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Author
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Topic: Commitment /= marriage
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I'm so cappy
Knowflake Posts: 3275
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted October 15, 2013 05:45 PM
  
Ok, maybe I'm not a love expert but this is how I see it. Marriage is just the legalization of a relationship. You can be married but not committed and you can be commited but not married. Commitment is actions in everyday life that show your dedication and love for your partner. It's being there for them when they need you, respect and affection. It's fidelity, caring about their needs and acceptance. It's nourishing your bond. Not being interested in marriage doesn't equal commitment phobia. That's it for now. ------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy. IP: Logged |
AriesLilith
Knowflake Posts: 152
From:
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted October 15, 2013 06:20 PM
Yup, just because a couple is together doesn't necessarily mean that their bond is strong and that they are loyal or committed to each other. Look at many threads around different forums, that shows how some people cheat or are being cheated, and we can see how relationship status or marriage doesn't actually show much. Or mean much to the cheaters.Somehow, this makes me think how much we take things for granted. IP: Logged |
Blackbird
Knowflake Posts: 242
From: Texas
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted October 15, 2013 06:24 PM
I agree with every word.People don't need the government to recognize their relationship, and they don't need a license from the government to have a relationship. That's just for tax benefits. People can walk into a courthouse, fill out a form, pay a few dollars and get a marriage license. That's all there is to marriage. It's just a piece of paper. "I want to get married!" Do you really? Or do you just want a wedding -- a big party where you get to be the center of attention for a few hours? I believe that getting married will not change a relationship. Getting married will not magically make anything better. Marriage will not magically create trust, respect, loyalty, affection, etc. Those things should have existed in the relationship before the partners signed that piece of paper. ------------------
Everyone is unique. The chart is a template. Experiences matter too.
Sun signs don't tell the whole story. Every sign has good and bad traits.
Evolved, mature people will show more of the good traits of their signs. My natal chart IP: Logged |
I'm so cappy
Knowflake Posts: 3275
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted October 16, 2013 08:56 AM
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so  ------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 34185
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 17, 2013 11:45 AM
I disagree. Many a relationship has been changed by marriage...for the worst, that is.IP: Logged |
I'm so cappy
Knowflake Posts: 3275
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted October 17, 2013 01:26 PM
Huh? Disagree with which part exactly? Did you read my post at all?  ------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 34185
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 20, 2013 03:34 PM
I was disagreeing with what Blackbird said: "I believe that getting married will not change a relationship." quote:
Originally posted by Blackbird:
I agree with every word.People don't need the government to recognize their relationship, and they don't need a license from the government to have a relationship. That's just for tax benefits. People can walk into a courthouse, fill out a form, pay a few dollars and get a marriage license. That's all there is to marriage. It's just a piece of paper. "I want to get married!" Do you really? Or do you just want a wedding -- a big party where you get to be the center of attention for a few hours? I believe that getting married will not change a relationship. Getting married will not magically make anything better. Marriage will not magically create trust, respect, loyalty, affection, etc. Those things should have existed in the relationship before the partners signed that piece of paper.
IP: Logged |
I'm so cappy
Knowflake Posts: 3275
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted October 20, 2013 06:56 PM
Oh, sorry then.------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy. IP: Logged |
Alma Sun
Moderator Posts: 2194
From: The East Coast
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted October 21, 2013 10:54 AM
Well said Blackbird  ------------------
"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead." — Barney Stinson IP: Logged |
Mystic Melody
Moderator Posts: 638
From: IL
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted October 21, 2013 03:37 PM
hehehe Randall was disagreeing with the statement "marriage will not change" the the relationship. Blackbird said it won't make things magically better and Randall was basically saying that it made SOME relationships magically WORSE.  I think that is amusing and also has some truth... some people do believe that a paper from the gov't means they now own the other person and that they have a license to order the other person around, for example. This will certainly make the relationship worse over time... or over... both of which are a change. lol I agree with all Capricorns here, of course, lol you are singing the song of my heart.  I would like to add a little something I discovered (Libra who had your opinions and has been married and divorced twice as a result of not having the ENTIRE story). Getting married legally for the paper and supposed bond, is not the same as having a true ceremony full of symbolic meaning for YOU BOTH where you stand in front of your dearest loved ones and lifelong family members and swear, VOW, that this is the person you want to join with for the rest of your life.... vow that you will stand by this person in good times and bad. These vows should only be made after you have been the closest of friends for years and learned about one another deeply (before sex muddies the waters and adds emotional attachement/biological pair bonding hormones that aren't the same as actually getting along with each other and having strategies for overcoming problems between the two of you etc. But people don't do that. We are in too much of a hurry to have sex. Our society is built on sex. It's screwed up. (and down and left and right and do- never mind.) IP: Logged |
Blackbird
Knowflake Posts: 242
From: Texas
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted October 22, 2013 05:32 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
I disagree. Many a relationship has been changed by marriage...for the worst, that is.
Good point. I guess I was trying to say, I think actions speak louder than words, and actions are more important than ceremonies and symbols. If you get married on paper but you cheat, you are disrespectful or neglectful of your partner... that piece of paper or wedding ceremony doesn't mean much. That's my perspective. Other people may feel differently. People talk about the "five love languages"... to some, grand gestures like a wedding might be more meaningful. Others may show their commitment by giving gifts and sharing property. Because everyone is different and many people have different ideas of what commitment is, what they are willing to do/offer and what they want from a partner... I think couples should talk about this stuff at some point in their relationship before making big commitments. Those relationships that changed for the worse... I bet the people involved never had that discussion. Or maybe they did, and they were not honest with themselves, and each other. No one is perfect, and we are always learning about ourselves. What we *think* will satisfy us might not actually satisfy us in the long run.
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Everyone is unique. The chart is a template. Experiences matter too.
Sun signs don't tell the whole story. Every sign has good and bad traits.
Evolved, mature people will show more of the good traits of their signs. My natal chart IP: Logged |
sugarflapjacks
Knowflake Posts: 74
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted October 22, 2013 11:09 PM
I want to get married. Marriage means something to me and hopefully the man I marry will feel the same. It's about a person's character. Whether my spouse keeps his word, is not the issue. It is whether I keep mine. The government sanctioning it means to me that it has faith in the individuals making that type of commitment and is willing to endorse/recognize it with authority. IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2800
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted October 29, 2013 08:58 PM
That's very well said Cappy, but personally I'm not interested in either romantic commitment or marriage and not phobic of either IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 34185
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 30, 2013 10:11 AM
Well-said.IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 8240
From: Aries fantasy land ^_^
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 30, 2013 11:26 AM
I agree with you people and though I have mixed feelings on the subject, deep down I want to get married and also have the wedding - but not big or fancy or expensive. But yeah, I want that. IP: Logged |
I'm so cappy
Knowflake Posts: 3275
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted October 31, 2013 05:07 PM
Hera, you got it! Will you marry me?
In Las Vegas for a couple of hours ------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy. IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 8240
From: Aries fantasy land ^_^
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 01, 2013 12:59 AM
Err.. so you wanna marry me but not commit to me long term.. My Cancer DC would feel so used!  IP: Logged |
I'm so cappy
Knowflake Posts: 3275
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted November 01, 2013 08:11 AM
Hey, it's not like that. I'm not into marragie but to make you happy I'm ready to let you experience it. After we divorce we can still be together forever ------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy. IP: Logged |
I'm so cappy
Knowflake Posts: 3275
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted November 01, 2013 08:11 AM
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I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy. IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 8240
From: Aries fantasy land ^_^
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 01, 2013 01:55 PM
Fine, but I get to wear the dress and be a princess and have flowers and and and I want a ring too!  Aaaaand a poster bed on our wedding night!  That's all. IP: Logged |
I'm so cappy
Knowflake Posts: 3275
From: Saturn (summer house on Chiron)
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted November 01, 2013 03:24 PM
Whatever you say, babe. I just found a ring for you. 
If someone asks we can say it's made of ruby ^^ You'll have your dress too. I prefer trousers anyway.
Do you like this one? I spotted it in a second hand shop. We'll find a hotel with poster beds too. This is gonna be fun!
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I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy. IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 2878
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted November 10, 2013 01:35 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
I disagree. Many a relationship has been changed by marriage...for the worst, that is.
IP: Logged |
dadoo
Newflake Posts: 17
From: Mercury
Registered: Nov 2013
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posted November 10, 2013 01:45 PM
I guess marriage means something to me because if someone who is in a relationship gets interested in me, it makes a whole lot of a difference to me if they're married or not.So keeping this in mind, I cannot really say that marriage is "just a legalization". It is definitely law-related, yes. That's why I feel I would be doing something bad just considering a possibility with a married someone (though I don't judge people who do, to each their own). IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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