posted January 17, 2014 04:47 AM            

1-heart of the matter-seven of cups
2-what crosses it-ace of cups.
3/4-what grounds you-the lovers/the chariot
5. past influence-four of cups
6. lessons you must learn-nine of coins
7. future influence-the sun
8. inside influence-six of swords
9. outside influence-knight of wands
10. hopes and fear-the moon
11 future-nine of swords
12. option 1 to go with-the hierophant
13. option 2 to go with-two of wands

Ok so I'm getting you are having a lot of dreams about love right now. It is something you're really craving, and I mean romantic love, it's almost what is keeping you going. The chariot says to me you are having strong feelings for someone but are keeping them pent up. In the past you did not see all the possibilities that were present to you, or they were not what you were looking for so you chose to go away from them.
The nine of pentacles tells me, you need to learn to live more happy in love. Basically you are alone, but it is not fulfilling, almost as if you are lying to yourself that it is. You are denying how much you want this particular person.
For the future I see you expressing your love to this person and living happily with them for a while.
Inside you are having a very stormy battle with yourself, weather or not to express your love or to leave it.
For knight of wands as the outside influence i see this is the person you are in love with, he is fiery and young at heart.
This is interesting, usually I see the moon as a fear card, but I am guessing here it is a hope card, almost as if you hope this is a passing phase of your life.
For future I don't see this relationship lasting too long. There will be just too many disappointments on your part with this person.
The hierophant is saying you can choose to go back to your old ways and do relationships as you've always done them after this.
Or the two of wands is saying you can make a great change within yourself and go onto the road of fulfilling love. It's okay to be independent, but love is fun, love is good, and I would let it into your life a little bit more then you do.

posted January 18, 2014 12:34 AM            

I can not honestly read a past life for you in the draconic or the natal. I almost pick up a 'thread' to one, or I have a sensation of one and it fizzles.

I tried the tarot for a three card and got a null response as well.

I've included a general tarot reading for you using your headings.

Heart of the matter: Lovers
What crosses it: Nine of cups
What grounds you: Sun/Page of swords
Past influence: Seven of wands
Lessons you must learn: Six of wands
Future influence: Page of wands
Inside influence: Temperance
Outside influence: Eight of wands
Hopes and fears: Power
Future: Queen of swords
Option 1 to go with: Two of swords
Option 2 to go with: Seven of swords

I think you are considering a choice in love, but something is just so 'good' that it is making you deliberate on which is the best choice to take.

You have thought a lot about it all and really, in your conversations with yourself and others, you think you have been the best thing for one of the persons in question, so they should count themselves lucky as some others would not have taken them on -or something like that. There is a dichotomy over thoughts in this though, and it seems that even though that is what you tell yourself, you really think there is evidence, if you look at it objectively, that it was a good thing that they came into your life too.

Off topic, but affecting things, you seem to have a lot of reception from others. Are you in education? It feels like you have a range of people around you in various nooks and crannies that seem to be very receptive to your ideas and how you would like to portray yourself. It is like you feel you have something to prove. Outwardly, you might think, I am going great at this, but there is the little voice inside you that threatens to pull the plug - you want to make an impact, a big one, and if you don't think you are going to, you might devise, unbeknowns to yourself, a master plan to jump ship before you see yourself in an unsatisfactory light. So in a way it seems more about the outer effect that you are after, rather than the inner effect and long term reward of the education - you won't let it surface that you might be mediocre. You would like to impact the education rather that be receptive to being educated perhaps.

I'm thinking you could very well cut yourself off something valuable because you are focused on one aspect - am I good or what. So there is an element of not really wanting to put the work in, unless you are superflying with the applause and the sensation of being a natural at it - so maybe you may not want to acknowledge the experience and insight of the teachers if it requires you to grow. And maybe you don't want to grow where you don't know where it will take you because you might just end up exactly where you started - looking in the mirror and saying to yourself do I have the seeds of greatness, or am I really just mediocre with a few snazzy tricks and clever bits.

Unbelievably to you, you do seem to want societal approval, you would like the applause for doing what people tend to think are the hallmarks of a successful person - own home, distinguished achievements and qualifications, reasonable relationships, wordly matters to talk about, punctuated with a few higher thoughts and ideas.

It seems you will have good news in the future, have you tried to change classes? Did you go through a fairly involved process to debate the reasons why you should shift focus and alter your study plan? In some ways, though you think you are progressing towards your goals - there are little hints in this future card of the page of wands (as it sits in relation to the others), that you are going to persist with a bit of denial.

The integrity of your edges are starting to crumble, you're going back into that old pattern of justifying how academic institutions and the world just can't accommodate your type of particular abilities and requirements, and people just don't understand what it is like to be you. Really you would just like more pizazz early on - you perhaps are wanting everything to be directed to your particular penchants, interests - and ultimately you - you feel more secure for awhile if you are being told that you are awesome (sorry this seems harsh and truly, most people want to be thought of as awesome).

You are feeling the stress of it - there are cracks beginning, your resolve is getting a bit thin to be able to keep up with this path that you have set yourself. There are good aspects in this stressful times, like you are getting some great connections with others in your down time, when you muse over each others potentials you have divine moments of the beauty of human relationships and mutual acceptance/unconditional love.

Others may be seeing you as having a bit of a short fuse of late - you probably are getting a bit snappy, and in your personal relationships there is the third person complicating things - your regular relationship is starting to notice the changes in you and the relationship. No one can deny though, you do seem inspirational.

You can expect a setback at some point, but alternatively it can be empowering though you will probably not be able to see that at the time as it will rock you a bit, it could be a change of living circumstances, you may attempt to backtrack with the key person in the living situation. It will like you run pass a potential crisis so fast in order to avoid it that you go way further than you thought and when you finally stop, you go 'whoops' and consider backtracking.

You may well seek a reassessment with your medications if you are taking any. It doesn't seem you really need it but they are possibly a bit of a crutch for you (though of course I am no doctor and am only giving you a reading). I don't think you will have a massive crisis, its more of a situation of things not going quite as you would like theoretically. I feel you live on your passions and emotions. There is a sensation that you could approach things differently but its probably a learning curve - I don't really think that doing things differently is that easy sometimes it just can't be done how we think - and its not as if you're not living life as you should, it just seems like you fall your short of the endurance required to reap other benefits like you are scared of things being not as you tell people - but that might be just how things are for you now, so I'm not criticising - and of course, its only my view on things, someone else would read the same reading differently.

Your options: 1. Either you can shut down or discontinue as you see it warranted.

2. Or you might try to have your cake an eat it too.

Both seem to involve something not being faced. I do feel that when looking at this reading, you may find it easier to face be helped to face aspects on how you tend to jump ship when situations require effort where you don't want to bother. But as said, I don't think you can force of fake effort, you have to discover why the effort is important, and reassess and explore why you need/want the encompassing goal - otherwise you will continue to have a string of unaccomplished pockets perhaps.