posted June 16, 2012 01:55 AM            

Here is the composite:

and the synastry:

I do not have his exact birth time though mine is accurate.

I met him in 2009, by that time I was rather depressed because of a huge disappointment in myself.
There was a lot of attraction, sort of love at first sight. We kept being around each other though we didn't talk much or shared much, somehow there was a strong push and pull with non verbal communication.
I'm not gonna lie, being around him filled me with love and confidence and at the same time made me face my insecurities.
This lasted 9 months then we both moved to different towns to study. I never confessed and even though my gut feeling was telling me he liked me I never got to know. Besides he already had a girlfriend.

And that's when the spiraling down begins. I had moved away and so did he and suddenly being apart from him literally devastated me. I am not someone who gets easily overwhelmed by emotions, let alone let them affect my daily life but here I couldn't do anything. I was helpless with grief. I know I sound like I'm exaggerating, I myself can't believe I could have been this affected by this but it felt like I had lost someone close to me and the mere thought of not seeing him ever again was scary enough to me. I had to face all my so called issues of abandonment and what I refer to as the "truth" which is just a lot of facts that make me depressed.
I isolated myself, overslept, didn't want to eat... After a year, I couldn't take this loneliness and physically being alone anymore so I came back to my hometown. This implied that I had to give up on my chosen path and start over.
Now that a year has passed and that my future hasn't gotten any much clearer, I'm wondering what in the world did this guy do to me for me to react like this?
I know myself and I'm sure that if I hadn't met him, it would have been different.

I've been wondering: "who is this guy? "Why did I have to meet him?" "Why did he have such an impact on me, especially when I've never been involved with him?"

Was he supposed to teach me a lesson? Was I supposed to repay him by being in pain ?

posted June 16, 2012 04:37 AM            

Were you born in the early 90s? I was born in 91 and have Saturn in Cap and almost the exact same positions of Sun and Venus but other planets are different so I’m assuming you’re a year older lol, I’m also a Cancer ascendant…

Anyway, I’m really not that great at reading synastry and composite charts but I guess what first stands out to me is his Saturn conjuncts your Venus and your Saturn conjuncts his Neptune which can add feelings of heaviness and difficulties in actually manifesting the relationship. Also his moon could be conjunct your Pluto which could definitely add feelings of intensity and urgency.. You both have mars in each other’s 12th houses (if his birth time is right) which could make the physically being together difficult or illusive (although I’m not really sure about how mars in the 12th house manifests exactly)Also his NN conjuncts your moon and mercury so you guys could have a very strong attraction, and the relationship could seem fated as you've mentioned...

Another thing I noticed since our charts are very similar is that you have a lot of planets in Cap as do I and these past couple years have been really rough for me as well, I’ve felt like I’ve had to face up to a lot of unresolved things in my past I would have rather left unresolved at the time. Saturn is in Libra and especially with your moon in Cap that must be really difficult, when Saturn was squaring my moon several years ago I pretty much had an emotional breakdown. (And you have moon, merc, and venus in 7th house so it would make sense that some of these problems would manifest through a relationship)

Also, since we’re both Cancer ascendants Saturn has been going through our 4th houses and I had a very similar experience of moving away for school and then moving back to my hometown and feeling very depressed about it and directionless. (Obviously the 4th house rules home and family and I’ve read this transit can mean among other things it can be extremely difficult to change living arrangements successfully or easily). I don’t know exactly what degree your MC is, but Uranus is close to yours and when Uranus crossed over my MC this was also a very chaotic and unstable time in my life… Your mars is in early Sag and Neptune is in early Pisces, and I also went through a Neptune square Mars transit recently which I think adds to the feelings of frustration, directionlessnes and inability to see things clearly. I’m sure there are a lot of other things to consider, that’s just what stands out to me

posted June 16, 2012 05:46 PM            

So I thank you for mentioning to me the effect of transits, as I said this was very insightful. I guess I am somehow stuck on this particular experience I had with this guy and thus forget the big picture.
I still feel though as if I had lost some part of me by going through this. I can't really say I've been just as good as I wanted to be the past five years but at least I've tried to hold myself together through the turmoil. But meeting him sort of like broke something, and let out a part for me I didn't even know it existed before.

Even till this day even though I haven't seen him in over a year, and though I convince myself everyday that I'm over this, that I have things more important to do, whenever I hear about some news concerning him, like when he moved in with his girlfriend, when they had a baby, when they decided to do a civil union, or even more lately when they're going to move to a bigger flat, a huge part of me sinks a little on the inside and I died a little.
I'm like "wow, wow, wow, how did things got so fast for him? why did I have to fall for someone who not only was taken but who would be having a baby s young ?.."
And the one big thing that affects me the most is above all that his life is getting better, or at least he's moving ahead becoming an adult, and I? I'm lost, and am miles behind, living with my parents and siblings and struggling with depression which definitely makes the super cap in me just want to sit down and cry at such failure.
I really am disappointed in myself and am even more when I realize how all of this affects me.

But you're certainly right, this might just be saturn squaring my moon mercury and descendant asc axis, bringing the disappointment through relationship.

posted June 16, 2012 06:10 PM            

Too many people make fast decisions, only thinking about how much that will impress other people, and then they end up very unhappy with a job they hate, with decisions they hate.

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Imagination is intelligence having fun.
—George Scialabba

posted June 16, 2012 06:22 PM            

Now I don't claim my issue to be "the worst ever on earth" "the unbearable burden" I know it's no big deal, but it still affects me.

posted June 16, 2012 06:30 PM            

and it makes you feel like **** lol.

But, I mean, they always say, what's meant to be will be, right?

------------------
Imagination is intelligence having fun.
—George Scialabba

posted June 16, 2012 06:59 PM            

I think it's just that I'm angry at myself for falling for him in the first place, and for believing he felt something too.
I've never fallen in love with anyone before, not that I am not capable of love, just that it takes time for me to do so. And I've never been comfortable being overwhelmed by emotions.
I also feel it's unfair that I should be the one struggling to get over this, being affected and letting it affect my life in a negative way when it's so easy for him, and he just finds himself surrounded by love.

posted June 16, 2012 07:04 PM            

------------------
Imagination is intelligence having fun.
—George Scialabba

posted June 16, 2012 07:17 PM            

I realize now that my question might be "why was I affected (and still to an extent am) in such a way by him?".
Maybe the answer lies in the synastry or composite ? can it tell me if I had some karma to repay to him? (my venus conjunct his saturn and his saturn trines my venus ?)

posted June 17, 2012 01:27 AM            

As far as the Saturn squares and transit through your 4th house, I really don’t think you should feel like you’ve failed, I know it definitely might seem this way because independence is what we want the most and are trying to do with this transit, but Sauturn knocks us back down and puts obstacles in front of us so we realize that there are still things from our past we need to face before we can truly be self-reliatnt... I think the lesson is in realizing that we are vulnerable on our own and that we can’t just leave our roots behind un-attended to, we need other people to support and help us if we want to be independant… At least this is what I’ve tried to take from this transit. So please don’t see your being back home despite the progress you felt you’d made as a failure.

Also, having a full 7th house in your natal chart is difficult enough as it is! The planets found in the 7th house indicate areas in our lives we feel incomplete unless they are reflected by a partner or someone we’re in a relationship with . When you have a strong connection with someone activating these planets like you do with this guy, it can feel like your very identity or fulfillment as a person is on the line, I wish I could offer more comfort with this, but I also have a full 7th house and know how difficult this can be.

I think as far as the relationship goes, I understand how this would be extremely painful to see someone you care about that much seemingly living the dream with a family and a civil union and a great flat, not having to worry about money etc.,, but I think you are smart and intuitive enough to know that people who have things so great at such a young age who haven’t actually had to work for them are in a very vulnerable position later on… And just because he’s doing so great now doesn’t mean things will be that way 10 years from now… I think you just have to remember that you WILL meet more people that you connect with on a deep/fulfilling level who are actually available, and even if you feel caught up on this person now, karma and fate will take care of themselves…

posted June 17, 2012 11:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by FireMoon:
I think the lesson is in realizing that we are vulnerable on our own and that we can’t just leave our roots behind un-attended to, we need other people to support and help us if we want to be independant…

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Yes you're right, I definitely experienced it that way. And I didn't expect myself to react like this but somehow I had to face and accept the fact that I have a hard time living alone, by myself.

quote:

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The planets found in the 7th house indicate areas in our lives we feel incomplete unless they are reflected by a partner or someone we’re in a relationship with . When you have a strong connection with someone activating these planets like you do with this guy, it can feel like your very identity or fulfillment as a person is on the line, I wish I could offer more comfort with this, but I also have a full 7th house and know how difficult this can be.

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Again, this is very insightful. I had never noticed this! though it's been quite a while now that I've been interested in astrology. I had never noticed how this guy was triggering all my seventh house planets. It all makes sense now, why I felt that way.

And everything you said is just, the truth. I don't really know what to say apart from thank you and that I truly appreciate your reply as it is precisely what I needed to be reminded of.