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Author
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Topic: Advice Please
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Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1614
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted May 27, 2012 11:19 AM
  
My boyfriend and I have hit a rough patch (courtesy of Venus Rx, no doubt), but we still love each other just the same and are committed to working things out.
There's just one caveat.
Through mutual friends, I became friends with this Libra. I am always happy to make new friends and so when he invited me to a poetry slam, I thought sure, why not? And invited out some friends of mine to join us. (One weird thing we have in common is an odd obsession with language and words, which I think is a manifestation of both of us being air-dominant.) When we met, I didn't think there was anything threatening at all about becoming friends with him because physically speaking, he is not my "type." I didn't find him that good-looking, to tell the truth. And what could be more conducive to striking up a platonic relationship than that?
Trouble is, now, in spite of the initial lack of physical attraction on my part (not his), the chemistry between us is palpable and overwhelming and it threatens to drown me. I'm not sure this is a friendship I should even be participating in (and true to Aqua form, I do have many guy friends, none of whom attraction has ever been a problem with). I can tell he really, really likes me.
Today I did our synastry in an effort to figure out why there is this intoxicating instant understanding between us and I cannot believe what I am seeing. Cafeastrology's simple synastry tool gives us a rating of 1646. There is not a single square between our charts, it's all conjunctions, trines and sextiles. Our suns are trine, our moons are trine (his is Scorpio, mine Pisces), our Mercury's are trine (his is Libra, mine Aquarius), our Venus' are trine (his is Libra, mine Aquarius), and our Mars' are conjunct (both Sagittarius). Our Jupiters are square by sign, but not by aspect. We have a Venus-Saturn trine, as well as a Venus-Pluto trine, a Sun-Jupiter trine, as well as a Sun-Venus trine. We also have a Sun-Mars sextile. Finally, we also have a Jupiter-Saturn trine. All of our aspects are harmonious.
I guess the question I am asking is... could this be my twin flame? And if so, should I keep my distance? I don't know what to do. This is very worrisome and EXTREMELY ill-timed. IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1614
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted May 27, 2012 11:21 AM
I am thinking that all of the "ease" between us is just perfect for friendship, and would ultimately bore us and become separative if a relationship were to get underway, especially with the Saturn influences. Yeah?IP: Logged |
Lioness
Knowflake Posts: 5066
From:
Registered: Mar 2010
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posted May 27, 2012 04:20 PM
I agree I think each would get bored.. theres no thump...
But I think you two would really get along and genuinely like each others company..Just not a whole lot of sparks. IP: Logged |
pandacake
Knowflake Posts: 315
From: Europe
Registered: May 2011
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posted May 27, 2012 06:26 PM
** Responded on your other thread.IP: Logged |
IndigoDirae
Knowflake Posts: 500
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted May 27, 2012 09:38 PM
I responded in depth on the other thread.-A. IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1614
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted May 30, 2012 12:46 PM
I was able to get the Libra's birth time and I examined our composite. Well, we have lots of planets in the fourth including Venus (very good sign) as well as moon and Jupiter in the fifth. So that tells me that we would have kids - lots of kids. Problem being that I don't want kids - any kids.My boyfriend and I have an empty fifth house in the composite. The problem with my boyfriend and I is that our relationship is mostly 9th house in the composite, very platonic. I mean, I'm an Aquarius stellium, so that suits me in a way, feeling that we're best friends, but the lack of sex is very detrimental to the relationship. In fact, it's killing us. Still, his Saturn is conjunct my South Node so he's pretty much impossible for me to get rid of, and at least with him I'd be getting what I want, which is no kids. There's no easy answers. My boyfriend and I have a heavily karmic relationship (we also have NN in the first in our composite), but the composite and the synastry both say that on an emotional level, I'd feel closer and more intimately bonded with the Libra and that he's a good bet for setting up a home. IP: Logged |
hippichick
Moderator Posts: 1594
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 31, 2012 12:34 PM
I think people come into our lives exactly on key, probably illtimed for you and your current relationship, but all people that click with us dont have to mean something, necessarially.I kind of get the vibe that this individual coming into your life now is forcing you to look at yourself and your part in your current relationship in a brighter light. I would be careful of "expectations", tho, learned this lesson very hard and very many times in my own life. I too, have always had more male friends that female, but never physically attracted to any of them, remember I am quite the Aquarian colored Pisces, so I get ya  I have had some amazing synastry with alot of men, but I quickly realized they came into my life for me to learn something about me, and when it was time for them to leave, they did just that....or I did. blessins to ya!!! terri~ IP: Logged |
ghanima81
Moderator Posts: 966
From: Maine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 31, 2012 03:05 PM
quote:
There's no easy answers. My boyfriend and I have a heavily karmic relationship (we also have NN in the first in our composite), but the composite and the synastry both say that on an emotional level, I'd feel closer and more intimately bonded with the Libra and that he's a good bet for setting up a home.
Heavily karmic is not always good. I have had several myself. All very good for growth, (after much pain and torture) but NOT for permanence. I have also been in the "platonic" zone with past boyfriends. Heavily aquarian, it didn't always bother me. Heck, we can go a LOOOOOONG time without sex. BUT, especially as you approach your 30's, this will become important. If you are already feeling the detrimental effects of this, it doesn't bode well for years to come. Follow your heart. Don't think too much. Easier said then done for you, I'm sure. But just feel it out. Go with your gut. You are taking a break for a reason, it's time to re-evaluate. Even if Mr. Libra amounts to nothing, he has entered your sight line for a reason. Maybe to shake you up and show you what other kind of bond you can have, what kind of attraction you are learning to change your mind about, and helping you grow into whoever it is you are evolving to. Good luck.  Ghani IP: Logged |
fairy22
Knowflake Posts: 93
From:
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted May 31, 2012 03:37 PM
I don't think this is your twin flame a twin flame is not exactly like that, he seems more of a twin self. But to be a twinself there must be a strong chemistry also.IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1614
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted June 01, 2012 12:51 PM
Thanks to everyone for your insights.No sudden moves obviously until Venus retrograde is over but I've pretty much made up my mind what to do with my personal situation 
ghanima - Yes, I DO tend to overthink things. I can't turn my brain off!
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ghanima81
Moderator Posts: 966
From: Maine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 01, 2012 01:42 PM
Oh, girl, I know. Heavily Aquarian people usually do... I definately relate. Step outta that head and FEEL. (something that Nosis taught me through my poetry) All the best! IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1614
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted June 17, 2012 04:25 PM
So the situation has not resolved itself.The Libra and I continued hanging out, in a platonic way. Our similar interests and temperaments make it a little bit difficult to resist. We get together for the banter. I suggested we go see "Cosmopolis" on Friday, thinking he wouldn't know what that is. Most people don't. He didn't bat an eye. I find out in the theatre that he read the novel in 2005. We're so alike it's bizarre. We're both film buffs. We're both embarrassed and somewhat reluctant hipsters. Things took a turn for the non-platonic and then we kissed in the theatre. It was a nice kiss, very soft. It sort of threw me because usually when there has been buildup, the first kisses are so passionate, the men almost devour you. He showed so much tenderness and restraint. It was... unexpected.
Details to follow.
IP: Logged |
jaiellelove
Knowflake Posts: 83
From: Pluto
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted June 18, 2012 12:05 AM
This sounds JUICY...*grabs some popcorn*IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1614
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted June 18, 2012 10:03 PM
Well, I continue to overthink things, being the Aquarius stellium that I am, and I realize that I am being bowled over by a combination of an unusually stellar synastry (with the Libra), combined with a Venus r/x (in my sun sign's fifth house). Ultimately, it's just a bit of fun but it won't lead anywhere, especially with the empty 7th house composite.IP: Logged |
ghanima81
Moderator Posts: 966
From: Maine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 19, 2012 09:47 AM
Stop thinking so much, lady!! LOL Omg you remind me of me. Let it go and just be. The astrology is interesting, but don't think about it so much that you block yourself from forming relationships due to "empty houses". Do some more kissing, darn it!  IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1614
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted June 19, 2012 11:14 AM
quote:
Originally posted by ghanima81:
Stop thinking so much, lady!! LOL Omg you remind me of me. Let it go and just be. The astrology is interesting, but don't think about it so much that you block yourself from forming relationships due to "empty houses". Do some more kissing, darn it!
lol. Well, the main reason I can't form a relationship is because I'm already IN one, and it's serious. (sigh)
IP: Logged |
ghanima81
Moderator Posts: 966
From: Maine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 19, 2012 12:51 PM
Are you and your bf just, taking a break and plan to just explore other things for the time being? I just wonder, astrological Rx es aside, why you may be so inclined to allow interest in another if it's so serious. I only ask becuase I've done the same myself and rationalized it, only to end up NOT with the original BF because if there is a need for a break, how can it really work out eventually anyway? Just some thoughts. Could be totally off. IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1614
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted June 19, 2012 02:01 PM
quote:
Originally posted by ghanima81:
Are you and your bf just, taking a break and plan to just explore other things for the time being? I just wonder, astrological Rx es aside, why you may be so inclined to allow interest in another if it's so serious. I only ask becuase I've done the same myself and rationalized it, only to end up NOT with the original BF because if there is a need for a break, how can it really work out eventually anyway? Just some thoughts. Could be totally off.
No, we're working on things, we live together and just yesterday he agreed to go to counselling with me. I definitely wasn't looking to show interest in anyone else and when I met the Libra I thought I had only platonic feelings for him, things just sort of... happened. The issue with my boyfriend is that our sex life is DOA and has been for about 11 months (which means 11 months of pleas from me; there was one particularly humiliating rebuff involving me in lingerie), and because of that, my boyfriend has begun turning a sort of "blind eye" to any perceived indiscretions. Basically, if something is going on, he gets why it would happen and doesn't want to know anything about it. Obviously, this is an unsustainable situation and this is why I suggested we go to counselling. I suspect that my boyfriend might be borderline asexual because he said this has been an issue in his relationships before.
IP: Logged |
ghanima81
Moderator Posts: 966
From: Maine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 19, 2012 02:11 PM
Well, bless you for working through it with counselling. I hope it works out for the best. IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1614
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted June 19, 2012 02:27 PM
Thank you. We mean a lot to each other obviously to want to work through this, but judging from the utter intellectual turmoil I've been experiencing for the past few weeks, I'm not sure polyamory would be for me. The Libra knows about my boyfriend and it hasn't stopped him from pursuing me. Perhaps it's because, in our instant comfort, I wound up telling him about my relationship woes (namely, the lack of sex) and maybe he thinks that eventually things will fall apart and that it might be worth it for him to go for it anyway, I really don't know. Or maybe like me he's not really thinking about the future and is just sort of enjoying the connection for the time being.IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 1963
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted June 21, 2012 08:27 AM
quote:
Originally posted by jaiellelove:
This sounds JUICY...*grabs some popcorn*
LOL! Thanks for the update, Aquacheeka, I had been wondering where this was headed... IP: Logged |
David Bowie Eyes
Knowflake Posts: 165
From: The center of your mind- muhuwuaaa
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted June 21, 2012 01:00 PM
Now I see things more clear. I meant what I said in the other thread where you offer your view about leaving a loved one over sexual incompatibility.
The answer is simple, the outcome, not so much. You want some. He doesn't. You live together. You've met another that might give you some.
If the greener grass is the promise it currently seems, and for him there's nothing really to lose, you can wait for it to fend for itself on its own without your help.
Then without that convenient distraction undermining your garden, the priority right now, since you live there and the grass is just decorative, you can assess the long term prospects for the garden.
Are you gonna plant seed for another season or till the soil over and move away from, as in move out, and onto, and you'll appreciate this, or I do, greener pastures.
But to be the proper caretaker of either the garden or the grass you gotta, "keep 'em separated". Literally. You want to tend to the garden. Then tend to it. You want to maintain the lawn, do it. But not both, not at the same time. One or the other.IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1614
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted August 05, 2012 07:44 PM
Well, my boyfriend and I seem to have gotten a second "wind" in terms of the passion since I decided to be 150% honest with him about everything, including the feelings of neglect and the kiss. I wouldn't say that our relationship has by any stretch of the imagination ever been really "easy," or at least not since the honeymood period was over. Instead, it feels like constant growth. I don't know, we have a lot of 9th house in our composite, maybe that's the reason for it. We just keep communicating and working on it and then when we're exhausted, we communicate and work on it some more. Right now we're in a good place but I know enough to know that things could change, depending on his mood. Life with a mutable.As for the Libra, we have made an awkward stab at resuming our friendship. But it feels a little disingenuous thus far. I'm thinking I might try again in 6 months - a year. From past experience, it's possible to be friends with someone you had a romantic connection with, but it just takes time. IP: Logged |
Yin
Moderator Posts: 2753
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 06, 2012 11:16 AM
Wonderful to hear, Aquacheeka! Keep up the good work!IP: Logged | |
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