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Author
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Topic: An adult question
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IceQueen
Newflake Posts: 20
From: Brooklyn, NY, 11230
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted March 09, 2013 08:13 PM
  
This is our synastry chart of me and DH, we've been together 12 years and have a 1yo DD. How do I spark his libido? Lately he's uninterested (gained weight, maybe depressed). Can I help him somehow?
I am the inner circle. Any help is much appreciated!!!  ------------------
IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 1215
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted March 09, 2013 08:34 PM
How long has this been happening?
What was his libido like before?
It could be a transit.IP: Logged |
GiggityGirl
Newflake Posts: 18
From:
Registered: Mar 2013
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posted March 09, 2013 08:54 PM
Not everything in life should be ascribed to astrology.If your husband has depression, no sex drive and has gained weight, then you should help him BECAUSE YOU ARE HIS WIFE. Not because of a chart. Yeesh. IP: Logged |
IceQueen
Newflake Posts: 20
From: Brooklyn, NY, 11230
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted March 09, 2013 09:02 PM
GG, thanks for that burst of self-righteousness! Don't know what I would do without you! The question is not whether, but how.Kerosene, for a long while now, feels like Saturn. But it's not aspecting anything except opposing NN in his eighth. Which is the right place for it, but NN? Really? IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 25983
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 09, 2013 09:28 PM
Welcome! Moving to Personal Readings. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 25983
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 09, 2013 09:28 PM
Welcome! Moving to Personal Readings. IP: Logged |
IceQueen
Newflake Posts: 20
From: Brooklyn, NY, 11230
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted March 09, 2013 09:39 PM
Thanks Randall, sorry about the misplacement.I will exchange for whatever (i do tarot, runes etc. as well) IP: Logged |
starmoon
Knowflake Posts: 437
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted March 09, 2013 10:16 PM
if all you want to do is spark his libido, do some reading up on a gemini moon - men can often be 'reached' through their moon sign. a great way to spark his interest might be to reinvent yourself a bit - new clothes? new haircut? try a wig or costume? something that would allow him to see you in a new light. gemini's like variety and his aqua venus would likely appreciate that too - they like anything new and different. i have a libra mars (like your hubby) and we can be lazy about exercise, so if you do suggest anything like that make it simple, like walks or something... we aren't into exertionIP: Logged |
IceQueen
Newflake Posts: 20
From: Brooklyn, NY, 11230
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted March 09, 2013 10:35 PM
starmoon, what excellent ideas!!!I will def try to try an alternate look -- but i'm kinda out of ideas, because my normal look is sexy, TBH i never thought I'd have this problem. I dress sexy, I wear heels and makeup, I have blonde beautiful hair. IDGI. I guess he got used to it. The exertion thing - OMG you couldn't be more right! Every time I even drag him out for a walk, it has to be with a promise that we'll eat somewhere LOL. IP: Logged |
TaurusRising
Knowflake Posts: 165
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted March 09, 2013 11:04 PM
Low sex drive + weight gain & possible depression are all symptoms of Low T (testosterone)..kinda like the male version of menopause that can start around age 30. Maybe have him talk to his doctor and get tested and get prescribed something to correct it. Then he should be as good as new.IP: Logged |
IceQueen
Newflake Posts: 20
From: Brooklyn, NY, 11230
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted March 09, 2013 11:11 PM
Hmmm.. TaurusRising, this is a brilliant idea!!! He hates drs though. Any help getting him to the dr?IP: Logged |
TaurusRising
Knowflake Posts: 165
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted March 09, 2013 11:17 PM
quote:
Originally posted by IceQueen:
Hmmm.. TaurusRising, this is a brilliant idea!!! He hates drs though. Any help getting him to the dr?
you might be on your own there...but if promising food to get him to go on a walk works, maybe bribe him with his favorite restaurant  or just may it as easy as possible for him to go, set up the appointment, drive him there etc. whatever works to get him to do something. IP: Logged |
IceQueen
Newflake Posts: 20
From: Brooklyn, NY, 11230
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted March 09, 2013 11:19 PM
Thank you TaurusRising! This is how i usually do it -- just set him an apt! What sort of Dr would this be anyway? An endocrinologist? A nutritionist? The general physician did not say anything. He also has asthma (or some other respiratory trouble), the pulmonologist did not say anything about T either. IP: Logged |
TaurusRising
Knowflake Posts: 165
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted March 09, 2013 11:42 PM
I'd say a Urologist. I believe that would be in their area of work. Endocrinologist may work also thou. Just make sure they know what the concern is.IP: Logged |
Jessica2407
Knowflake Posts: 924
From: Saturn
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted March 10, 2013 12:20 AM
or may be he thinks he is no longer worthy of you...just a thought..IP: Logged |
Vradec
Newflake Posts: 12
From:
Registered: Mar 2013
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posted March 10, 2013 12:30 AM
I'd definitely suggest he go to a doctor. But in the meantime, like the person said above; does he think he is worthy of you? Does he know it? Express your desire of him to him directly.Also a good way to help someone "get in the mood" if they are down is if you engage their mind somehow. I mean talk to him, intrigue him and, most importantly, give him some subtle ego-boosting talk. All men need that: to know they are manly, to know they are wanted. IP: Logged |
IceQueen
Newflake Posts: 20
From: Brooklyn, NY, 11230
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted March 10, 2013 11:26 AM
Thank you Jessica! This is definitely the problem (he's told me this)! How do I fix it?Vradec, with so much Virgo in my makeup, I am prone to tearing people down rather than building them up  I feel like at this point even if I try to stroke his ego it'll look intentional because it isn't characteristic of me to do it (he is also a very sophisticated judge of people). Are there any particular spots where I should praise him/ways I should do it, based on his chart?
IP: Logged |
Swift Freeze
Knowflake Posts: 261
From: One World
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted March 11, 2013 05:25 AM
I don't know if any men have posted their opinions and ideas here, but I think there is still a division between Men understanding Women and Women understanding Men.As others have touched on he may very well be depressed about things. The first thing is, you have noticed a change. The next thing to do is find out what caused that change and why. I don't know what your relationship together is like. However, spending quality intimate time together is important in almost every relationship. I don't mean doing things together either. I mean taking 5-15 minutes, asking him to just come and cuddle you or hug you. This helps form a bond between people which generally leads to an easier expression of feelings between the two. It is time taken where you both just want to spend time with each other. By expressing your affection and feelings for him in this way, and showing him you want to spend some time with just him and nothing else. You may very well be able to probe gently and ask him how work is going, how his family is, friends are, any of his interests. This is to help you work out what may be causing his depression, loss of libido, and weight gain. All people are different, and I fully understand that. However, I do feel that spending a little bit of close personal time and using that to talk to him about things in his life, or even get him started by talking to him about some of the things in your life, e.g. "my friends are all okay, except the other day one of them.... ...how are your friends doing?" This 15 minutes or so, it can be as short or as long as you both want, nothing has to happen, you can just enjoy being close to one another and sharing some time, it doesn't have to lead anywhere. You can be as direct or indirect as you like. You can set some time aside, every week, every few days, every day if you like. Take some time, and think about yourself, what would cause you to lose your libido? You would probably find, that a lot of the causes that may lead to your libido to dip, are actually very similar for men. Everyone is different, but from what you've written, it feels like there is a little gap between you if you are unsure of why he has changed. Communication is key, and a loving nurturing environment for that communication is key as well.
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Learn lots. Don't judge. Laugh for no reason. Be nice. Seek Happiness. Follow your dreams. IP: Logged |
Jessica2407
Knowflake Posts: 924
From: Saturn
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted March 11, 2013 06:33 AM
quote:
Originally posted by IceQueen:
Thank you Jessica! This is definitely the problem (he's told me this)! How do I fix it?Vradec, with so much Virgo in my makeup, I am prone to tearing people down rather than building them up I feel like at this point even if I try to stroke his ego it'll look intentional because it isn't characteristic of me to do it (he is also a very sophisticated judge of people). Are there any particular spots where I should praise him/ways I should do it, based on his chart?
well if you love your husband, you will have to build his confidence up. He is obviously struggling with self esteem issues, depressed about his physique,not wanting to look at himself in the mirror.(may be) Then when he look at you and sees a beautiful woman, he is convinced that you will leave him for a ''better'' guy.He is discouraged because he can't be the guy you fell in love with. I don't think re-inventing yourself will change how he feels about himself. Stroking his ego would sound fake IMHO.He is down and feeling like he is a loser. This is your husband,you have to SHOW him you love and care about him, that his weight doesn't change your feelings for him,that you want to be with HIM,no one else, that you will stand by him no matter what. It's not really down to ''fixing'' it, he is suffering, self doubts,feeling worthless, these feelings can't just be ''fixed''. You have to really UNDERSTAND and FEEL his pain to be able to help him. Just my 2 cts. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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