Author
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Topic: Soul Mate?
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aspen411 Newflake Posts: 9 From: Registered: Dec 2012
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posted December 06, 2012 06:10 PM
I need big big help. I have been married for 16 years and have 1 child and have been happy. I never thought about straying and never have but something has happened to me that makes me think I am going crazy. I have a doctor that I have to see once a month and have been going there over a year and there is a young women who works there who in the past I thought was cute but never ever gave her a second thought until we locked eyes somehow for @5 seconds and at the time I did not think anything of it and then about 30 minutes later while driving home and getting ready to call my wife to find out about dinner I felt like I was punched in the stomach then at the same time this woman popped in my head and a feeling of such strong love came over me for her I also felt that she felt the same way and over a month later nothing has changed. I still fell the same way and am confused beyond belief. I never believed in soul mates until the first few seconds after this happened it said that we were. I do not know which way is up anymore an am just trying to deal with this. I do not know why we locked eyes and I was not looking for anything. I want to confront her to see if anything happened to her but I do not want to seem like a idiot. I really want to know but I don't. I can not stop thinking about her and want this to go away. Please help.IP: Logged |
SaturnineMoth Knowflake Posts: 2103 From: Gaea's Omphalos Registered: Aug 2012
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posted December 06, 2012 07:04 PM
sounds like infatuation.If you are happily married, it should be a "no-brainer" - you have moral and possibly religious issues to at least consider. It's not "crazy" to be infatuated with someone as a married person, but it is at least immoral to pursue anything with the object you've become infatuated with. How will pursuing anything with this woman effect your marriage? if it is a satisfying relationship, do you want to risk ruining it? how far do you want to go with it? How will it effect your wife and child? while you may not want to deal with regret for not pursuing the attraction with this woman, will you be prepared to deal with the guilt that may follow should you attempt any extra-marital relations? Then, if you just have to have this other woman - wouldn't the best route be to end the marriage first? Anyway, it doesn't sound like love to me in either case~ if you were truly happy and satisfied by your partner feelings for another would be all but unthinkable. So, then I wonder - are you truly sure you are happy in your current relationship, or do you just tell yourself that because things are "well" that you are (not happy) but simply content with what you have (maybe even because of fear of being alone, or because you are hesitant to break the "perfect" picturesque marriage you suppose you have with your wife)??? Personally, as a married woman - and as a woman who has been married near 7 years to a man who acted on his impulses with another woman.... I can only see the point that you need some validation of your attraction being mutual~ and I still wonder why that would be.... is your wife not appreciating you? are you feeling the love you had wane for her, or fearing her love has waned for you??? I hardly think going to see my handsome doctor once a month for 15 minute sessions would ever inspire me to think that we were "soul mates"~ lol I realize your situation is a bit different than that - but, you should catch my drift~ it's a fleeting love, maybe... In your shoes I'd approach said woman and attempt some kind of conversation - and knowingly flash my ring~ watch her response... observe her behavior toward you... ask her casual questions... and judge any emotional connection you actually have afterwards. Or take your wife with you~ and see how she responds to the "glances" made~ if her woman's intuition were to respond then that other woman may be actually interested in you~ that's not a scientific route but it is still plausible. Plus, that's the mother of your child, the woman you married, and that you say you have been happy with for 16 years... she should be the one you are concerned with like this... not the lady who caught your eye a few times... Who really knows though - maybe she's the -one- but, really - you're basing that offa' gut feeling and a couple casual encounters without actual communication/connections being made. SO - to be completely honest - you sound like you want an "out"~ for whatever reason - and you need the opinions of others to validate that it is alright to continue with your train of thought/inclinations towards your (not really even potentially yet) possible admirer... If you can't get the depth you want from your wife, and you aren't satisfied in your marriage, move on... don't make moves based on butterflies and thinking that the grass will be greener on the other side though or you'll end up potentially losing everything you have anyway~ We can't tell you if she is your soul mate, only time and actual interaction will tell.... but, at the same time, I don't mean to completely discourage you... just putting out the questions that really need to be addressed before calling the next shot. If it's been months and nobody has made even an initial bit of interaction, it's probably, likely is a fleeting attraction at most... if not just naive misinterpretation of you suspecting she has any actual interest in the first place. But, even then... if she did have interest, or feel the same, you can't really expect "something magical" to happen, like fireworks and fairies bursting through the air.... you're not going crazy, but you are infatuated. - seek a marriage counselor, see a therapist, spend more time with your wife, and if there truly are no problems with your current relationship I'm almost certain the infatuation will pass... harmlessly. Otherwise, you'll find out what is really behind the attraction, the method to your madness --- it might not be the "nicest" answer - but sounds like you need to do some soul-searching. Sorry for being debby-downer~ ^^ just trying to be rational. good luck!~ ------------------ “Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.” -J. R. R. Tolkien IP: Logged |
aspen411 Newflake Posts: 9 From: Registered: Dec 2012
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posted December 06, 2012 09:31 PM
Thanks for the input however you are missing everything I have brought up or maybe I have not described the situation correctly. I am in love with my wife and have been since I met her 20 years ago and have not even been on a date with another woman since I met her. I was not looking when this happened over a month ago and hope my wife and I stay together for the rest of our lifes. Having said that after locking eyes with this woman who I probably saw about a dozen times before with no thoughts whatsoever is where the problem is. I did not think anything at the time after locking eyes with her, nothing like wow or that was interesting or a young woman is checking me out, nothing at all. My problem started around 30 minutes later when is whole sick feeling started. At the time I was in traffic reaching for my phone to call my wife when I felt like I was punched in the stomach and in the first few seconds all these thoughts popped into mind and 1 was telling me this is my soul mate. 2 words I never used in my life, and as a person with a 143 iq in logical thinking if anyone would ever tell me a story like this I would think the same thing as you but this has happened and I can not figure this out and it is driving me bat crap crazy. I do not believe in religion or several other things that can not be proven without physically showing it to you and souls going through eternity looking for each other is as far fetched as someone making the statue of liberty disappear or anything of that nature as logic says that can not happen and if it can show me without putting a blindfold on. I did not ask or want this to happen to me but it has and I will never stray on my wife and I would never date a woman who is probably in her early 20s and has her whole life ahead of her and has to experience everything I already have 20 something years ago. I am trying to figure out why this happened, if the same has happened to her and if so do we need to be a part of eachothers life in another way other than lovers. IP: Logged |
Haplesschild* Knowflake Posts: 800 From: Registered: Nov 2012
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posted December 07, 2012 12:40 AM
Soulmate or not, you do nothing until you're out of the marriage. Don't think to get involved in any shape and form with somebody else. Even flirting will be wrong, so unless you plan on ending your marriage, then don't do anything dumb. And of course it can't be love, you don't know this woman. Love takes way more than that don't you think?IP: Logged |
Randall Webmaster Posts: 26372 From: Saturn next to Charmainec Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 07, 2012 12:26 PM
Welcome!------------------ "Fall down 100 times, get up 101...this is success." --ME IP: Logged |
Evolved1 Knowflake Posts: 86 From: Chicago, IL USA Registered: Nov 2012
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posted December 17, 2012 03:27 PM
Aspen: I get what you are going through and this kind of stuff just sneaks up on a person and its very,very hard to understand and explain to ppl. I am not sure what the purpose is for this to be happening to you at this time, but meditate on this and things will be clear to you as you go. IF you love your wife and have no intentions on leaving her then good for you. I understand you are just trying to understand this. Ppl who have never had this happen to them don't get it. IP: Logged |
Haplesschild* Knowflake Posts: 800 From: Registered: Nov 2012
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posted December 17, 2012 03:35 PM
I've met three soulmates of the opp sex and got into relationships with two so I know the feeling. Still, connection or no connection, I won't jeopardise my marriage (theoretically speaking, I'm not married). That's just not me.IP: Logged |
Evolved1 Knowflake Posts: 86 From: Chicago, IL USA Registered: Nov 2012
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posted December 17, 2012 04:23 PM
I dont think this was about him cheating on his wife. He nevet said he wanted to or was going to. This is more so about him trying to understand what this is and how to gandle it..Halplesschild: you understand bc youve neen through it already he hasnt.. nothing wrong with trying to understand it..Good luck Aspen, you sound loke you will do right by your wife..IP: Logged |
aspen411 Newflake Posts: 9 From: Registered: Dec 2012
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posted December 17, 2012 05:14 PM
Thanks all, I have know intention of cheating on my wife. I did tell my wife everything as I was really feeling guilty and my wife said I should contact her to see if anything happened with her as my wife is now very curious herself. Now I would love to talk to her and find out but I think she would think I am nuts and now I am even trying to find a new doctor so as much as I do not want to I need to avoid her. I am just very curious to see if she feels the same but me being in my mid 40s and her in her early 20s I think I would probably scare her away so I will just keep walking in this daze until I don't know. I am still not sure if this is a blessing or a curse on me to live the rest of my life with.IP: Logged |
Haplesschild* Knowflake Posts: 800 From: Registered: Nov 2012
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posted December 18, 2012 01:46 AM
Hey it's good you told your wife, and I'm really surprised at her reaction lol. Soulmate connections are extremely difficult to break away from so just be careful aye, cos when you start talking to them you just can't stop. In the space of 3 weeks you can get incredibly close (6 hour phone calls fly by and you just bond so much, to the point where you'll feel like you've always known them and can't see yourself not ever having them in your life. Of course there are platonic soulmates, but the romantic ones are killer. IP: Logged |
aspen411 Newflake Posts: 9 From: Registered: Dec 2012
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posted December 18, 2012 04:11 PM
I really really want to talk to her to find out if anything happened with her but as I said before more than anything I am afraid of scaring her away. She may think if nothing happened with her that I am a weirdo or just strange so I am at a delicate stage right now, but I really want to know.IP: Logged |
aspen411 Newflake Posts: 9 From: Registered: Dec 2012
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posted December 18, 2012 07:11 PM
I have to go to the doctor tomorrow where my SM works and I want to talk to her however I am afraid she will think I am an absolute wacko and I would not blame her and then blow any chance afterwards of having any relationship down the road with her. Has anyone had to do anything similar to this or does anyone have any advice. IP: Logged |
cat lover Knowflake Posts: 101 From: UK Registered: May 2009
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posted February 13, 2013 07:51 PM
That is strange. When you said that you locked eyes with her did you FEEL anything? The reason why i ask is because last week a manager of mine at work came up to talk to me about work matters. I noticed that his eyes were fixed on me through out the duration of the conversation and i and too kept the eye contact.However I did not feel anything for him at that point or 30 mins/days later. It didn't bother me. But It would only bother me if i felt something for him in a romantic type of way which i didn't thank god! When you felt punched in your stomach what did you feel or think about regarding that doctor. Did you feel an emotional/spiritual/physical or sexual attraction towards her? Or did you feel as if it was a recognition type of thing like in a platonic way? what was the emotion/feeling behind it? I agree with others on here in that if you felt like a romantic feeling towards her then you shouldn't go there! Have you changed your doctor already? If you say anything to her about it she might think your crazy. It's best to let it lie and allow her to speak up about it first if she brings anything up. It's different if you were single but as you're married it might be best not to invite that type of drama in your life! I think the other poster on here made a good point about it being infatuation. How do you feel now? Has anything changed and are you still feeling wierded out about it or have you got over it two months on?
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aspen411 Newflake Posts: 9 From: Registered: Dec 2012
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posted February 13, 2013 08:48 PM
This happened to me on October 26, 2012. She and I locked eyes for a second earlier as she walked by the door at the room I was in. I never thought 1 little bit about it an then when I was leaving she was standing in front of me and again we locked eyes for about 5 seconds and again I thought nothing at all about it like it did not happen. Then about 30 minutes later I was driving home again not remembering what had happened and not thinking about it only thinking about dinner when I was overcome by butterflies in my stomach and at the same time { I know this will sound strange} a voice telling me this is my true love and she felt the same way. How often does that happen. It has been over 3 months now and the feeling is EXACTLY the same as it was then. I am in the process of finding a new doc but I had to call her office a few weeks ago for a medication refill and for some reason she answered, after telling her what I needed she asked my name after giving it to her she hung up on me, without asking for a pharmacy number or other info or saying goodbye. So as I said when this happened that little voice said she felt the same, well I am not sure but I know something happened with her and I startled her. They say the souls communicate thru dreams and I have finally started having them with her. In them it is usually just a lot of explaining on both parts but nothing else. There is nothing sexual here and I know she is the most beautiful woman in the world and I wish I could remember what she looks like as I can not for some reason. So infatuation, I have seen her many times before with NO thoughts at all and than this happened. IP: Logged |
cat lover Knowflake Posts: 101 From: UK Registered: May 2009
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posted February 14, 2013 01:02 PM
I think you should change your doctor so you dont run into her again. And even after you change your doctor and somehow your paths cross again in some way, then perhaps only then you should question it. The more you make appointments to go and see her the more its going to drive you crazy. Get some distance i'd say.IP: Logged |
Gabby Knowflake Posts: 1063 From: Registered: Sep 2012
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posted February 19, 2013 09:41 AM
It sounds like neptune has got a hold of you here...neptune can be tricky! Awe...neptune is such a sweet place...its all dreamy, soft, warm n fuzzy little love delusions...my 1st 3 relationships where neptune love! Once the neptune spell is broken and you realize nothing is at it seemed...the fall is very painful! If you could find a way to get her birthday we could see if your neptune is hitting her in a way to make you feel some idolized love...? To me it sounds like you have your soul mate next to you...unconditional love lets you explore the world as YOU need to explore it, it doesnt get jealous and freak out...it tries to understand so it can meet YOUR needs...your wife has just proven how deep her love goes for you! Maybe this girl is nothing more than the universe helping you guys see each other through new eyes so you can appreciate the woman you have and the depth of love you share! She just gave you a gift more beautiful than most men will ever see!! but defnitely check the neptune thing...everytime i meet some lil 20-23 year old, they somehow end up thinking im their soulmate and its all because their neptunes conjunct my eros/valentine conjunction...ugh! Its hard to get them to believe im 37, n nearly old enough to be mom so probably not their soulmate!! LOL IP: Logged |
Long - standing Knowflake Posts: 61 From: World person Registered: Aug 2011
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posted March 14, 2013 04:54 AM
Agree with you Gabby, you say out whati'm thinking ,i had such kind of Neptune relation,though i'm happily married, now i learned to appriciate my husband more than ever.But it was the second love of my life (after husband)and disappointment was painful. IP: Logged |
jjj Knowflake Posts: 47 From: Registered: Aug 2009
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posted March 21, 2013 04:21 PM
I think that people often dont marry their soulmates, but partners they are comfortable with, but these partners dont shake them strongly enough and they live with all the blockages and wounds they dont want to deal with... until one day, lets say after 10-20 years of marriage... comes the soulmate, the awakener. He or she shakes you to the core of your being and wakes you up. It doesnt necessarily mean a relationship. Does the author of this thread have a Saturn-Venus aspect or strong Saturn or Saturn in the 7th house or Cappy or Aqua DC in natal?IP: Logged |
Long - standing Knowflake Posts: 61 From: World person Registered: Aug 2011
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posted March 24, 2013 11:17 PM
Love can come and go, it's not neccessary a relationship,i had 3 huge loves in my life since 9 years old, and every time new love surpassed the previous one,but there are another feelings:faithfulness,friendship,gratitude.No need to destroy everything.In fact Life is full of love, the man who discovered this feeling in himself can fall in love many times,but to build long term relationships - that is the task! Fist, it's better to see what will remain after the fist cycle of Mars. IP: Logged |
saronna Knowflake Posts: 478 From: Australia Registered: Jan 2010
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posted March 26, 2013 06:52 AM
hi aspen 6 for venus and love.and 6 for family 141. ilove your name aspen. i have never been to aspen. not in this lifetime anyway but i plan to go to aspen colorado springs to met my soulmate tristan from colorado. i loved your post. i had this with my soulmate tristan from colorado. like stare. i stared at him so much, and i have never stared at anyone like that. i mean stare if i get upset and give them the scorpian stare that eye thing that kind of sterly glare. but this stare was like tristan from colorado was so familiar and how soulmates stare at each other. i stared at him in the sleeping area of sydney international airport and i didnt even tell him that i had dreamed about him before meeting him at sydney international airport on the 4th of august obama brackas birthdate usa president. i wasnt sure if it was the 3rd or the 4th that is after 12 midnight because the planes stopped at 11:30pm. the airport was locked down at 11:30pm. and i was in the prayer room and fall asleep and security came and got me. it could have been 12 midnight. and i have never seen anyone so handsome. and i kept staring before and after they checked our passports. and we left at about 4am on the 4th of august in a white taxi. the second cab on the rank and i trusted him like i have never trusted him so much i got in the cab with him. and its funny but i saw barbed wire and i was thinking of kicking the taxi drivers driving wheel as that was the impression i got of the fence driving up to domestic airport. i wanted so much to be with him and sit at the back with him but he put his bag down so i got in the front. and its a good thing. i wanted so much to hold his hand and cry on his shoulder when we got on the plane togethier. and this is just from staring at him. it felt like an eternity. he looked so familiar and i stared at him and realised it was love at first sight. hugs and lots of loveIP: Logged |