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Author
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Topic: Torn
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LunaNight
Knowflake Posts: 41
From: IL, USA
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted September 22, 2012 09:31 PM
  
What to do, what to do...I have very strong desires in love being of 'all' encompassing nature. I am pregnant, and since this occurred, my sex drive has dropped. My partner gets upset every 3rd day if nothing occurs.. but this has not been bringing me to desire to give him more.. quite the contrary. I feel if he can expect so much of me.. and it is enough to cause such turmoil.. then maybe unconditional love is nonexistent here. I don't look down upon him for getting upset with me, nor do I feel he desires physicalities more, and this is a terrible thing.. but when it seems without the physical sexual desires taken care of, the rest isn't truly valued. I want to be loved regardless of any circumstances. I want unconditional love, as I feel I give. Advice, anyone? IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1935
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted September 23, 2012 04:54 AM
How does your husband feel about oral?IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 4046
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 23, 2012 11:21 AM
How far along are you? IP: Logged |
LunaNight
Knowflake Posts: 41
From: IL, USA
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted September 23, 2012 12:08 PM
He is willing to give, but usually when asked.. otherwise he asks.I am 8 weeks along- in may I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks, so my nerves are a bit on edge. trying to take things easy until the end of the first trimester.
IP: Logged |
redshift
Knowflake Posts: 249
From:
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted September 23, 2012 12:18 PM
If your husband pressures you about sex, he is not giving you unconditional love. He is not a child. He can take care of his own needs until you feel safe and comfortable. You have a right to insist this absolutely. Any man that argues with this is an a**hole and should be ashamed. Obviously, it's better that you explain how you feel and why you don't want to have sex so that he understands it is not an issue of him doing something wrong, but that explanation should be enough for him to respect what you are saying and back off. Stay true to your feelings. Sex should be enjoyable and loving, not an obligation.IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 4366
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted September 24, 2012 06:51 AM
quote:
Originally posted by redshift:
If your husband pressures you about sex, he is not giving you unconditional love. He is not a child. He can take care of his own needs until you feel safe and comfortable. You have a right to insist this absolutely. Any man that argues with this is an a**hole and should be ashamed. Obviously, it's better that you explain how you feel and why you don't want to have sex so that he understands it is not an issue of him doing something wrong, but that explanation should be enough for him to respect what you are saying and back off. Stay true to your feelings. Sex should be enjoyable and loving, not an obligation.
Amen. You took the words right out of my mouth. IP: Logged |
LunaNight
Knowflake Posts: 41
From: IL, USA
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted September 24, 2012 01:59 PM
I have been feeling that way now for some time, and others have told me the same.. I just fall easily for guilt trips sometimes. But, it's true.. in the end, I must do what I am comfortable and feel 'good' about doing. Thank you, everyoneIP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 4046
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 25, 2012 02:11 PM
I laid off all sex in all forms after the first trimester, or way before the first ultrasound (14-16 weeks). None of that is important. It's also not as though your husband cannot take care of himself if he is so incredibly stressed out.Stop sex after the first trimester, period. It's not good for the baby. IP: Logged |
LunaNight
Knowflake Posts: 41
From: IL, USA
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted September 27, 2012 03:41 PM
You all are so supportive. Thank you; I feel I can come here and just reread what you've posted for confidence in my own desires. It's uplifting. Thank you!IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 4046
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 27, 2012 04:45 PM
Just to make sure you understand, I am a man. Make sure your husband understand that nothing is as important as the health of the baby and your health.IP: Logged |
LunaNight
Knowflake Posts: 41
From: IL, USA
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted September 29, 2012 03:18 PM
Can I ask where you have learned that it isn't good for the baby? Like, what makes you feel that way?IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 4046
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 29, 2012 03:59 PM
First, it's logical that you will start showing well past 16 to 18 weeks when your Amniocentesis is done, or if you are higher risk, you'll need a CVS at 16 weeks. By the time you end your second trimester, when most detailed ultrasounds are done, you will be showing significantly. By that time, the only safe plausible way sex is possible is from behind. Otherwise, you would have - assuming average sizes - a 180 lb man lying on top a 110 lb woman. Or a woman very pregnant bouncing on her husband, which I don't think is very wise. Naturally, it is not about having vigorous activity, because many women jog till late in their pregnancies. It is about accidental physical contact. Regardless of how gentle a man can be, accidents can happen. No man to claim to not have accidentally shoved his lady during sex, or worse still, lose his balance and fall on top of his lady. Most of all, it's about concern about both child and mother and the underlying love I have for my wife. We went through four pregnancies. Each time, I suspended all sex from the 12th to 14th week onwards till about two months after the baby comes home, or until such time my wife decided that the time is right and she is comfortable and well. I did take care of my urges quietly by myself and did not make fanfare. It simply isn't important compared to child and mother. IP: Logged |
LunaNight
Knowflake Posts: 41
From: IL, USA
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted September 29, 2012 05:26 PM
Well, not all men see things the same way. But, I just think moreso it's the passion. My intimacy is a bit more focused on the baby; little intense passion is towards my partner. I give back rubs, hugs and kisses, make food, etc.. but that deep in love passion has dwindled since the conception. I figure once my body regulates things will go back.. or somewhat back to normal.IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 4046
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 30, 2012 10:02 AM
We can't been teenagers forever. I too show my passion though the oven and stove, in addition to undertaking important household chores for my wife out of love. Every little bit of affection goes a long way. IP: Logged |
redshoes
Knowflake Posts: 252
From:
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted October 15, 2012 06:41 AM
My opinion is the *unconditonal love* thing often only manifests between mother and child. As for men, they dont do this or rather they arent designed to do so, also, sex represents a big part of love to them, they show it through the act, for some its the only way the can be intimate. I would stop expecting your man to give you something he may never be able to give you and look to your women friends for this support.Been there several times and am just starting to wise up  IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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