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Author Topic:   Trying to Make Sense of This....
lotus_flower
Knowflake

Posts: 775
From: Virginia
Registered: Nov 2010

posted August 03, 2014 11:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lotus_flower     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm not one to pour my heart out on LL...but who else can I talk to about this.

I have had unrequited feelings for a person--which I have never acted upon, believed in--nothing. I never wanted to feel this way. It stayed with me for a long time. I never wanted to feel this way ever. I am a very spiritual person, so whenever I am confused, I pray, seeks angelic guidance, etc.

So, while I have tried so hard to move on from my feelings over a long period of time, I kept having weird dreams/experiences which I continued to seeks spiritual guidance about.

During this time, I have been job hunting for a permanent position for well over two years--I've submitted more than 150 applications... I finally have a long-term position, but it's is the place where he works at. The job is not what I expected--but allows me to have stability. I'm thankful for this opportunity....

But, now I feel like this unrequited situation is being thrown in my face--again. I feel like this is a really awful joke of some kind.

The other day, I meet with friends and I find some information out which is not surprising, but really turns everything I know or have believed about this unrequited situation on it's head. I am happy for this person, and I am not jealous or envious of the development in his relationship with someone else (Love/marriage is a beautiful thing)...but why did I experience this situation? What was the point?

I feel like from the beginning I have tried to stay away from my feelings/thoughts, etc about/concerning this person....then they show up in my dreams, etc...and now the job.

This has been probably the most painful thing that has ever happened. I think it is also magnified because as he was showing up in my dreams, etc and I was batting these feelings, he was preparing to propose to his long term girlfriend.

I am so embarrassed and really confused since I thought I knew and understood myself better than this. And I have to say this again--I never wanted the feelings I had.

Has anyone else ever been in this situation?

Thanks for reading...

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Odette
Moderator

Posts: 4472
From:
Registered: May 2012

posted August 04, 2014 01:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
From my perspective love is something you feel when you know each other inside and out. If you don't know him that well.. How do you know it was always unrequited?

quote:
Why did I experience this situation? What was the point?

I was thinking along the lines of... if this situation happened to me - what would I feel the lessons are...
And the first thing that came to mind is - maybe being more proactive or .. "take charge".
In the future if you meet a guy you truly like.. you shouldn't let him get away or wonder whether or not he feels the same.. or assume that he doesn't - and call it unrequited.
The best thing to do is at least initiate *contact*, hang out for some time and get to know each other.. It's important to -break the ice- say 'hi'.. etc.. I think this might be a spiritual lesson for you to *avoid* situations where you like/love someone from a distance.
People sometimes maintain a distance out of fear - but when that happens.. you're almost always in love with an illusion. Because from a distance you can't truly *know* who that person is. In my opinion God.. or the Universe is telling you to be braver and more expressive on an emotional level.

The second thing I thought of is... maybe learning to be more realistic about your own humanity and the humanity of those around you. I often feel like in any unrequited love - type situation.. the person who is in love (including myself when I went through this) sees the beloved through rose coloured glasses. They don't see them as a fellow human being with their own set of good points and bad points. They see them as close to 'perfection'.. and they have a feeling that - "if only" they could be with this person - everything would suddenly fall into place.
But in reality - this guy is really *just* another guy. If you lived with him every single day - I'm sure you would find at least half a dozen things about him that irritate the crap out of you.

Often this over-idealisation phase.. is coupled with self-esteem issues.. So while the person thinks their beloved is perfect - they also don't have a very good opinion of themselves. My North Node is in Taurus so I've been learning for some time now that in order to have healthy relationships with others - romantic or otherwise.. you have to first be a healthy person (a person with a healthy self esteem.. who can say "I love myself as I am").
We all deal with rejection sooner or later. The happier you are with *yourself*.. the less likely you are to feel horrible about it - or to get hung up on the person rejecting you, trying to prove your worth.
So back to your *why* question.. This experience may have also happened because you needed something out there to give you a wake up call and say: You need to love yourself and be able put yourself first.

This is just my take on things - because this is what would go through my mind if I was in your shoes. I hope it helps.
Please don't take offence to anything I'm saying - if you don't feel like it applies to you.

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Doux Rêve
Moderator

Posts: 8912
From:
Registered: Dec 2010

posted August 05, 2014 07:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Doux Rêve     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry to hear you're struggling.

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ash20
Knowflake

Posts: 588
From:
Registered: Mar 2013

posted August 05, 2014 10:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ash20     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Don't be embarrassed. Sometimes you just can't help how you feel for someone.

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 43328
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 06, 2014 11:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Jerseyshore
Knowflake

Posts: 358
From:
Registered: Feb 2014

posted August 08, 2014 09:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jerseyshore     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey Lotus,

I've noticed a few posts from you regarding this situation & I feel we all can relate in one way or another. I know nothing I can say will ease your pain, but I am reminded of a quote which has helped me...

"The wound is a place where the light enters"

You WILL be okay, love. The best learning experiences often pack the biggest punch. xx

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IntuitiveJ
Knowflake

Posts: 350
From:
Registered: Dec 2013

posted August 08, 2014 05:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IntuitiveJ     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi LF...
I'm sorry you're going thru this
Was there ever any kind of flirting or romantic contact between you two? Friendship? Did you know he had a GF? Or was it only admiration from afar on your part?
I can imagine that this is very hard for you.
I think when these things happen it forces us to look deep within ourselves & ask why. Why do I feel so strongly about this person?
Maybe a little background info would help put the pieces together...
Hope you're feeling better- I know this thread is a few days old

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