posted May 30, 2011 04:41 AM            

Anyhow this is my twopence worth.

1.He likes you probably always has.

2.You read too much into everything. Sometimes people just say things.

3.You are way too intense for him and he will end up withdrawing back to occasional texting and FB.

4. The fact that you went along with the "casual sex" thing tells him all he needs to know. That's exactly what you will get. Casual sex and half the bills if you move in with him.
He will then look elsewhere for someone a little less challenging mentally, a little more challenging physically and leave you broken hearted...again, whilst chirruping the immortal phrase "I thought we were just friends"

5. Men do not like cuddling. They don't like the word and most certainly don't like talking about it. When a man has had sex all he wants to do is go to sleep because all the blood has drained from his brain. Biological fact.

6. You are not in any position to enter a relationship. You are vulnerable and still hurting and your self esteem is on the floor which is why you are acting like this. Needy and clingy and questioning. And you want to make him make you feel otherwise. He is not in this place at the moment. He wants fun.

If you want this guy THIS is what you do.
Tell him "You are not ready for anything"
Withdraw the sex, keep your texts light and breezy. watch a movie with him. If he touches you, smile sweetly and say
"Sorry, but like I said,I made a mistake I'm not ready"
Even throw in a "It's not you it's me"
Do this for a LONG time.

Convince him you are worth chasing instead of a whimpering love me, love me, cuddle me, I need this,bag of insecurity.

posted May 31, 2011 02:34 AM            

Can you post some charts for us to take a look at maybe?

posted May 31, 2011 02:56 AM            

I have read all these casual sex posts.
Oh we are just playing it cool, taking it easy, no pressure and they always turn into months later
"Why won't he commit?
" He's not as keen as he once was"
"He's gone off with someone else"

Deep down this is not what women want. They want trust, exclusivity,protection,commitment.

Look, you can all squawk all you like but there is an old German saying and never a truer word.

"Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free"

posted May 31, 2011 03:58 AM            

Him
Sun: 9 cancer
Rising: 27 virgo
Moon: 29 sagittarius
Mercury: 2 leo
Venus: 25 taurus
Mars: 14 cancer
Jupiter: 15 aquarius

I get what you are saying about letting him chase me, I really do but some men want to be chased, you know, and to me it seems like he is the kind that would rather be the one who is chased compared to the chaser. But either way, it doesn't matter to me who chases who, what matters to me is if he is feeling more than what he let's me believe. I don't believe in your theory of the cow and milk. You commit to someone despite how it started because you never want to lose that person, because you love them and your life has more meaning when you wake up to their face every morning. Feelings are unexpected and come without warning most times. So how do you know that the way he sees me is as a free milk producing cow when love has no limits, no boundaries, and no specific guideline? From what I have read numerous times, cancer men take forever when it comes to love and commitment, let alone the idea of a relationship. Thay go about everything in the most indirect way possible. On top of everything he suffers from anxiety disorder and what he meant by sober day was a day without anxiety meds cause he was starting to over use them from the recent increase of stress in his life. I don't have a car and I would always have to find rides to and from his house in the begining, but the past month he offers to come get me and take me home. We don't have sex right away when I get there, its always when we lay down for bed with the exception of2 times and after sex we lay in his bed and talk and joke around, and watch a movie. Obviously something is changing between us, something is growing, but its hard to decipher sometimes due to the fact that his actions don't really match his words and I have never been in this type of relationship/friendship before.

posted May 31, 2011 04:20 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by bunnies:

Deep down this is not what women want. They want trust, exclusivity,protection,commitment.

Look, you can all squawk all you like but there is an old German saying and never a truer word.

"Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free"

---

so true....

posted May 31, 2011 07:18 AM            

Second... Honestly speaking, he is not sending mixed signals. You are the one who is creating the confusion you are in. When he asked you if you would like to have casual sex and you agreed, he was just being a guy who saw an opportunity for sex. From the beginning he was very clear about what he wanted and about the "rules".

My advice to you is: If you want to stop being in a confusing situation, you have to be honest with yourself and with him. Is it really alright with you if he hooks up with someone else?

You have to be clear about what you want in life, in love, in everything. The reason why you are getting mixed signals is because you are in a mixed up state yourself. What you are saying to him is not really what you mean. Truth is he is only reflecting to you what you are -- someone lacking clarity about who she is. So if you want to "unconfuse" the situation, start with being honest with yourself.

Men aren't good at mind reading. They are not gifted like women when it comes to hints and clues and similar stuff. So don't expect him to intuitively know what you want, to decipher that you really want a serious relationship despite your pretending that you are ok with an FWB arrangement.

Whatever happens, don't move in with him . . . unless you are a masochist. Can you imagine how you would feel if he sticks to the FWB thing and you move in, and then one day he meets someone he wants to be serious with? What will happen to you when he wants to bring her home?

I suggest you take a look at yourself and your situation. I know it's difficult for a Libra to not be in a relationship. But I don't think it is a wise decision to settle, to be with someone just so you won't be alone. You have to know what you want and accept nothing less.

Be honest with him and don't see him as someone giving you confusion. Be honest with yourself and take responsibility for your own happiness. You have to make up your mind and make a decision as to what you really want in a life partner. Then you look/wait for that man who will fit everything in your criteria. You don't just take anyone and try to fix him or mold him into what you want. That's a recipe for disaster.

Another recipe for disaster is when you let a man fix you or mold you into what they want. This is what he is doing to you. And he can do it because you are allowing him. So the only way you will come out happy from this setup is if you start claiming your power. Know what you want and stick to it. If you don't want a FWB setup then don't be in one. No one is forcing you to choose an unhappy path. You are making your own choices.

And don't make excuses for him or justify his actions or behavior. You have to always think about what is good for you and not what you believe relationships or love should be. Real life does not always mirror ideals (or fiction or fairy tale).

Íf you have a very strong feeling that he is very likely going to want to have a serious relationship with you, and you don't want to do the strategy given above (let him chase you thing), then I suggest you tell him that the present setup is good only for 2-3 months... that neither one of you can date other people, and that you two should decide at the end of that period if you want to "upgrade" the relationship. By telling him this, you are letting him know that you want something more if it turns out that you two are a good match... you are letting him know that you are not just, to borrow the expression above, "a cow from whom he can get free milk".