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Author Topic:   A Little Insight Is Needed, Please
MsPisces
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posted June 12, 2014 08:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MsPisces     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was in a relationship for two years that ended in March. I ended it with him, although I did not want to, but was forced to in order to preserve my self respect and spiritual health. This man I now believe is a narcissist, or has narcissistic qualities. If I go into detail this post will be too long..although he seemed to love me very much, he had this overwhelming need to be right and our disagreements would end in shouting matches with him calling me the b word and using things I told him in trust against me to win the argument. I never did this to him.

On the flip side, when we were not fighting, I found the purest, transcendent joy with this man. I prayed for him after my divorce and when I met him, I thought he was God's answer to my prayers. He's very spiritual, intelligent, and helped me reconnect with God and he taught me so many things. Herein lies the problem: I feel like he is my twin flame, but yet, there is no way I can be with him. How can this be? I am not someone who is unrealistic and sees what she wants to see. I really feel this man. Last month, I was sitting in my living room when I had an overwhelming sensation and burst into tears. Yes, I've felt sad before, but this was different. I was in a good mood, not thinking of him, and out of nowhere this feeling came over me. I KNEW instinctively it was his feelings that I was feeling. He was hurting and missing me. When this happened I hadn't spoken to him since our break up in March and I KNEW I would be hearing from him soon. I said it out loud to a friend and, within minutes, he sent me an email. (I changed my number so he couldn't contact me). Long story short, our email exchange reaffirmed my decision to keep him out of my life, and I still feel I made the right decision at the time.

I get that some soulmates don't get to stay with us, and I was able to immediately glean the lessons I was meant to learn from this relationship, why God brought him into my life. And this has helped me heal. But I still love him. And I still miss him. And I still wish things were different. And I know these feeling are to be expected.

But now the dreams have started. I am plagued constantly by dreams about him, which are setting me back in my progress to move on with my life. Dreams of him apologizing (which he would NEVER do in a million years), dreams of him asking me to call. I cant take it. What does this mean? I know it takes time and its only been three months and maybe my subconscious is working things out in these dreams..but they are causing me so much heartache. And I don't know what I should do, if anything. I'm so sad. I am a Pisces, and he is an Aries.

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SDragon
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From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2012

posted June 12, 2014 11:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SDragon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
A synastry chart would be best. Most likely there's aspects there or house overlays that would explain the relationship more.

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sugarflapjacks
Knowflake

Posts: 105
From: southeasternseaboard
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posted July 01, 2014 01:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sugarflapjacks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Your cancer moon is playing a part in this too, I'll bet. I wonder what his moon is.

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MsPisces
Knowflake

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posted July 01, 2014 01:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MsPisces     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What do you mean by playing a part? Unfortunately I dont know what time he was born.

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bansheequeen
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From: Beachville, USA
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posted July 01, 2014 12:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for bansheequeen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Was he actually a narcissist? If so, he can't love you. He can't love anyone. He can't even love himself. Everythino he does will only be feed his ego and his delusions.

You're right. Some soul mates we meet so we can learn a lesson or so we can teach them one too. Still you might love them but try to be comforted knowing that there actually is someone out there that will treat you right and isn't just a lesson.

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MsPisces
Knowflake

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posted July 01, 2014 12:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MsPisces     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, he's not a diagnosed narcissist..but he had many N qualities from the things I have read - in trying to understand what I went thru. I believe he loved me the best he knew how, but his compulsion to be right and seek attention (via FB) and subtle manipulation of my feelings..gaslighting type behavior..I was always wrong, if I was enlightened like him, blah blah... He treated me like a queen, except for when I raised any issue about him in the relationship he would try to make me think it was my fault or my shortcomings, my misinterpretation of things. I will never truly understand it because I also experienced pure joy with him too.

At this point I dont need astrology to tell me that its time to let go. I've been trying for months, but holding out hope deep in my heart. But it only hurts me and is starting to affect me negatively..I've had to pull myself out of a depressive state several times since we broke up. Never once did he apologize or acknowledge my hurt feelings in any way.

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Dancing Maenad
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From: The Harvest
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posted July 01, 2014 01:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~

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bansheequeen
Knowflake

Posts: 323
From: Beachville, USA
Registered: Jan 2012

posted July 01, 2014 03:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for bansheequeen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MsPisces:
Well, he's not a diagnosed narcissist..but he had many N qualities from the things I have read - in trying to understand what I went thru. I believe he loved me the best he knew how, but his compulsion to be right and seek attention (via FB) and subtle manipulation of my feelings..gaslighting type behavior..I was always wrong, if I was enlightened like him, blah blah... He treated me like a queen, except for when I raised any issue about him in the relationship he would try to make me think it was my fault or my shortcomings, my misinterpretation of things. I will never truly understand it because I also experienced pure joy with him too.

At this point I dont need astrology to tell me that its time to let go. I've been trying for months, but holding out hope deep in my heart. But it only hurts me and is starting to affect me negatively..I've had to pull myself out of a depressive state several times since we broke up. Never once did he apologize or acknowledge my hurt feelings in any way.


Well psychologists in general are very very reluctant to diagnose a personality disorder, so even if he was a narcissist and he went to see someone chances are theyll be hush hush about it. But if you see the signs he isnt worth your time and love. Even if it feels like love, its just he loves the validation he gets from you. they know how to manipulate people into giving them the things they want. I dated a narcissist it was terrible. He would milk the love out of me but he just wanted attention and to boost his ego through me.

Time will make things better. Later youll see how terrible these people are.

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sugarflapjacks
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Posts: 105
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013

posted July 01, 2014 06:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sugarflapjacks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by bansheequeen:
...try to be comforted knowing that there actually is someone out there that will treat you right and isn't just a lesson.
+1 I like this.

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sugarflapjacks
Knowflake

Posts: 105
From: southeasternseaboard
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posted July 01, 2014 06:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sugarflapjacks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MsPisces:
What do you mean by playing a part?

quote:
Originally posted by MsPisces:
At this point I dont need astrology to tell me that its time to let go.

quote:
Originally posted by MsPisces:
I've been trying for months, but holding out hope deep in my heart...

I'm not sure how to answer because my reply is based on astrology (i.e.: your moon), and you say you don't need the astrological viewpoint. I'm not sure why you posted on Lindaland if you you are not seeking answers from that viewpoint.

My thoughts w/o astrology would be to stop directing so much negative energy to this relationship. It's counterproductive. Think only of the aspects that make you feel good about it. I believe the path will become clear for your answer to come because "it" (the answer) won't have to battle with all the confusion and interference of your thoughts. Just let it go and your answer will come. Maybe easier said than done, but not impossible.

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MsPisces
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posted July 01, 2014 06:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MsPisces     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
When I first posted the topic I was hoping that something in my chart would help answer the question as to whether I should contact him or not. So, at the time I did want an astrological viewpoint. And I would still be curious as to what was mean by my moon playing a part.

Now, two weeks later, I feel like I know enough based on the past and how he hurt to know better than to go down that road again. I did reach out last week and he reached back and said some nice things..but w/ narcissists u never know their motivation. So I decided to just let it go. It causes me so much inner turmoil and I can't quiet my mind. So I have decided to let it ALL go. Thank u for ur advice.

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MsPisces
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posted July 01, 2014 06:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MsPisces     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by bansheequeen:
Well psychologists in general are very very reluctant to diagnose a personality disorder, so even if he was a narcissist and he went to see someone chances are theyll be hush hush about it. But if you see the signs he isnt worth your time and love. Even if it feels like love, its just he loves the validation he gets from you. they know how to manipulate people into giving them the things they want. I dated a narcissist it was terrible. He would milk the love out of me but he just wanted attention and to boost his ego through me.

Time will make things better. Later youll see how terrible these people are.


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bansheequeen
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From: Beachville, USA
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posted July 01, 2014 10:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for bansheequeen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have cancer moon too. Maybe we're just too soft and tolerant of people like this.. and especially in times of crisis and sadness I get desperate for the answers but I dunno sometimes you gotta try to see that some people are jerks plain and simple. I hope you heal soon.

Omg and I get with that narcissist right after my divorce... maybe they can smell a girls sadness and time of need....

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MsPisces
Knowflake

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Registered: Mar 2011

posted July 02, 2014 09:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MsPisces     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by bansheequeen:
I have cancer moon too. Maybe we're just too soft and tolerant of people like this.. and especially in times of crisis and sadness I get desperate for the answers...

OMG that is EXACTLY how it is for me too. My sensitivity and my sometimes desperate need for understanding is my own worst enemy! I went for reiki a few weeks ago and she told me that my heart is "too open". The next day, as I was walking down the street a stranger stopped me (he said he was a yogi) and told me "you are very sad my sister; you think too much and your heart is too open".

Maybe its that Cancer Moon.

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bansheequeen
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From: Beachville, USA
Registered: Jan 2012

posted July 03, 2014 12:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bansheequeen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MsPisces:
OMG that is EXACTLY how it is for me too. My sensitivity and my sometimes desperate need for understanding is my own worst enemy! I went for reiki a few weeks ago and she told me that my heart is "too open". The next day, as I was walking down the street a stranger stopped me (he said he was a yogi) and told me "you are very sad my sister; you think too much and your heart is too open".

Maybe its that Cancer Moon.


Yessss and when the hearts hurt for some reason it just feels more open and raw. Sometimes I feel like im physically hungry for love and understanding. Maybe some people can know this just by looking. Either people that are sensitive too or people that prey on it....

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usc277
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Registered: Mar 2014

posted July 06, 2014 05:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for usc277     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by bansheequeen:
Yessss and when the hearts hurt for some reason it just feels more open and raw. Sometimes I feel like im physically hungry for love and understanding. Maybe some people can know this just by looking. Either people that are sensitive too or people that prey on it....

Wow a water sun and water moon. Wonder how you process emotions ? Must be difficult

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Amphitrite
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posted July 06, 2014 06:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Amphitrite     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey there - sorry to hear of what you're going through.

I think it's important to consider that you are currently experiencing some very heavy and hard Neptune transits. Transit Neptune is conjunct your Pisces Sun in your 5 th house. This may create a haze that makes any romantic entanglements difficult to see clearly for better or worse. Additionally transit Neptune is square your natal Neptune in the 2nd house which will definitively could involve self worth issues. Neptune is also trine your natal moon in Cancer. There is a lot of Neptune going on for you at the moment, which in your chart is an important planet.

Lastly transit Pluto is square your natal Venus in Aries in the 7th. This would not be helping in letting go of a partnership.

It's not an easy time to you with those transits. But I recommend reading about them in more depth which will provide greater insight and help you to further understand what is going on.

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Aries23Degrees
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From: South Africa
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posted July 07, 2014 10:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Imagine if you were to meet someone who has all the qualities that you loved about the Aries but none of the BS? Will you still miss your Aries then?

In life, we often think that we miss the specific person when,in actual fact, we miss whom we were when we were with that person.This is not the same as missing the person.

What we miss is the joy, the ease, the comfort, the delight, the flow, the company etc. So we assume that there will NEVER be another quite like them and can even be willing to take a lot of their trash-so long as they keep on giving us that feeling that we long for. Even if it's once a week. We want that feeling that we get when we are with them etc.


In truth, this is a lie: There is as much scarcity of love as there is air. So if you don't acknowledge the latter as scarce, neither should you do the same with the former.

Why do we meet someone who is seemingly "perfect" only to have them snatched from us again?

Perhaps it is so that we can get a "taste" of what is in our vibration and perhaps "fine tune" it so that,in the next instance,we will be able to attract someone with more of the qualities that made us feel good?

The fact that he got "detracted" from you suggests to me, that your vibration no longer matched his.So the two of you could not be together and this is not a bad thing. Not at all.

He was necessary for you to experience what it could be like to be completely in love. But, from the way that he treated you, I don't think that he was your soul mate.

He was just there to provide contrast for you to focus and hone in on all the things that you want in a healthy, steady relationship.

By showing you what kind of monster he could be, he made you consciously "ask" for more of the good stuff.So your vibration got raised and didn't match his the minute you decided to change your number.

What you may be feeling now is what I have described before; that you feel that you won't feel this way again and that he is the best that you can do.

The bigger part of you(the part that decided to self-preserve and change numbers) knows this is not true.It knows that you deserve much better.You must believe this on every level.

Now to your chart;

The Sun-Neptune square suggests that you are very impressionable and that you tend to see things with rose-colored glasses.

The Mercury-Neptune square adds to this "tinted glasses" predicament and may even be the reason as to why you are looking at him with longing and wanting.

Neptune also rules dreams and it wouldn't surprise me that the Neptune -Mercury square is contributing to you dreaming about him.

Venus is in Aries-falls in love very easily and its natal opposition with Uranus suggests that love can be extremely exciting,start quickly,be unpredictable but also ending very abruptly.

The current transits of Uranus in Aries and Pluto in Capricorn are worthy to note.

Uranus conjuncts Venus suggests a change in the way that you show or receive love. In this instance, it could be indicative of your lover withholding love from you or either of you wanting out of the relationship.

The Pluto transits to Venus,especially, suggest that feelings are likely to heighten now as Pluto activates the deeper part of us.

Break-ups around this time for the Venus person are usually painful or have that "I never want to see you again" quality to them.

But given that Uranus and Pluto were also aspecting your Moon, I doubt that the relationship itself was enjoying much smooth sailing in the past year or so.

I think this was going to happen or at-least change the dynamics of the relationship as both of you have cardinal planets and were going through changes.

Also, transiting Neptune is conjunct your Sun and Mercury-adding to the "dream" thing I was speaking of earlier.

You are extremely impressionable right now and may feel like you are at a vulnerable place.Try mediating and releasing all this painful energy you have from the relationship. It is really time to heal.

Also, it would be good of you to, at-least once a day, list all the reasons as to why you are grateful that the relationship ended.It will help you see things in a clear light.

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MsPisces
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posted July 07, 2014 12:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MsPisces     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dear Aries23,

Thank you so very much for taking the time to write this all out for me. I am sitting here, fighting back tears because your post really hit home.

All of what you wrote about knowing on a higher level that he is not for me is accurate. Its that part of me, the sensitive GIRL with the rose colored glasses on(that was spot on!), that has had a hard time letting go. Acceptance of the REALITY of the situation has been hard. Separating what I thought it was and was going to be vs. what IS. Did he really love me? What about all of those beautiful moments that I know were not just in my head. It doesn't make sense. And that's what pains me the most. I guess I will never truly know.

The dreams haven't helped and him telling me just last week via email that 'no matter how horrible you think I may be I love you and nothing you could ever say, do, or think will make that a lie'. That really tugged at my heart strings..and maybe he knew it would. But it doesn't change the reality of the situation. He's been trying to get me to talk with him since I broke up with him in March (he began contacting me via email in May), and I told him a few days ago we could meet this week. But that was foolish and I will not follow through or reply again.

Before him, I was married for almost 10 years and divorced in 2011. I'm just tired and want peace, not a new relationship. On the plus side I've learned more about myself and found an inner strength I didn't have before. This Aries yanked my rose colored glasses OFF.


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sugarflapjacks
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Posts: 105
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013

posted July 07, 2014 04:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sugarflapjacks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MsPisces:
Dear Aries23,Thank you so very much for taking the time to write this all out for me. I am sitting here, fighting back tears because everything you said hit home, and is true.
Cry.

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MsPisces
Knowflake

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Registered: Mar 2011

posted July 07, 2014 08:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MsPisces     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by usc277:
Wow a water sun and water moon. Wonder how you process emotions ? Must be difficult

Thats for sure. I feel like lost on the ocean in a boat with no oars sometimes. I just found out I have the Cancer moon. For years I thought it was Gemini moon. It makes even more sense now.

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usc277
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posted July 07, 2014 09:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for usc277     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MsPisces:
Thats for sure. I feel like lost on the ocean in a boat with no oars sometimes. I just found out I have the Cancer moon. For years I thought it was Gemini moon. It makes even more sense now.



I actually envy you..I wish all my planets were water..you could be the most intuitive ever..sometimes i feel like i can see through the mask and the soul of other humans (am just a Pisces sun)..imagine how I would be like if my moon/asc or/and all planets were water.. You are strong you can bring a wall down with just a stare. Search deep down your heart. Its there

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MsPisces
Knowflake

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Registered: Mar 2011

posted July 08, 2014 10:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MsPisces     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by usc277:

..you could be the most intuitive ever..sometimes i feel like i can see through the mask and the soul of other humans (am just a Pisces sun)..

Thats exactly how it is. I am very intuitive, and very good at reading people. Although when I am in love my 'vision' gets blurry. With the Aries, something was always nagging at me and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Had I trusted my instincts I would have gotten out a lot earlier. I will never doubt myself again.

Being a Pisces is a trip, isnt it! I dont know about you, but I have to work very hard to control my thoughts in order to keep my emotions in check. Sad, happy, excited, restless, discouraged, happy..its exhausting. lol

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MsPisces
Knowflake

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From:
Registered: Mar 2011

posted July 08, 2014 10:28 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MsPisces     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by usc277:

..you could be the most intuitive ever..sometimes i feel like i can see through the mask and the soul of other humans (am just a Pisces sun)..

Thats exactly how it is. I am very intuitive, and very good at reading people. Although when I am in love my 'vision' gets blurry. With the Aries, I knew something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Had I not discounted my intuition I would have saved myself alot of time and heartache.

I don know about you, but being a Pisces is a trip! I spend alot of time trying to master my thoughts in order to control my emotions. I can go from happy, to sad, restless, and back again, all in one day!

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usc277
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posted July 08, 2014 09:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for usc277     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MsPisces:
Although when I am in love my 'vision' gets blurry.

Experience helps..sometimes I fall into that trap as well..practice makes perfect.


I don know about you, but being a Pisces is a trip! I spend alot of time trying to master my thoughts in order to control my emotions. I can go from happy, to sad, restless, and back again, all in one day!


Being a Pisces sun is a blessing..in your case you go from sad to happy because of your hormones..

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