posted May 09, 2013 12:28 PM            

For a while I've written about my problems with controlling people and relationships (if anyone has even noticed), and since I feel like I'm hijacking someone's thread every time, I thought I'd post my chart up here.

I especially want to know what I could do to solve these problems. I know a lot of it comes down to being assertive and confident, but how do I get there? Is there anything in my chart that shows what I'm good at, which I could draw some confidence from? Preferably something that could give me some more... obvious acknowledgement, which my Leo sun and Capricorn moon desperately want.

My whole life is dedicated to other people and what they want. I feel like I have to earn acknowledgements and compliments, while I'm usually giving them just because I like what I see. I wish there was a way people close to me would do the same for me. I appreciate all the help and sympathy I've gotten here, but it leaves a bit of a void in me, as those people still aren't (and may never will). The boyfriends I've had never told me I looked pretty or showed in any kind of way they were happy to be with me, unless it was to impress their friends that they could "get a girl". A lot of ignoring of my feelings and putting the blame on me and my bs emotions. I think a major reason for me not meeting anyone is because I'm still in a bad place, even if my daily life is just fine. I want to get out of there and not only to get that happy, social life I've been dreaming of, but also just to be happy.

I'm having some professional help at the moment and it's brought up a lot of painful feelings from the past, stuff I thought I'd given a place. Maybe not enough. Astrology has been a good guide so far (and so is LL), so I'm putting myself out here. Please take a look and tell me what you see in this chart.

posted May 18, 2013 08:02 AM            

This was actually meant for another post, but since it got so far into personal stuff I decided to put it here. If nobody wants to help, I guess I'll use it to vent without hijacking someone else's thread. *sigh*

My major problem has always been that I give way more than I get back (if I get anything in return at all). I get hate everywhere I go. If I assert myself, I'm being a selfish, aggressive [insert term of abuse here], if I tone it down and take people into account, I'm completely ignored, seen as someone they don't have to take seriously or called two-faced. I've had some Aquariuses (that's a pattern I've noticed) actually tell me they don't trust me and were convinced I was only trying to suck up and make friends.

I think the key lies in the sign on my Descendant: Aries. Ideal partner/best friend would be the leader type who doesn't mind (or even likes) showing us the way to choose for myself now and then and take off the burden of having to weigh out everything and anything. But the bad news is that there's always the danger of attracting a lot of people who are argumentative and have a quick temper.

If I get all whiny [in other people's eyes, not mine] about wanting a thank you now and then, wanting to know that people care, it's really because I do feel neglected emotionally.

I don't really like my rising sign either. It is quite boring. Act out the Libra and you blend in so much that people forget about you. Sometimes this happened to me literally, with being locked in or outside of a building because people forgot I was there. >_> I prefer reading about other risings too. The combo with Leo really doesn't work as well as it looks on paper. My sun instantly gets disheartened over being forgotten about for weeks despite being there and certainly not just sitting around.

So... I don't know if I'm just entitled. I don't think I am. What I do know is that I've denied myself a lot of opportunities to stand up for myself out of fear of being called exactly that or laughed at for it. It just hurts to put your heart into something and know nobody will care as much as you do. Can't do the quiet pride thing. Just don't have that kind of confidence. The only time it works is when I'm physically and mentally beat from doing so much for people and I'm beyond the point of caring what they'll say. Always turns into a harsh argument that has cost me quite a few friendships in the past. I still miss them and wish we could've worked it out.

My social worker told me something that had never occurred to me, being so full-on relating to everyone: that some people really don't want to think of others. Wow. Revelation for me. It just can't always be that, right? It's been happening to me ever since primary school and just for wanting people to show they cared. Just once. No big gestures or anything, just a thank you or at least acknowledgement of something I did that was very hard for me. I just wish people would support and reassure me, instead of always snapping at me with a, "Don't be such a baby!" I've come to the sad conclusion that this really has to come from those friends/boyfriends before I can change how I feel about this.

posted May 19, 2013 08:08 AM            

If I were you I would be very attentive for people putting planets on those points which make the geometry even more powerful or even a david star (around 11-14 degr. Taurus/Pisces) as I think those could have a very profound, beneficial or transformational effect on your life, in one way or another. It could even mean a very significant love if someones Venus (or Jupiter and even Sun) would occupy those points, but that's also the case if it lands on your Pluto point in the pic.

Another thing that completely grabbed me is your Venus/Juno conjunction exact (!).. MY, that's the most sexual aspect you can have (in their system) and would mean a radiation that overpowers about anyone on that level.. (I'm jealous! )

posted May 20, 2013 06:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Twirl:
Hey, I am very much a beginner when it comes to astrology, so don't take me too serious.
Did you look further into your mercury in the 12th house? I can imagine it might play a role into people saying they don't trust you.
Also I noticed all the saturn conjunctions (and it being in the third house). Looking at the 3rd and saturn there might also give you some clues.
Again, just a suggestion, I know way too little of astrology.
In general: you can't really change people or the way they perceive you (and how you want them to act). Bottom line i.m.o. is to connect to your own core and be certain of who you are. Then you wouldn't want (or need) the recognition of others, because you can give that to yourself. And if you feel that you can also see others for how they are and behave and just respect that too, even though you address things differently.
Best of luck!

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Ahh, don't worry about being a beginner! So am I. No matter what someone's level, it helps when someone takes another look at it from a different angle. (And with so little air in my chart, I desperately need people who can be objective about me haha <3) Your comment is spot-on. Mercury in the 12th and not being trusted. Of course. It remains into that house even when my chart progresses, so I've just... learned to deal, you know? The Saturn conjunctions are hard, he certainly is a hard task master. I feel the to on my moon the most, 'cause it appears into my chart three times. Ahh. Now that you mention it... I've had lots of trouble communicating when I was younger. I also have a learning disability that really slows down any education I follow, even now I'm in university. I had to take a 2-year course/college ed and an entrance exam before I could even make it to the class and even now it's been a struggle to keep up. Corssing my fingers that I won't be getting any more delay, though it's not looking good.

*sigh* Yeah, you're right. It's always the lack of confidence. I just don't know how to get through it. I just wish the people in my life would care and not treat me like a resource/moral support and then ditch me when it stops being convenient. I'd find it a lot easier to accept that I care more than the other way around if it wasn't always like that, you know? I do give myself credit, but it's mostly because I know no-one else will. I know people are different and I try to accept it... and then I find out that it does bother me that they don't take what I want into account. But I'm trying to just focus on the very few who have backed things up. Thank you.

quote:

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Originally posted by mir:
Well, from a magi-perspective (my hobbyhorse) in which *geometry* is the key to everything (which I can only underline) you have a very powerful (!) and favourable grand sextile (half of david star), involving Chiron/Moon/Mercury/Pluto (I/they only count the most exact orbs, hence excluding the wide rest here) which seems to mean something like a powerful (pluto) instinct (moon) for ideas (mercury) regarding carreer (chiron), simply said. Buth those planets in their system have more meanings and I'm not exactly the one for interpreting things. But this pic should be the main focus from which much to gain!

If I were you I would be very attentive for people putting planets on those points which make the geometry even more powerful or even a david star (around 11-14 degr. Taurus/Pisces) as I think those could have a very profound, beneficial or transformational effect on your life, in one way or another. It could even mean a very significant love if someones Venus (or Jupiter and even Sun) would occupy those points, but that's also the case if it lands on your Pluto point in the pic.

Another thing that completely grabbed me is your Venus/Juno conjunction exact (!).. MY, that's the most sexual aspect you can have (in their system) and would mean a radiation that overpowers about anyone on that level.. (I'm jealous! )

This about the things sticking out directly.

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Those aspects are pretty close! Hmm... the career because of the conjunction to my MC? So far it's more been about wanting to find my place somewhere... and yeah, I do want a good career. Don't worry about the interpretations, I'll just grab my notes and sit down with them. I love that you mention those Taurus/Pisces/Scorpio points. The few relationships (romantic or otherwise) I've had where I felt treated like a person were all with people with these signs prominent in their chart - at least one of them. They know me better than I do, haha. Their advice is precious to me, because it's exactly what I need to hear. I definitely feel that knowing them has changed me to be a better person. One of them has their sun and the other their Venus at those degrees.

Sexual... a whole new angle for me. That has only really come out with the right partner so far. That's kind of how it plays out for me - I like it, just not so hot on that quincunx to my NN.