Posts: 3187
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014

posted November 23, 2015 03:40 PM            

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I read this article tonight and thought about sharing it with you. We need to see these examples sometimes, to keep the faith in the good in life, and love.

Everlasting love

Sometimes, the most ordinary people are capable of achieving the greatest love.

A humble husband from a small Chinese village has demonstrated the true meaning of dedication after taking care of his bed-ridden wife for 56 years.

Du Yuanfa, a farmer living in the village of Sunjiayu in east China's Shandong Province, quit his job as a coal miner to look after his wife Zhou Yu'ai day and night after she became paralysed in 1959, reported the People's Daily Online.

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Posts: 345
From: Canada
Registered: Dec 2014

posted November 23, 2015 05:42 PM            

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This story is inspiring. There are probably others like it.

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Posts: 6237
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014

posted November 24, 2015 12:03 AM            

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That is so beautiful, DM. Wow. Just wow.

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Posts: 60053
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 25, 2015 01:07 PM            

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From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 27, 2015 01:39 PM            

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Very inspirational.

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From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 28, 2015 09:37 AM            

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They are not ordinary people at all.

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Posts: 3187
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014

posted November 29, 2015 03:05 PM            

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I am glad you guys liked it!

That article was particularly meaningful for me, because I am somewhat in a similar situation - not that severe, though. As some of you know, my boyfriend has some serious health issues, that have been a reason for concern since we have been together. His health deteriorated this autumn, his seizures got more frequent and I must confess in those days I did not see any hope for the future. I was hard on him, because I thought he was doing it to himself, aggravating his condition by mixing alcohol and antiepileptics and I was close to saying those words.. "if you don't quit drinking, I'm out". Fortunately, I didn't have to say them because he quit by his own will and, since he quit (6 weeks ago) he hasn't had any seizure and his symptoms diminished. I felt guilty when I read this article, I guess I am not that selfless like this man in this story. I would stay by my partner, but I guess my deal breaker would be self-destructive behavior.

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Posts: 6237
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014

posted November 29, 2015 11:57 PM            

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Yeah. I'd never actually been down with a real upper respiratory infection during our marriage until now. You know the drill: fever, feel like a blob, no appetite, coughing, congested, colourful snot, nauseated, sinus headache from hell, slowly defecating your way to Twiggy size.

Whenever he gets like this -- and it's pretty much annual, or nearly -- in his case, I'm waiting on him hand and foot. I'm cooking for him, cleaning up after him, I stay by him or in the same room, (with a mask on), taking his temperature, keeping him in cough drops, making broth, keeping him warm -- or cool -- you know -- taking care of him.

I've been sick since Thursday. Basically a blob since Friday, AND I have to monitor my precious cat who was hospitalised from then until Saturday morning. Thank God my husband is administering his pills -- when I get him to. Following, 'he's your cat; can't you do it?' Of course.

But it just hit me early this morning ...

He doesn't really TAKE CARE of me. I'm independent, so it doesn't always matter. But when I'm sick? I need CARE. And I'm not getting that. At all.

Not the best realisation.

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Posts: 3187
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014

posted December 03, 2015 10:31 PM            

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Oddly, Auby, my thoughts in the last few days are around the same page as yours. My boyfriend's health is actually improving, except for a slight hand tremor he is normal. The new drugs are working wonders. All he needs to do is never drink again and he'll be as fine as he can. I feel like my work here is done. I guess if he'd be still sick I couldn't walk away, I wouldn't walk away from a person who needs my help, it's against my profession and my whole identity as an INFP (MBTI has been on my mind lately). This relationship has been put into question since it begun and I fought everyone who told me to leave him, including my Mom the last time we talked before she died. Lately I've been seeing more of its shortcomings rather than its qualities. And I've been feeling I am not really getting what I need out of it. I feel alone in this relationship. That's a nasty feeling. I feel like my life is taking me in a different direction than his, there's been a lot of things I wanted to change since my Mom died and it's hard to change them and I feel he's not really supporting those changes, but sometimes rather undermines me. He says he supports me, but his behavior keeps me in the same rut. And, I guess, the ultimate test hit me in the head at 4 AM-ish yesterday morning when I realized I am attracted to someone else. As a Taurus Venus, the only time that happens and I am in a relationship, is when I am unhappy in that relationship. Otherwise I just don't see other men as, well, men. I don't notice them that way.

It's saddening. The holidays are coming. Nobody wants to be alone and it's triggered some nasty anxiety about that. But it seems I've made up my mind. I could never leave if he was still sick. I didn't realize that until I read this article. Now I can. A part of me still feels like some sort of selfish monster though. I also laugh at the irony, a week or two before I said it's shallow to suffer from love compared to the stuff that's happened to me and to the people around me this year. Vajra, in her infinite wisdom, said all suffering is valid and important. Well, I'm adding love troubles to the list now and I'm woe-ing inside alright. Way to go eating your words, Aries Merc.

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From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 04, 2015 02:52 PM            

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Get well soon.

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Posts: 3948
From: UK
Registered: Nov 2012

posted December 14, 2015 12:48 AM            

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DM, this thing about "staying with him if he was sick" could also be interpreted as your need to be needed. Basically, if you don't love him then dedicating your life to him is simply wrong. You owe yourself a great deal more.

Have you read "Women who love too much" by Robin Norwood? http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1985-07-23/features/8502170895_1_drug-addicts-addicts-or-alcoholics-relationships

I have wondered how one distinguishes between unconditional love and codependency. There is often a thin line.

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Posts: 3187
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014

posted December 14, 2015 03:45 AM            

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Thank you for the recommendation, AK! I have not read it, but I will. Indeed, I suffer from a savior complex, I pick wounded birds to heal with my love.. I am aware of that but often I can't help myself (I have Venus-Chiron as a duet precisely on IC and Moon conj Neptune on SN, Moon being DC ruler.. so it's very hard to break that chain). We've broken up, apparently he wanted the same. We're still close and we talk almost every day, we will try to stay friends if it's possible. I still love him a lot and I confess I am tempted to get back together with him at times, but I know it's not a good idea.

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Posts: 3948
From: UK
Registered: Nov 2012

posted December 15, 2015 06:56 AM            

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DM, this book provides great insights into the causes of co-dependency or needing to be a carer.

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