posted January 23, 2012 05:25 PM            

You broke the cardinal rule. Not sure if it's the same for everyone, but it sure as hell is a Libran one. (And this coming from a Sun-Pluto in Libra in 2H. Karmic relationships? Yeah, I know a thing or two.)

I'm kind of where you're at right now, oddly. However, I'm sort of terrified to break the cardinal rule. Something in my makeup won't let me. Not even for my twin.

The cardinal rule is breaking up a marriage for your twin. They don't want that, evidently. A twin will NEVER try and come in between you and your marriage, for some reason. Yes, no matter how dead and obligatory it is, or feels. They have this weird sense of respectful 'hands-off'. They'll be there; won't go anywhere, but they will NOT intervene. It must be in 'The Twin Flame's Guide To Ascension' or something. I have no idea. But it's clearly there somewhere.

You evidently chose this path for a reason. There's still karma for you to sort through. Is this your twin? Do you know? If yes, then don't worry. I'm not saying you've doomed yourself to all aeternity here, but I have discovered, especially if you married a companion soul, that you're really supposed to stick through that sh*t. No matter how gruelling it gets, and how much it's SO obvious you should've made a different move.

Rest assured that, at least in my handbook, you didn't. These crap-ass things happen for a reason, and if you want someone to b*tch to, bring it on. I'm wallowing in my own pool of tears at my own personal pity party, but there's room for one more. (Just grab a clean cup or this guy who likes to make senseless riddles will yell at you, and he's kind of a d*ck.)

Can I see your chart? I'd be interested to know what's going on in your particular triangle of hell and pain.

... and, I'm more compassionate than I seem. Honest. I'm just so-o-o-o, completely -done- with so-o-o-o much. I'm sure you get what I mean.

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Stargazing in Hollyweird,

posted January 23, 2012 10:28 PM            

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Originally posted by Yin:
Thank you, MC2012 and Lonake. Sound advice there.

I AM the "relationship" type. (Damn you, Libra moon and NN!)

Can't deal with being alone. Perhaps I would be able to if I didn't also just moved to a new town and changed jobs... and left all my friends behind. Or if I didn't immigrate to this country 10 years ago and left all my old friends behind... It's hard to say. I have no way but forward and standing still and REFLECTING on what happened is too painful at the moment.

I need to calm down, I know I do but it's really, really hard. I LIKE this new guy in more ways that one but even he tells me that I need to slow down, figure things out... He wants to take it slow and see where it goes.

I'm desperately trying to find things to do. Started new exercise classes, learning the guitar, trying to organize girls' nights out - I am really trying to get my mind off a potential relationship and onto ME.

But at night, I just cry. I feel alone. Unloved. I'm still in shock of my previous relationship and how things went on there...

I don't want this new person to be my rebound.

Aghhh. Thank you for listening. I think writing it all out here helps.

I do ask myself all the time: "OK, what do you really want?" and the answer is always: "I don't want to be alone. I am horrified at the thought of being alone. Yes, it's wonderful when you're not alone with the right person and I pray for God's grace to find the right person but I just can't wait too long. I see myself dying in my bed and the only living thing that would even suspect anything was wrong would be my doggie. But she can't talk. I'll just lie there rotting... no one will ever know me..."

It's scary to even think about it, let alone LIVE it.

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posted January 24, 2012 03:20 AM            

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Originally posted by Yin:
Can't deal with being alone. Perhaps I would be able to if I didn't also just moved to a new town and changed jobs... and left all my friends behind. Or if I didn't immigrate to this country 10 years ago and left all my old friends behind... It's hard to say. I have no way but forward and standing still and REFLECTING on what happened is too painful at the moment.

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And it does take time to sort out emotions like you said. I think, personally, trying to run away from the pain is not healthy. I think it needs to be felt and indulged a bit, a natural grieving process, then somehow or some way you get the feeling/the message that it's time to walk out of that cemetery and carry on.
OTOH, if you feel like you're in a state of shock, which could be, then it's better to wait it out a bit before confronting the pain. Only because the pain could be overwhelming to your psyche and cause a sort of breakdown. The danger with that response is holding off for too long (as in yrs), because after a long while it will build up and become overwhelming (possible breakdown). Also waiting off a bit, if that's what's better, can bring a sort of reverse realization of what happened. If the grief begins immed then there's not much room for analysis, factors, etc. that went into the situation at hand. But if it's held off, usually the analysis seeps in bit by bit and then as you get a clearer picture, then those pictures (clearer bit by bit) necessitate short grieving periods as you're ready to acknowledge it all. Hope that makes sense.

I agree with the above poster who said to pamper yourself and to allow caring people around you to take care of you, and if they're not then to do some self soothing things to get to a calmer state (hopefully that aren't too dangerous or detrimental). It's not really to calm you down, as such, cos that would be a denial of sorts of what went wrong, it's just to sand off the rough edges a bit.

When you're ready to move on...
This might sound overly simplistic but it's something that works for me. I have some idea as to why, and it's something I've figured out along the way, tinkered with, and I'm gonna throw it out there (also it's turning out to be long winded so bear with me):

#1) Think of the traits of past partners you've had that you liked a lot. Parts of their personality or aspects of their looks that really worked well for you. Not the whole person, just pick bits and pieces. Think especially on the men who've worked really well for you, but maybe you made a mistake or there was a misunderstanding somewhere that ended everything (don't pick many parts of the ones who you wanted to rip to shreds because they're not gonna be good models for this). You want to use the best ingredients here, so choose wisely.

#2) Construct in your head a person made out of those qualities and those parts. You can have more than one, but the more you make the more work you're gonna have to do. So just start out with one and see how it goes. Now I have 2 models in my mind, 2 types that I work well with, and correspondingly 2 really disparate aspects of my personality that are somewhat difficult to reconcile and I'm happier either indulging one or the other, for now. So just put together someone who you could really see yourself with. But don't use any traits or any physical looks that you've not attracted to you or have not been attracted to. This is crucial. If you use fairy tale characteristics this exercise will not work. This isn't based in La-La Land, this is based on taking control of your personal attraction pattern.

#3) Now you have a working idea of what (WHO) to look for. You've deconstructed past partners down to their essentials and picked and chosen what works for you. You are now in a better position to spot this type of man if you should see him in your life. Even as a person brushing past you in a store. There are some key reasons why this is going to be a breeze. I'm a Moon conj Venus person & a Libra Mars H3 so I'm trying to speak to your Libra Moon and use decor, for an example. Let's say you're at a shop wanting to redecorate your living room. What if you walk into that store with no idea what your style is or what look you're going for? You're going to be overwhelmed, confused, if you're impulsive you're gonna waste money on purchases that may or may not work, and you're likely to feel frustrated when you get home. You will be stuck in that living room resentful of past purchases and feeling like you want to throw your hands up in the air. This is not the way to go. To me, this is like walking into a 'man market' and picking and choosing 'whatever.' You get him home and after a while you either wish you could return him to the store where you purchased him, or that he no longer fits in with your life (and honestly maybe he thinks the same of you). This is not fun. This is toying with your emotional reality, a sensitive part of your life. Back again to the decor. An easier way is to flip through home decorating magazines, and clip out the pieces that inspire you to create a lovely comfortable and/or exciting space. You may not be able to buy the -exact- chair you saw, but you can buy something in a very similar and very compatible style. Same with the man. When you have your working construction, you know what to look for. You're not wasting money (as in time and other resources, emotional resources esp) on the undeserving. When you've taken the time to construct this image based in reality you have developed an aesthetic eye but also in a sense an aesthetic heart. The aesthetic heart to me is in the construction process. The parts/traits you choose are hand picked to relate to where you are in your heart, with your feelings, with what you want to see, with how you want to be touched, with how you want to be talked to, with how you want to be treated right now.

#4) Part of the beauty and simplicity of this, is that the chosen model can be broken down and easily scrapped. You can easily start over. Wipe your mental slate clean, choose a new set of standards and begin again. This is necessary because people change. You incorporate new experiences and you have a new viewpoint on life and on what you want from a relationship. Often when relationships end, it's because at least one of the partners has changed and the other can no longer be there. That is OK. What's unhealthy is to think that you are never changing. That you could never potentially leave someone, because you could. You could be that person, and again it is OK. When stuck, go back to that drawing board and incorporate your last partner into the basket of materials to choose from.

#5) Final random thoughts. My thinking on this, is that we tend to attract/be attracted to certain types. ONLY the crappy part is that there's always one or two (or 10) glaring objections/mistakes/errors of judgment and we end up missing the mark (read - relationship ends). But you still have a pattern. You still have a type that you go for whether you can consciously see what they all had in common or not. It doesn't matter if you can't see the pattern, the pattern recognition is not necessary (and if you can see a pattern it doesn't matter if it's a bad pattern, either, because you're taking control here). What's necessary is breaking them all down into pieces. His sense of humor is one, this other guy's love of this kind of comedy is another, this others guy's compassion for you is another, on and on (these are just examples). It sounds sort of fairy tale-ish, but it is not. At all. It is based on your personal attraction pattern. The parts that you're using to construct are parts of people who were, at one point, very drawn to you and you to them. This is another crucial thing to keep in mind: you have to let go of any wrongdoings caused by them, deconstruct them, and go back to that first time that you fell in love (or lust) with them. I can't emphasize this enough, because it's going to help you to create a mental mindset for falling in love (which is what you want, it sounds) again. It will help you to open your heart. You have to forgive and forget. Think, if you meet this man that you've constructed, does he deserve your baggage, your resentments, your regret? After all the time you put into making him manifest in your life, do you then deserve to have to battle with the past? The answer, if your heart is in it, is NO. You don't want a rotten past trying to beat down a potentially beautiful present. About the physical attraction, don't worry about it. It will be there. No need for insecurity, does he like me, does he know I like him. A thing of the past. He is based in reality, on men that have already expressed interest in you, and likely vice versa. So when you meet him don't hold back. Whatever emotional issues you have, tell them all that "not this guy, this one is OK." Do not try to complicate things here. Keep it simple. Do not make a mess where there is none. If you're used to feeling insecure in the beginning, then this will be a surprise, but just roll with it, do-not-do-not-do-not over think. Do not worry. Do not over analyze. You've already done your analysis and this is the finished product. You over analyze now, and you will shoot yourself in the foot by second guessing yourself. Be accepting (and confident) of the fact that you consciously brought this person into your life, and if he's not what you wanted, then you need to re-think some things next time. Simple, simple, simple. After you meet him, sit back, and let things take their natural course, allow the relationship to progress how it will, and enjoy the process of getting closer with this new man.

(Not letting you go just yet...) One final caveat: the man you meet with this method, the 'really good fit' is still human and still has faults of his own. It is up to you to decide if they are faults that you are willing to accept. Like I said, I have Libra Mars (but I also have Libra Saturn/Pluto), and to me I am always weighing the pros/cons. I don't like the relationship in the beginning to slip into too many of the 'cons' moments. I may be lazy, and they can call me that, but I will be on my way out. I'm always weighing personal interactions and seeing how much I want to invest, what returns I might get (Venus Capricorn mutual reception Saturn in Libra). Basically I won't give much when I'm not getting anything in return. Part of this theory is based on my need/desire (also a Capricorn Moon) to get a good deal. And I'm not really about wasting time. To me it's logical, it's based in reality (you're not trying to attract types who don't go for you and thus causing yourself unnecessary grief), and it's time efficient (Capricorns of the world now having a collective orgasm at this holy trinity). I prob have more thoughts on this but I've written enough already.

I know you're going through a rough time, and even if you don't try out my suggestion, at least entertain the possibility that you can will specific types of people into your life. It is based on the power of the mind. The mind will laser focus, and will pay attention to what you want it to. One last analogy (if you skipped though the last few paragraphs), you always dated jerks and you see em everywhere. What will you easily attract/be attracted to, a jerk, because you have conditioned your mind to respond to that stimuli. Re-condition your mind and you will see new possibilities. Just entertain that. I wanted to write this all out for you cos I felt bad reading the way you feel alone at night, you seem like you feel that it's somehow out of your control, that you're a pawn to your relationships. But you are very much in control, more than you know.

posted January 24, 2012 04:09 AM            

Man, I wish there was a Like button. I can't echo that enough. SO many karmic lessons for Libra in any form but especially the SNode - is to learn that WE are enough, and to celebrate our individuality and solitude.

Well stated!

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Stargazing in Hollyweird,

posted January 24, 2012 12:23 PM            

But let's look at the positive ok? You made a big move by changing location and a new job. You've come out of your shell more and expresssssssssssssssssssssss (yes, delibrate) yourself more openly, the list goes on - which for you is HUGE.

Allow yourself to grieve and move through the pain but don't fail to see how this experience is helping you. You re being more YOU.

You have many people who love and care for you. You know where to find me if you want to talk.

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Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

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posted January 25, 2012 09:37 AM            

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they tend to see their partners their redeemers,the only one who can fix that wound.that 8th house wounded moon can also make it hard for you to let him go.you can break the ties when you understand your wound and the things you do to fix it.

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posted January 25, 2012 09:40 AM            

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You re being more YOU.

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