posted August 08, 2011 01:59 PM            

Remember, they retreat when they feel the slightest bit threatened or asked too much. They handle emotions compartmentally, they have to, for they feel things very deeply and fear giving too much of themselves IF they have been hurt in the past.

The "virgin" Cancer is truly a beautiful soul. Once that tender heart has been wounded, it is like healing an entire army of infirmed soldiers to get anywhere with that heart again.

It is a battle that can be worth it, but be prepared that it will NOT be easy. Cancers are also notorious for "testing" their suitors or potential lovers for loyalty and depth of compassion.

If you are ready for this type of thing, then fight for it. Hard. But be warned that it will almost NEVER be easy, but most definately worth it for the deep love they are capable of.

Good luck.

posted August 09, 2011 12:01 PM            

My replacement love and I even emigrated together. Nothing like 7000 miles between you to end something. But even years down the line I would gaze out at the ocean and wonder "Where are you now? What are you doing?
Anyhow 8 years later we returned to my homeland. My marriage broke up and on the first day,as I ventured out after coming back home, I wandered through an empty shopping mall at 9am on a freezing cold morning and who should I spy just staring in a shop window?

To say we fell upon one another like long lost loves was an understatement. And I knew in my heart of hearts this was how it was always meant to be. He was the man for me. The Universe had led me back to him.

At least that's how it seemed. But in my fantasy life of me and Mr H I had failed to see the signs that I had actually been in love with an alcoholic. His vague absences were not because he was some wild adventurer returning from the sea but was actually some wild drunkard falling off a ship and losing whole weeks of his life.

And to boot he had actually married someone else during the absences, which left me incredulous...because I had been there....tons better looking than her and with a heart chock full of love.

It did not take long for my mature self to suss that one out.

I am not saying that this is your guy. But your friends are right. You are in love with a fantasy. A guy that you imagine is having a fabulous life that you're not part of.
And you're not part of this because to be blunt, he didn't want you to be.
You gave him the opportunity as I did my sailor but we didn't matter enough.
And that is not good enough for you...or me.
But this is not about me.
This is about your life on hold for someone who probably doesn't think of you that much.

You will probably never feel this strongly about anyone again Different yes. Love comes in many guises. But I believe we get one of these in a lifetime.
It doesn't mean we are destined to be together, maybe it's just to show us how much love we are capable of feeling.
Make a life for yourself, a lovely life and give it your all. Dream about him if you must but don't hanker after what is not going to be yours.

And just to let you know. From a distance of many years I never give him a second thought. I could contact him whenever I want but I prefer to keep him in my memory as the fantasy he was and not the reality.

All the nice girls love a sailor

posted August 09, 2011 04:07 PM            

If there is no contact then are you even an option?

"if you love someone, truly truly love someone, they will love you back." <--- Not true in real life. Maybe true only in fairy tales or movies. What's more effective is if you completely let go and give up on that specific person and instead just focus on attracting the "essence" of love. This way you can expect the universe to bring to you someone who is right for you and ready to be with you. It could be him (original guy) or a new guy.

posted August 18, 2011 07:44 AM            

There must be aspects of this person that a part of you feels you need to integrate into your own being. This can of course be achieved by being around said person, but as you have discovered, that isn't always possible. It might be worth taking an honest look at this person, and writing down all the aspects of them that you are attracted to, you may then see areas of growth for yourself, and if you do, and integrate them, chances are your attachment to the person will lessen naturally. And if they come back into your life, your relations with them will have a freer, more equal flavour to them.

It's a cliche, but often the harder we hold onto something, the further out of our grasp it gets.

I have one more point that may be useful to you: I had a very intense encounter with a man this year, it was a whirlwind of about 4 weeks. I had never felt so good with anyone in my life, never had anyone respond to me so deeply in my life, we seemed compatible in every possible way - emotional, physical, temperament, mentally, sexually - pretty intoxicating.
Well, we couldn't be together. He was only visiting my country for work, was just separated from his wife and 3 children, had a business back home. There was no way for us to be 'together' properly. I entered a very dark place after I saw the size of the void the end of this experience left in my life. Flew from loving him with so much passion I thought I'd die, to hating him with so much passion I wanted to kill him. I forced myself to have no contact with him - this was difficult at first, but got easier.
Slowly, it began to dawn on me that it wasn't HIM I wanted, missed, or even loved, but rather, it was how I felt about myself in his company, how I saw aspects of myself as beautiful that I had previously overlooked. I felt loved, but it wasn't by him - I loved myself.

So many time I have read that you must fully love yourself before you can love another, but never ever did I fully experience it. My self-image has always been pretty shady, my esteem low, and my inner voice harsh. But that experience smacked me right about the face with that cliche, and knew it to be true.

I guess what we have to do is find the beauty in ourselves that draws out our love for others. This way, no matter what happens, you retain your equilibrium, as you are not dependant on another to feel loved, then you can let nature take its course, and see the value even in separation.

posted August 20, 2011 01:45 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Voix_de_la_Mer:
..........It's a cliche, but often the harder we hold onto something, the further out of our grasp it gets.

I have one more point that may be useful to you: I had a very intense encounter with a man this year, it was a whirlwind of about 4 weeks. I had never felt so good with anyone in my life, never had anyone respond to me so deeply in my life, we seemed compatible in every possible way - emotional, physical, temperament, mentally, sexually - pretty intoxicating.
Well, we couldn't be together. He was only visiting my country for work, was just separated from his wife and 3 children, had a business back home. There was no way for us to be 'together' properly. I entered a very dark place after I saw the size of the void the end of this experience left in my life. Flew from loving him with so much passion I thought I'd die, to hating him with so much passion I wanted to kill him. I forced myself to have no contact with him - this was difficult at first, but got easier.
Slowly, it began to dawn on me that it wasn't HIM I wanted, missed, or even loved, but rather, it was how I felt about myself in his company, how I saw aspects of myself as beautiful that I had previously overlooked. I felt loved, but it wasn't by him - I loved myself.

So many time I have read that you must fully love yourself before you can love another, but never ever did I fully experience it. My self-image has always been pretty shady, my esteem low, and my inner voice harsh. But that experience smacked me right about the face with that cliche, and knew it to be true.

I guess what we have to do is find the beauty in ourselves that draws out our love for others. This way, no matter what happens, you retain your equilibrium, as you are not dependant on another to feel loved, then you can let nature take its course, and see the value even in separation.

All the best.

---