to answer your question, because we Americans are so very, ummm, well, a little hesistant on jumping into a the marriage thing, not all of us, but alot of us.

It's easy for me to say to you as well.. hey just be friends, see what happens, and that would be my advice, but once you have activated the hormones, well... ain't so easy.
I know people who have been having phone sex with each other for years, and can't stop. Some of that stuff can get addicting, especially since you don't ever have to 'do the work' of a real relationship, you know?

posted September 14, 2010 09:16 PM         

I also understand the age thing is different where you come from, and us here in the US would always say that she is too young..
I guess you would have to also consider your culture with, what advise is given to you.. That may be a huge difference compared to "how it is"

For me in my opinion, a young teenager/adult (you/her) doesnt know what love really is.. (well, who does?) You will have to figure that out for yourself..

As women (any age)we always want love, and feel that we "love" even though love isnt understood..
Im sure she feels deeply for you. Im sure you two have a mental bond, which is the beginning of a relationship..

My only advice that I can give, is to take one day at a time, get to know each other before you become physical. You can still go and meet her on weekends etc... Go out and see how the two of you relate in person, and see if love grows for you.. If it does your bond would only be stronger..

You/she cant force love, if its meant to be it will come naturally.. Then you can go from there.. This of course is a slow process, and takes time and effort...

posted September 15, 2010 01:47 AM         

She loves me - the only girl who does that - how can I take her soul away? We are such wretched ppl crying all the time these days hw can we meet come this monday?

Tell me one thing - I know she'll not forget me. I have my own personal issues which are these and because of which I am unable to love. Do you think if I address these I will love (her)?

1. becoz i screwed 2 relationships that were on abstract media like phone/net n so i wired myself to nt love on the net/phone, completely WIRED myself

2. becoz i hv personal issues. i think it is d memory of never having been properly loved - never even by mother who passed away wen i was 13 that i hv dis aversion (perhaps?) to loving, a fear, possibly... i never had a decent relationship to call a relationship! so there. never ever loved. no sir, never.

3. i hav my career to take care of n so every muscle in my body is taut 24X7 cz of that n i can't feel any deep emotion becoz my mind rejects it as irrelevant to career or something. i just wired my mind like that.

So do you think - have you also seen it in ppl arnd you? - once I address personal issues, I will be ready to love her?

Yday I cried so much when even my heart didn't cry. I cried telling her - omg you love me how can i say goodbye i never even could love you, not meet you - how can i say goodbye? But I think I have to come round the circle, and but with a better personality. I do not love myself. I think that is the reason I can't love anyone.

As of now, hers and mine idea - that we are hanging onto and have agreed to meet on monday - is that she'll mother me back to being a small boy.

But what if she does that and than has to actually be as a mother and let me go away to some other female?

I wrote this poem for her:

Achilles

I wonder if it is a boon or a curse
I think I begin in your verse
And so you would know
The meaning of my words
Despite me or my having said
Them

Tell me then:
What do I mean?
What am I?

With my thought
Fill your pen and
Write me down
Begotten then,
In your verse,
Dipped, in the holy
Fountain
I will be:
Achilles

With your breath
Fill my sail
And bid me adieu

Because when the
Sun will set in the
Story save for a son
I will never come
Back to you

She said she always wanted to write a poem as this.

So you see how we love? But how I am unable to love! But how I know she's the one for me. And yet we can't take a step forward - don't you think the quicksand will get quicker? -

And this is how close we come:

Womb of Tenderness

Other people
Nurse tenderness
As a bubble

They would not burst;
(Or) as a child between
Them

But it is there
We live like a
Little boy

And a little girl
Nestled together
Beneath the table

(Where elders
All feast
And discuss Neruda)

Conceived together
In the womb
Of a mother

Who knows better
To be silent
And be all around us

posted September 15, 2010 02:05 AM         

Yearning

When I stood on my toes
I could kiss the place
Between your collarbones
And I thought that someday,
Like half-formed sentences
Becoming opinions, I would learn
To touch you right,
I would grow.

But my yearning for you
Is not a need
And evolution is not
The hardening of my eager knuckles
With dry,dead skin
As I push against
Your serene eyes, your silent chest
Your firm mouth.

I like to sleep
With the light on my face,
I've had a conversation
With a stranger
In poetry
And so many times
I've fallen in to a dream
On those short bus journeys.

Your face is not as high
Up as it used to be
But I still want to
Touch you in the stupid places,
Between the fingers,
Behind the ears, those places
Which feel the same
As the inside of my palm.

Ingrowing Child

Ingrowing Child
Have you a muse,
Someone asked of me
And I saw
A dark sky
Whose moon lay
Afloat in a tide
Pool of my words,
A silver orb, broken,
Tortured, thickening
My slim waist.

Not a muse, a child,
An ingrowing child,
But I don't know
How to feel it, how to
Play mother, I cannot
Understand it's touch,
When I was a little girl
I could write love poems
And now I sit
In the midst of laughter,
Counting my breaths,
You called it education,
That dive into oblivion.

To be my muse
You ask for a fee
Of stray thoughts
But I have none
You gave me a child
Who feeds on them,
An ingrowing child.

This were the times we would happily so happily look fwd to meeting and knowing each other in real life. But too many words were said then too fast - and if we could go back to only those times it would be so much better.

It was then that I would tell her (I know I will love you) I want to date first. I always had this issue - of dating first. But she was so sure of it she felt completely totally in love so soon and expected me too. And from then on, it started getting worse the relationship.

posted September 15, 2010 02:49 AM         

Sometimes people fall in love with words, and not actually people you know?
Think of the masses that swoon over the words of Kurt Kobain, or Elvis Presley, or whomever is relavant to you, and you'll see what I mean. They love the words, the sentiments behind them, but not necessarily the person who lives behind the pen.

In both poems there seems to be clues as to wanting to end or seeing that this will end.

So, that may be where it's going.
That doesn't have to be where it always goes.

If you said words spoken in haste, NO, you cannot take them back, so you choose to either see if they can come true, or you part ways.

Your reasons for not being able to love sound reasonable and logical as any I've heard, and very self observant.

My advice remains the same. Let go of the romance part for now.
If it's meant to be, it shall be.
That is what I believe and know to be true in my soul, and not because I'm older and more experienced than you are, but only because this is what every fiber of my being screams is truth.

posted September 15, 2010 11:30 AM         

quote:

---

My advice remains the same. Let go of the romance part for now.
If it's meant to be, it shall be.
That is what I believe and know to be true in my soul, and not because I'm older and more experienced than you are, but only because this is what every fiber of my being screams is truth.

---

Neither of you is ready my friend.

I am glad you did this:

quote:

---

I only wanted to be sure I am not making the wrong choice - so yeah, I said goodbye to her and we promised each other - I promised I will one day come around.

---

quote:

---

Thanks indeed for your help... bye. My problem is solved. Thanks to you, Lioness and LEXX.

---