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Author Topic:   crazy stuff from the past - what was he exactly?
andstuff
Knowflake

Posts: 223
From: United Kingdom
Registered: Jun 2012

posted August 07, 2012 09:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for andstuff     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So anyway, I am not trying to flatter myself, since it was as extraordinary as one could possibly ask for.

We met by sheer accident through a mutual friend, allegedly we both decided to go there at the last moment (i recall being reluctant). The second I set eyes on him it felt like I knew him and at the same time wanted to know every single thing about him. I think he was acting rather weird too, euphoric or nearly. We barely had to communicate, in a matter of 2 hours we stopped noticing everyone else who was at the cafe with us. I totally felt like my life changed for good.

We were already based in different countries, so next time I saw him was when I went back home for some reason or other. I think we were driven by a compulsion to be around each other, as if there were no other choice. So we went for a walk, during which I nearly got run over by a car, but he pulled me towards him, peculiarly enough standing like that with him for 10 seconds felt like coming home. I thought we were just scared, but possibly there was more. He gave me some lyrics for love songs he'd written to read, about falling in love all of a sudden.

Anyway, it was just getting crazier and crazier. It felt like home and like heaven. BUT the ending was not pretty and super-painful. I spent 2 years recovering, he got himself some tawdry salesgirl who couldn't spell and ended up writing me love letters nonetheless. I am still haunted by the feelings I had. Was it really so exceptional? I'd wake up for no reason with a heartache, and he said in his letters he could feel my pain as acutely as his own.

The official explanation was that he didn't think he was good enough to be with me and was afraid of hurting me [the first time we made love was kind of tense, because I was extremely uneasy for an entirely unrelated reason, and I have a weird pain threshold, so yeah]

All I know is that I've never set eyes on anyone who'd make me feel the same. And that he's still in love with me, a wreck that he is, totally ruined by drugs and worse. And I still get feeling weird now and then.

What was the whole thing in aid of? Synastry enclosed [myself in red]

I have held quite a few. None felt so me and so like divine energy was streaming through me. How rare is this kind of thing? Is there really no hope for me to find something similar soon?

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