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Author Topic:   Not ready for this..
LionFish
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Posts: 1783
From:
Registered: Aug 2012

posted March 28, 2016 07:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LionFish     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
For the longest time I've wondered if I was an anomaly. I've read so many posts from so many knowflakes about how their charts are activated on every level by a certain someone. Luminaries, personal planets, midpoints, angles, nodes, asteroids, fate points, etc.

But I didn't have this. Oh, if I used slightly wider orbs, or only looked at certain parts, things seemed to fall into place. Enough that I could convince myself into accepting it. Because it was what I was trying to find, desperately searching for.

Now, I realize the error in what I was doing. Grabbing at strings trying to make something seem more significant than it really was. Thank you natal Venus/Neptune for that.

And then, I found it.

We have so many fated aspects in our charts. Every axis is activated: Vertex, Nodes, and angles. He even touches my Moon. Literally, only one synastry chart I have ever cast has any favorable aspects to my poor Moon. Until him. And it's his Venus trine my Moon, while opposing my sun and his Moon sextile my own. His POF = My Sun.

His Sun on my SN (something I've never had before), His MC on my NN. His NN square my Vertex.

It's not my typical Venus square my Pluto obsession synastry either. Boy am I a SUCKER for that.

I love the interplay between our Suns and Moons. He is a Libra Sun/Pisces Moon. I'm a Pisces Sun/ Taurus Moon. He the masculine Venus-ruled sign with the masculine planet and me the feminine Venus-ruled sign with the feminine planet. Oh, and his Moon conjunct my Sun.

He feels it. I feel it. He asks me a million questions a day, to know me again, he said. If I didn't study astrology as I do, I may have been creeped out by that lol

I'm so lost. He is chivalrous and strong and funny and kind, I could go on forever. But above all, he is loyal and honest. He will not make advances towards me while I'm married. He values the bond of marriage. But he's made it abundantly clear that if I were divorced there would be nothing stopping him from being mine.

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Vajra
Knowflake

Posts: 1738
From:
Registered: Dec 2012

posted March 28, 2016 01:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Vajra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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LionFish
Knowflake

Posts: 1783
From:
Registered: Aug 2012

posted March 28, 2016 10:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LionFish     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you for sharing your experience, Vajra.

I wouldn't be unfaithful to my marriage, I believe fully in the promise that I made to be loyal. But I can't help what I feel. And what I feel for my marriage has been dwindling for much longer than I have known this man. It didn't take me but a month after I was married to realize what a terrible mistake I had made.

His anger hurts me, I'm the last thing he thinks about, and it's just very tiresome after years of it. I decided a long time ago that I would never again sacrifice my own happiness for someone else's and by being with him I feel that's what I'm doing. I fell out of love a long time ago, but had no idea how to tell him because I still care for him and he is so very sensitive even if he tries not to be. Could he be happier with someone else? I really dont know. But my soul is aching from the treatment I've received.

You are absolutely right, though. Even with the way I feel, it would still be terrible if he went behind my back instead of just telling me he wanted to leave me.

I feel like a terrible person even feeling the way I do. It's not just infatuation, though. I would never leave my marriage FOR someone else. Or because of any reason other than that's what I feel needs to be done. I've suggested counseling, for BOTH of us, but he laughs at me. Refuses. Says he doesn't need it, won't even consider doing it for me, his wife. That's not love.

I was raised to believe men should be chivalrous, that a man should WANT to take care of his family. No matter what that family consists of. That's not to say a woman shouldn't be his equal and do everything she can to provide for her family, as well. But I thought that was what I had found. A partner in life...

I feel like I've been hanging by a quickly thinning thread for a long time.

This new connection with my boss makes me see it even more, that's all. It just adds fuel to an already blazing fire. Why even get married in the first place if it was that bad? Well, my husband has always expressed how important family is to him, I thought that maybe actually being his wife would put me in that circle. It didn't.

It doesn't have to do with astrology. I just love that it shows and it shows so strongly.

I don't make life changing decisions on a whim. I'm very slow to admit failure because I hate to do it. And that's what I feel like divorce is, a failure.

As for the relationship with Ben, I enjoy his company more than anyone. It wasn't just a sexual attraction. I actually wasn't physically attracted to him at all at first sight. Or second or third. Mostly because I wasn't looking. I just realized I loved his company and the fact that no matter how hard I tried to not like him (I was extremely upset about the location change that came with my promotion and at first I let it taint my experience there) he was just, familiar. And comfortable. He felt like coming home. I want to take it slowly BECAUASE of what I've been through.

I've made the mistake of believing the grass was greener on the other side. It was a very tumultuous time in my life that I am not proud of. So, I too have had my moment of not thinking clearly. It happens to all of us.

Realizing that my heart is in a very vulnerable spot right now is important, otherwise it could easily lead to running to this man to escape. And that is not what I want. If he and I come together I want to be whole for him. I just love the way he feels to my heart and soul.

A warm safe spot. A long-lost best friend and protector. It's easy to describe because it's just so easy to actually be me around him. I feel.. awake again.

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Vajra
Knowflake

Posts: 1738
From:
Registered: Dec 2012

posted March 29, 2016 02:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Vajra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 76940
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 30, 2016 12:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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sugarflapjacks
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Posts: 235
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013

posted April 15, 2016 02:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sugarflapjacks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
such compassion and good will here.

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LionFish
Knowflake

Posts: 1783
From:
Registered: Aug 2012

posted April 17, 2016 08:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LionFish     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
QUOTE]Originally posted by Vajra:
It's no surprise to hear you aren't happy in your relationship because otherwise this would probably not have happened quite so forcefully. Don't feel terrible or guilty, that would be counterproductive. It helped me immensely back then when someone close to me, who I'd expected to be more judgmental, told me, 'remember, love is not a crime'. That's true! Indeed it isn't. And you didn't do anything here on purpose, with an aim to hurt someone or anything...so just give it all more time to process. That will make the situation more manageable, you'll know what to do when you consider all sides and all aspects. Of course it may be more than infatuation - but you'll only know what's really beneath it once infatuation fades and you've seen more sides of the person in many different situations, good and bad. And it always fades, it's a biological process. Can't go on like that forever, right? [/quote]

Love isnt a crime! And no, I didn't do anything maliciously. I still haven't. But I do care for this man deeply. And he reinforces his obvious feelings every day. I'm speaking of true caring and interest in who I am, not sexual attraction. Its like he makes a point to learn something new about me every day. Which I didn't make easy in the beginning And every time he does learn something, he gets this little smile and files it away for safe keeping. I don't think I've revealed as much of myself to anyone else. He makes it so easy to be me.

And yes, the sexual attraction is crazy intense. Powerful to the point that sometimes one or the other of us has to walk away. I think it WILL fade over time, but we have a Venus/Mars DW his Mars conjunct my Venus my Mars square his Venus. It may take some time to fade lol We are being respectful, but you can cut the tension between us with a knife because of it sometimes. That's when the playing starts. Chasing each other, scaring each other, playing pranks. Its fun. Oh and leaving "love notes" about how the end of the shift went without him and usually with a taste of how "amazing" or "awesome" I think he is and how glad I am to know him. I write these to him, and when questioned tonight he informed me that he has kept all of them. He, a bit irritably, quickly added, "Except the one you tore up. Once you signed it and left it for me to find it wasn't yours to do that to." It was kind of childish, but I admitted that I only did it because I was upset at what I had at first perceived to be a cold shoulder turned to me for a few days. I didn't think the notes were wanted and I felt like a fool for writing any of them so I disposed of the one I could. He understood. Even apologized for the way he'd been acting.

He was trying to put some distance between us, by being strictly business and professional with me at all times, even when it wasn't necessary. It hurt me. And him. He hated it and hated the looks on my face every time he obviously did it. It lasted 3 days, 1 of which he didn't have to see me. He told me that he failed miserably with his idea, so we may as well just do what works. I agree.
Here is our synastry chart:
Im not sure how far i lowered orbs on this chart, but the 5 degree Sun/Moon conjunction isnt noted, nor the 4 degree Moon/Moon sextile.

What I can see though is mutual reception.
My mars on his Moon
His Venus on my Moon
And I love the Sun/Moon overlays into each other's 8th houses.

His Sun on my SN and his MC on my NN.
his NN is square my Vertex exact.

Our composite is beautiful, too. With Moon/Jupiter in Aries conjunct the MC. I'll upload that later.

quote:

*ETA* About divorce and failure - that's another can of worms.
Been through that as well, with a small child which adds a layer of complexity. Today, I'd say rather than thinking marriage is good and divorce is bad, one should consider that there are bad marriages and fair, good cases of divorce that help people grow and have better lives and relationships. We kinda managed to do that and are still a good influence in each other's lives (eight years later) but that was only possible because we both decided to see it through to the end and be fair and square, with no third party influence. While the process itself was gruesome, the outcome isn't. My ex is a Pisces, btw - you guys can accomplish such things better than anyone.

Just this weekend, my ex celebrated Easter with my family, and brought his young boy from a later relationship to boot. I love how this worked out for all of us, and how we're now both better today than ever before. I don't consider this a failure at all. Rather, I'd say life dealt us a very difficult hand, and we struggled as hard as we could to play it well, and this is what came out of it - a full house.


This is beautiful. And thank you for your enlightening view
I feel like the fact that neither of us is happy with the other (I know Im not and I point blank asked him 3 nights ago) and that he is completely unwilling to seek help for US of any kind, is good grounds for divorce. I asked him why he married me, and he couldn't come up with anything better than, "I dont know, I mean I guess because i love you". He refuses help even though we have had the same problems for 5 years now, just brushing them under the rug because they suck to deal with.

Well, its time. I just wish I had asked him why he was marryING me instead of marrIED me.

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 76940
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 11, 2016 01:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by sugarflapjacks:
such compassion and good will here.

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waxlobster
Knowflake

Posts: 349
From: Birmingham
Registered: Mar 2011

posted September 05, 2016 04:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for waxlobster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey LionFish,

It's Saturn Return time for you - the final pass is going on and guess what Neptune is loading in the square at the same time. It's no wonder you're confused with your ruler hanging about adding to the life change but....let's take stock here. Are you actually confused, or is it easier to tell yourself you are?

There's nothing you say about your husband that gives me the idea you want to stay with him. Why a Mars-Uranus in Sagittarius got married so early I can't imagine (well I can, peer pressure I would guess...).

My only piece of advice for you here is that lying to somebody is far worse that how much the truth hurts. Is it fair to spend another 5 years with a man you don't love - is it fair on HIM?? As far as I'm aware he may be very happy with you but imagine waking up one day and discovering your wife has been wishing she was away from you for years.

You need to tell him how you feel - your husband that is. This work guy, he could be just a catalyst. He has quite a big ego, so it will take time to learn if he's true...and I like that you said you'd only leave your marriage for you (rather than another relationship).

The forthcoming lunar Eclipse falls very close to your Sun-Mercury in Pisces. This life change is fated, and you already know that deep down.

Remember that it's your life you are living, and you have to make your own rules. People will often want different things for you, a lot of people try to live through others, or hold others back to make their lives look better. It's irrelevant, I'm mentioning it because I sense that there are people you fear disappointing and let's face it - those kind of people will always find a reason to be disappointed anyway ;-)

Be free, live your life, love your life...don't live a lie though. It's never good to do that :-)

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 76940
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 06, 2016 11:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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margym0o
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Posts: 879
From: Canada
Registered: Jul 2014

posted September 08, 2016 03:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for margym0o     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Kind of unrelated, but I dated someone for 3 years who was born October 16, 1988 (so not too far off Ben) but with a Cap. moon and he is a GEM! Not the one for me, but definitely someone I consider a soulmate (our composite is unreal). A very sweet, genuine and kind soul he is. My coworker married someone with the SAME birthday (October 16th, 1988) a couple months ago and says the same about him - a very sweet man. Something about that time of year <3

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Randall
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Posts: 76940
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 09, 2016 11:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by margym0o:
Kind of unrelated, but I dated someone for 3 years who was born October 16, 1988 (so not too far off Ben) but with a Cap. moon and he is a GEM! Not the one for me, but definitely someone I consider a soulmate (our composite is unreal). A very sweet, genuine and kind soul he is. My coworker married someone with the SAME birthday (October 16th, 1988) a couple months ago and says the same about him - a very sweet man. Something about that time of year <3

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