posted March 20, 2011 08:23 PM            

The next day he described himself as having trouble letting go of some of the things we talked about, ex. distance, etc....We continued to talk the next day and he admitted he might have gotten "spooked". By the weekend we had a talk and he said he needed time to get things straight. Time by himself to figure things out. He said he had feelings for me and that he wasn't done for good, but wanted to put things on hold and come back to them when his head was right. So, I pushed through and kind of made him still talk to me through the next two weeks. Repeatedly he told me that he had feelings for me but couldn't give me what I want or deserve right now--a relationship. He said we have a future, just not right now. He texted me on Valentine's Day that he was thinking about me, we started talking again and made plans to see each other. He ended up legitimately having to work, but I was freaked out and texted him quite a bit about what his problem was, etc....I had been pushed to that because of all of the back and forth. My Virgo man then proceeded to basically stop texting me the following week and clearly pulled back from me. We finally talked a week later because I discovered new pictures on his online profile. He immediately responded to me and said that he put them up in case he wanted to reactivate his account in the "distant future". So he again reiterated the need for space and that he has not dealt with the issues stemming from his divorce. Didn't know he had them, now has to deal with them. Doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now and did not want to take it to the next level with me (sex) when he wasn't 100% in it. Said he would text or call me at some point and did not tell me that it was over for good, though I tried to get him to say if it was. Said the old it's not you it's me line about how great I am and he would be lucky to be in a long term relationship with me if he were going to be in one. He did not say goodbye, but told me not to wait for him because it was too much pressure. I vowed not to text, call or e-mail until I heard from him, to give him space.

It has been three weeks with no contact and I have held to my promise, but I am eating myself up inside. I have some questions maybe you Virgo smart people can answer:
1. Is this common behavior for a Virgo? I have heard about them disappearing at times.
2. Do these men come back in situations like this or has the damage been done with the "drama" of texts, conversations, etc...?
3. What is with the pictures? I thought Virgo men were more one woman only. He has though maintained that this is not about finding someone else.
4. How do I handle this going forward? Do I have to wait for him to contact me?
5. Is he just being kind and not letting me down hard, or when he says it really is him and not me, should he be believed?

I am having such trouble understanding how things were so good and have come to this. The lack of ending to things is killing me as well as not having any contact with him at all. I am not a weak woman and have strong feelings for him. I don't know how long I can go without the answers I need to either move on with him or without.

Sorry for the lengthy post, but it's complicated. Any help would be appreciated.

posted March 21, 2011 01:22 AM            

1. Is this common behavior for a Virgo? I have heard about them disappearing at times.
- This behavior is not the exclusive domain of Virgo men. Any sign can be like this when they are, to borrow the term you used, "spooked". Sometimes it scares them when things are going great.

2. Do these men come back in situations like this or has the damage been done with the "drama" of texts, conversations, etc...?
- Some come back. Some don't. Most men dread "talking".

3. What is with the pictures? I thought Virgo men were more one woman only. He has though maintained that this is not about finding someone else.
- He's keeping his options open. He is entitled to that since there is no commitment between you two in the first place. In my opinion, the "not about finding someone else" is complete BS. If he's not looking anymore (if he's sure he's found you) then he wouldn't update his profile or maintain one at all to avoid hurting you. Except if there is a mutual understanding that the relationship is going to be committed and "open".

4. How do I handle this going forward? Do I have to wait for him to contact me?
- The rule every woman should subscribe to is to "not wait for ANY man". Women don't know this, but waiting for a man is the best strategy to NOT attract him back (or attract a new man). He told you not to "wait for him because it was too much pressure". When men say things like this, women should listen.

5. Is he just being kind and not letting me down hard, or when he says it really is him and not me, should he be believed?
- Possible. Especially if he has major chart placements in Libra, he wouldn't want to hurt you with the truth, whatever that is.

I am having such trouble understanding how things were so good and have come to this. The lack of ending to things is killing me as well as not having any contact with him at all. I am not a weak woman and have strong feelings for him. I don't know how long I can go without the answers I need to either move on with him or without.

- You're dealing with a man who is a Virgo, which means he could be very picky. We don't know the rest of his chart, so we're just looking at his sun sign here and his history (cheated on by ex-wife). This man wouldn't want to commit right away; he may be struggling with self-esteem issues right now. And the Virgo sign unconsciouslý prefers to work hard to get whatever it wants. (Much more if there are other Virgo placements in his chart, like a Virgo Venus). It could also be one of those guy things, and his being a Virgo sun makes it double. My advice to you is to just let him go and take all of your energy off him. If he comes back, good. If not, even better. Let him deal with his inner demons, but don't have any expectations as to whether he would come back or not. In short, focus all of your energy solely on yourself and your happiness, with or without him. You have to tell yourself that whatever happens you will come out a winner.

- You don't need to understand EVERYTHING NOW. It might help to look at this from a mountain-top point of view, bigger scale. Things like this happen and the best way to come to terms with it is to just consider it a learning experience.

Next time, you should be the one who decides whether the potential mate is good enough for you or meets your requirements... not the other way around. Be the choser, not the chosee (i.e. one of the choices).

ETA: I re-read your post and saw this: "He said we have a future, just not right now." Men (and also women) should be very clear when they say this. Did he mean "future" as in within this lifetime or the next one? And how far is that future anyway? Are there any guarantees?

I'm sorry for being blunt. It's just that I've seen countless cases like this in the many women I coach and used to coach. And when you "attract" a man/situation like this, it is almost always a sign that there is something that you need to work on in YOU as regards relationships. Bottomline is: It doesn't matter how strong your feelings are. It doesn't matter how strong his feelings are. What matters are his actions/behavior within the relationship and whether your requirements/needs are being met.