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Author
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Topic: Stuck between a rock and a hard place
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Hera
Moderator Posts: 3042
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 28, 2012 02:56 PM
  
Ugh.... Have written half a book but deleted it since it would only bore you and I don't think I want some of this stuff on the Internet, now that I think about it. Long story short, I am having a career crisis. My work contract expires in 2.5 years. My current workplace would like to hire me permanently, but the job requires being pretty much a modern slave. There are perks to it, but lately they lost their importance in my eyes because of all the compromises I have to make to do my job right. I have rebelled against my bosses and they didn't like it. They did not threaten the job offer yet because I am still valuable to them, but I think they will once I get so opressed to cross the line with them. I don't think I am too far away from that line..  Imagine I have Uranus in the 10th.. conjunct Jupiter, which as you know expands everything it touches. I crave freedom and professional autonomy but I am stuck and the more I realize how stuck I am, the more frustrated and rebellious I get. Needless to say, this is a counter-productive attitude. It is too soon to make a decision since I still have 2.5 years of my contract. But a lot is hanging from me getting a more stable job, like starting a family which is what I want most. So at least I need to find the mental tranquility to take a side, to mentally take that side as to not allow this to get to me like this because arghhhhhhhh it drives me mad! Should I stay and endure or should I leave and venture into the unknown? My chart is horrible to look at, Saturn is hovering over natal Pluto which happens to rule the MC.... I know this is a testing time and as much as it pains me to admit it, I am not doing so well. I thought I can manage it, I tried becoming more flexible and yielding (which is not exactly my nature) and it seemed to work for a little while, now it's even worse than before. I am quite confused and don't know where to turn. I know nobody can make this decision for me but I could really use some guidance please! ------------------
Whatever you give to a woman, she will make it GREATER. Give her SPERM, she will give you a BABY. Give her a HOUSE, she will give you a HOME. Give her GROCERIES, she will give you a MEAL. Give her LOVE, and she will give you her HEART! She multiplies and enlarges what she is given. So, if you give her CR@P, be prepared to receive a ton of SH!T! IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 3534
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted May 28, 2012 03:57 PM
Stay for now and keep your eyes open for another job-opportunity.
My instant thought.
I did a horsehoe spread for you
1. Past
King of Swords 2. Present situation
Ace of discs 3. Positives:
Emperor 4. Negatives:
Queen of Swords 5. influence of others (colleagues, bosses), sometime financial considerations:
3 of cups 6. Course of action
2 of cups 7. outcome
5 of discs My impression, if you leave NOW:
In the past your question may have been influenced by a strong, intelligent opiniated (or negatively: dominating) man, an authority figure. Maybe a boss, with whom you had a conflict?
Ace of discs in the present position indicates the financial stability and prosperity you gain from this job.
This is another card to depict authority figures, I am just surprised it comes as positive. (maybe there is a superior who places confidence in you and values your work greatly?).
Or maybe the positive thing in having this job is that it gives your life structure?
I think with this card there success is definitely possible.
Negatives.
The queen to the king of swords. A female authority figure?
Or does that represent you or more exactly your strong will and determination; you being an authority on your own, which might make you clash with the superiors?
influence of others is 3 cups.
It`s such a nice card. celebration, friendship. Celebrating good fortune.
If it is pertaining to the financial situation, it could confirm that this job is giving you a solid financial cushion. Course of action
How interesting. A love card right in a career-spread. lol
Maybe it could also speak of making compromises to maintain harmony. The outcome, if you were to quite NOW, doesn`t look very good actually
5 of discs is the card that to me spells "poverty" or "lack" or "loss", and it might indicate the loss of the financial security you have now.
Sometimes it can also denote poor decisions, or in the very least, indicates that a rocky path would lie ahead of you, were you to leave now.
So judging from the cards, I`d say now is not a good time to leave your job.
As I said above, stay in the job and keep your eyes open to better opportunities.
IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 3042
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 28, 2012 04:30 PM
Thank you Ceri! Very accurate!!!I don't intend to leave now.. Ugh.. If I leave now, I'd start from zero at another hospital but continuing the same contract (which was actually made with a different hospital altogether.. complicated I know). I can hunt other jobs while keeping this one. I had such an opportunity last year, for a job in my natal town, which I would have gotten 100% sure because the dude that got it was poorly prepared and he was the only candidate. But my boss told me "nonesense, you're staying here! I will take care of you".. right. But stupid me, I didn't go for the job because to be completely honest I don't want to go back to a small town life. I really don't. I would if there wasn't another way, but I have a house here, a life here. quote:
In the past your question may have been influenced by a strong, intelligent opiniated (or negatively: dominating) man, an authority figure. Maybe a boss, with whom you had a conflict?
I have 2 bosses actually. My attending (which I normally call boss, sometimes slave driver) and the head of the department (which I call chief). Both want to keep me there, but chief is soon to retire. Both are v difficult people, but I find my boss most stressful and he is the one I had the conflict with. Chief is outworn but boss has almost zero leadership qualities and I am supposed to compensate that and make him look good at the end of it. Boss and Chief also had a conflict, which is why my relationship with the Chief has suffered - he is still in charge and the one that can offer me the job, but he sees me as loyal to Boss not to him and resents me for it. quote:
Ace of discs in the present position indicates the financial stability and prosperity you gain from this job.
Yes. For the first time in my life I am able to support myself which is encouraging and empowering. I don't make a lot but I don't spend that much either. quote:
This is another card to depict authority figures, I am just surprised it comes as positive. (maybe there is a superior who places confidence in you and values your work greatly?).
Both do, I couldn't tell who apreciates me more. Perhaps my Boss though I have disappointed him lately. quote:
Or maybe the positive thing in having this job is that it gives your life structure?
I think with this card there success is definitely possible.
I know there is. And yes, it gives my life structure and meaning and purpose and I love being good at what I do and being apreciated for it. Yes, they also support my ambitions. But the price to pay Ceri.... is not worth it IMO. I am not exagerating but it feels like I have to sell my soul to devil - compromise the very values I stand by. No. quote:
Negatives.
The queen to the king of swords. A female authority figure?
Or does that represent you or more exactly your strong will and determination; you being an authority on your own, which might make you clash with the superiors?
It's me. I'm her 100%. They see me as a person hard to control, too opinionated and rebellious. They formed me to think for myself and apreciate me for making snap decisions under pressure but they don't like it when I occasionally criticize their ways, they can't handle that and consider I have *an attitude* just because I'm younger. It has nothing to do with age, it is common sense for God's sake and doing what's right for the patient. But it seems like I am too much of an idealist and definitely clash with my current workplace in this regard. quote:
influence of others is 3 cups.
It`s such a nice card. celebration, friendship. Celebrating good fortune.
If it is pertaining to the financial situation, it could confirm that this job is giving you a solid financial cushion.
It is normally a nice card but it just goes to prove too many trines spoil a person. Yes, it is their attitude of smoothing over problems like they don't exist. It is a cheerful environment, too cheerful even. I would prefer a more serious one because it makes us clumsy at work. quote:
Course of action
How interesting. A love card right in a career-spread. lol
Maybe it could also speak of making compromises to maintain harmony.
*shrugs* "Compromise" is right now the word I like the least. I am aware I have no other choice right now, not until I have a different job but this, to me, means compromising myself. I have seen what this workplace has done to others and either you stand your ground forcefully or you're their puppy forever. Uranus in the 10th is nobody's puppy. (ROARRRRR! lol) quote:
The outcome, if you were to quite NOW, doesn`t look very good actually
5 of discs is the card that to me spells "poverty" or "lack" or "loss", and it might indicate the loss of the financial security you have now.
Sometimes it can also denote poor decisions, or in the very least, indicates that a rocky path would lie ahead of you, were you to leave now.
 So I have to clench my teeth again huh? I hate that I don't have any room to move, no possibility of a way out. Character builder again I suppose. Like I need more character. (okay maybe I do but I feel a little snappy right now, sowwwy) quote:
So judging from the cards, I`d say now is not a good time to leave your job.
As I said above, stay in the job and keep your eyes open to better opportunities.
Thank you.. It is good advice, I am aware of that. There is no easy way out of this situation, anyway..IP: Logged |
yuting
Knowflake Posts: 645
From: Hong Kong
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted May 29, 2012 02:29 AM
Hi Hera,I know I can only do natal charts, but if you like, I could see what I could read for your career/career-family balance from your natal, so you might have another perspective when considering your career move. I'd like to repay you for the lovely readings you've done for me. If interested, you could either post your chart here or email me your birth info (think I have sent you email before via my yahoo account). Btw, I drew a Sabian symbol for you "Scorpio 6 A Gold Rush, Keyword Ambition" Seems like telling you to be ready to explore different opportunities. It is not too ambitious to look for something better, or look for a better kind of arrangement with your current bosses (eg. talk to your Chief about alternative arrangements before he retires) IP: Logged |
Junethird
Knowflake Posts: 1455
From:
Registered: Nov 2011
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posted May 30, 2012 11:12 PM
Dearest Hera... I sense that you feel like you are a stranger travelling familiar ground so to speak... If you remember from our first reading a few weeks ago... Remember about cleaning house so change can come in in 2-2.5years from now... This is it babe. Start making plans  it starts today!!IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 3042
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 30, 2012 11:38 PM
quote:
Originally posted by yuting:
Hi Hera,I know I can only do natal charts, but if you like, I could see what I could read for your career/career-family balance from your natal, so you might have another perspective when considering your career move. I'd like to repay you for the lovely readings you've done for me. If interested, you could either post your chart here or email me your birth info (think I have sent you email before via my yahoo account). Btw, I drew a Sabian symbol for you "Scorpio 6 A Gold Rush, Keyword Ambition" Seems like telling you to be ready to explore different opportunities. It is not too ambitious to look for something better, or look for a better kind of arrangement with your current bosses (eg. talk to your Chief about alternative arrangements before he retires)
Yuting, you are a wonderful soul! I am really sorry that I wasn't able to help you further and not sure how much help I was to you to start with. I was in a dire situation and in need of help myself and I isolate a lot when I am like that. I am very sorry that I didn't get to reply to you, I have wanted to do it many times. IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 3042
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 30, 2012 11:42 PM
It is getting a little better at my work place, I've had a talk with my Boss after the falling out. I know not many things will change, but I also can see that I've gotten through to him, at least partially. Weird thing happened yesterday, I got an offer from another attending to go to his private practice. It's a one time thing for now, but I immediately said yes. My boss doesn't know about this yet and not sure if I want to tell him or not. If I tell him it means I want to stick with him and want him to know if he doesn't apreciate me, other people do and they are courting me to work for them, so he'd better treat me better! If I don't tell him, I will seriously consider working for this other person, at least at his private practice.
My boss is downright the best surgeon there, whatever faults he may have, he is one skilled professional. And the next head of the department... But he wants a slave and I am not one and will refuse to be treated as one. IP: Logged |
yuting
Knowflake Posts: 645
From: Hong Kong
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted May 30, 2012 11:43 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
Yuting, you are a wonderful soul! I am really sorry that I wasn't able to help you further and not sure how much help I was to you to start with. I was in a dire situation and in need of help myself and I isolate a lot when I am like that. I am very sorry that I didn't get to reply to you, I have wanted to do it many times.
No worry. Since I am happily hopping about, it means that my questions will work themselves out anyway.  You take care. And my offer still stands if you'd like a 2nd opinion on career in your chart.
IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 3042
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 30, 2012 11:46 PM
quote:
Originally posted by yuting:
No worry. Since I am happily hopping about, it means that my questions will work themselves out anyway. You take care. And my offer still stands if you'd like a 2nd opinion on career in your chart.
I am in awe with you, Yuting! That guy doesn't know he's missing out on an amazing person!  Here is my chart and thank you so much!!  IP: Logged |
yuting
Knowflake Posts: 645
From: Hong Kong
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted May 31, 2012 12:26 AM
Caveat: You are just my guinea pig, so take my readings with a grain of salt Your 6H ruler is in 11H. 2H ruler is in 10H and 11H. Seems to say you make money via your career (esp when the ruler is Jupiter). 11H means social organization, administrative/political role. Maybe a public hospital is more suitable than private practice? Go into hospital admin (if you are not already in it)? IP: Logged |
yuting
Knowflake Posts: 645
From: Hong Kong
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted May 31, 2012 12:28 AM
Your MC rulers are in 3H/9H axis. Communication/teaching and/or travelling fit the bill? Current position/Any potential position for you to do so?IP: Logged |
yuting
Knowflake Posts: 645
From: Hong Kong
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted May 31, 2012 12:45 AM
Mer conj Mars opp Pluto
You are likely enthusiastiv, with active mind and need for communication. Occasionally blunt and combative in your communication. Investigative mind, ready to dig deep, but sometimes reading too much into the situation. You like to get your own way and do not take dominating attitudes from others too well
With rulers for your MC involved, these traits might be prominent in your work life.
So if you have domineering boss(es), no wonder you are cringing.Fortunately, you have Moon/Nep trining Mer/Mars and sextiling Pluto to give you a charming communication style, to temper your Mars/Pluto opp energy and to give you confidence to deal with challenges. Since your Moon/Nep are in 11H, I am thinking, rather than a specific boss, it is just as important for you to find an organization/company where the overall environment and the group of colleagues are where/whom you are comfortable with and buy-in (common philosophy). If the organization is right, looks like you can deal with any person/challenge in it. [edited]And your Saturn might put a damper on your learning/career, but with you past your Saturn return, things should be getting smoother or you would start to reap the rewards of the tough situations you went through when you were younger. I have Saturn in my 1H, I had a bit of struggle when developing my personality and my confidence in the workplace when I was younger, but got more and more comfortable as I gained real confidence (not my Leo pride confidence) as I grew older IP: Logged |
yuting
Knowflake Posts: 645
From: Hong Kong
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted May 31, 2012 12:47 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
That guy doesn't know he's missing out on an amazing person!
Btw, relationship with the guy has warmed up a bit, though still snail pace IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 3042
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 01, 2012 12:06 AM
Yuting, your reading is very good! I am on my way to work right now, but I will reply with adequate feedback soon. IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 3042
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 01, 2012 11:09 PM
quote:
Originally posted by yuting:
Caveat: You are just my guinea pig, so take my readings with a grain of salt Your 6H ruler is in 11H. 2H ruler is in 10H and 11H. Seems to say you make money via your career (esp when the ruler is Jupiter). 11H means social organization, administrative/political role. Maybe a public hospital is more suitable than private practice? Go into hospital admin (if you are not already in it)?
I am not, yet. I'm still just a resident. Have 2.5 more years of slavery ahead. My boss is soon to become the head of the department and most likely I will take on some of his administrative issues because if he's good at something, he knows how to delegate lol. quote:
Your MC rulers are in 3H/9H axis. Communication/teaching and/or travelling fit the bill? Current position/Any potential position for you to do so?
Well yes, if you think about conferences and congresses, I did travel a bit. As for teaching, Chief wants me to become a TA but for that I need to start my PhD and can only do it in the fall. So if the position is still available by then, I will go into teaching too. Personally would have prefered to go into research, which is more like my kind of thing, but I need a stable position so I'll take whatever I can get that will allow me to secure my future. There is a position in reseach available as well. But Chief is quite fickle and don't know how he's gonna flip the cards for me until he retires. From what I can tell, he wants me to go into teaching more than research. IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 3042
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 01, 2012 11:49 PM
quote:
Mer conj Mars opp Pluto
You are likely enthusiastiv, with active mind and need for communication. Occasionally blunt and combative in your communication. Investigative mind, ready to dig deep, but sometimes reading too much into the situation. You like to get your own way and do not take dominating attitudes from others too well
With rulers for your MC involved, these traits might be prominent in your work life.
So if you have domineering boss(es), no wonder you are cringing.
Yes, indeed! I don't mind dominating bosses, I come from a submissive standpoint - have been submissive most of my life despite being put in leadership positions. I guess slowly I grew into being more opinionated and confident and standing my ground. What I do mind is inconsistency and lack of ethics and of character - which I sometimes have to put up with in my work and act like it doesn't bother me, when clearly it does. It took a lot to become verbal about it and it rubbed them the wrong way for sure, but I do sense at least partially I got to them, at least to my Boss. quote:
Fortunately, you have Moon/Nep trining Mer/Mars and sextiling Pluto to give you a charming communication style, to temper your Mars/Pluto opp energy and to give you confidence to deal with challenges.Since your Moon/Nep are in 11H, I am thinking, rather than a specific boss, it is just as important for you to find an organization/company where the overall environment and the group of colleagues are where/whom you are comfortable with and buy-in (common philosophy). If the organization is right, looks like you can deal with any person/challenge in it.
It is true, Moon-Neptune tempers Mars-Pluto a lot. Moon is also ruler of my 6H so it comes up in my work life a lot. It comes up especially in my dealings with the patients and they like my empathy and my sensitivity to their needs, but sometimes it draggs me down emotionally because I tend to difuse and their pain becomes my pain. That is not good because it wears me down for one thing, and another is that I cannot impose on them, which I must if I want them to cooperate with me. It is not an equal relationship, so I need healthy detachment to do it.
In the beginning I thought this was the right place for me. I blended in very fast and was accepted and apreciated, in 2-3 weeks since my arrival I was already part of the gang, which was very surprising for me since my social skills need some work (a lot, actually lol). But it really felt like the right place. That was until I found out what was going on in the background... That no longer felt right. quote:
And your Saturn might put a damper on your learning/career, but with you past your Saturn return, things should be getting smoother or you would start to reap the rewards of the tough situations you went through when you were younger.I have Saturn in my 1H, I had a bit of struggle when developing my personality and my confidence in the workplace when I was younger, but got more and more comfortable as I gained real confidence (not my Leo pride confidence) as I grew older
Yes, I can feel that. Saturn return is sort of bitter-sweet. It brought this crisis on, but I guess it was necessary for a rearrangement on my part and on my bosses part. I need to improve my ways of interracting with them and so do they. Perhaps my rebellious ways were a bit too much but I guess were a necessity under the circumstances. I have the example of my bosses previous resident, which was sort of a doormat and developed into a specialist who always doubted herself and asked his advice for the most minor things. I did not want to become like that. If there is one thing that I am most grateful for gaining through my boss, is that I learned how to make decisions on my own, think for myself - but it's this very thing that annoys him the most about me. I guess he sees me as threatening. But it was him who taught me how to swim by throwing me into boiling water, what effect did he think it will have on me? Eternal submission?!IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 3042
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 01, 2012 11:54 PM
quote:
Originally posted by yuting:
Btw, relationship with the guy has warmed up a bit, though still snail pace
I am glad for you! But this has been dragging on for quite a while - at least 6 months since I did your reading. Are you comfortable with the speed of things? IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 3042
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 01, 2012 11:55 PM
Thank you for the reading! I am one happy guinea pig!  IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 3042
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 02, 2012 08:07 AM
Hmmm... well I'm on call right now with my Boss and I told him about the other offer and he was seriously offended. Like wow. He doesn't wanna lose me. It feels nice. IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 3042
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted July 12, 2012 04:02 AM
Here we go again.. Didn't take long.I was stupid to think things will change. I really have to wonder if this is the best workplace for me.. but I am aware it is probably worse in other hospitals in my city. I think the other attending would like to work with me, but if I go down that route, I burn the bridges with my current which, like it or not, is the best surgeon there.. But horrible, horrible teacher.  I really feel like leaving this place. I feel so stuck and helpless. IP: Logged | |
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