posted May 24, 2008 06:25 PM         

I'm hoping someone could give me some insight into two relationships I have. The first is with someone I dated for 6 years. After a while the relationship broke down (a lot of it my fault). He wants to know whether I want to work through our issues or completely go our separate ways. I don't want to throw everything away but am hesitant.

This is where the second relationship comes in. It is one of his best friends. A year ago I admitted to him that I had developed feelings for him. Due to our tightknit group of friends we decided to just let things blow over and at the time I had just asked my boyfriend for space to try and sort through things.

Since then there has been a tug of war of emotions between me and 'the friend':deciding not to talk to one another, then missing each other, speaking for 48 hours straight then breaking down, getting frustrated, and avoiding eachother again.

Now 'the friend' has started seeing a girl off and on. Apparently they only get together once a month (or so his brother announced to a group of us). The guy himself told me that she wasn't anyone special. I'm unsure if he is with her for company, because i've hinted at seeing other people, or he actually has feelings for her.

Finally, I am graduating and moving back to the city (where the ex and the friend live) and know that I will be unable to put off facing the situaiton altogether.

I don't know whether to salvage my 6 year relationship with has a lot of history (but i'll have to see the friend and have to put aside all emotions), pursuing something with the friend, or having a fresh start by leaving this group altogether.

Any insight would be really helpful,

posted May 24, 2008 10:46 PM         

Card 1- The Problem
The first Card represents the Psychological dynamic which is causing the problem. Look at this hidden or underlying issue. Take your time, see if this could possibly be true for you. If you can't see it then look at those around you - can you see this in them ?

The Problem Guilt
from the Victim Suit
Key concept: Self-attack; withdrawal; unworthiness; living in the past; fear of the next step; self-exaggeration; control

Guilt is a negative emotion which goes hand in hand with fear. Just as fear is about the future, guilt comes from something we feel bad about in the past. When we have guilt we always create forms of self-punishment. It is one of the root dymanics which gives rise to any problem, or victim, situations. Guilt’s purpose is to ‘protect’ us from moving forward and taking the next step. The more attention we pay to guilt, the more we reinforce its existence. We use guilt, to try to control ourselves and exaggerate the part we played in the situation; and then we blame others, we use it to try to control them. We either become aggressive toward others, or we withdraw, becoming aggressive toward ourselves through sacrifice, unworthiness and poor self-image. When we have guilt, we feel bad. So either we act badly, or we compensate by trying to act very good, Yet, this kind of ‘good’ behaviour doesn’t bring reward, because the behaviour is about ‘proving’ you are a good person when you really believe you are guilty. Guilt does not allow for correction, because it says that you should be punished, rather than corrected. As a form of self-attack, it is one of the most self-destructive concepts, as it makes us withdraw from life and relationships. And, in that withdrawal, we cannot be successful.
Using the card: When you receive this card, you are being asked to look at what you feel bad about. Look at where you are attacking or punishing yourself for your feelings of guilt, or having others do it for you. If you are not immediately sure what the guilt refers to, either dwell on it until it emerges, or guess who and then what it’s about. You are being asked to correct the mistake instead of staying stuck in the cycle of self-punishment and guilt. The more you punish yourself, the worse you feel. The worse you feel, the more you are convinced of your guilt, and so you punish yourself even more. So long as you are caught in the cycle, the problem is never understood, healed or forgiven. When we attack and judge ourselves like this, we cannot help but judge others too. But when we free ourselves, we also free those around us. If you get this card today, you are being asked to look at giving one of the greatest gifts you can give the world – you. Rather than building a monument to a mistake, learn the lesson, correct the mistake, recognise your innocence and take the next step forward.

Card 2 - The Way Through
This step is the healing path, the answer, the way through. If there's an exercise then be sure to actually do it.

The Way Through Truth
from the Healing Suit
Key concept: Principle leading to freedom, ease, commitment, connection and joy

Truth leads us forward, showing the way. Truth clears and clarifies. It heals denial and other forms of dishonesty. It allows partnership and opens you to receive. It frees you from the deadness and hypocrisy of roles and duties, and from doing the right thing for the wrong reason. Truth can set things straight, allowing proper relationships and perspectives to form. It constantly separates the chaff from the wheat. While truth can sometimes be uncomfortable as it cuts through illusion, what we cut through now saves us greater pain and disillusionment later. The truth frees and connects us, bringing light and freedom. In this sense, ultimately, anything which is not joyful is not the truth. Truth can thus be used to cut through areas of deadness, pain and misery. Whenever something is less than joyful, ask for the truth. Choose the truth. Love the truth. It will set you free and show you the way home.
Using the card: If you receive this card, you can use these statements to change painful situations:

* ' I recognise this feeling or situation is not the truth'
* ' I want the truth. I choose the truth'
* ' I could be having joy instead of this'

Freedom will come to you if you choose the truth today.

Card 3 - The Gift
Don't forget to receive your Gift... it's the very thing that this problem has hidden all along. Let the gift just come to you..

The Gift Love
from the Grace Suit
Key concept: Recognising the Oneness between you and All That Is; loving yourself; sharing

All life is the spiritual evolution toward the realisation that we are Love. God is Love and created us in the same way. Our spiritual journey is just the falling away of illusions through healing, to the recognition of love as who we fundamentally are. Love is sharing. Love is giving. Love is extending oneself to another. Love is receiving from another. Love is the recognition of the lines of joining - the Oneness - which exists between us and ALL THAT IS. Only our beliefs that we are other than this make a world of pain. It is the remembrance, or the discovery, of who we truly are which leads to a world of love and safety.
Using the card: If you receive this card today, it is a day for rejoicing. Today is a day when you are most receptive to receiving, recognising and being directed by God's Love for you and for the whole world. Today you are an ambassador and minstrel of love. You bring glad tidings of true reality. Let your day be filled with love for yourself, and love will pour through you to others. It will help you to remember who you are, and allow you to be the conduit for healings and miracles.

posted May 24, 2008 11:25 PM         

It is very true about the feelings of guilt, and trying so hard to do 'good' things, but it never really working out. What I'm not sure about is the truth part. Does that mean to tell my ex about the friend? I'm worried that doing that will temporarily relieve me but leave my ex with pain as well as lost friendships. It may also leave the friend with lost friendships and i really see this situation as mostly my fault since i had to blab about my feelings.

The joy/love card seems beautiful- but very unimaginable for me right now. It is really something I would look forward to when (i hope) this is all over.

posted May 25, 2008 12:20 AM         

Be brutally truthful about what you really want.

posted May 26, 2008 11:23 PM         

i've done some soul searching. deep deep deep down, all i get is confusion. I am so frustrated with myself. I'm not usually so indecisive...i don't know why i can't feel it in myself. :s

If anyone could, I would really appreciate a reading on both guys.