posted February 06, 2013 12:21 PM
Hello, I hope this is the right place to post this - I am in Cancerian man purgatory and would be so grateful for some opinions on my situation, thank you.
Cancer man (gem/canc cusp) and I (taur/gem cusp) have been together around 3 years (1 1/2 yrs serious), we are in our 40s and both going through divorce. He is under immense stress in every area of life right now (messy divorce, work nightmares, moved home etc). He said a while ago I am his rock through all this. We are AMAZING together, but when we disagree (not often) - OH BOY!
We had a fight - our first huge one! (He started it from something small) and he threw so many things at me that he had been storing for a long time - I felt I was in the middle of an eruption! I tried to defend myself, but he sidestepped it all and turned it back around and it all ended with him saying I was an emotional rollercoaster and he didn't want one, so I left. Phoned back within 5 mins realising how immature this was, but he told me to go home. I was so knocked off balance, I did go, but wish now I had gone back.
We met next day and the row blew up even worse! He was so angry and left saying that he wanted to just focus on his kids and sorting life out. In hindsight he was right about a lot of stuff, but I wanted to prove him wrong end we ended up in point scoring mode.
I felt terrible that all this was at a time when he is so stressed, so I took a parcel of his favourite food and a lovely card apologising and left it for him. He texted thank you and I replied, but then because he had said he wanted to focus on his life, I assumed he wanted to go into his 'shell' for a while to sort things out, so I did not contact him for 9 days. I thought he would contact me when ready, but then got so worried about him that I phoned. He was really angry and said 'Where the hell have you been??' I explained but he said I had abandoned him. I felt even worse and that I had totally let him down!
We met a few nights later and I apologised (genuinely) for all the hurt and explained that I misunderstood what he meant and that I thought I was acting in his best interests. He said it did not add up with the lovely gesture of the card and refused to forgive me. He now wants a 'break' but told me that he needs me to reach out to him as he is in a really bad way (emotionally imploded he said) dealing with the life stress and has nothing more to give to a relationship until life sorted out. I gave him some of his fave chocs plus a fluorite heart as an amulet to carry around so he knows I am thinking of him. He softened with these and said that he could feel the love and hugs in the heart and that he would carry it as a 'little piece of me' with him every day.
I have texted every day since, just a little lighthearted one to let him know I am keeping contact, but expecting nothing. In a few days I would like to leave him a 'Happy Box' with lots of nice things in (food, photos, card etc) for him to look at when he feels down - is this a good move or not?? Just want him to know that I do really care about him, but don't want to push him further away - difficult to strike the contact balance.
I feel as though I am being put through a test and expected to prove my love - does this seem accurate?? I have read in places that once you hurt a Cancerian they will never forgive and will never want a close relationship with you again - is this correct? I do hope not - he is the most wonderful man and through all this I have learnt a lot about him, me, our relationship. When we are good together we are awesome! I want to be by his side loving and supporting him through all this, but I guess for now I should do it from afar??
Sorry for long post - woman with heartache, regret and unfortunately no time machine! Can I win him back? Should I leave him alone, or keep contact? Difficult to know as we are on a 'break' - what does that mean anyway?!? Feel like I am 18 again (and not in a good way!). Any more advice? Thank You