posted December 28, 2011 11:02 PM            

to give you some background, he is/was my ex's friend..how close I am not sure of. My ex and I were out of our relationship 18 months before he and I hooked up.

three months ago, I tested positive for HPV..no biggie. Oh well- it lays dormant for years and like a cold. it will run its course eventually. I was honest with him about it, I could've gotten it from him- I could've gotten it years ago. I have the high risk HPV that will turn into cancer if left untreated. He makes a statement that what would be the big deal with him sleeping with other people if he chooses to use protection. Mind you this is not a committed relationship so ok, if you want to go ahead. let me know because honestly after two years I don't think I can handle it. I'm emotionally invested (I'm human, who would've thought?) Also if I am HPV positive so are you and condoms can't offer full protection from this. Now the kicker is that he contacted the 2 females that he was sleeping with previous to me to tell them to be tested and that he is getting tested on monday. WHAT??? 1st of all, there are no tests for men, second of all, you can test negative and still have HPV because it may be dormant. So what would that actually solve? I can't pinpoint this, I don't blame him, 80% of sexually active adults have it. You're still going to be HPV positive like it or not, you're a carrier at this point. They may not be so now you look crazy.

We are argue from time to time...little things but I think we have been under a lot of stress lately. He says that my mouth is too much for him to handle. I bring out the worse in him and he doesn't know if he can handle it any longer.

then he says that he doesn't want to keep me in limbo. he texts:
"you're not cool with our situation and I am. you're too good of a woman to be in limbo"
I text back:
"what situation?? You think I want more? Not at all...lol. I'm same as you. Best of friends with great benefits but it is what it is"
I am the one that keeps telling him to hold back on the titles..I don't own you and I don't want to put a ring in your nose and lead you around on a leash. Just enjoy the moment. He thinks that because I am a cap, I am an opportunist but he is a cap too. I do all for him because I want more from him (he must have me confused with his libra ex.) No I recognize a good man that works hard and should be entitled to eat well, not stress about loading the dishwasher or folding the clothes that has been sitting there for 2 days. where in that does that become me looking for more in the relationship? I do for alot of my friends asking for nothing in return...I don't like to have my friends feel stressed or do without. I want to be a good friend to all.

Then he says that he will always be uncomfortable and embarrassed by how we got together but when I posed the situation to him earlier in the year when he was having me accompany him to all his events, he says it is what it is. Sh*t happens and some people are meant to be together because my ex is part of that circle.

I told him that he is fighting something that is bigger than me and to stop using me as a scapegoat. Stop being a coward and deal with it but it is not me that has the problem. I am an adult and can take responsibility when warranted. We can work it out together or apart. that's on him. I told him that his defense mechanism that he has to contend with and what he chooses to exercise but don't use me as a scapegoat. Whatever he feels that i bring the worst in him is an innate emotion that he will always have to deal and will always blame others for bringing out of him.

Now for the past two years, I have spent nights 2-3 times at his house, I cook and clean for him, I accompany him to his events, HE calls me everyday....he was the one to tell me that he feels that we have an emotional, spiritual & physical connection and that I provide him with the intellectual stimulation that he has been always looking for in a woman. when he looks at me, I can tell he loves me. Do I think that he is full of it by thinking he has feelings for me? not at all....actions speak louder than words. I have spent enough time with him to know that he is truly genuine but I have had the feeling that for the past few weeks he has been testing me. I just spent the night with him last night, I am completely boggled by all this.He was just making future plans with me for my birthday.....

Ok thank you all...lol I have vented.