posted September 28, 2013 01:54 PM            

I'm not sure why now, of all relationships, that I feel arrested to this Sagittarius man. By that, I mean before, when I was bored by the other person, I moved on and found someone else to entertain me.

I've been hurt many times in past relationships that I feel like I can't trust someone else to do right by me because they always have not.

posted September 28, 2013 03:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by AngelicTaurus:
Surrender. If you don't try you'll never know.

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posted September 28, 2013 05:48 PM            

I just do my best to be honest about how I am feeling and try and set boundaries for myself, about what is acceptable. I am always thinking, and sometimes I need to just stop, and ask what someone meant rather than let it chew me up.

posted September 28, 2013 06:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by CatMote:
you deserve love.

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I know I do, but I think it's more of a matter of trying to decipher who will show me real love as opposed to who wants to just take what they can get, like co-dependence or something of the sort.

posted September 28, 2013 06:11 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
It must be tough dealing with past hurts. Sometimes we struggle to deal with them, which really doesn't help us with future relationships. I think it is something that some of us struggle with. I know I have, and admittedly I still do.

I just do my best to be honest about how I am feeling and try and set boundaries for myself, about what is acceptable. I am always thinking, and sometimes I need to just stop, and ask what someone meant rather than let it chew me up.

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posted September 29, 2013 04:42 AM            

ISTPs don't like talking about feelings. It makes them very exposed and vulnerable, they feel threatened. I'd say it was a typical ISTP answer.

Why are you saying you're sabotaging your future by being in love though? I know it's weird when one has to choose between suffering because of someone one loves and feeling a certain spiritual hunger next to someone who fails to satisfy one's basic emotional needs

I often wonder why we can't just spend our whole life with the one we love. Because tons of shallow losers do just that, bland and colourless and yet never in pain, never unhappy.

posted September 29, 2013 11:46 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
I do this too.. I feel like there are 2 people inside, one wants a relationship and closeness and the other one fights against it with all she has.. I generally blame my abuses for making me this way, unable to enjoy happy, healthy relationships. I remember when I heard "I love you" for the first time.. I almost slapped my then-boyfriend. I wanted to run away but there was nowhere to run. So I laughed. Yeah, great reaction.. I loved him too, but at that time I was even more incapable of accepting love than I am now. He stuck around through everything so I eventually surrendered but I think not completely.. and it always bothered me he never understood the depths of me, like he only scratched the surface. It took me a while to say it back and it made me feel SO uncomfortable saying it.. That was around 10 years ago. What followed was a series of failed attempts and experiments. At this point I feel like I would be able to behave differently, like I could handle boundless intimacy but now I have trouble trusting something good can actually happen to me.. It's getting harder and harder to get myself up after each disappointment or failed attempt. I try to protect myself by remaining detached, yet it makes me feel numb. Because indeed the perspective of another failure feels like I wouldn't be able to survive it. I hate being stuck in this place and I wish I could see a way out of it, but I don't. It scares me to think I'm out of time and I'm gonna end up an old cat lady but the other perspective is even more terrifying..

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I forced him into an argument then threatened to leave him, completely meaning it too. I am not scared to run away. I am scared that what he promises isn't true and that he doesn't know what the heck he's talking about. Whose fault does it become if it turns out he doesn't measure up: his for saying it or mine for believing? Even after that, it can't undo the damage of breaking my heart so thoroughly.

I feel like this will be the final experience. This one is so intense that I know I'll be devastated no matter how I react around him, whether to act completely in love or be cold to him. Each time he holds on, I feel hopeful.

His Chinese zodiac is rooster and mine is tiger. This is one common interest we share because we're both very much like our counterparts. He knows I'm comforted when he reminds me of redeeming traits of the rooster. He says that a rooster can be single minded and determined; once he decides on what he wants, nothing can stop him from attaining his goal. I saw a painting called The Rooster by Marc Chagall and it perfectly sums up how I feel about him. Then I had seen a picture with a tiger eating a rooster and felt really bad. I felt like that was pointing out to me that my words that seem light and careless to me are ten million times more dangerous to him than I give credit towards. If I continue hurting him like this, it doesn't matter how determined he is to stick it out with me. I'll eventually drain him dry and cause irreparable damage.

I promised to stop running away from him. After the first response from AngelicTaurus, I realized I need to be still and essentially "man up". I accept that I love him. I fear losing him so I try to get lost first. I accept that I am scared. If I give him a chance, I may be more than pleasantly surprised.

And if not?

posted September 29, 2013 12:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by andstuff:
Are we talking about the ISTP?

ISTPs don't like talking about feelings. It makes them very exposed and vulnerable, they feel threatened. I'd say it was a typical ISTP answer.

Why are you saying you're sabotaging your future by being in love though? I know it's weird when one has to choose between suffering because of someone one loves and feeling a certain spiritual hunger next to someone who fails to satisfy one's basic emotional needs

I often wonder why we can't just spend our whole life with the one we love. Because tons of shallow losers do just that, bland and colourless and yet never in pain, never unhappy.

Pain has never been beneficial for anyone, so I wonder.

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I forced him into that argument by insisting he tells me why he loves me. We both can be really stubborn and willful, refusing to back down. When we were arguing, it got to the point where he agreed to let me go if I were really in that much pain being in a relationship with him. It was a hollow victory, but I had decided that I would stick with this decision or lose all ability to be taken seriously. I told him I wanted my items back and that I'd give him his things and he said is this what matters to you? I ignored it and kept going. He finally imbedded the answers I wanted to hear in an angry response that he loved me and it would devastate him for me to leave. I shut down everything right there and then and let all my anger and hurt disappear.

Being in love with him puts him near the center of my world. I feel he will drain my world of all color and take away my ability to care about anything if he goes. If I force him out then I stand a chance of surviving.

posted September 29, 2013 02:18 PM            

They are scared of having to shout, scared of emotional tension, scared of all this. They are horrible at handling emotions, their own emotions overpower them but they cannot give them names or trace any logic, and when it comes to the emotions of others they can understand them even less. They are bad at articulating their feelings too. I don't remember if you saw my comment when we last exchanged, but pretty much yeah this is the way it is.

posted September 29, 2013 03:00 PM            

I can't make sense of his emotions.

I want to leave because I am scared of being fully absorbed into what he isn't saying VS what I interpret between silences.

posted September 29, 2013 04:26 PM            

are you watching Downton Abbey? I loved this phrase "you won't be happy with another as long as lady Mary walks the Earth". It's illogical, all of it.

Yeah phone calls and cam chats are a cool idea. My bro used to say he never sees any point in messenger chats, like they cannot serve as "real" communication [only to send something quickly/conveniently]. Even when typings chats he adores to misspell words so it's more emotional and personalised. And cam chats are also great because facial expressions are a whole language, even the least noticeable ones.

Also one thing about ISTPs is they cannot foresee things, so when you started packing you basically made him panic [in a good way in the long run]. He couldn't work out a way of re-connecting in the future, was basically desperate to secure something on the spot, so it's a good sign he made a gesture/effort, however raw, to stop you from going.

posted September 29, 2013 10:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MetalAphrodite:
.. but I don't know how to stop.

I'm not sure why now, of all relationships, that I feel arrested to this Sagittarius man. By that, I mean before, when I was bored by the other person, I moved on and found someone else to entertain me.

I've been hurt many times in past relationships that I feel like I can't trust someone else to do right by me because they always have not.

I am in love with him and even when we have trouble or I am upset with him, my first reaction is to wait. Everyone else blands in comparison. I know I want him to be by my side, but I don't trust my heart. I keep fighting with him, trying to push him away, because I'm partly absorbed into him. I fight him because I want him to go away. Each time he doesn't and holds onto me, I feel my secret heart breaking. I don't want to believe he loves me. I am scared to surrender. It feels like death.

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Yeah, you'd better be super-careful-- you might end up, like... HAPPY or something. o.O

What you're talking about is fear of the unknown; that's all.

Get rid of your EXPECTATIONS, and try to experience each moment as it comes, appreciating it for what it is-- instead of damning it for what it is not.

You're free, intelligent, and it looks like you have a legitimate chance at love-- f*** the past.

Life can be good, if you are willing to change your perspective and take some responsibility for your feelings, instead of picking fights, leaving him to do the dirty work of leaving.