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Author Topic:   Advice needed, Taurus man not letting go
peacefulclouds
Knowflake

Posts: 243
From: Jakarta, Indonesia
Registered: Jan 2014

posted April 24, 2014 10:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for peacefulclouds     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
...of friendship that's obviously not working!!

He's a wood dragon taurus, I'm a fire tiger pisces so big age difference.

For anyone that read through this i appreciate it. Sorry for the upset tone, I am frustrated but also venting, so I will be better after this but any, any insight or advice is appreciated!!

We never dated, we were just emotionally got intensely close because of events surrounding us/many coincidences (I'll spare you the story, too long) Then I was the one who started liking him but he said he wont date me due to age difference (which may be ******** he dated a woman a year younger than me before). So I accepted then went away, thought case closed, but I was wrong. He never let me go "as a friend" and always tried to get me back (in many ways, such as 'accidentally' seeing me somewhere etc), all the time he always have girlfriends too.

We had a big fight finally about this (him not respecting my feelings), then we both went away to other countries separately for a couple of months for work. No contact from me, in fact I deleted all his infos from anywhere. I thought it was over then. but 3 months later he texted me while drunk, asking if i'm ok to meet up. I feel bad and i thought I could handle it, so we did, had a good time, then he told me he has a new girlfriend he likes a lot (his age, same interests, same level income/intelligence etc, perfect match). I said good you deserve it, I was happy but I realized I couldn't handle it then I told him (amicably) that I appreciate him a lot but i still can't keep our friendship. I explained it from A-Z why this so-called friendship cannot work out, he seemed to understand this time but not actually agreeing, citing that never say never, we'll connect again in the future and can be friends blah blah but I put my foot down and ended it that night (plus he invited his girlfriend to see me near the end of our meet... which I think he secretly regretted since I made my decision that night and he had no time to argue my points.)

I thought again case closed. No more contact from me. Weeks passed, we accidentally attended a same birthday event in a busy bar. I didnt talk to him, busy packed bar, so it's ok to avoid anyway. Once i started talking to a guy, he came to us and asked if the beer on my table was his, which was obviously not... Then he went on to kiss my head and told me he knows im avoiding him, then he left. What was he doing? I resumed no contact. Out of the blue he sent me text weeks later, talking about some events happening in the city (that he thinks i'm involved in, which I was), then wanting to know how I was. I was confused so asked a friend what happened, and apparently he's been asking her about me, which made my friend questioned him back and made him promise her to not disturb or hurt me anymore which he agreed. But I guess he broke his own promise because yesterday he sent me text AGAIN asking me if i could come to his 50th birthday party in two different locations on different days. but this time he is more careful in phrasing it, telling me he understands otherwise, though it would be nice to see me...
He is still with his girlfriend.

Yes we connect really well, communicate superbly about anything and everything, even we admitted we secretly enjoy our arguments (even the big one, as weird as it sounded). We somehow calm each other nerves even if we don't say anything to each other. But the fact is I fell for him and he doesn't, so this will not work. Logically speaking, he's being way too stubborn for something that's just becoming more of a burden than anything else. This makes no sense. He is not that into me and I accepted that but why he keeps at this, like this?

Chart etc wise I think there's nothing special in our synastry or composite (though i am bad at reading them so if anyone can or would like to help me decipher, let me know), so I don't know why he can't let go, even though I was the one who's liking him.

I did not want to burn bridges but should I ? I still care about him, I just wonder why he's being so stubborn. I was hoping he would understand and then let me go, but I guess not.

Any insight or even if you'd like to laugh at this silly drama, feel free. THANK YOU for bearing with me. I'm spent!

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AscTaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 993
From: Pretoria, Gauteng,South Africa
Registered: May 2009

posted April 26, 2014 03:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AscTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think that this Taurus wants to have his cake and eat it too.

Does he know the mixed signals that he is sending? Yes. I mean , he is 50 years old. He's had that long to figure out what emotional intelligence is.

When you share a bond with someone and they profess their affection for you that you don't reciprocate, the last thing that you do(unless you are really twisted) is have them marinate in complicated emotional games whereby you want them close, but at arms length. It's downright cruel.

But here is my advice.

You can't do anything to stop him from acting the way he does, but you can stop the way that his actions mess up with your life.

First....Distance. You have already made you intentions clear to him and,like that movie "He's just not that into you" said, if someone really likes you,they'll move all mountains to have you breathing in their space. ALL.

Second...Fill your life up. When you are busy doing things that you sincerely enjoy with other people,you tend to forget your troubles. You also start to take an interest in other people too. He may be featuring too much in your thoughts-because you may be idle.

Lastly. Do not beat yourself up when you do think of him and cry. It is part of the process of releasing and letting go.Just know that, if you are not bawling your eyes out, you may still be harboring hope.

When you do sob things out, they have less of a hold on you. You may NEVER be able to forget him, and this is not necessary, but you may be able to just "know" that he was no good for you:Maybe a valuable lesson in knowing what kind of a man you want and nothing more.

Its not easy. I've been there myself. Be kind to yourself and patient too.


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peacefulclouds
Knowflake

Posts: 243
From: Jakarta, Indonesia
Registered: Jan 2014

posted April 26, 2014 05:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for peacefulclouds     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks! Yeah I have been filling my life with activities, aso work. I've always been busy but usually started to think about him before I sleep. but it gets easier nowadays because in the end you are right, i deserve respect and clearly he wants to have cake and eat it too.

I know he's not that bad of a guy, but I guess I have to take care of myself, whatever his reasons for doing this are, he's just being selfish since I already told him VERY clearly with no room of misinterpretation.

guess we all deserve someone who wants us as much as we want them. oh well live and learn.

(just found out we have mutual sun opposition pluto , no wonder drama happens lol)
thanks again for your insight!

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