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Author
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Topic: Have I blown it with this Cap man?
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Booklady
Newflake Posts: 3
From: Charloltte, NC USA
Registered: Apr 2015
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posted April 23, 2015 11:11 AM
  
Hi All. I hope this story isn't too long but I really need feedback. I started a friends with benefits with a CAP male. That's what I was seeking and so was he (Hey, no judgement). However, we became friends fast before when became intimate. We talked on the phone the first time and it lasted 3 1/2 hours. He is a long distance truck driver who lives in my town. He is a bad boy, sexy, tall, dark and handsome. I am a librarian. He says that my intelligence is sexy as hell. He likes my curvy body, too. We are both relatively newly divorced and we both agreed (at first) that we did not want a relationship. But we could not stop talking to each other. We talked/texted every day on my way to work, on my way home from work and then before bed. Sometimes we would just call each other back and forth from the time I got off work until we went to sleep.
We have a strong physical attraction. When we first met honestly it was like I was on fire inside. I had NEVER felt that kind of attraction in all of my 42 years of life. It scared me. I even considered not seeing him again. We only talked about 20 minutes then I said I needed to go. Before I even got home, he had called me and asked if I was okay and what did I think of him. We talked another hour on the phone before I had to go because I had a babysitter.
We continued to talk daily all of the time. He commented that it was not in his nature to talk on the phone like that. We both agreed that it would probably stop after we sleep together. We shared everything with each other, the pain of our divorces, childhood stories, we talked about our children, his daughter coming out, my sister's death, our beliefs, our plans and goals...everything. He even shared with me a traumatic childhood experience that he said it had never told anyone. Oh yeah, and a lot about sex. He told me a lot of stories about his escapades throughout is life. I was interested. I asked questions and he freely answered. I did ask him to promise me that he will never talk about our sexual escapades to other women and he said he wouldn't.
The night we finally did the deed was wonderful. There was lots of talking and kissing and other stuff...lol. He slept over and gave me a sweet kiss goodbye before he had to leave because I had to go to work. When I think back on that night it's that kiss goodbye that I think about, over and over. Yeah, I was done.
THEN EVERYTHING CHANGED!!!!
He called me that evening to see how I was doing and told me about a family event he went to. He said he was going home to watch the game. I was disappointed because I wanted him to come back over but I didn't ask him to. Then the next day we texted back and forth. So, I asked if he wanted to come over and he says that he was tired and he was going to rest before getting on the road which was reasonable. I still felt that it was BS though because of the time he rested at home the day before. He still had an entire day and night before he needed to get on the road again. The next day we went back to talking almost as much as we had before. However, these things changed.
1> He did not mention our evening at all.
2> He stopped calling me sexy nicknames.
3> There was no more talk of us getting together for sex.
To try to make this very long story short, it was like we never had sex but he continued to talk to me as much. So I decided that I needed to break away from him because I realized I had feelings and was hurt because he wasn't trying to see me again. He wasn't even being a good FWB. He also made contradicting statements about what he wanted as far as relationships go, etc. Sent me a "I hope you day is better today, just wanted to say hey and have a good vacation" text. Not romantic but definitely thoughtful. After another weekend where we texted and he made no attempt to see me, I told him that needed to break from him so I could get my feeling in check and then we can be friends and that I need 2-4 weeks. I told him I would miss talking to him. No anger just straight forward. He just said, "OK, be safe." That hurt. It was so out of character. I felt dismissed.
We'll a week passed and I missed him. Yes, I know, I know. So I texted him a quick I miss talking to you. I got no response. So I texted again because I wanted to see if he had blocked me and I told him that maybe I had made a mistake about needing space and that I missed his friendship. Then he sends me this long text saying lots of stuff but the thing that was confusing was this:
"I told you, I told you that most people can't separate sex and friendship and that I would rather have you as a friend if you couldn't separate the two. I guess I should have lied to you because that's what you wanted to hear. I don't know if we could be friends or if we should be friends. You can't drop me and pick me up when you feel like it. I'm not dissing you but I'm not the guy for you."
I responded that I was sorry and that maybe we shouldn't be friends but I still wanted to. I also told him that I don't have trouble separating sex from friendship. It was just different with him. Then nothing. So, I sent a final text saying that I really wish we would accept my apology and I wish we could part as friends with no hard feelings. And I haven't heard back.
So, I guess that's it then. It is such a complicated situation. I do miss him. I feel like I have lost a friend. Even though I know I really like him romantically, I really miss his friendship. Do you guys think he will come back around? I am not feeling hopeful. I feel like I have blown what might have been a great friendship.Booklady IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 53244
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 23, 2015 07:44 PM
Welcome!IP: Logged |
LexusVirgo
Knowflake Posts: 437
From:
Registered: Feb 2015
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posted April 23, 2015 09:10 PM
Capricorn men are intense. He was hurt when he responded okay be safe. He is hurt by you you can tell with his dropping and picking up line. IP: Logged |
Booklady
Newflake Posts: 3
From: Charloltte, NC USA
Registered: Apr 2015
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posted April 23, 2015 10:20 PM
But that is so confusing...that I hurt him. He said that he doesn't want a relationship and that he would rather just be my friend if I couldn't separate the two. So, when I realized that I was getting feelings for him I pulled away to get it in check so that we can be friends. Then he gets mad at me. I would have never pulled away if I thought it would hurt him. I thought I cared more than he did.Totally confusing but I miss him so much. IP: Logged |
Gracha
Knowflake Posts: 192
From: NY USA
Registered: Jan 2013
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posted April 25, 2015 12:58 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Booklady:
But that is so confusing...that I hurt him. He said that he doesn't want a relationship and that he would rather just be my friend if I couldn't separate the two. So, when I realized that I was getting feelings for him I pulled away to get it in check so that we can be friends. Then he gets mad at me. I would have never pulled away if I thought it would hurt him. I thought I cared more than he did.Totally confusing but I miss him so much.
Listen to him, if he only wants to be friends, thats what he wants. Maybe he felt hurt because he doesn't want to lose the friendship. If you feel like you can't just be friends, its best to move on. You have to think about your feelings here.
IP: Logged |
Booklady
Newflake Posts: 3
From: Charloltte, NC USA
Registered: Apr 2015
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posted April 25, 2015 03:19 PM
I want to be friends. He doesn't want to be anything. He is walking away. I am totally confused but it is what it is. I wished him swell, smh.IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 5462
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted April 28, 2015 11:30 PM
quote:
I told you that most people can't separate sex and friendship and that I would rather have you as a friend if you couldn't separate the two
Did he tell you this in a conversation before you had sex?
Did you specifically discuss that you only want to be friends and that neither of you are interested in a relationship with the other... and you are both happy for -sex- to be -just sex-? IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 5462
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted April 29, 2015 12:02 AM
And... do you happen to have Cancer placements opposite his Capricorn placements?IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 11206
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted April 29, 2015 03:48 PM
Yes.IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 5462
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted April 29, 2015 07:00 PM
I asked those questions because I have Capricorn Moon and Mars and I'm pretty detached. I'm very clear or what I want and don't want in a situation. So if I discussed things beforehand with someone and we agreed to be -"something"- FWB or whatever... and that person told me they were cool with it - but days later changed their mind, and became emotionally warped about the whole thing --- I would probably distance myself.I asked about Cancer because those with Capricorn placements tend to attract Cancer types. And generally Cancer is a much more emotional sign, even when they say they are not. I can't deal with this amount of emotional drama, because I feel like - from their perspective, I will always be painted as the "bad guy".
Cancer at times sees Capricorn as a "brick wall" - and they get offended.
Capricorn is happy being who they are and the way they are - so they feel like: "Well if the Cancer person can't deal with me as I am - They should leave me alone" Just my experience. Sorry if this isn't relevant! IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 53244
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 01, 2015 03:21 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
I asked those questions because I have Capricorn Moon and Mars and I'm pretty detached. I'm very clear or what I want and don't want in a situation. So if I discussed things beforehand with someone and we agreed to be -"something"- FWB or whatever... and that person told me they were cool with it - but days later changed their mind, and became emotionally warped about the whole thing --- I would probably distance myself.I asked about Cancer because those with Capricorn placements tend to attract Cancer types. And generally Cancer is a much more emotional sign, even when they say they are not. I can't deal with this amount of emotional drama, because I feel like - from their perspective, I will always be painted as the "bad guy".
Cancer at times sees Capricorn as a "brick wall" - and they get offended.
Capricorn is happy being who they are and the way they are - so they feel like: "Well if the Cancer person can't deal with me as I am - They should leave me alone" Just my experience. Sorry if this isn't relevant!
IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 53244
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 02, 2015 02:19 PM
You probably blew it.IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 53244
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 04, 2015 04:56 PM
Keep us updated.IP: Logged |
Cappi112
Newflake Posts: 3
From: New York, New York, USA
Registered: May 2015
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posted May 23, 2015 10:13 PM
I don't see how you 'blew it' if you felt like you needed to get yourself in check and had feelings and felt confused. That's completely understandable to need a step back. If he's gone, it's not your fault - just because people make 'agreements' to 'just be FWB' or whatever does not mean that feelings don't grow, and when that happens you need to honor where you are. Just because you miss him doesn't mean this situation is right for you, so I think it's right you ended things. You'll find this same connection with someone who can commit and not confuse you. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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