posted October 11, 2010 04:42 PM         

So I started to make a list and wondered if anyone would like to join in, in a kind of theraputic 'relationship stock take/detox' effort???

I thought about what each one has shown me over the years and tried to see the 'lesson' in each situation. It doesn't mean I've got these lessons under my belt by any means!! I'm still making mistakes I made when I was 20 but I'm starting to recognise what each person showed me, and be grateful for the time I had with them instead of looking back wincing! ;D

I've written it as a 'note to self' so please don't think I'm trying to say these are lessons for other people... these are purely things that I know I need to apply to me, so when I write 'you/yourself' etc I mean me. If it helps anyone else then that's all to the good

posted October 11, 2010 04:43 PM         

Not to make other people responsible for your happiness and emotional security. That needs to come from within and radiate out.

Don't force things - it means more if you didn't have to 'lead the horse to water...'

Give people space. Space gives each person the opportunity to miss and therefore appreciate the other a little more.

Be yourself. Why would you want them to be in love with an illusion that's not you?

Enjoy the ride - don't rush and skip stages. Let things develop naturally.

Don't hold onto something or someone out of habit - releasing is magic; it causes magnetism to fill the void, and even if it's not the same person who gets magnetised back to you, it will be someone with whom you needed to connect in order for the next experience to occur, and the next lesson to be learned.

Be 'light hearted' - change the energy around you from dark to light and like will attract like. Another piece of magic

Be as honest as you can about everything. Honesty doesn't = blunt cruelty necessarily. There are ways and ways of saying things however it's so important to say what you mean and mean what you say.

Be true to yourself and go for what you truly want. Don't settle for less out of habit, duty or low self-esteem. You're not doing you or the other person any favours.

LAUGH!!!!!! Look for the laugh and the fun in everything. It has that 'heart lightening' quality to change the energy.

Love with every last molecule of you - don't hold anything back! Feel everything to the inth degree and let it fill you up. You don't want to be on your death bed spending your last few moments of this incarnation worrying that so and so didn't know how much you loved them. That's what remains of us in this realm when we've taken off our 'costumes' and moved on to the next place probably... people remember how much love we shared with them. Learn not to be stingy with it

Regret nothing. It happened. Ok so it perhaps went a bit pear-shaped but no one ever made a fool of themselves by loving someone. To love is brave and selfless. It's those who didn't step up to the mark and find the courage to love that should be regretting it.

Feel the feelings. It's no good trying to protect yourself from a broken heart. If you live in an ivory tower your heart will eventually shrivel up and break from the loneliness anyway so it may as well break through exercise! Give it an airing and if it all goes horribly wrong, cuddle it, nurture it and nurse it back to full health before try, try, trying again.

posted October 12, 2010 11:34 PM         

Here piggie piggie...lol Bunnies, that's so hilarious and true!

posted October 19, 2010 04:29 AM         

I have been single since August 2005 because I don't want my heart broken again

Guys approach me but I just keep them as friends!

Instead I just focus on my goals in life.

I learned to solely love myself and God and to leave romantic love alone

posted October 19, 2010 07:36 AM         

Not to expect anything, bc then you'll be less likely to be let down.

posted October 23, 2010 12:52 PM         

So from that I no longer am willing to bring people into my inner circle who drink-even socially or take drugs.

I was never promiscuous but I had my share of friends with benefits which never turned out well.

From that, I decided I wanted something real. I refused to even kiss someone unless we had been dating for three months. I figured to wait that long they either really cared about me or they were very desparate.

It took some time but I met someone who did not drink at all, did not do drugs and was willing to wait. Turns out he was untreated bi-polar.

From that I learned that I'm just not even going to try any more-hahaha. Seriously, though, since he's my son's father, I learned a lot about myself and gained alot of things I was lacking. I have this thing where if things get too tough or just aren't to my liking, I can severe ties without even blinking. But because of how children were considered after thoughts by my parents and other supposedly repsonsible adults, it was very important to me that my son not ever have to wonder what it would be like to have two parents who gave a crap about him in his life and to know his siblings and have a real brotherly relationship with them, I couldn't just walk away and be done with it. I had to stay and fight for what was in my son's best interest. To make a very long, long story short, my son's father ultimately chose to get help for his issues and therefore was allowed to be a father to our son and to his other children as well. I didn't take the steps I did to save the ex or even to save my son or his brothers. I did it because it was truly in the best interest of my son. If things hadn't turned out well then my son and I would have walked away because that would have been in his best interest. Wondering and being without the missing pieces of himself would have been less painful than living with what the reality would have been.