posted August 07, 2017 09:08 PM            

For context: I am still very much in love with my Ex. He is the only person I've ever been in love with. I always believed that I could trust my intuition and that I would know when the "Right Person" came along, and I fully believe it was him. I have never come close to feeling the way I feel about him towards anyone else. I've even tried dating (a few years before I met him) and stopped because I hated how little I felt towards the people I was meeting. I couldn't make myself feel anything but platonic affection for them, even when I wanted to be able to. It wasn't that I felt NOTHING, it was just never anything romantic or even just sexual.

And it wasn't like I didn't get attention or options in return, either. Plenty of attractive, charming men have been interested in me, but I've never felt anything other than "You're a nice person and fun to talk to, platonic friend of mine!"

I recently had a reading done (by a person reccomended by you guys in the Lindaland boards!) that said that while we wouldn't be back together within the next 6 months (the timeframe they were comfortable with reading), there would be contact. I wasn't expecting to be back together within 6 months, so even contact is very hopeful for me - I know there's stuff we need to work out and rebuild between us.

So I've been asking the universe for a sign - I've been experiencing a lot of them in regards to my career lately, but I asked for one about my Ex. And today I think I got one, but I don't know how to take it.

At work, a man came in and started flirting with me. He clearly had some sort of mild autism or social development disorder, because it was not a normal flirting conversation. He wasn't aggressive, but was very strange and uncomfortably forward. I guess you could say it was flattering, but I was really uncomfortable about the whole interaction. I just generally am not a fan of men flirting with me while I'm at work anyway, because my job requires that I be friendly and polite to them, so I feel very trapped when they decide that an environment where it's really hard for me to reject them is the appropriate time to make advances.

He asked if I had a boyfriend, so I lied and said yes. He was fairly respectful about it, but it was still a very odd conversation about how he had better treat me well, and asked if I treated my boyfriend well, and said if I was ever single, he'd be around. There was also a weird comment about how working used to be men's work while women stayed in the home... I'm not sure where he was going with that, and was a super weird comment for a man his age (no older than his late 20s.)

I think this is pretty obviously the sign I was asking for, but I can't tell what it's trying to tell me? Is it that I should move on from my Ex because there are other people interested in me (even though there's no one in my life who I am interested in in return)? Or is it a sign that I will not be comfortable with someone other than Ex (because I am at a very fundamental level not interested in anyone else and never have been, even beyond any hang-ups about my Ex)?

I know this is probably just begging for "He's gone, get over it" advice, but I do really want to hear how people interpret this in a context beyond the typical "You have to move on" Cosmo advice column stuff.

Does it really sound like a sign that I should give up on Ex and start seeing new people? Or does my feeling of discomfort about the interaction indicate something else?

posted August 08, 2017 02:38 AM            

You will know when you're ready and with who.

I think that this even extends to consideration with your ex, who may or may not cycle back around. It could even be that by the time he returns, you either will reciprocate your feelings intensely or you will feel that the chemistry is different and opt for someone different.

For some reason, I get the feeling that the universe is encouraging you to give yourself more credit. There seems to be this feeling of encouraging openness to explore your identity and get to know yourself better. I keep thinking that you're going to reform what you're attracted to, and what you're attracting, in the next month.

posted August 08, 2017 04:22 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MetalAphrodite:
I think you pretty much answered your own question in the first half of your post.

You will know when you're ready and with who.

I think that this even extends to consideration with your ex, who may or may not cycle back around. It could even be that by the time he returns, you either will reciprocate your feelings intensely or you will feel that the chemistry is different and opt for someone different.

For some reason, I get the feeling that the universe is encouraging you to give yourself more credit. There seems to be this feeling of encouraging openness to explore your identity and get to know yourself better. I keep thinking that you're going to reform what you're attracted to, and what you're attracting, in the next month.

Either way, I take it as a very positive sign of getting to know "you" more intimately.

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Thank you so, so much for this response. I think I'm just used to talking about this with people who are very used to giving the "Just get over it" advice.

I hope it is a sign of things ultimately getting better. I feel like I've always been pretty sure about what I wanted from a relationship, not that it would be especially helpful to outline it - I think a lot of what people want from relationships is stuff that is hard to verbalize, but you feel when you find it in another person. Otherwise it just comes off as a generic sounding list of arbitrary traits.

I feel like I know myself pretty well, and I know what I want. I've always been really sure when things are right for me, but seem to have some really awful luck in being able to keep on the right path.

posted August 08, 2017 12:13 PM            

After a three year relationship with someone I met after my last ex, I finally married this June. I met him a month after dumping my ex and swearing off men.

I muse sometimes that I probably wouldn't have gone for someone like my husband when I was younger, or that he wouldn't have liked someone like me. I often say this to him as well. He's so-so about that sentiment, but our dating track record says that we had a type, and it definitely wasn't what the other liked( I was a sporty athletic type of person, he preferred demure-like feminine. I liked rugged, masculine men, he's a bit androgynous. Our personalities are way different, but we complement one another). But we met at the right circumstances and we are what the other needs.

posted August 22, 2017 04:49 AM            

About two days after I posted this, I actually got a huge series of "signs." Like, WAY too many to ignore.

I got a FB notification about him on my phone, then a few hours later, a notification that he viewed my Snapchat story. I felt like I should try reaching out to him again. Then, as I was coming home, debating whether or not to contact him (I had tried in the past, after our falling out, and never got a response), I passed a street with his name, and glanced down the length of it and saw a bright, prominent star (maybe a planet?) directly above the street. A few seconds later, I saw what looked like it might have been a meteorite flash in the sky above the car.

All in all, that seemed like a lot to ignore.

I came home, screwed up my courage, and wrote him a quick message, apologizing for the falling out (largely because of my behavior - it's a long story) and asking if he'd be okay with being friends.

And I heard back from him! He apologized for the radio silence on his end, and said that that hadn't been fair to me, and that he'd be okay with being friends.

So the good news is that I think the Universe just might be on my side for this one.

The bad news is that he's currently dating someone. I can't say it doesn't bother me (especially because she's just... me, but worse? The less mature and developed version? I don't know how to explain it without sounding extremely petty. I don't know, maybe I just AM being petty about it.) I can't help but be jealous, but I also feel bad about it because she seems like someone that I'd be friends with if the situation was different.

The other thing is that I feel really confident in my friendship with him. I know it's going to take a lot of work to rebuild our friendship, but I'm just really happy that I have a second chance to have him as a part of my life. We have a really genuine connection, and I'm sure we'll be able to fall right back into it once we get past the rough stuff at the beginning of the reconnecting process.

posted August 24, 2017 02:41 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MetalAphrodite:
That's great to hear . I will continue coming back to this topic to see how everything progresses for you! ❤️

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posted August 31, 2017 05:48 AM            

It's going to be slow going, so I'm sure updates will be kind of sparse. But having your support is super meaningful! It makes me feel stronger, and like I'm being sent back-up to show me I'm on the right path. I'm definitely feeling your good vibes.

posted August 31, 2017 02:02 PM            

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Originally posted by worldofsong:
Okay, so I actually have a quick update.

About two days after I posted this, I actually got a huge series of "signs." Like, WAY too many to ignore.

I got a FB notification about him on my phone, then a few hours later, a notification that he viewed my Snapchat story. I felt like I should try reaching out to him again. Then, as I was coming home, debating whether or not to contact him (I had tried in the past, after our falling out, and never got a response), I passed a street with his name, and glanced down the length of it and saw a bright, prominent star (maybe a planet?) directly above the street. A few seconds later, I saw what looked like it might have been a meteorite flash in the sky above the car.

All in all, that seemed like a lot to ignore.

I came home, screwed up my courage, and wrote him a quick message, apologizing for the falling out (largely because of my behavior - it's a long story) and asking if he'd be okay with being friends.

And I heard back from him! He apologized for the radio silence on his end, and said that that hadn't been fair to me, and that he'd be okay with being friends.

So the good news is that I think the Universe just might be on my side for this one.

The bad news is that he's currently dating someone. I can't say it doesn't bother me (especially because she's just... me, but worse? The less mature and developed version? I don't know how to explain it without sounding extremely petty. I don't know, maybe I just AM being petty about it.) I can't help but be jealous, but I also feel bad about it because she seems like someone that I'd be friends with if the situation was different.

The other thing is that I feel really confident in my friendship with him. I know it's going to take a lot of work to rebuild our friendship, but I'm just really happy that I have a second chance to have him as a part of my life. We have a really genuine connection, and I'm sure we'll be able to fall right back into it once we get past the rough stuff at the beginning of the reconnecting process.

I guess from here on all I can do is be patient. If we really are meant to be, it certainly seems like the Universe is in my corner in helping our relationship along - to whatever kind of relationship we're meant to have. And if we're not, then I'm happy that we can still be a part of each others' lives. If there somehow is another person I can love that much out there, I guess I'll just have to wait for them to show up.

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The only thing I can add to this is, you really do have to MEAN IT when you say you are content with just having him as part of your life even if just as a friend, and not as a romantic partner.

You may find your feelings start to slip back into the more "romantic" category should your connection regain it's former strength.

It's a complicated situation. In fairness to his current partner, you SHOULD keep your distance to allow them the attention their relationship deserves. If he were respectful of his partner, he would (and should) stay level-headed to avoid anything spinning out of control between you.

This is also strongly karmic, as I see it. Would you want him behaving the same way, with another ex, if you were in his partner's shoes?

posted August 31, 2017 07:24 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by margym0o:
The only thing I can add to this is, you really do have to MEAN IT when you say you are content with just having him as part of your life even if just as a friend, and not as a romantic partner.

You may find your feelings start to slip back into the more "romantic" category should your connection regain it's former strength.

It's a complicated situation. In fairness to his current partner, you SHOULD keep your distance to allow them the attention their relationship deserves. If he were respectful of his partner, he would (and should) stay level-headed to avoid anything spinning out of control between you.

This is also strongly karmic, as I see it. Would you want him behaving the same way, with another ex, if you were in his partner's shoes?

It's not very often two people who were truly, madly and deeply involved with each other at one point can ever be/remain "just" friends, so tread lightly.

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I definitely understand what you're saying. But the situation is a little different than I suspect you're thinking it is.

A big part of why we broke up was because we live 1000 miles apart. He's in Chicago, and I was living in Boston, then moved to the NYC area. We met through a mutual friend in person and I visited him for a week, but the nature of our relationship in-person versus through text and social media is obviously going to be a lot more difficult to keep at that level.

I would never try to interfere with his current relationship, precisely because I know I would be super hurt if something like that happened to me. But I also don't have the ability to influence that in the same way as I would if we lived in the same area.

I'm currently trying to move to the LA area, and I know he indicated interest in moving there as well sometime in his future, but there's nothing concrete for either of us.

But the thing I've found most interesting is that I think I really AM okay with us just being friends. I felt miserable when we weren't talking, and since we've started speaking again, I feel at peace. Like, the fact that we ARE just friends makes me feel more and more okay with only being friends.

Like I said, I think if we're meant to be together romantically, we'll have another opportunity in the future. But we'd need to be in the same place, and be in a position for that romance to be rekindled. If I find someone I love just as much as - if not more than - him in the meantime, then I'm not going to pass up on that.

I hope that makes sense. I'm not trying to brush off your concern, but rather try to give a bit more context to the situation. It's not like we even have the opportunity to fall into some "Scandal"-esque whirlwind affair behind her back at the moment.

posted September 05, 2017 12:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Mystic Melody:
Real life.

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posted September 07, 2017 05:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Mystic Melody:
An old friend of mine, who is extremely intelligent, said "follow your heart be free. Experience what life has for you. Most importantly be honest, and if your relationship is real, it will bear the strain and deepen."

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posted September 11, 2017 07:19 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by worldofsong:
I think this is pretty obviously the sign I was asking for, but I can't tell what it's trying to tell me? Is it that I should move on from my Ex because there are other people interested in me (even though there's no one in my life who I am interested in in return)?

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Yes.

quote:

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Or is it a sign that I will not be comfortable with someone other than Ex (because I am at a very fundamental level not interested in anyone else and never have been, even beyond any hang-ups about my Ex)?

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No. The message said nothing about your ex. It was about others' ability to see your beauty and respond to you from their heart. Feelings change and that is part of growth.

See him as a messenger from the Universe who is saying You are beautiful, you are loved, and you are lovable! ... you are of interest to others, so why rob them of your presence? See it as an chance to bring your heart back into the here-and-now with anticipation of what else ... who else ...

If you are so uncertain and so focused in on one person, I am certain the Universe could send you person after person who gives you essentially the same message.

quote:

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(@The Universe: I am obtuse, please be more blunt.)

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Good point ... about specifying more. I was going to say that asking for a "sign" actually begs for just the kind of uncertainty or unclarity you are describing.

When I need clarity on something important to move forward with my life, I always communicate it from a co-creating, but commanding mindset in which I ask the Universe to be so clear where to go or what I must do so that there is no doubt and no delay. This is how I got the message to come to Portland, from which my life unfolded (meeting my wife within 3 weeks, etc).

I asked for direction to what place on the planet would be the sweet spot for my happiness in life. I literally ran into person after person over months in the course of my daily activities (in TX) who was from the Pacific NW and/or Portland and mentioned them specifically. That included friends of mine who I had not previously known had lived there.

If you want specifics, ask for it to be made so clear that there is no doubt and no mistake. Otherwise, what we experience is the gentle nudge of Spirit that always compassionately allows free choice and puts upon us more than what we actually ask for.

Our conscious human minds are attuned to the palpable 'reality' of the material in our daily life, so we need distinct clarity from the Universe to act with confidence consistent with our Soul identity. That can be enacted with good communication, so long as it is from a place of peace and openness.