posted May 17, 2014 11:07 PM            

Any insight into why this relationship destroyed me so much? It was only five months of dating, I dated my previous ex for almost 2 years.

Neil (me)
10-24-1989
12:03 PM
Manhattan, NY

JANE DOE
2-28-1990
7:39 PM
Peoria, AZ

PREVIOUS EX
1-23-1991
6:05 AM
Sacramento, CA

posted May 17, 2014 11:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LoadedPistil:
Did you actually form a relationship with this person? Were you actually calling yourselves "together"? Or somebody you went on dates with and had a long courtship?

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Started off with dates, escalated to bf/gf status, traveled long distance trip with her to Flagstaff in 11/2013. Upon returning things seemed fine, but during the last seven days before our breakup things really plummeted and there was great hostility between us. I was told by her that she was done pretending for me. Is this just a Pisces characteristic? I never asked her to pretend and now I believe I was falsely led to believe things were truthful.

If this helps,

posted May 17, 2014 11:37 PM            

If you could just post the charts, that'd be great. LOL

Can you post a composite chart with each of those dates and today's date as transits and one synastry?

posted May 17, 2014 11:49 PM            

Were you well-established? Good salary, to be specific?
http://planetwatcher.com/#636262740

posted May 17, 2014 11:58 PM            

I looked at it, but I am a mere PLEBE - there are MUCH more astute chart readers on this site, and you really want them to look at it for you.

However, my heart goes out to you, so I'll tell you what pitiful little bit I could glean: I can tell you that your Saturn sextiles her Sun, which lends to longterm attachment (particularly on your part) even in the soft aspect. Your Sun squares her Saturn, which could definitely lead to discord through what you may have come to view as her nit-pickiness and she may have come to view as your...well..whininess about it. That's a tough one.

Your Suns trine each other's, your Moons trine each other's; These are nice aspects which no doubt led to solid attraction and depth. But each of your Suns oppose each of your Moons which can be highly challenging to longevity, and can create an exhausting push-pull element that could reasonably leave you both feeling quite spent, emotionally.

Each of your Suns square each of your Venuses - another exhausting push-pull aspect which lends to an alternation between overindulgence and exasperation on both sides, likely at different times.

Her Moon trines your Ascendant which is a wonderful aspect for depth and expression, which would be a clear contributor to your emotional attachment. Your Sun trines her Ascendant, which lends to her physical attraction to you.

Finally, I noticed both of your Neptunes conjunct. This often lends to a sense of empathic connection between you. This can be overwhelming in its impact when you're still in love; it can feel CRUSHING when you fall out.

posted May 18, 2014 12:00 AM            

Please feel free to pick this apart - I was just home and popped in.

posted May 18, 2014 12:04 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LostTaurus:
OOOPS!! Sorry, LP, wasn't trying to step on your toes - was totally writing all of this out while you guys were talking - my apologies!!!

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posted May 18, 2014 12:06 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LoadedPistil:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by LostTaurus:
[b]OOOPS!! Sorry, LP, wasn't trying to step on your toes - was totally writing all of this out while you guys were talking - my apologies!!!

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I noticed on the other thread, only too late... Hope you're okay sweetie. Rest.

posted May 18, 2014 12:13 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LoadedPistil:
Why can't everybody be like you and have their siht together with dates when asking these questions?!?!

If you could just post the charts, that'd be great. LOL

Can you post a composite chart with each of those dates and today's date as transits and one synastry?

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Myself, natal:

Ex, natal:

Synastry, composite:

To answer your second question, yes, I have a job that pays close to $55,000. I am a IT business software programmer and database administrator.

LostTaurus, your interpretation fits the data/events that I experienced with my ex. Great interpretation!

LoadedPistil, I look forward to your input. Rest well, hope you're doing okay.

posted May 18, 2014 12:19 AM            

She has a lot of Capricorn and those folks tend to treat relationships as businesses. Not that she wanted just your money, it's a lifestyle thing. If she feel $55k is where she need her man to be to accomplish XYZ, caps will cling to the person for those things.

AND everything in your composite falls in the 2nd house of money and possessions.

I will get to your readings tomorrow after you post your composite WITH TRANSITS

posted May 18, 2014 12:25 AM            

I am not advocating a romantic relationship here. One of the finer perks with my PREVIOUS ex (birth info posted in opening post) is that we have sustainability even today. We communicate often to each other via phone, Skype, Facebook, and we bounce ideas off of each other for an appropriate and often times helpful second opinion.

On the note of sustainability...

Lately, I have been reflecting and remembered that one of my life commitments is to utilize technology to create sustainable solutions for all. Jane Doe once told me she does not care for others. I noticed upon return from our trip to Flagstaff, she began to evoke many negative, narrow minded opinions about the world. She could only see devestation and hopelessness, and justified her use of people with that myopic reasoning. I let this simmer at first, but it was during the final week of our relationship when I tried to get her to consider other perspectives of the human experience that she became incredibly hostile and antagonizing towards me.

I have discussed this and other events thoroughly with my therapist (who is a non-astrologer) who strongly believes I should not hold any ties to my ex due to her unhealthy perspective of life.

However, as LostTaurus points out, my attraction towards my ex via the sextiles between us lends towards my seeming inability to let Jane Doe go. At the heart of my core, I believe in the best of others and will go to great length's to please others, notably someone I care(d) and love(d) deeply and promised certain commitments to.

Again, your responses are greatly appreciated. I look forward to hearing them!

posted May 18, 2014 12:31 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LoadedPistil:
Oh, hey, buddy!!!! I'm in IT, too!!!

She has a lot of Capricorn and those folks tend to treat relationships as businesses. Not that she wanted just your money, it's a lifestyle thing. If she feel $55k is where she need her man to be to accomplish XYZ, caps will cling to the person for those things.

AND everything in your composite falls in the 2nd house of money and possessions.

I will get to your readings tomorrow after you post your composite WITH TRANSITS

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Sorry for the double post, I was writing up my post and you must 've posted while I was still writing. What aspect of I.T./I.S. do you work in? Engineering doesn't count as IT!

Anyway, believe it or not, throughout the relationship she kept telling me that she didn't need money, didn't care for money, and that love is all that matters, etc etc. While I deeply believe in believing that notion of love, I had Pluto conjunct my Uranus, Saturn, and Neptune in that order natally a few years back, so I have a very practical motive when assessing relationships now.

So when you tell me her capricorn stellium lends her to treat the relationship as a business, I'm not too sure if I buy that. Perhaps I misunderstand you and just need clarification. If so, can you clarify that?

I will work on procuring a composite chart tomorrow with transits when I have better PC access. Right now I'm operating off an Android mobile device-- It's rather clunky to navigate and I am tired just like you

posted May 18, 2014 12:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by neilthecellist:
I want to pose this question out for the group, is there sustainability in this relationship? Not even necessarily romantic per se. I have been reflecting lately and remembered that one of my life commitments is to utilize technology to create sustainable solutions for all. Jane Doe once told me she does not care for others. I noticed upon return from our trip to Flagstaff, she began to evoke many negative, narrow minded opinions about the world. She could only see devestation and hopelessness, and justified her use of people with that myopic reasoning. I let this simmer at first, but it was during the final week of our relationship when I tried to get her to consider other perspectives of the human experience that she became incredibly hostile and antagonizing towards me.

I have discussed this and other events thoroughly with my therapist (who is a non-astrologer) who strongly believes I should not hold any ties to my ex due to her unhealthy perspective of life.

However, as LostTaurus points out, my attraction towards my ex via the sextiles between us lends towards my seeming inability to let Jane Doe go. At the heart of my core, I believe in the best of others and will go to great length's to please others, notably someone I care(d) and love(d) deeply and promised certain commitments to.

Again, your responses are greatly appreciated. I look forward to hearing them!

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You pose some really thought-provoking questions here, Neil. I like that.

The altruist in me truly loves to believe in the inherent 'goodness' in everyone - seriously, I will allow someone to push me to the very brinks of sanity if I care for them. However, the realist in me has seen enough to know that, without some serious work on her part as an individual, she is far more likely to drag you down than you are to pull her up - it's a basic law of physical gravity, but it applies spiritually as well.

The viewpoints of hers that you demonstrate imply a lack of empathy and personal accountability on her part that makes me think she's got a lot of work to do before she could be a real friend to you, in the sense that you're talking about, and that you deserve.

As an empath and as someone whose spent many years studying psychology (personally, not professionally): because of the things which have already gone past between the two of you (and which broke you apart) you run the risk of compromising your own spiritual and emotional growth if you decide to continue exposing yourself to a toxic mentality and emotionality, and essentially contributing to stunting hers.

To this point, you've served your spiritual, emotional purpose in her life - it's now in her hands to take the gifts you've given her, to learn and grow from those; or to scrap them in favor of the inexplicable (but for some, oddly necessary) comfort of her own misery. She has to figure out whether to make them tools or trash though; and then what to do with them from there. _IF_ she decides to use them as tools, and then figures out how use them properly...then you have a seed of friendship from which to consider growth. But only IF.

posted May 18, 2014 01:03 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LostTaurus:
You pose some really thought-provoking questions here, Neil. I like that.

The altruist in me truly loves to believe in the inherent 'goodness' in everyone - seriously, I will allow someone to push me to the very brinks of sanity if I care for them. However, the realist in me has seen enough to know that, without some serious work on her part as an individual, she is far more likely to drag you down than you are to pull her up - it's a basic law of physical gravity, but it applies spiritually as well.

The viewpoints of hers that you demonstrate imply a lack of empathy and personal accountability on her part that makes me think she's got a lot of work to do before she could be a real friend to you, in the sense that you're talking about, and that you deserve.

As an empath and as someone whose spent many years studying psychology (personally, not professionally): because of the things which have already gone past between the two of you (and which broke you apart) you run the risk of compromising your own spiritual and emotional growth if you decide to continue exposing yourself to a toxic mentality and emotionality, and essentially contributing to stunting hers.

To this point, you've served your spiritual, emotional purpose in her life - it's now in her hands to take the gifts you've given her, to learn and grow from those; or to scrap them in favor of the inexplicable (but for some, oddly necessary) comfort of her own misery. She has to figure out whether to make them tools or trash though; and then what to do with them from there. _IF_ she decides to use them as tools, and then figures out how use them properly...then you have a seed of friendship from which to consider growth. But only IF.

Just my opinion.

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Thanks! I greatly enjoy discourse. Exchanging of knowledge even if conflicting viewpoints tends to promote growth in my experience (to a certain degree).

posted May 18, 2014 08:59 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by neilthecellist:
Sorry for the double post, I was writing up my post and you must 've posted while I was still writing. What aspect of I.T./I.S. do you work in? Engineering doesn't count as IT!

Anyway, believe it or not, throughout the relationship she kept telling me that she didn't need money, didn't care for money, and that love is all that matters, etc etc. While I deeply believe in believing that notion of love, I had Pluto conjunct my Uranus, Saturn, and Neptune in that order natally a few years back, so I have a very practical motive when assessing relationships now.

So when you tell me her capricorn stellium lends her to treat the relationship as a business, I'm not too sure if I buy that. Perhaps I misunderstand you and just need clarification. If so, can you clarify that?

I will work on procuring a composite chart tomorrow with transits when I have better PC access. Right now I'm operating off an Android mobile device-- It's rather clunky to navigate and I am tired just like you

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Data Analysis currently a Business Analyst in Access Database Development. I have a Master's of Science in Information Systems concentrating in Data Management. I know the difference between information systems and engineering. Don't start, Scorpio. We were off on the right foot!

Yes. Capricorns are more interested in the structure of the relationship rather than the romance. If you want romance, they'll give it to you, but they don't need it. They need a functioning relationship. If her Juno is in Capricorn, it will even FURTHER validate my point.

You don't have to subscribe to this, but you asked for a reading and I'm giving it to you.

posted May 18, 2014 11:27 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LoadedPistil:
Data Analysis currently a Business Analyst in Access Database Development. I have a Master's of Science in Information Systems concentrating in Data Management. I know the difference between information systems and engineering. Don't start, Scorpio. We were off on the right foot!

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Whoa whoa, it was just a back handed compliment! Engineers in my experience tend to frown upon IT like it's not part of their work. But that's cool, I am backfilling the BSA role right now at my workplace so I can relate to your work, I think. SQL/MS Access tables and databases at the bare minimum yes?

quote:

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Originally posted by LoadedPistil:
Yes. Capricorns are more interested in the structure of the relationship rather than the romance. If you want romance, they'll give it to you, but they don't need it. They need a functioning relationship. If her Juno is in Capricorn, it will even FURTHER validate my point.

You don't have to subscribe to this, but you asked for a reading and I'm giving it to you.

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I might be miscommunicating on my end here. I apologize if that's the case. What I am trying to say is that I actually feel like I was the practical one in the relationship, whereas my ex was the one chasing unrealistic notions. When we broke up she kept expressing to me that she didn't want the money, she didn't want the gifts, the art projects, the poems, the flowers, or the just simple words of love, it wasn't real love to her. But when I asked for her suggestions, she had none.

I don't know if I should have mentioned this before, but since we're on the topic of practicality, my ex and I have discussed our exes before. My exes have all been practical (previous ex before Jane Doe was a pre med student, managed finances well despite being an Aquarius, probably the Taurus moon had to do with it). Jane Doe's exes were either all home shut-ins with no jobs. The last relationship Jane Doe was in, the ex had no car, no steady job, a degree that didn't pay, negative attitude, not self-sufficient, didn't even do his own laundry... He was 28, going 29 now. They dated for three years.

As I'm writing the above out now, I'm starting to wonder what would prompt Jane Doe to be attracted to that kind of person, be on friendly terms with them even after a vicious breakup (he cheated on her, twice), but with me, can't even tolerate me as a friend let alone a relationship partner. I am the one with the corporate job, the resources, the experience from traveling to places like Africa to self-sufficiency and self-motivation to succeed in my life professionally and personally and to share that wealth and love with others (I pursue spirituality and metaphysics, two subjects that bored Jane Doe, ironically, the Pisces). I ate healthily and still do, maintain a positive attitude (hers was very very negative). My therapist suggests jealousy issues between Jane Doe and I, can anyone confirm or reject this theory from looking at the natal/composite charts alone?

Perhaps LostTaurus is right, I would be better off keeping my distance from Jane Doe.

On a separate note, I would like a second pair of eyes on this theory: I believe that when dealing with a person whose got a Capricorn stellium with transiting Pluto conjuncting 2 or less planets in that stellium, that end-user isn't going to be as mature as someone who has gone through all Pluto to Capricorn planet conjunctions.

I say this purely from personal experience/observation of others in my age group, but I don't have enough data or I haven't been able to follow up with certain people after Pluto finished conjuncting a set of Cap planets. Plus, it's not like I can just barge in and be like, "Good morning, do you feel more mature now that (X) amount of time has passed?" Pluto is subtle. Hence why I'm reaching out your expert authority on the subject matter, LoadedPistil

posted May 18, 2014 12:23 PM            

Second, pisces sun people can be very emo. My pisces did the same thing constantly until I told him how much I hated it. He would down himself and it was strangling my Leo sun. The like to complain A LOT. All the pisces men I know are like this, but not so much the women. Their glass is half empty.

They really don't need the romance. The want the security. I'm sure there's something about her ex that fits the description of what I'm telling you. And failed past relationships are not evidence to disprove what I'm saying. I'm not saying she's a gold digger. (Refraining from the rest of the lyrics) But she needs stability and contract, not romance. If you're not there when a Capricorn calls you and they need you, you just scratched yourself off their list. It's doesn't matter how you shower them with romance.

I see you have a hammer in your composite. More on that later.... With the transits.

posted May 18, 2014 12:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LoadedPistil:
First, engineers are such snobs, which is why I took offense in the first place if I wanted to be an engineer, I would have majored in engineering. They act like everybody who did any thing else couldn't cut it. Uhhh... No. I have no desire to be bothered with theorems and such.

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Ahhh I gotcha. Hey, water under the bridge. Twas a joke, glad we cleared that up. Sorry again if I offended!

quote:

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Originally posted by LoadedPistil:
Second, pisces sun people can be very emo. My pisces did the same thing constantly until I told him how much I hated it. He would down himself and it was strangling my Leo sun. The like to complain A LOT. All the pisces men I know are like this, but not so much the women. Their glass is half empty.

They really don't need the romance. The want the security. I'm sure there's something about her ex that fits the description of what I'm telling you. And failed past relationships are not evidence to disprove what I'm saying. I'm not saying she's a gold digger. (Refraining from the rest of the lyrics) But she needs stability and contract, not romance. If you're not there when a Capricorn calls you and they need you, you just scratched yourself off their list. It's doesn't matter how you shower them with romance.

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Interestingly enough, her ex was a Leo. I suppose not being self-sufficient like he was means relying / being co-dependent on Jane Doe, which would satisfy the Capricorn requirements that you're describing. The implications here are... Unsettling. It almost seems twisted to me. There doesn't appear to be transparency or a level of fairness expected in a relationship. I've met people with Mars/Venus in Capricorn that can create and maintain a healthy relationship, but all I saw of their interaction was harsh criticism of each other prior to us dating... I suppose the negativity falls under the umbrella of security that you describe. Even if it's negative, it's persistent and secure.