posted August 16, 2014 04:56 AM            

Can one have a successful relationship with only one and not the other? Is it even possible to have one and not the other and the relationship be meaningful and worthwhile?

Is one more important to you than the other?

Can one get you into more 'trouble' (than the other) if it's negatively aspected, yet draws you in?

Which one should come first? And will the other follow?

I can understand one having an emotional connection with family members and "chemistry" not playing a part in that, especially if the word "chemistry" is used more for sexual attraction? I'm not trying to get into semantics, I'm interested in learning perspectives on this that may be different than my own.

This is an open discussion for all scenarios that explain their differences/similarities. Although it is the "love" connection scenario that has made me ask this question (which has become a brainstorming session for me!)

posted August 16, 2014 02:44 PM            

In my (limited) experience, if there's no chemistry (i.e physical attraction, no matter how small), there can't be deep emotional attraction; unless it's a friendly type of attraction, in which case it's more superficial and less intense and intimate.

For instance, I can find some people attractive for their personality traits, but if I'm not attracted on a physical level then it becomes almost useless to me. I don't see the point in having male 'friends', personally. I have male 'buddies', people I can hang out with, and talk to. But deep friendship with the opposite sex is close to impossible, first because it can get complicated really fast (if one party wants more than friendship or starts developing romantic or sexual feelings) and second because there's simply nothing to hold it together if there's no physical attraction (this point is different for different people. Some people swear they have close friends of the opposite sex. Not saying it's impossible, just not very likely).

That was a bit of a tangent.

Anyway, I don't think a relationship can be successful per se with only one of the two. Some people don't care about emotional connection, if they can get sex and some fun, that's enough for them. But I'd say those people aren't the type to form committed relationships anyway. Someone who wants a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship will most likely want to have both the physical and the emotional aspects fulfilled.

I don't know that one "should" come first. It seems that emotional connection first leads to more fulfilling and successful relationships because the people simply like each other for who they are to begin with, they "click" and are attracted to each other beyond their bodies. But that's not usually how it works, obviously. Physical attraction precedes everything else, in most cases. If you have one, it doesn't mean that you necessarily have the other. Especially when it comes to "chemistry." There are many people out there who only have one and not the other in their relationships and clearly, they are frustrated. Which can lead to affairs and severe ups and downs.

posted August 22, 2014 10:29 AM            

quote:

---

because there's simply nothing to hold it together if there's no physical attraction (this point is different for different people. Some people swear they have close friends of the opposite sex. Not saying it's impossible, just not very likely).

---

posted August 23, 2014 08:29 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
[QUOTE]because there's simply nothing to hold it together if there's no physical attraction (this point is different for different people. Some people swear they have close friends of the opposite sex. Not saying it's impossible, just not very likely).

---

Then how come same gender close friendships between hetero people where sexual attraction is not an option are formed and maintained?

[/QUOTE]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5swxGdLtayw

posted August 23, 2014 11:59 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
Then how come same gender close friendships between hetero people where sexual attraction is not an option are formed and maintained?

---

posted August 23, 2014 03:31 PM            

Swift

posted August 24, 2014 04:55 AM            

I haven't met many people (actually can't think of anyone) who have (close) friends of the opposite sex (actual grown-ups); now I'm not saying they can't be friends in a more shallow sense of the word, like hanging out from time to time and talking about nothings.

posted August 24, 2014 05:11 AM            

He actually made advances in the last year or so, but the Friendship is much too precious to me to endanger.

Actually, I have the same dilemma with a Girl...

I truly Value my Long-Term Friendships, though.

When you bring Sexual Tensions in, it just ruins it.

posted December 05, 2014 10:31 PM            

You got me to thinking and now it's becoming clearer to me that "chemistry" is the word for the whole kit & kaboodle. The physical and emotional attraction. I guess the emotional could also spill over to be classified as "spiritual" since it's intangible, and mental makes me think an emotional bond is formed as well. So now, I'm able to compartmentalize each. (Thanks Mystic Melody for breaking it down into those four aspects, it helped me to organize my thoughts.)

If I am mentally stimulated by a man, it could lead to an emotional connection and I could start to look at him as more sexually attractive, but honestly, that would only last as long as he was mentally stimulating me. In other words, when the "smoke" clears, I probably wouldn't be attracted to him sexually.

Physical appearance, yes, is a big factor, but my last intimate relationship was with a man who was physically attractive as well as super smart and I was hoping the emotional and spiritual would kick in, but it didn't. Alas, after four years, we parted company, I just felt we had nothing solid to stand on.

I have an emotional, mental and physical connection with a man I've known for several years, and there could be a spiritual connection there as well, at least there was. But alas, our spiritual beliefs are a bit different. There are some areas where we agree, however, at the core, our points of reference are different. Try as I might to just settle for "agreeing to disagree", the potential for harmony would be strained or maybe in even fake. I know what I believe, and why I believe it. It works for me, as his beliefs work for him. I try to think this is not important and we can make it work, but in my heart, I know it will be a problem. He doesn't think so, and honestly, he probably thinks I'm putting too much stock in something that he feels wouldn't be an issue. But I know it would, because I know how I am.

It's a shame, because he's a beautiful soul, a bit selfish though, but not in a mean way, just set in his ways as I am in mine. We get along really well, whenever we spend time together. I think he more or less thinks I'll come over to his way of thinking/seeing things. But at the core, I won't. So in this scenario, I have 3 out of 4 (emotional, physical and mental), but the spiritual aspect is just so important.

posted December 07, 2014 12:13 AM            

From my background I was shunned by neighborhood girls when I was young and thus had to play with the boys. We generally got along fine and that taught me to get along with them later on as an adult. I understand many of those who are friends with those of the opposite gender were often raised with plenty of siblings of the opposite gender, and when I was on the farm (where I spent years of my childhood) I mixed with several relatives of both genders which would about equate with "having many brothers." When marriages happen in that town it doesn't end friendships with others of the opposite sex (granted, adultery isn't unknown...)

I mixed with people of all ages rather than my own age group and many older people are already married or otherwise just got sick of the entire dating scene. (You often talk about the women of your generation but I'm thinking they're like women of many generations, only the older generations eventually outgrew their silliness, and hopefully the newer ones will as well. Obviously, it doesn't always happen.)

Even of my own age, even among singles, I often hung around those who were interested in fringe topics rather than doing what they're told they're supposed to do and many were/are also fantasy/scifi fans which tend to portray gender and gender relations in a different light, and those raised by such learn to relate in other ways (and it applies to straight women as much as gay, likewise lesbians who focus on the media aimed at straight girls growing up tend to be more girly in behavior as well).

posted December 07, 2014 09:44 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
I have to agree with Doux on this one. IMO most male/female friendships are forced and unnatural. There's almost always "The hope" that the friendship will develop into something more boiling right below the surface in atleast one of the parties involved. Over time these repressed feelings lead to resentment and anger and usually end up destroying the friendship.

---

posted December 07, 2014 07:27 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by AmelieRose81:
That's just wrong......

---