posted August 03, 2014 11:07 AM
I'm not one to pour my heart out on LL...but who else can I talk to about this.I have had unrequited feelings for a person--which I have never acted upon, believed in--nothing. I never wanted to feel this way. It stayed with me for a long time. I never wanted to feel this way ever. I am a very spiritual person, so whenever I am confused, I pray, seeks angelic guidance, etc.
So, while I have tried so hard to move on from my feelings over a long period of time, I kept having weird dreams/experiences which I continued to seeks spiritual guidance about.
During this time, I have been job hunting for a permanent position for well over two years--I've submitted more than 150 applications... I finally have a long-term position, but it's is the place where he works at. The job is not what I expected--but allows me to have stability. I'm thankful for this opportunity....
But, now I feel like this unrequited situation is being thrown in my face--again. I feel like this is a really awful joke of some kind.
The other day, I meet with friends and I find some information out which is not surprising, but really turns everything I know or have believed about this unrequited situation on it's head. I am happy for this person, and I am not jealous or envious of the development in his relationship with someone else (Love/marriage is a beautiful thing)...but why did I experience this situation? What was the point?
I feel like from the beginning I have tried to stay away from my feelings/thoughts, etc about/concerning this person....then they show up in my dreams, etc...and now the job.
This has been probably the most painful thing that has ever happened. I think it is also magnified because as he was showing up in my dreams, etc and I was batting these feelings, he was preparing to propose to his long term girlfriend.
I am so embarrassed and really confused since I thought I knew and understood myself better than this. And I have to say this again--I never wanted the feelings I had.
Has anyone else ever been in this situation?
Thanks for reading...