posted July 09, 2012 01:54 PM            

That's alot of challenges to overcome. With the distance and age as well as cultural expectations that differ you gotta be tight with no misunderstandings about level of commitment and mutual feelings. Then you have the ex living in the area rekindling things and if she's talking with him and giving you short shrift that is bad man/woman ju-ju. I know you have your heart and your body as well as finances invested in this but this is going to go one way and you are going to be hurt far more than if you take the reins now and cut bait.

posted July 10, 2012 02:20 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by David Bowie Eyes:
Drop her.
Cultural gap
Age gap
Relational gap
Unresolved break-up
Distance

That's alot of challenges to overcome. With the distance and age as well as cultural expectations that differ you gotta be tight with no misunderstandings about level of commitment and mutual feelings. Then you have the ex living in the area rekindling things and if she's talking with him and giving you short shrift that is bad man/woman ju-ju. I know you have your heart and your body as well as finances invested in this but this is going to go one way and you are going to be hurt far more than if you take the reins now and cut bait.

Steve

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posted July 10, 2012 09:56 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by JohnFKennedy:
Covered all the bases. I completely agree. She has a lot of stuff to deal with and I think the idea of you was what she needed at the time but obviously the feeling has waned on her part and she's being realistic.

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Thank you John

posted July 10, 2012 09:57 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by David Bowie Eyes:
Drop her.
Cultural gap
Age gap
Relational gap
Unresolved break-up
Distance

That's alot of challenges to overcome. With the distance and age as well as cultural expectations that differ you gotta be tight with no misunderstandings about level of commitment and mutual feelings. Then you have the ex living in the area rekindling things and if she's talking with him and giving you short shrift that is bad man/woman ju-ju. I know you have your heart and your body as well as finances invested in this but this is going to go one way and you are going to be hurt far more than if you take the reins now and cut bait.

Steve

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posted July 10, 2012 09:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by GypSea Surfer:
Thank you Steve

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posted July 15, 2012 12:36 PM            

What I think is the biggest red flag with her is that she refuses to let go of her connection to her past boyfriend. There is something that keeps her to him. I think that the abortion is a smokescreen and that there must be some other deeper reason why she feels like she can't be apart from him. The abortion is over and done with. Granted, everyone deals with abortion differently, and different women will have completely different feelings about it. Still, I do think that she would move on from him if she really wanted to and was really in love with you. There's no reason for her to be with her ex like she is, and my suspicion is that she can't let go of him as a person, not of the situation.

The second biggest thing is the family pressure. In some cultures, it's very strong. Personally, I myself could not deal with it. If someone truly wanted to be with you, truly loved you, they would not bow to it and would find a way to be with you. (Note, too, that I'm talking about unfair and unhealthy familial pressure. In some cases, like if the family sees that someone is abusive or someone with serious problems that could bring harm to their family member, then that would be very different).

Distance is the last thing. While long-distance relationships can work if they're temporary distance or else if the distance isn't that bad, very far and long-term long distance is extremely difficult.

posted November 15, 2012 03:50 PM            

People consider the way Pisces act, but not what led them there. And if your fishy doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about the problems between the two of you, they get a lot of inner dialogue and nobody is there to defend the other side...Doesn't bode well for the person fighting to keep their Pisces. I'm not saying it's fair, but it happens.

But for the original post...
I don't personally think age is a big deal. I was 20 and dated a 35 year old man. And though it ended, it was on good terms. It depends on the people involved and the wants/needs/maturity of those two specific people.

The ex-boyfriend hanging around all the time is no good. At least if the two of you were going to pursue a relationship. It sounds to me like she may have been loving the attention (Pisces adore it!) and the idea that somebody could feel that way about her. How long ago was the abortion? And how long has he been her "ex" but still hanging out all the time? There's still something there, for both of them I would say. A man doesn't put his time and energy into doting on a woman with his time unless he loves her. And if she didn't want him there, he wouldn't be. Maybe she was just lonely? Especially if she feels pressure from her family to "do the right thing", but I wouldn't bet on it judging the timing from her cut off.
Distance, as long as it isn't forever, can be overcome so easily nowadays that I don't see a problem with a long distance relationship. It lets you get to know the person's personality and the way they think before there is ever a physical connection. I think that's beautiful in a way. It makes them your friend first and while friends can't always be lovers, lovers should always be friends.

As for her family's influence, I've never had something like this held over me and I'm not sure that I could abide by it if I did. Different culture though. If you want a chance with this girl, honestly want a chance, you have to be respectful of her family if she is.

If you really want to get to the bottom of it: Talk to her about the ex-boyfriend. Ask her why he's still so involved. No offense meant, but they don't have a child together, they decided against that together.

The lack of I love yous when she gave them so freely before would tell me to tuck tail and run. She's holding it back purposely for some reason. Find out why.

Pisces aren't always flaky. I love deeper and truer than most people I know, but if I'm afraid of the outcome and don't feel like it can be changed, I'll tuck tail and run for cover so I don't get hurt...again.

Good Luck!!!

posted November 17, 2012 09:34 PM            

I am no foul. I know what love is. LionFish, you are right, starting out with distance gave us a view of who we were before the sex. It was beautiful. I saw, in her eyes, that she TRUELY loved me, or was it the thought of me.?

I died. I gave up. I did drugs. I lost, her, EVERYTHING. But I am better now. Not better without her, but better. I now realize that I had to lose before I could give and I had to die before I could live.

posted November 18, 2012 02:44 AM            

I'm not saying the drug use was right, but don't belittle yourself for it. We all make choices that lead us to be who we are. If this girl loves you, the past few months won't break what you had. She may be disappointed, but that doesn't mean it can't be salvaged.

You said so yourself, you had to die before you could live. You're not dead. You reached the bottom and you're on your way back up. In a fairly short amount of time I might add. Keep your outlook hopeful and positive. Don't let this one person control the rest of your fate..

posted November 18, 2012 03:26 AM            

In agreement with LionFish, you are not dead. You are alive and blessed. You've got a wonderful life ahead of you and though you feel great despair because this relationship didn't work itself out the way you had hoped there will always be another opportunity for you to gain the happiness you seek. Reading your original post, I could tell this relationship seemed more about infatuation then love, but you know better than I. It happens that way sometimes, and the feeling tends to be just as strong because what you are experiencing, this deep compulsion to be with another, is very real.

Don't delude yourself through escapism habits like drugs because of what you're going through. You'll be fine, and you are going to grow so much mentally and emotionally from this experience. You deserve much more than this Pisces young woman can give you. That's the truth. She's still holding onto to her past and you need to move forward into your future. Don't let her hold you back from doing that. I'd say it's time for some much needed self love? Refocusing energy on taking care of you, which is most important. Stay strong and take care of yourself. You're going to be just fine.