posted July 17, 2012 02:44 PM            

I consider him my soul mate for a lot of reasons. I've never had a connection like this with anyone. Being with him feels like going to another private world. There's nothing that we can't or don't talk about.

One of the things that's made it unusual (but in a good way) is that we haven't been possessive of each other in a typical way or let emotional drama distort or define the relationship.

I've always been ok with interacting with him from a certain distance... we've had other priorities, we've both dated other people... I didn't know what to make of what we have together, and so I was ok with just letting things happen naturally. I always thought that if it was meant to be with him then it would happen on its own. And I still think that to an extent

But... I also know that obviously sometimes it's better to put effort into going after what we want instead of just hoping it will happen on its own. And I didn't really realize how badly I might want this until recently. I'm moving away for a year, and he's getting back together with his ex. It’s not like either or these things were surprises, but for whatever reason the reality is hitting me for the first time of how strong my feelings for him really are. I'm honestly wishing I would have said something earlier before these decisions were made. But they've been made and there's nothing I can do to go back in time and do things differently.

So I'm at a loss as to what I should do at this point... Just let it go and not say anything to him and see where things stand for both of us a year from now... Or say something

The thing is if I do tell him how I feel it's not going to change the circumstances in either of our lives. I think he knows how I feel and I know the feelings are mutual, but it’s never been easy for us to just express it directly to each other. So I want to state it clearly for the record lol but I also don't want to make it seem like I’m asking for him to wait around for me or not try to make things work with this other girl because of me (even though it hurts to think about that possibly becoming something really serious and me missing out on the chance to be with him once and for all)

posted July 18, 2012 02:06 AM            

If you can get over that emotion, and ask yourself...'is this man really important to me, and would i do anything for him?'

If the answer is yes. Then try and meet him and tell him how you feel to his face. If not - write a mail.

Be prepared for him to say no / sorry / not convenient - all of the above and be able to walk away with dignity....knowing you gave it your best shot. If he is as special as you say he is....he will be touched....even if he can't make a commitment. Don't hold back.

posted July 18, 2012 04:16 AM            

Who knows? Maybe confessing and then going away 1 year can somehow turn out to be a good thing?

posted July 18, 2012 01:48 PM            

I can see how it might not really make sense to any rational person lol but it’s hard to explain. We have composite Moon, NN, and Saturn in 5th house, so the feelings are definitely there, it’s just hard to express them. And I’ll admit I am really scared of expressing my feelings to him but not necessarily because I’m scared of being shot down… It’s more that I am afraid of my feelings for him lol because it’s not something I’ve experienced before (but in a good way) and I’m still trying to make sense of it…

I did meet up with him recently and as usual whenever either of us wants to say anything close to “I love you we should be together”, it just becomes some sort of indirect, ambiguous, or hypothetical conversation that ends up leaving a lot of things unsaid. So that’s why I want to write him an email so I’ll be able to just say it all directly…

Edit to add, I'm not looking for any for any specific response from him and would want to make it clear that I don't have any expectations or requests... I guess I just want him to know how I feel/have felt which has been hard to say in person...

quote:

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Originally posted by AstroNewb69:
If you're wishing you had said something sooner then don't do the same thing twice! If it's love, then you won't need to worry about going away for a year!!

Who knows? Maybe confessing and then going away 1 year can somehow turn out to be a good thing?

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Thanks for your advice! I agree that I should just say it so I don’t regret not doing it later on, and if the feelings are mutual then the connection will still be there if/when circumstances are right.

I don’t know when I’ll send this email but I’ll come back to post updates if I do!

posted August 05, 2012 12:50 AM            

He didn't delete the conversation and surprise surprise his girlfriend went through his phone. She knows he's seen other people while they weren't together (and they've had an on-off situation for a long time) but I don't think she knew about me specifically. Now he says they are probably done and she's very upset. (which of course she has a right to be)

posted August 05, 2012 02:22 AM            

I love how you express yourself via words. Very eloquent.

I have really very little advice, as i have completely muddled my situation... But if i could do something different, it would be to lay it all on the table. Before you leave, say what you need to say so you leave without any regrets.

posted August 05, 2012 01:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Junethird:
Firemoon,

I love how you express yourself via words. Very eloquent.

I have really very little advice, as i have completely muddled my situation... But if i could do something different, it would be to lay it all on the table. Before you leave, say what you need to say so you leave without any regrets.

Best of luck

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Thank you Junethird

I think I'm just going to let the dust settle a little bit, and go from there. I guess it's just difficult because I wanted to let him know how I feel, but I also wanted to just let it go from that point so that if anything does happen in the future between us it will have been all out in the open and his decision to make... But now I can't help but think if she leaves him because of this it won't really have been his choice, and maybe he'll STILL have lingering guilt/feelings for her... My intentions weren't to manipulate the situation or make that decision for him. But I know once again it's not up to me to interfere with and all I can do is say how I'm feeling and let him know I'm ok with however things turn out...

posted August 05, 2012 02:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Libra Lady:
sigh....i read your words and I feel like you are this close to finding love, and so is he. the way I see it....like most women....you really wish he would say it first, and from what you are saying about him....it seems like he is waiting for you to say something.
What a shame it would be.....to not have said what you needed to, before its too late. Don't worry about his ex-girlfriend....everything in the universe happens for a reason. Let the reason be love. : )

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Thanks Libra Lady

You're right I agree that everything happens for a reason, and it would be a shame not to have said everything I've wanted to say at this point... We have both been waiting for the other person to make a move, but that has to just be over because there is no illusive "perfect" time to say it and I think we've both waited too long as it is. I'll keep you guys updated...

posted August 21, 2012 02:37 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Mystic Melody:
I would have worried that it wasn't even HIM texting you... but the gf fishing for information.

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I used him as a source in my Journalism assignment, so I know it was really him, I needed personal info... Doubt she would have gone to all the trouble. Right after that is when we started talking and he asked me to stay over...

But it's funny that you say that, becasue when she went through his phone, it was that conversation that she found, and she did text me from his phone then. Saying I'm a w****, homewrecker, etc. Which isn't really fair becasue I've always respected the boundaries when they've been together, I'm not interested in being the other woman, or playing those kinds of games. But I guess this has been sort of a *secret* relationship considering she never knew about me specifically, and their situation has been on and off and so has ours... Anyway, it was never my intention to hurt her and I feel bad for any role I played in all of this...

Anyway, update: I talked to him, he said I'm sorry for what she said, none of this is your fault... I asked him what was going on with them, whether he is still gonna try to make things work or if he's ok with things ending between them regardless of anything having to do with me. He said no, it was time for things to end, he's ok with it, he's not trying to pursue anything with her. I said ok well I don't want to push anything, and I'm leaving so I'm sure it's best for both of us to be single for a while anyway, but I really do care about you a lot... He said the feelings are mutual but I am just all over the place right now and don't know what to make of everything.. I said I feel the exact same way. I asked if it would be best to just cut off contact while I'm away, and he said no, there's nothing to hide anymore and I don't mind at all...

So that's where things are at right now. I'm just trying to focus on school and my own life right now, as is he, so yeah I guess we'll just see how things turn out once I move back...

posted August 23, 2012 01:23 AM            

Which not to generalize, but that is sort of a Cancer move. If he doesn't want to confront the emotions directly, he'd rather be "caught" and let the other person end it.. Which obviously isn't a very mature or straight forward way of handling things...

It's probably wrong that I've actually talked to him about their relationship (initiated by him), but he's said things like "You're the only girl I've ever known who I can have these kinds of conversations with" or "I can't connect with her the way I can with you" or "I feel like I can just be myself around you, and there should be more people in the world like you..."