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Author
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Topic: HELP... I need to understand... Transits reading, please??
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steelrose
Knowflake Posts: 11
From: Spain
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 25, 2009 12:17 PM
 
I don't understand anything. I thought I had finally found my path... my direction in life... Before, everything appeared to make sense... but now...I belive this is a test. My life test. I need to prove something... I think the answer is "faith"... It hurts... Transits are complicated for me now... And for several months... Can someone help me??? Can someone throw some light into this darkness? My birth info:
19 Sep 1977
3pm
Madrid (Spain) Please... IP: Logged |
artemis44
Knowflake Posts: 7
From: NYC
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 26, 2009 02:15 AM
seems like alot of change has been coming your way, and you need to work with it, and not against it. it will change your routine, and what you have found comfort in, but it will only make you a bigger and stronger individual. if you restrict this growth, the energy will manifest your life, negatively. you will be working against it, instead of channelling it, and working with that energy. be careful not to be dissillusioned in love, over the next 2 years. dont use it as an escape/coping mechanism from your problems. you have hte strength with in you, and any relationship you may be in, or will have, should only add to, and not completely control your life, and course of conduct. be constructive with this time, and learn from what brought you to where you are now, and where the universe is taking you...if you listen, and make notes, you can go to a higher level. i dont know what the exact issues you may have currently, but by dwelling on the past, and what could have been, takes you away from what really is, and who you are now, its not sad, its positive, so embrace it as much as you can, and day by day, you will become a happier person. re-gain that independance you once had. and let it grow.saturn opposition jupiter
neptune opposition venus
Chiron Opposition Saturn
Chiron Sextile Ascendant courtesy of astro.com "Change ***
Valid during many months: You are now more able and willing to recognize where you have repeatedly been standing in the way of your own development, and to search for the deeper causes behind your behavior. Confident self-assertion grows from a deeper certainty that we are entitled to fight for what we believe in. Doubt detracts from success, eventually leading us to boycott ourselves. During childhood and adolescence the vast majority of people are never asked about their hopes and dreams. Decisions about which course they should take are taken by others, usually parents or teachers, with the justification that they are still "too young" to make the "right" decision. This continuing state of heteronomy means that most people are unaware of what their own individual wishes and capabilities might be. If your natural spontaneity and enthusiasm were criticized rather than praised in the past you are now able to recognize the consequences. One of these is that you may try to cope with everything on your own, or you may tend to approach subjects in a roundabout and debilitating way, rather than approaching them directly. You may now find it easier to ask for help, or to give someone precedence over you out of genuine consideration, without feeling left out. Anyone whose activity has been restricted through illness could sense the first signs of recovery, making them feel more courageous. Anything of vital importance which might have been neglected can be dealt with quickly and easily at a later date. "
and...
"Sudden separations ***
Valid during many months: This influence is likely to have a very disruptive effect on your relationships. Influences may enter your life, either through your home or your profession, that will challenge the foundations upon which your life is built. This challenge will be reflected in surprising encounters with others that upset your way of living or in sudden separations from persons who you thought would remain in your life for some time. Or it may be that you yourself are the catalyst of all these changes as you seek to become free of circumstances that have become oppressive. During this period it is quite likely that you will do things and go places you never would have thought of in the past. The old patterns of your life simply can no longer encompass what your life is becoming now. From all of the above it should be obvious that this is not an "evil" influence, although anyone who is wedded to the status quo in life or to their own past will find this period difficult to contend with. Old patterns that have acquired a stranglehold over your life will break up. You may not have been aware of these patterns, because many people find their "strangleholds" quite comfortable, at least until much later on. The people who enter your life at this time may be quite different from anyone you have known before. Some of these relationships may be quite brief. You may encounter someone for a specific purpose, which you may not be aware of at the time, and once that purpose is accomplished, the relationship ends. If a new love interest enters your life at this point, it is likely to be exciting, free and totally unpredictable. Do not make a permanent commitment to it until well after the end of this period, for such a relationship is likely to be very unstable and brief.
Transit selected for today (by user):
Uranus Square Ascendant, ,
activity period from end of May 2007 until 30 January 2009
IP: Logged |
awaketee
Knowflake Posts: 5
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 26, 2009 10:52 PM
Before I look at the other replies I believe I will try to add what I immediately see and that is that Pluto is the culprit for most of us of late as it has newly entered Capricorn which is mostly contained within your first house of self. This transformation has been happening for quite some time as Sagittarius is the sign on your Ascendant, however the new pluto in Capricorn has been felt differently.I think You will find your bearings as you become used to the new reality of Pluto in Capricorn. IP: Logged |
awaketee
Knowflake Posts: 5
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 26, 2009 11:07 PM
Pluto will go direct again September 8, 2009...see what it is telling you in Capricorn which rules old institutions, government, big business - what do these mean to you? how do they impact you?IP: Logged |
steelrose
Knowflake Posts: 11
From: Spain
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 01, 2009 06:59 PM
Hi there... Thanks for your replies... This has been a tough week. I'm broken right now... Sudden separations... yes... It hurts so much that I feel as if I was torn...Dissilusiones in love... yes, I am... I though this time... I thought now it would be all right, that he wouldn't be like the others... Yes, I'm back to my old and dark past... my terrible memories about what falling in love means, what it takes from you, what it ends up doing to you... I thought this time... but it seems to be even worse. I don't know where the universe is taking me. No idea. I thought I finally understood... but now I don't... Fighting for what I feel, for who I love, is only a waste of time. I'm tempted to let it go now, to just hide in my dark hole and rest forever... I don't know how to work with that change. I don't understand that change. I've been crying almost non stop for two days now. I hardly can sleep. Yes, I have changed over the last years. I'm happy with what I have become. More confident, strong and even beautiful, more mature... I thought I learnt to have faith... It's been tough to believe in the goodness of the universe, in the allmighty power of love... I fought for trusting and loving... and now I just don't understand what I've done wrong... What am I supposed to do now? IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 149
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 01, 2009 08:45 PM
yes pluto does tempt you to dig a dark hole and disappear, but that is not the lesson! that is the trickster. you have just had a saturn return? you are just beginning the 2nd 3rd of your life...i know how hard it is to keep remembering there is always more to learn, further to go...but you are young yet. so i doubt you have learned all the lessons!it hurts now but pluto does not destroy for no reason. in the rubble is a sapling waiting to be nurtured. mourn first, but then chin up. pluto is squaring your sun and you may not be able to see where it is pushing you, but you can feel the pressure. this too shall pass and you will want different things out of life... IP: Logged |
steelrose
Knowflake Posts: 11
From: Spain
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 02, 2009 08:57 AM
From as far as I can remember, my reality has been a constant fight for becoming... for being what I am inside... for existing... for being loved and accepted... for finding my space... my place in this world...And the universe has been somehow indiscriminate. I always get a similar outcome, no matter what I try... Sometimes I feel that I must not be learning the correct lesson then... At least I'm trying... I'm trying to do things right... to learn... to listen... But I'm so tired... Really... I can't express with words how unfairly treated I feel. I'm flexible to change, I don't tend to resist it for the sake of it... I don't usually give up... I endure, I fight out, I keep trying... to open doors, to improve even when it's painful... But I really don't see the purpose of this... or the end of it... The thing is I don't know what is wrong now... It's quite discouraging looking at cursed Pluto standing in the middle of my 1st house... Some years will have to go by to see him pass... Several years of havoc and agony. I already suffered his damages when touched my triple conjunction Ascendant-Moon-Neptune when getting in the first house. Then my first Saturn return came.
I'm breathless. I need some fresh air... This is madness. My emotional life is a constant ruin, my equilibrium is challenged continiously... it's torture... All I manage to laboriously build is finally crushed. I don't understand the lesson.
If someone does, please advise...
Why does it feel different when Pluto touches Capricorn? Why is it worse than Sagittarius? Looking at my chart and the future path of Pluto and Saturn, it seems that my life is not going to improve. That it will carry on being the same torture, that it was designed to be an ordeal, to make my soul writhe in agony... for some reason I can't grasp. As you said, I still have 2 thirds of my life in front of me... and I'm not keen on discovering what awful surpises there are in store for me. IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 149
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 02, 2009 11:10 PM
steelrose, where to start? first of all, you do have some pretty heavy transits going on. but i think with pluto now in your 1st can't be as bad as pluto going through your twelfth, which is where your moon/neptune conjunction is. typically that is when you are forced to shed a lot of unconscious baggage, that much harder because it is unconscious...it feels like the world just has it in for you. but that part is over, and like i said, your saturn return is not far behind you so really you are in the beginning of a new cycle.with natal pluto on the MC conjunct NN it looks like you signed up to do pluto in this life...not as bad as it sounds! because now it has gone into 1st house you are starting to rebuild; your old personality may not fit your future life or maybe it is time to outgrow your fears...pluto people are VERY strong, and that shows in what you say about your approach to life. but you weren't even grown when the 12th house transit started, so i can understand why it seems like life has always taken things away from you...it does get better!! pluto in capricorn is not WORSE, but it is different than in sag...and it does seem that when it shifts signs a lot of adjustment is needed. and awaketee is right, capricorn is about structures...especially the big ones, but also your own life structures.does that make sense? i'm a pluto person too, it sits on my sun in my natal and i really feel its transits. there was a time when i felt my chart was "rigged" against my ever having good times! but you have saturn heading for your tenth, so you have work to do! the tenth is typically a peak time for saturn cycles. what do you do?? we all want love but it may be that you were giving away too much of your power to this relationship or person and pluto is asking you to step into your own power. i don't know enough about you to tell you what the lesson is but NN is transitting your 2nd house right now which indicates a need to establish your own values and security, and with saturn approaching the 10th that would be emphasized. i feel how discouraged you are and i hope you can see the positive side of what i'm trying to say. pluto and saturn will always be somewhere in your chart but you are growing. that can be painful but it is not deadly! and i've never seen pluto take away anything that was really good for anyone... IP: Logged |
steelrose
Knowflake Posts: 11
From: Spain
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 03, 2009 03:28 PM
Thank you, Katatonic... Reading you really helps... You are right about me giving away too much of my power to this relationship... I was... but I was happy in a way... now I've been stripped off again... I'm standing in the cold, alone again... feeling betrayed... I don't need this lesson again... I don't, believe me... God, I've fought so hard for having faith... for trusting life... for believing that things could go right this time... that love heals all... I don't need to fall again... because this time I will give up. I have tried everything and even faith was not enough to save me. Maybe my Saturn-Venus conjunction in the 8th is signaling what I never wanted to accept. That love and sex hurt. That I'd be better off away from them. My own values and security... Stand alone? Is that what it means? That I only trust myself, that I should stop trying to adapt and go my own way. On my own. I'm so broken that I suppose the universe got its own way. Now I only want peace and loving only brings you trouble. I have always gone against the current, at least since I started university. At that point, Pluto entered my 12th house. I started reinventing myself then... My heart broke badly several times then. It has been a painful path, against my family values, against classmates and old friends... it has been a lonely path... because nobody understands... I've put so much energy into it... and so little gained in comparisson...
In 2000, I finished my degree. Pluto was approaching my 1st house and my Moon-Neptune natal conjunction. My life was so unbearably painful (I remember not fitting in my universe... not being what I was supposed or expected to be... hating it...) I moved abroad, to a unknown country... I wasn't 23 yet... I survived for four years there trying to find myself, deprived from love... I just wanted to purge myself... to tear myself and be reborn, to find the secret formula... I was somehow reckless... I faced cold, loneliness, pain... I even pushed my body to the limit, working as a beast... trying to break, to go beyond the limit... to prove myself how strong I was... until I broke... and came back... I've been always a warrior... others admire that persistence, that endurance... but nobody appears to see the big crack inside... my bruised soul... the price I pay for standing against the elements... Yes, my own security... because I'm not safe in this world... where I cannot find what I seek... when I swerve about... fighting for a space... trying to find home. I thought this time I found home... I thought I found home in him... I never knew someone like him, who made me feel so safe by his mere presence... The only thing I know now is that I'm crying non-stop again. That I lost again. That I'm back to square one. All that energy was wasted. I've been fighting against being a victim of my own destiny, of that vulnerability, fighting for the right of existing even being different... And after 13 years I'm still feeling the same vulnerable, I'm still the same victim... victim of that cursed pattern that only stores tears and pain once and again. The energy I put into things is not returned. My flame burns into consumption. I see other people's life. Their chart also have Pluto and Saturn somewhere... but their lives are different from mine. They are not this merciless punishment...
I don't want to grow if I have to be this unhappy... I need some true happiness... something to fight for, to hang on to, as I said some fresh air... I need to have something real... not just a battlefield. If Pluto and Saturn only take away things that are not good for you, that means that love never existed in my life... but I did give a lot of love away.I have been cheated by the universe. Don't I deserve to be loved? Why does the universe puts any good love in my path? Can Saturn and Pluto bring some happiness at all? Can I expect something good? Can I have any hope? Or is it going to be just difficult and painful? Living creatures would avoid pain in the first place, even before seeking pleasure... I'm not managing to get any true pleasure and I am not avoiding the pain... Life is extremely tough and unrewarding... Why would I want to carry on? IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 149
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 03, 2009 03:42 PM
you are a YOUNG woman. you carry on because suicide just brings you right back to where you were...however the trouble with plutonic people is they think they must use THEIR will to move forward against the odds (or the world). "if you struggle it only tightens up..." maybe the lesson is to let go for awhile and let things unfold?what is your work in the world? IP: Logged |
steelrose
Knowflake Posts: 11
From: Spain
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 03, 2009 05:09 PM
You have been fast...  Thank you...I'm not young... I'm already 31... and I'm still suffering... I dont know what love is... if this doesn't stop soon, I won't be able to cope anymore... I'm intoxicated...
I just want to stop, stop, stop... just stop... because I dont know where I'm going... I dont understand...
So... you are saying that I should stop moving??? Not stop living but stop fighting?
So you are saying that I'm making it worse?? But how can I continue without fighting if my life is unrewarding?
Yes... it's weird from me... not trying to do something to change my painful situation... I need to do something... If I don't fight then I deserve all misfortune I get... yes, you may actually be right... about my way of dealing with things... I need to use my will to move forward... My work in the world?? You mean what I do for a living? IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 149
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 03, 2009 05:22 PM
yes, what kind of work do you do? and that includes housewife...though with NN and pluto in 10th i would be surprised if that is what you say...i know you don't feel young. it's a relative term! compared to me you are a sapling, sweetheart. and i don't mean that as a judgment. some people have more to grapple with before they reach a place where they are comfortable in their own skin. some NEVER do. but though you are no longer a child you are still learning (hopefully that is a lifelong thing!) and finding your way. IP: Logged |
steelrose
Knowflake Posts: 11
From: Spain
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 03, 2009 05:38 PM
I am a project manager for the Air Traffic Management business in a multinational... Yes, I suppose it'd be tough for me to be a housewife... I need some power struggles and fighting to be alive... I need to earn things, to deserve success...Yes... that is my eternal struggle... to find home... that place where I'm comfortable in my own skin... I don't mind learning, I just need to stop suffering... I need to find love... IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 149
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 04, 2009 03:20 PM
steelrose, my mom used to say "sometimes life is like a dark tunnel. all you can do is put one foot in front of the other and feel your way in the dark until eventually you see a small light ahead..."i have found that looking for love outside oneself is doomed to failure, immediate or eventual...in my experience and watching others around me. is your work what you want to be doing, or something that you fell into? like i said, saturn is approaching your 10th house and professionally this can be a peak time. but if you are in the wrong line of work you might want to look into getting into the right one and put love on the backburner for now...? it has a way of coming when you least expect/look for it! i hope that your grief will lighten as you move through it...X IP: Logged |
steelrose
Knowflake Posts: 11
From: Spain
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 04, 2009 03:45 PM
My job is OK for me... It has good and bad things, sometimes I like it some others I don't. But I don't really care about it... it's just money... a way to pay the bills... it gives me enough status to keep me happy... A job, only a job, would not fulfill me entirely. I can't imagine any that would justify my presence in this world.I want someone to trust. I yearn for someone to love. Romance, true love... I've been yearning for it since as long as I can remember. My world is pretty cold with a natal Saturn-Venus conjunction in the 8th house. It hurts. I yearn for feeling love... because I find it really tough with that placement... I'm deeply unhappy. I can see how lucky I am in all other areas, I'm really grateful for all I have... but the pain is unbearable... it feels as having a knife stuck in your heart. I'd do anything to stop it... I've tried devoting myself to work, because it's something easy to control... I'm good in that area... but it's only work, it only consumes time... but when I go to bed at night on my own, I cry tears of loneliness... I hug my pillow trying to imagine there's another human being there, someone I can connect with, someone I can share with... someone who cares if I fall... someone that listens... Is that going to stop? Can you see something in the transits?... I need to believe... I need some hope... IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 149
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 04, 2009 04:29 PM
well its not for me to tell you what to choose. but with pluto on the mc in libra i would think you would need work that really means something to you to be happy. and in libra i'm not sure air traffic management fits the bill...what follows are suggestions ONLY and obviously coloured by MY perception...as for transits right now jupiter, neptune and chiron are all opposing that venus/saturn conjunction. this can be either a time of wonder or it can be a time of major disillusionment...it will pass but neptune and chiron are not lightning fast!! it is just possible that before this multiple opposition is over your venus/saturn will feel very different. i cannot tell you how. and of course saturn and uranus are opposing each other in the vicinity of your sun (and opposite) so you look to me to be kind of (metaphorically) balancing on the fence between what you are used to and a new way of life. so to me this looks like a "watershed" moment in your life. of course the chart and transits only DEPICT what you are going through, they do not CAUSE anything to happen. that is up to us - and frequently grace - to make what we can of what we have to work with. i think with a love affair in tatters and saturn approaching your SUN AND your 10th you might think about what you would REALLY want to do if you could make money and respect doing it! even if you don't change your job now it could lead you to people who can connect with you on a more soulful level and by adding dimensions and satisfaction to your life that COULD lead you to a more real love... IP: Logged |
steelrose
Knowflake Posts: 11
From: Spain
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 04, 2009 06:28 PM
Hmmm... What would fit the bill??? (I don't really much about my specific job as long as it's well respected, has status and possibilities of promotion... and I can pay my bills, pamper myself enough and travel abroad without having to worry about my mortgage... A nice equilibrium of power, status and money... quite simple really... Is that a Pluto thing???). I actually think my job fits perfectly the bill... My power increases the more charming I am... Being ellegant, refined and pretty makes my daily job easier... I need to get as much as I can from generally older men who are happy to deal with an intelligent and classy female rather than another man... I'm in the front line with the customer, I need to be argumentative and even a bit manipulative... It's an added bonus to be able to see a problem from different angles... I am a kind of diplomat... What dou you mean when you say that my Saturn/Venus conjunction will feel differently??? It's always painful... And a triple opposition is not promising any good... I can relate with what you said about balancing on the fence... I can see that... So what is your advice to make the better use of this energy??? On the relationship side... Change my old behaviours? Claim some personal power? Believe that what was in the past is only past and the future can be different? Trust the universe even through this turbulent period?? IP: Logged |
steelrose
Knowflake Posts: 11
From: Spain
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 04, 2009 06:29 PM
** double post **IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 149
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 05, 2009 12:19 PM
well it does sound like you are happy in your work. perhaps this coming transit will just bring you honours and recognition in what you are already doing. the reason i mention focussing on what you are doing is because it is about YOU, not about a "completing" partner...i think this opposition transit will show you the weaknesses and positive traits of saturn/venus. its not all bad!! maybe do some research into the aspect in places you haven't looked before. when i say it will feel different, i think this triple opp. may help you grow into the aspect and start using it in healthier ways. as to trusting the universe, i have come to do that. and i have moon opp saturn/merc and saturn widely conj venus myself. as i mentioned there were times when i thought my chart was rigged so that all the good times were negated by the harsh aspects. lately i have come to see how blessed i have been throughout my life. sometimes it is just a matter of recognizing those blessings. and sometimes if we recognized them in advance we wouldn't learn what we needed to... there will be other love(s) in your life. one thing saturn on venus can teach you is that "the love you take is equal to the love you make". you are in the middle of grieving what is no longer. the only way past some things is to go through them. don't get lost in the shadow side of this aspect. IP: Logged |
steelrose
Knowflake Posts: 11
From: Spain
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 05, 2009 06:42 PM
Hi Katatonic,I'm going though one of those life convulsions that shatter your life... I don't feel so broken right now. I only feel disillusioned and shaken... brutally dispossessed... Stolen... betrayed... but not broken... which is quite surprising really.
Two hours ago I stood in front of that guy and said my truth. I said what I felt for him. I pronunced the words "I'm in love with you" looking in his eye without hesitation. I faced my reality, I was terribly brave even knowing I had little chance of getting a positive response. He didn't match up to me. I felt all the time that he wasn't who I believed he was... He was much less than I expected.
He may think that his honour is clean... that he is safe now... I only saw a coward. Another coward.
This may be only the product of my dispair... but I feel that he hasn't been honest. But worse than that, he has not been the man I thought he was.
Somehow I feel deeply insulted.
He claims to be my friend. I don't believe he has never been. And that hurts. He doesn't care for me a fifth of what I cared for him. He didn't even took responsibility for the pain he caused. Saying "I'm sorry" is not good enough when words are empty. I have wasted so much energy, so much time and attention, so much illusion... I feel so disappointed that I would cry... but I don't feel that I lost him... I lost my time and energy. He didn't deserve it. I feel the grief of having loved someone who never deserved it. I'm furious about it. About all the wasted love. My scarce time ticking away. I'm not broken. Only ripped off something I deserved. Someone took away my light. I want it back. IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 149
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 06, 2009 12:24 PM
well that sounds like uranus opp sun. love is never wasted, sweetheart. though it sometimes seems that way. i don't really know your situation but it already sounds like you are better off without this man. the hurt will subside but the wisdom you gain will not...and i don't mean giving up on love. but maybe standing up for your self...? or learning not to depend on someone before the "love is blind" phase is over...only you know what the lesson is, because the lesson is what you make it. IP: Logged | |
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