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Author Topic:   Help~Am Tired of Attracting my Past~
hippichick
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posted February 27, 2012 01:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I mean emotional abusers...why, why, why do I attract them over and over?

Started with my Virgo mom. I grew up knowing it was not right, but I was raised to accept "you are worthless", "you will never amount to anything", "you are an imbisil, dumb, stupid," etc.

And my whole life I KNOW they are the stupid ones!!! I NEVER bought into what they were saying, I always knew they were incorrect, so why do I still attract them to me?

Come full circle I suppose?

Started with a very unsupportive Virgo mom, who denies any of her faults where my upbringing is concerned, now ending (I hope) with a Virgo bfriend, who thinks he is supportive of me, but has left me in a sea of tears this morning.

HOW DO I STOP ATTRACTING THESE INDIVIDUALS???

ALL of my relationships with men have been to one xtream or another emotionally/verbally abusive.

I am so done, but dont know what to do to complete the lesson?

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T
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posted February 27, 2012 04:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
(((hugs)))

I don't know the answer but can relate.

I've had to step back and decided not to form any new relationships (and end old ones) for awhile and focus on other things. It's helping to a certain degree.

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athenegoddess
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posted February 27, 2012 05:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for athenegoddess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well everything you attract into your life is there because you use your thoughts to bring them to you unconsciously i guess. Start using your thoughts to bring what you do want and things will change.

The trick is to feel like its already your reality.

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anongrl10
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posted February 27, 2012 05:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for anongrl10     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
I am so done, but dont know what to do to complete the lesson?

If you are really done, what is the next logical step? Breaking up with this bf. Right?
Do it. You will immediately send a signal to your soul that you are truly DONE with abusers.

Breaking a habit is not easy and it's the same with a pattern. It works unconsciously, like when you go brush your teeth, no conscious thought! But you can learn to say NO to the autopilot and choose another program, choose a verbally supportive and emotionally healthy person. Make this a priority in your list; this means that his great body, hot smile and eyes won't mean a thing to you if he is an emotional and verbal abuser.

You can do it. It's never late and you can start right now. One step at a time.

hugs and pls keep us posted,
I truly feel for you.

{{{hugs}}}

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Yin
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posted February 27, 2012 08:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Read:

I can relate. According to Robin Norwood it all starts with our family. I don't agree with everything she wrote in this book but a lot of it resonated. It made me feel better that I'm not alone in making bad relationship choices and it gave me hope. Maybe it will help you too.

As a side note: Virgo is all about service and making you feel good by doing things for you. They are not necessarily verbally expressive. They try to "fix" things rather than sit and listen to you. I don't know what your situation is, of course. I may be way off.

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mintgirl123
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posted February 27, 2012 10:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mintgirl123     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^ I read abit of that book, and can strongely relate.

I think for the OP, she's subconsciously getting herself entangled with toxic people. We ARE responsible for what kind of people we 'mix' with and it's all about breaking bad cycles and behaviour.

OP should read that book and start looking at herself more. It all starts with one's own perceptions and beliefs.

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woah cakes
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posted February 27, 2012 11:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for woah cakes     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
aww, i can relate. about 80% of my real relationships have been with emotionally abusive ppl (a couple were physical). i had a mom who set out to destroy my self worth, actively, and a dad who wasn't much better.

the problem for me is that i seem to never realize the guys i attract are even like this. read: they are very charming and say all the right things in the beginning which convinces me they are the opposite of my parents!

i agree with what everyone said above and i have also taken long relationship haituses to work erase my tapes and whatnot and i've gotten a bit better though my last relationship ended up being pretty similar (he tried to hide this aspect of himself but in the end it all came out, and he manipulated me throughout our relationship constantly).

just hung out with my virgo buddy and it's so true that they are nitpickers and it usually comes from a good place but that doesn't mean he isn't capable of emotional abuse. though of course virgo-pisces relationships probably exacerbates the challenges.

keep loving yourself and remember you deserve the best!

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hippichick
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posted February 28, 2012 10:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you all~

It is so frusterating cause I regoginze this about me, always have since a little girl and here they come, as if standing in line

Like woah said, I dont even know they are like they are till they have withdrawn the masks.

As far as the Virgo, I absolutely know he does not know he has this effect on me, he truely does it out of wanting to "fix" as did my mother I am sure, but does not excuse either of their behavior.

I know they say one never knows, but when this relationship ends, no more...dont want it anymore.

mint I do believe it is subconcious, cause I KNOW BETTER, lol! and anon what you say makes SO much sense.

Yin I am going to order that book, was going to order a coupla from amazon today anyway.

Maybe I will feel better when I go back to work. While this time off with a "busted" back has been a godsend, it definately throws one back on oneself!

out, love ya'all~

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hippichick
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posted February 28, 2012 02:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
O, and T, thank you, just dont know what do do either~

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ariesdragon
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posted February 28, 2012 03:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ariesdragon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It's NOT necessarily just your mom's Virgo sun that accepts that behavior. Hugs you have the power to lead your life positively trust me I know. I've been there.

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T
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posted February 28, 2012 03:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think you will soon be at the point where you'll know exactly what to do.

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Alma Sun
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posted February 29, 2012 01:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Alma Sun     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

------------------
"The better you feel about yourself, the less you feel the need to show off." — Robert Hand
"Cynicism, like gullibility, is a symptom of underdeveloped critical faculties." — Jamie Whyte
"I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else." ― G.K. Chesterton

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anongrl10
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posted February 29, 2012 04:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for anongrl10     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Are you feeling any better?
Hope you are able to leave him. Sending you strength vibes.

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hippichick
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posted February 29, 2012 09:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by T:
I think you will soon be at the point where you'll know exactly what to do.

Amen to that~

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hippichick
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posted February 29, 2012 09:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by anongrl10:
Are you feeling any better?
Hope you are able to leave him. Sending you strength vibes.

Thanks, I am doing better, after one's ninteenth nervous breakdown, one really does not have a choice but pull oneself and do it again.

Thanks for the concern.

I wont have to leave him cause he is leaving me, physically anyway. Within the next year he will be back at home, in Ohio. My goal is to be back there too, as I have always wanted to go home, and now that my granny is passed, my grandpa in Indiana is all alone, and I want to be with him in his very elder years, but it is all up in the air now.

Dont want anybody to think that bfriend is a total ass and oger. I take part responsibility in being too sensitive, to the point of the empath and most assuredly a HSP.

Still does not excuse any one's behavior.

I, once or twice, tried to tell my mother how her cruel words affected me, but she denied everything, seems to have conveniently forgotten her assults on her little, sensitive Pisces.

So, throughout my lifetime, I pushed her further and further away. Somehow she got the point and several years ago, quit saying stupid things and got the hint, I think.

I do this to bfriend, too, shut down. And it is only fair, cause I have tried to tell him how he makes me feel sometimes, but he wont listen, (i cant deal with this now, you are creating too much drama, etc. )

So, what will be will be.

I do my own thing and always will.

Just now I am waiting for my tree guys to come over and finish up a project bfriend started on my ever dying Live Oaks out front. Due to bfriend's self-imposed olbigatory actions, he will be heart heavy when he finds out I have hired someone to do what he wanted to do...tisk, tisk. (painted almost my entire huge house, has done lots of yard work, etc, to help me get this place on the market.) Again, not a bad guy, just had better work on his delivery of heart felt statements.

Tis still my life, my house and I will do what I want to, forever.


He was mad at his mom, once, for giving some unknown caller her bank card number, and relayed to me the style and manor in which he experessed his dissapointment with her. Had I been on the recieving end of that...I surely would have shut down, swimmed away and never been heard from again.

Again what will be will be and he will be leaving and what will be after that is up to the winds of time and the seas of change.

Thanks again, all!!!

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T
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posted February 29, 2012 04:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hippichick:
Thanks, I am doing better, after one's ninteenth nervous breakdown, one really does not have a choice but pull oneself and do it again.

Thanks for the concern.


You can say that again! So glad you seem to be in better spirits today!

You already know it will work out the way it's supposed to

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anongrl10
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posted March 01, 2012 05:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for anongrl10     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hippichick:
Thanks, I am doing better, after one's ninteenth nervous breakdown, one really does not have a choice but pull oneself and do it again.

Thanks for the concern.

I wont have to leave him cause he is leaving me, physically anyway. Within the next year he will be back at home, in Ohio. My goal is to be back there too, as I have always wanted to go home, and now that my granny is passed, my grandpa in Indiana is all alone, and I want to be with him in his very elder years, but it is all up in the air now.

Dont want anybody to think that bfriend is a total ass and oger. I take part responsibility in being too sensitive, to the point of the empath and most assuredly a HSP.

Still does not excuse any one's behavior.

I, once or twice, tried to tell my mother how her cruel words affected me, but she denied everything, seems to have conveniently forgotten her assults on her little, sensitive Pisces.

So, throughout my lifetime, I pushed her further and further away. Somehow she got the point and several years ago, quit saying stupid things and got the hint, I think.

I do this to bfriend, too, shut down. And it is only fair, cause I have tried to tell him how he makes me feel sometimes, but he wont listen, (i cant deal with this now, you are creating too much drama, etc. )

So, what will be will be.

I do my own thing and always will.

Just now I am waiting for my tree guys to come over and finish up a project bfriend started on my ever dying Live Oaks out front. Due to bfriend's self-imposed olbigatory actions, he will be heart heavy when he finds out I have hired someone to do what he wanted to do...tisk, tisk. (painted almost my entire huge house, has done lots of yard work, etc, to help me get this place on the market.) Again, not a bad guy, just had better work on his delivery of heart felt statements.

Tis still my life, my house and I will do what I want to, forever.


He was mad at his mom, once, for giving some unknown caller her bank card number, and relayed to me the style and manor in which he experessed his dissapointment with her. Had I been on the recieving end of that...I surely would have shut down, swimmed away and never been heard from again.

Again what will be will be and he will be leaving and what will be after that is up to the winds of time and the seas of change.

Thanks again, all!!!


You DO sound stronger and I love the plan to get external help with what he was doing.
That will get the msg out that it's still your life, your home, your mind and your decisions.
You know, I have been thinking about what it is about Pisces that they want to be someone's road to redemption. I won't call this victim mentality because it takes a strong person to not run for the hills with a dysfunctional party and to be a willing partner until the other party comes to their senses. I admire that.
My NN in Pisces just wants to tune in to this (though my Virgo SN just wants to analyze it lol). My Aqua Mars just won't have any of that, just put on my hat and leave, or at least ignore the people or the situations that are impossible to deal with.
Anyway, back to you, I find your post above very strong and admirable. I wish I were a bit more like you in that respect.

hugs and love,
pls keep us posted

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hippichick
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posted March 01, 2012 10:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks anon

I have never called myself a martyr, only once, I think, that thought just sikcens me...

My Aries daughter, Pisces asc, Pisces Moon used to be a terrible martyr. She thought she could save all her friends from their self-imposed doom...thank goodness she is too busy with school and work now to go there!

I just feel, dont really care to help them, via sacrificing myself, (terribly high Aqua influence me... )

Was wandering the grocery store yesterday and learned something about myself. As a Pisces sun, IF I can just move through the people, and not engage in their drama, or if I pick up a negative emotion, to let it go right then and there, I just may do better at this empathy/HSP thing.

And I have also learned that men do not respond to talking one to one very well, (here we go again with drama, etc..)

They are very basic creatures at heart (no man hating here) but I have learned if we guide them to our wants and needs by action, let them follow by example, then it works a whole lot better.

Women get stereo-typed as hormonal, moody, etc. I loathe this! Yes of course we are hormonal and so are men! Hormones drive our lives, so why would we not be.

I think statements like that are just cop outs for a man's lack of understanding the femme.

So IF I act like him, give him some of his own **** anyway, he gets it better, cause IF I verbally ask, state, etc, I am just another whiny woman.

geezzzzzz

Thanks for your support!!!

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Yin
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posted March 01, 2012 11:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hippichick:

And I have also learned that men do not respond to talking one to one very well, (here we go again with drama, etc..)

They are very basic creatures at heart (no man hating here) but I have learned if we guide them to our wants and needs by action, let them follow by example, then it works a whole lot better.


I like what you said here.
Will you elaborate? I'm always looking to improve my relating to men.

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hippichick
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posted March 01, 2012 11:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yin, well If you look at how our evolution has transpired, the men, hunters, protectors...very one-sighted, has difficluty mulit-tasking.

The woman has always, well evolutionarily anyway, been the nurturer, able to cook, clean care for the elders, have one babe on the back and the rest at her feet, AND watch over the homestead while the man is out hunting.

Not to mention how society has raised men, to do and not emote, to provide and not question, etc.

So, a man, in my opinion does better with action, with body language, rather than discussion and words. Words seeme to me to make men nervous, and when I say men I am generally speaking, ofcourse there are fine lines between the genders sometimes, but in general, from what I have gleaned over 50 years is that men just cant be bothered with a woman's words. (mainly cause they have never been taught or allowed)

My boyfriend states how terrible it was for he and his brothers to go through their mom's menopause, and while I have tried to remind him it is a nautural part of life, it is still foreign to them.

I think women in part, have been kept a secret from men and sometimes just dont know what to do with us!

So going back to evolution, they are by nature learners by demonstration, ie: the tribes quickly educated the young men into the world of hunting and providing, while the young women, also learned by example, but had more culturally approved dissolution of boundaries.

I have almost never had any success talking with a man, on an intimate level anyway, they get nervous cause they have never been taught or allowed to listen to us.

I have had success via txt and email, and the best success by my actions. Not my words.

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hippichick
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posted March 01, 2012 11:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And men are basically simple creatures...

Not to demean men at all, noooo...

But I think we women make them harder than they are....I think we tend to impose our emotional natures and depts onto them thinking they are just like us...and they are not.

t~~~

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Ami Anne
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posted March 13, 2012 09:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hippi
Do you have Dejanira conj the Moon? I can't remember as I do so many charts? If you have it, this is a VERY hard one.

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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hippichick
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posted March 14, 2012 11:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ami, heck if I know.

Cant find the option on astro.com to add it to my chart....

I stick to the bascis and leave that advanced stuff up to you experts

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Randall
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posted March 19, 2012 04:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I agree. We are simple.

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Randall
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posted March 20, 2012 04:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wonder what we are thinking? Just ask.

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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