posted September 19, 2015 09:09 PM            

I'm older, and have been married before. I still feel a love in my heart for my ex1 after the divorce for over 25 years.

I guess when some people give their heart in commitment to someone else, and it's so powerful, the hole in the heart never goes away. I think of it like a piercing in earlobe. The hole heals around the empty space like a tunnel. Even after a few years of not wearing earrings, my piercings are still there, waiting for me to insert a new piece of gold or titanium.

A new love can come and sweep you off your feet to help you forget-- but the love you feel for that one will be remembered and can be recalled.

I've been in love with someone online in a sideways relationship for the past three years. Miscommunications keep happening, I've waited for a return-phonecalls that just never happened for whatever strange-creepy reason. He's hurting, and I am too. We both still deeply love. Strange and bizarre turns of events... Hearts never connected in the Real.

My friends say it's best to 'just let it go'-- to drop that bone! And when I try, I feel the depths inside me. I guess we are 'still' in a deeply Spiritual connection that will probably Always Be with us.

It's like that earring hole? But filled with a Spiritual quality.

I just pray that he (and I) don't fall into depressions. I pray that we remain connected on that spiritual level, because we've both tried to 'drop' each other and that hasn't worked.

Love is sooo consistent and a part of who he and I really are. So we trust for Love to Lift Us Up... And if we maintain a steady spiritual-artistic connection, then I think he and I can get through this time and emerge even Stronger and MORE connected 'with GOD' in our lives than before. Our resonance feels like a tuning-fork, making a 'third space'.... Instead of extinguishing, this 'space' can be held in great deep respect and lifting-love.

That spiritual love-affair we had made us EACH a much fuller and better person. We have Grown.

So ScOrp, if you were to 'shift' your perspective like that?, would it help you to 'accept' your feelings and redirect the energy so that it works FOR you? You MUST have been tapping into something Divine through this relationship? Maybe it opened something IN you that needed to be opened?

{{ }}

posted September 20, 2015 10:28 AM            

He came into my life unexpected. I totally didnt see him as my soulmate.. but he recognised me straight away. It took for him to kiss me one rainy evening (also unexpected) for me to realise.

However it was wrong of him to do that. He was with another girl.. yes they had major problems between them.. but wrong.

After that things completely changed between us.. we werent even friends.. i was friends with his friend.. and then we became friends.. with strong feelings for eachother.

Long story short.. we couldnt be together anyway because of reasons I cannot say. I dont judge him at all as he was hurting. He fell.for me and because he did. He found confidence to leave his girlfriend of 3 years.

Things became nasty between us.. i almost felt i was obliged to like him.. becasue he liked me and i always help people and he was hurting and I was there for him. At the same time I hated him for bringing up these feelings in me for him amd knowing i couldnt act on them. It was just became frustrating for both of us. I drank nearly everyday to cope.. i had no idea how much emotional investment I had put in us even though i knew we couldnt be together.

I absolutely loved him... and hated him.. all at the same time. And I always felt he wad too good for me.

After a year of just sheer confusion.. he left the country.. far away.. and we mever said goodbye.. we never spoke or saw eachother again.

So what happened to me afterwards? I stopped drinking like a lunatic, I went to see a phsycologist who then diagnosed me adult ADHD. It did make sense.. since I was young i knew something wasnt quite right.. at 30.. finally figured it out..

I also joined a zumba class.. and i fell in love after the first class.. im one of those people who was born to dance. I loved it so.much that within the year i got trained.. and qualified as a teacher myself and and now part of the team who teaches zumba.. and i really express my emotion when I teach.. its incredible.

If someone asked me 2 years ago I would qualify as a fitness instructor.. i would have not believed them and carried on drinking!

Im holding on to him really tight.. i have several dreams about him.. sometimes so vived I wake up from them.. one ill never forger is when he kissed me in my dream and it felt so real.. i woke up panting .. it was surreal.

Is he my soulmate/twinflame/karmic soulmate? I dont know. I dont even think he even remembers me anymore. He is living an amazing life now.. and so he should.. he doesnt want to remember someone who will also remind him of the time he broke up with his girlfriend.

I do know that since he has gone.. i have changed.. im.no longer the sweet girl who helps everyone. I dont take anyones crap anymore, i stopped dressing up for work and putting loads of make up .. i think I need to be comfotable with the real.me and not attract guys lile I have done before. I also dont feel the need to have that attention anymore.

Im.still insecure.. but Im.ok with it because im aware of it. I fell in love but it also nearly destroyed my health and emotional wellbeing.

I used to be spiritual and religious. I am not anymore. Instead i believe in the beauty of everyday natural occurences in life.. and nature and animals. They make me feel calm. It also helps woth my ADHD. Everyday i just think I meed to be organised and care for people who care about.me. forget about the rest and enjoy each day. Im more practical.. no longer think about my prince.. as I used to since i was like 10..! He was my prince who i used to write about in my diary.. but I never thouggt i was good enough.. and we just met at the wrong time of our lives. He no longer needs me as I feel like my purpose in his life was for him to get freed from ex and to travel. Which I succeeding in doing for him.

sorry if this doesnt read properly im literally typing whats coming to my mind.

I miss him, i love him, i want him to be happy. I also need to be happy.

I would love to think that he will.always love me like i love him.but again im just holding on to an idea. I need to stop dreaming and wake up.

I have changed completely. He might not apprecaite the person I am.now and thats ok. I am closer to who I am meant to be now.. more than ever.

posted September 20, 2015 05:51 PM            

And be messy with those feelings as well -- because 'being human' and in touch with our senses and ALL our various reactions is part of the fullness of being in this earth-experience.

Sounds like you have matured sooo much. And for now you 'give up' on looking for a prince that is charming and will fulfill every romantic notion and pleasure. You know what? That's okay. It's okay not to want that. And when it comes around again (which it will), it would be 'okay' for you to also 'dream' once more.

Engaging with our 'dreams' and imaginations are a way for you to observe yourself. Observe 'what you want' in a man, in a relationship. Have you ever done that energy-exercise where you have your hands amost-together but not touching, and take one of those hands and pass it back and forth (palms facing). Keep doing it until you can feel a thickened-energy sandwiched inbetween (like the crème filling of an Oreo Cookie).

Well, you know that 'hottish' thick energy that is 'invisible' but there? ...

That's the kind of 'realness' that your imaginations can conjure when you add your 'feelings' and your emotions TO what you imagined in your mind.

When you're thinking about 'what you want' (if you could have "anything") for your future, and you also have you spiritual center, your Ideals and Values in-place, then this will cause a resonance to take place. You can grow a new dream for yourself, honed from experiences you've 'already' had.

There's another way you can try to 'use' your pain-experience with Love. That 'pain' you can feel sooo deep inside when you 'love' and the love you seek is either separated from you by distance, or else not-reciprocated, is just a toggle-away from having a spiritual breakthrough for yourself.

There's an "inner" shift available to you when you 'feel' that state of mind and you bring it to join your heart, and let go INTO it, thinking of your Higher Self, God, or whatever is Higher inside your Consciousness.

The reason I mention this, is that this has been going on for you for a couple years now. You had Saturn-Scorpio return, and all those Scorpio Eclipses over the past few+ years. Your soul was ravaged and tested. Since you have that 'love' still there for you?, see if you can begin to detach 'the other person' from it. Keep 'the love' and let it 'be' like the 'palpable-energy' in your hands, but let it stay all within the trunk-cavity of your body.

'That Love Energy'... is for YOU. You can bathe in it, bask in it. LET it Heal inside you. Practice the Presence (of that LoveEnergy). You take it wherever you go... and that raises everyone else's vibrations too.

And with that LoveEnergy IN you, radiating out, you will continue 'feeling Whole' and actually LOA (Law of Attract) someone new into your life WHEN you're ready for it.

There are astrological transits that heighten these times. They can come or go, be quick or longterm.

So, 'accept' YOU. Try that LoveEnergy reclamation exercise for yourself. Yes, HE is doing well, and you can know deep inside you, that you had a part in his success. Was probably part of your soul's assignment.

Now, let it go. Let it Glow WITHIN you. Contained and Whole. Sit with it... And Breathe.

posted September 20, 2015 06:55 PM            

The hardest thing I have ever had to learn in my life is to love myself. Soumds crazy but its true. And because I never have done i looked for others to.love me in a way I couldnt love myself.. and attracted these people by dressing up and faking to be another person.

I was never taught to love myself. To value myself. My parents were strict.. they also had the same problem of learning how to love themselves. I lived in fear of my dad for a long time.. still do sometimes.. and now I realise why I needed another person in my life.. i wanted a saviour.. someone to say it will be ok I have you now... but no one fulfilled they purpose... if they did.. they also had problems of loving themselves... a complete projection of myself. I attracted people who also needed 'saving'.

After my experience with him.. (which you are right.. was during my saturn return which was in my 12th house.. this was all about addictions.. i drank the most during this time.. saw doctors the most too..) I finally opened my eyes and realised I dont love myself. I ran to people who showed me affection.. but these people were not right for me. It doesnt help that my southnode is also in scorpio.. 12th house.. so I felt like these were karmic encounters.too.

funny thing is... the people I am attracted to.. are happy.. easy going.. independent people.. free spirited.. and strong willed.. i imagine myself being like this too one day.

Sometimes I hate myself more because the people in the world have worse problems than me and im complaining.. thinking like this has made me grateful for the little things.

The LoveEnergy you were referring to.. i am familiar with.. however I had totally forgotten about this.. i want to try this.. as well as meditation.

I really really want to learn how to love myself. I dont even get the concept anymore because all the research has confused me.. i dont want to be selfish either...

Its incredible.. your post reduced me to tears.. I truly just cried and needed to release it.. and I thank you for helping me and giving your advice..I feel like this will be a slow process for me.. i now have saturn in my first.. i wont have an easy time.. but one good thing is I no longer drink stupidly.. i honestly thought I would never find a way to give up.. until I started zumba.. it literally saved my life.

posted September 21, 2015 01:01 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by sc0rpioRising:
Mirage29. Your post brought me to tears. Its as if I have suddenly accepted what my mission was in his life and now I know that we no longer serve a purpose to eachtoher. I am crying because Im accepting this. I hope I healing.

The hardest thing I have ever had to learn in my life is to love myself. Soumds crazy but its true. And because I never have done i looked for others to.love me in a way I couldnt love myself.. and attracted these people by dressing up and faking to be another person.

I was never taught to love myself. To value myself. My parents were strict.. they also had the same problem of learning how to love themselves. I lived in fear of my dad for a long time.. still do sometimes.. and now I realise why I needed another person in my life.. i wanted a saviour.. someone to say it will be ok I have you now... but no one fulfilled they purpose... if they did.. they also had problems of loving themselves... a complete projection of myself. I attracted people who also needed 'saving'.

After my experience with him.. (which you are right.. was during my saturn return which was in my 12th house.. this was all about addictions.. i drank the most during this time.. saw doctors the most too..) I finally opened my eyes and realised I dont love myself. I ran to people who showed me affection.. but these people were not right for me. It doesnt help that my southnode is also in scorpio.. 12th house.. so I felt like these were karmic encounters.too.

funny thing is... the people I am attracted to.. are happy.. easy going.. independent people.. free spirited.. and strong willed.. i imagine myself being like this too one day.

Sometimes I hate myself more because the people in the world have worse problems than me and im complaining.. thinking like this has made me grateful for the little things.

The LoveEnergy you were referring to.. i am familiar with.. however I had totally forgotten about this.. i want to try this.. as well as meditation.

I really really want to learn how to love myself. I dont even get the concept anymore because all the research has confused me.. i dont want to be selfish either...

Its incredible.. your post reduced me to tears.. I truly just cried and needed to release it.. and I thank you for helping me and giving your advice..I feel like this will be a slow process for me.. i now have saturn in my first.. i wont have an easy time.. but one good thing is I no longer drink stupidly.. i honestly thought I would never find a way to give up.. until I started zumba.. it literally saved my life.

Thank you Mirage29 for taking your time and helping!

---

posted September 21, 2015 09:22 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by sc0rpioRising:
Mirage29. Your post brought me to tears. It's as if I have suddenly accepted what my mission was in his life and now I know that we no longer serve a purpose to each other. I am crying because I'm accepting this. I hope I healing.

The hardest thing I have ever had to learn in my life is to love myself. ...

---

When I read your post, I wanted to be holding you, rocking you and holding you. {{ }} I too was in tears. It's hard for Scorpios to lay themselves open as you did, and I thank you for it, and respect and admire the wide-open courage you have. This is Strength-- even when or if it doesn't feel strong at all. Even if you feel like a blubbery pile of tears and mess: I See a Beautiful Strength in that.

"Sometimes I hate myself more because the people in the world have worse problems than me and im complaining.. thinking like this has made me grateful for the little things."

That's your humility... and an ability to have compassion for others. That's a wonderful character trait.

AND, "it's okay" for you to have problems and to voice what you're feeling inside. MUCH better than holding it all in. Eventually everyone gets to have their turn.

But I do understand about feeling that your own problem is sooo insignificant. You know what else too?, it IS significant. What you feel and the emotions you have are VERY important to acknowledge and to 'allow'... just 'allow them' and let them breathe and not suffocate yourself so.

Tears are healing, and they wash out the toxins. They are pure. Let them wash you through and through. One of the challenges of a Saturn Scorpio is to 'feel' the intense feeling you have, and realize that you will survive it (I have the same placement, but in the 11th).

It's a sign of humane Love for your own self to be able to acknowledge that you have pain and that it still hurts, when it hurts, every time it hurts. It's okay for you to Love YOU. It's also okay to feel like you're special, and sit with that Greatness there living inside you. Not to be denied. It's not selfish or conceited to feel a kernel of Greatness inside your being. Own it. And Love You.

I'm glad you said you no longer drink 'stupidly'~~ rather than say you 'are' stupid. You were not stupid. It's an act of compassion for you to say to yourself that you were handling things the best you could.

You've grown now. You weren't grown-enough then. Now, is different from Then. No being so hard on yourself anymore...

And you can 'complain' as much as you need to-- it's not selfish to want to solve your problems, nor is it wrong to get words around 'what it is'... When you do it with Awareness, it's amazing how much progress you can make. Solve all kinds of things, many levels at same time.

What you're attracting (happy, easy going, independent people, free spirited, strong willed) you already possess. It's like what Michaelangelo had said about creating a sculpture-- he would see the vision then 'chipped away' all parts that weren't 'elephant'.

Your First House has Sagittarius in it, too. All those 'attracting' qualities you want are part of your Soul-expression that t Saturn will help you sculpt. I'm so excited for you. Do all your work well, and by the time you get to 57 or so, and get the repeated tests, you will have a sense of having mastered it. You won't have to fall so hard.

(music) We Fall Down, But We Get Up (Donnie McClurkin) [4:53] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3ewPHaPBfA

:Scorpio:
(topic) ScorpioRising: The Sc0rpio Soul (Ruth Hadikin) [23:09] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3KYfM-14wQ

posted September 21, 2015 09:50 PM            

What is more potent in our lives, than Love? Such a profound Mystery.