posted April 21, 2012 11:15 AM            

I am new so my apologies if I post somewhere I am not supposed to.

I am a Cancerian with a Libra Asc, Saggi moon in 3rd, Venus in Virgo in 12th, Mars (and Sun)in Cancer in 10th AND both Pluto AND Saturn in Libra in the 1st house.

The guy I am keen on? Well, he's a Cancerian too. We share our NNs. He has as far as I am aware a Gemini Asc AND Moon, Sun, Venus & Mercury in Cancer in the 2nd, Jupiter in the 8th in Capricorn, Mars & Saturn in Scorpio in the 6th with Pluto tagging along in Libra in the 6th as well.

We met once while we were both with other people and then he left to go to the other side of the world. There was a huge amount of sexual attraction on both our sides which I put the brakes on because of the other people involved. When it was discussed he said I wasn't the partner for him so I left him be and wasn't in touch for months. We both ended our relationships with the other people.

When we got back in touch there was the usual flirtation but none of the opening up he had done when we had first met in person. I figured we were friends and let him choose how much he wanted to divulge. To prevent the flirtation going too far I had a discussion with him again about what was going on and he said he thought it was best to keep things platonic since we were still in different countries.

Then in December last year, out of the blue, he started talking about romantic getaways and where he would want to take me and when I expressed surprise asked me if he had scared me off. I said no and the flirtation has escalated into very sexy conversations.

He has stated that his goal is to move to the country I am in (though possibly not exactly where I am) and get a job and a girl and he is working towards that as far as I can tell - I have made up my mind not to bother asking about it or thinking about that part of it or it will drive me insane trying to get answers out of him.

He won't say anything directly about whether he wants to pursue a relationship with me. All he does is drop hints like "I want a partner in crime" and "Don't you think that all the barriers are gone now since we have shared so much?" in reference to whether we will end up sleeping together if he does come over. Also things like he'd be an adherent of an religion if it was one that involved worshipping me and so on.

For my part, I am not at all keen on a friends with benefits arrangement, it's just not something that works for me and I have told him this in all the ways I can think of. Some days it's great and I can chat to him and some days I get worried about whether he does really want anything or I am nothing more than just a hot sexy friend to chat with?

So I'd like to know what is going on and whether these hints are more than hints and should I take them that way? Should I ask him straight out how he feels or is that going to put too much pressure on him because whether he gets to come over here or not depends on getting a job and the relevant visa?

posted May 04, 2012 02:57 PM            

There has been an update. Where do I start?

I still feel he is the guy for me though at the moment it is all so messed up that I cannot see how it would work out.

I was told by a girl we both knew that she had told him in Jan 2011 that she had fallen for him and he had replied that he had fallen for her as well. This was right after he told me the first time that he didn't think there was anything happening.

When we got back in touch he told me she was just a friend and so I was under the impression that whatever they had tried to have, it was not happening any longer. She, meanwhile, had fallen out of touch with people.

So when in December he started being more romantic and overt in his talk about getaways and such things, I assumed that there was no one else, that anything to do with her was long gone and that his feelings for me had started to change which was when I posted this thread.

Yesterday she got back in touch. She told me she had a new guy and of course I was happy for her but in the course of chatting about the new guy she told me she had yet to tell this lovely Cancerian male we are discussing that she had met someone.

I asked her why and she said "Because he loves me" and I said "What?"

And she said, "He's always said it since last year. He told me last Tuesday itself but he's there and I am here and it's not a relationship and I got tired of his promises to come over and he confessed that he had tried to hook up with two other girls even though he was saying he loved me and I just thought it wasn't something I couldn't handle anymore so last month I met someone and I decided to just go for it. And I really like the new guy - things are so easy with him and I feel like he is the man of my dreams which I never felt with this other one."

She then asked me if I still loved him (she's aware of how I felt about him though obviously not aware that I have been chatting to him the way I have - which I would have never done if I knew she was still involved). I said yes but that I didn't see how he could care about me if he loved her. She said maybe now that she was out of the picture he would fall for me.

I said that was of no use to me as I wanted to know he loved me and me alone and that I wasn't some weird back up option.

I then texted him to ask him to give me 15 mins as I needed to discuss something with him. When he came online I told him:

"When I started chatting with you in December I assumed, perhaps wrongly, that your feelings had changed and that I was the only person on your mind. I got my hopes up. Now I hear that you love this girl. What is going on? I am your friend and if you are mad about someone, I want you to be with them and be happy and not chase me even if you have feelings for me. I cannot share you, no one can. It's not fair to her or to me. I don't want you to discuss anything romantic or sexual with me unless there isn't anyone else in the picture and you are as mad about me as I am about you and IF you ever feel that way about me, you are going to have to move heaven and earth to convince me of it."

Then he said:

"I apologise for leading you down that path. My feelings for you did change and yes I do still love her. I saw a chance to explore that with you and I took it. I don't know if it partly came out of frustration and exasperation at the situation I am in but everything I did with you felt natural and normal and I enjoyed it and it definitely was more than something just physical."

I haven't spoken to him since (though I did say if we were anything we were merely friends) and he doesn't know that the girl he loves so much is so fed up with him and has found someone else that she is so keen on that they are practically planning to tie the knot that she is going to tell him soon.

I am not sure what to think or feel at the moment.

On the one hand I could have waited till she told him and he would come to me for comfort. But then I would have never really known if he really did love me that well.

I feel she has been lucky. I had to go abroad while he was here and she was around to be there physically to support as him as a friend when he had bad news from home (which was why he went home). I didn't know any of this at the time but clearly that was when he saw her differently and fell for her.

I would have respected him a bit more if he just said to me in December: "I love this girl, I am having a tough time and on top of that I think I am falling for you."

So I feel he is the guy for me but I don't want to be second best, I want to be able to trust him and I don't want to worry that he might be running after other women while he's with me. And I don't know what to do with what I feel for him, how much I want to bash his head in and what I want out of my life.

I would like to finally have something go right for me relationship wise after putting so much into it with my past three guys. And how can I feel he is the one for me despite all this stuff that has happened? That makes no sense to me as I don't see how he's going to change. I don't think I have that sort of hold on him if he has only just started to fall for me.

Anything you guys can tell me would be awesome.