posted June 28, 2009 02:09 AM         

I'm not looking for anything professional here necessarily, just some general advice. If someone could take a look at this synastry chart and tell me what your impressions are, I'd really appreciate it ( and maybe return the favor some other time).

The absolute love of my life was my boyfriend/roommate/best friend for 3 years, 2 of which we spent engaged. We were very young though (19-22) and I felt like I still had some "living" to do, so I broke it off. The breakup was really difficult for both of us, and the "living" I ended up doing afterward was just really damaging. Biggest mistake of my life, hands down.

We've kept in touch over the years, and every time we get close the old spark comes back just as strongly as it was in the beginning. The timing has never been right, though, and each time we've had to step back because one or both of us was with someone else. There's so much romantic tension between us that sometimes I don't even feel like I can be around him, yet we never, EVER address it directly. It's almost like we're scared of each other. We just sit on the tension and hope the other will say the words.

Recently, he asked me to begin a new musical project with him, which means we'll be spending at least two nights a week together. He recently broke it off with his girlfriend of three years, about 5 months ago. For the first time in a long time, we're both single, but I'm at a loss as to how I should go about this.

I'm not sure what it is about us that has us so paralyzed with fear. Life has gotten a lot more complicated for both of us in the past few years, and I have a child now from another man. He's met my son, and they get along, but I have no idea how he really feels about the situation in general. He also just left his serious long term relationship, and the experience has shoved him pretty deeply into his shell. We're both sort of limping around now, stuck in limbo, and I don't want to make a move if it's the wrong time. If we ever got back together, I'd want it to be forever. I'd rather have him in my life as a dear friend then risk losing him completely to drama/circumstance later on.

I want to proceed with caution, for his sake and for the sake of our friendship. When we're together my whole body feels this need to be with him, but there's this serious mental block there that holds me back from any kind of real action. Is it possible to love someone SO MUCH that you completely stunt your own intentions trying to do right by them?

posted June 28, 2009 09:13 PM         

You're getting all frozen up because you're making this all about Big, Heavy, Lifelong stuff with major ramifications. It will keep getting really, really frustrating with your 5th house Mars just dying to jump him and have your way with him.

I think you should explore the physical connection a little bit first--see what it feels like for you to be intimate in the way. Looking at the synastry (provided the birth times are accurate), I think this will allow you both to be warmer and more honest as you figure out whether to try again for a long-time romantic partnership. Because you already have that history, being lovers will not tank your friendship.

posted June 28, 2009 09:34 PM         

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We just sit on the tension and hope the other will say the words.

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No words!!! Just touch, close sitting, cheeks touching when you hug, hanging out alone late at night, etc...

An Aries woman needs to act on her sexual impulses or things start going awry in her emotional life. This 11th house Libra friend is a safe target for your Mars-ian urges--he will respond pleasantly (going for it if he's interested, deflecting you if not)--and he probably would not make the move himself.

PLEASE don't start some sort of heavy conversation with a wounded Libra before you've started making love physically again. No matter HOW he feels, being forced to think it out, declare himself, consider your needs, etc will cause him to make a fatally wrong decision. I was with an 11th house Libra Sun for years--don't make this guy think the whole thing out or make him see it as Big and Important and emotionally heavy. Just get huggier and kissier and flirtier...

The truth of your relationship is not all that heavy stuff...the truth is an 11th house Aries and an 11th house Libra with moons that are going to make any big emotional discussions NOT FUN (you would both try to plan the next 80 years and deprive yourselves of the pleasure his Sun is dying for and the action your Sun is dying for)...you both need to RESCUE yourselves from this heavy inaction.

Libra guy is unlikely to make the move, though if you want you can chase him till he catches you. But it's probably okay to just start making out with him!

Also--looking at your natal, your life is probably in better order than you think it is. You are able to take care of yourself and your child--you don't have to worry yet about enfolding the Libra into your whole life--allow yourself to express your Sun and express your 5th house Libra Mars and just enjoy your contact with this attractive person!

I really, really don't think you'll lose each other if you proceed with compassion. There is no way to predict "forever" before living it out, as you will learn during your Saturn Return in the 5th house conjunct your heavy-duty transformation planet Pluto...we live in the now. And also you are much much more likely to lose this friendship if you DON'T explore this attraction/connection...this frozenness is not the real you, and the poor Libra needs to be swept off his feet too.

posted June 28, 2009 10:55 PM         

A lot of what you say rings of truth (of course). I like that you used the word "torture" because that's EXACTLY what it feels like! I go through more cycles of completely internal annoyance-anger-dismissal-yearning over it than I'd like to admit. Being rescued from this by some serious physicality would be so relieving at this point that I would probably explode.

Historically, even just as friends, we operated best as a unit with me as the leader/instigator and him hanging back, making sure everything would be lovely in the aftermath. I've never known him to make the "first move" in any area of his life (his Mercury is also retrograde natally), even though he has a successful career. He's an artist professionally and has carved out this pleasant, completely non-confrontational life for his Super Libran self. I've always sort of known that if anything were to happen again, it would involve me taking action. But ARGH! Sometimes I feel like clawing out my own eyes!

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it is more likely that reconnecting as lovers will be healing for both of you, and then would return yet again to a friendship.

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This probably doesn't surprise you, but I would have absolutely no problem with the scenario playing out in this way if it would heal and help us find ourselves again. I care for him so genuinely that it isn't really that important to me that he be "mine" forever, just that he be AROUND me forever in some caring form. The hardest thing about his long term relationship wasn't that he was with someone else, but that his love for her kept him from being close to me- our connection/history (understandably) made her uncomfortable. I never considered that could be tied into our Moon/Node conjunctions (his birth info is correct, by the way), but it seems so obvious now.

I actually have been stepping up the physical flirtation a bit (touching his body during conversation, longer, more intimate than usual hugs goodnight, etc) and he reciprocates them. It all feels very easy and light, very high school. As stupid as this is to ask considering that I know him well and you don't at all- could that be his way of saying "Yes, I'm open to this, go ahead and kiss me"? Because I would really, really, really like it if it was.

posted June 30, 2009 12:57 PM         

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As stupid as this is to ask considering that I know him well and you don't at all- could that be his way of saying "Yes, I'm open to this, go ahead and kiss me"? Because I would really, really, really like it if it was.

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Yes!! It is. Sometimes we overcomplicate life and astrology and it helps to bring it back to Sun signs--you two are an Aries/Libra. Don't forget that. The more fire sign women are able to be bold and fully express our Suns, the more freedom and happiness we have. And Libra men like it when we start making out with them! Simple, simple, simple...like high school. That's why fire women often do well with Libras. Some other men in the zodiac are put off by our boldness--Libra is usually psyched, especially if we are sexy and pretty (and Libra thinks you are sexy and pretty, that's part of why you were together in the past...also he really likes you, that's why you are still friends).

Sometimes fire sign women feel a need to discuss the relationship with a Libra--this is a horrible decision--he finds it unpleasant. Whereas he finds a sexy woman trying to kiss him pleasant.

BUT--if I am wrong and he is not just dying for you to make out with him, one of two things will happen:
1) He'll be flattered by your move, it will make him feel wonderful, he'll be nice to you about and, and you will stay friends
2) He'll be flattered by your move, it will make him feel awkward and confused, he'll go off and waffle about what he wants, causing you great but brief torment, and then he will come back just slightly too late trying to have a big-deal romantic relationship with you

Either way, with that Sun-Mars, YOU will feel better if you try to just start kissing him. Even if it goes horribly (which, doubt it)...YOU will feel more yourself and more alive.

With his chart, if he's not into it, his thought will just be, "Oh, my Aries friend I adore is still attracted to me, that's so cool, but I'd rather be just friends for now"...there's no way he would hold it against you and not want to be friends. Unless you force him into a big Talk about your Relationship, in which case he will feel very uncomfortable and pressured even if he's madly in love with you.

posted June 30, 2009 01:03 PM         

(I have like a PhD in 11th house Libra Suns.)

posted June 30, 2009 10:13 PM         

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Maybe I should get that tattooed on my forehead, actually?

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You Aries just love the excuse to get tattooed.

posted July 03, 2009 11:18 PM         

We had a very strange conversation where he told me all of this right away and very bluntly (not like him). This is actually kind of an sad pattern in his life, of his exes being really very sick and once even dying (Chiron conjunct Descendant, I suspect), so it really concerned me that he was acting so blase about it. When I tried to get him to open up about it (I'm sorry! haha It was natural!), he almost immediately steered the conversation away from his ex's illness and into just... straight up flirting? Telling me we should hang out and watch DVD's at his place, playful little disses, lots of laughing. Talk about a live landmine, right? Yiiiiiiikes.

Maybe I should just start channeling all this tension into some aerobics or something? Jazzercise?

posted July 03, 2009 11:52 PM         

Your poor Libra. That's a big pile of heavy. He'd probably benefit even more from some lovemaking with someone he cares about.

Adult life is not going to stop being heavy and complicated and too unpleasant for Librans and too frustrating for Aries. I maintain (and will probably keep maintaining) that you should just hook up. Will you get a chance to see him before he goes?

posted July 04, 2009 10:47 AM         

Regardless, I really know that (especially right now) trying to be that to him is the last thing he needs. We've got that south nodes conjunct our Moon's thing that keeps dragging me back to the past. I don't know if I'm going to get to see him before he goes to visit her, but I'm going to try really hard not to let it phase me. They broke up for a reason and I know first hand that he's an excellent person to have at your side in times of need, so. I'll let the chips fall where they may, and when he comes back I'll just use his signals for direction and go with the flow. Lip to lip contact WILL commence before summers end, I swear. Maybe. No, I swear! (Maybe.)

And as for my not being sick or dead- I'm not even kidding you when I say I'm the only one. His transits right now are a dooz, too.

posted July 04, 2009 12:47 PM         

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When we were dating, it was effortless for him to open up to me and he has a pronounced dark side (Scorp Rising). You should see his art!

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YES, and when you are lovers again it will be effortless for him to do that again, too. His Libra bits need the lovemaking part. It's probably still easy for him to talk to you, but in my experience, these guys aren't great (the way a Leo/Aries would be) at actively making what they want happen romantically...

I really think you should hook up with him ASAP, unrelated at all to the timing of his visit to his ex, and not worry so much about the heavy, big stuff (what you should be to him, etc...you already are that.)