posted June 17, 2014 07:00 AM            

I feel that alcohol provides the other half of me, without which I would be a nervous, quivering wreck. I started drinking due to extreme social anxiety and the lack of a good fit within "conventional" social groups. In this state, I am nice, supportive and appreciative of others within my creative role, good at working together with them, and have all the work / my presentations prepared impeccably.

I used to work 9-5 and had done sales/ telesales for many years but the repetitive nature of the job became intolerable last year and I had a breakdown in August and realized I couldn't do it any more.

I am also prone to picking up vibes from other people a lot and since the beginning of this year have had to get rid of a lot of backstabbers in my life (pretend friends that were jealous). They just make me feel "off", I can't explain why. My mother also makes me feel very, very "off". My dad has the opposite effect.

Relationships seem a bit of a joke and more trouble than they are worth. Since my divorce several years ago (a marriage that I am extremely glad I escaped from)I also have a tendency to attract men who shower me with "stuff", only when they learn that I don't fancy them, the goodies are immediately withdrawn and that's when the backstabbing starts (heck, they might even only have known me for a few weeks and their friends already say weird stuff to me that could only have come from said bloke complaining about me for no real reason other than I wasn't putting out!! These people frequently are looking for someone to control.)

(For the record, my ex, Mr. Aqua - the tale of which is no doubt told in another LL forum - eventually remarried to an Eastern European mail-order bride and had the children he wanted which I could not give him due to his behaviour in our marriage. To be frank, a foreign bride would have been the only one who would have put up with him - and his mother. They apparently now all live together in the same house :$ The woman who stole him from me and with whom I believe he had an affair during and after our marriage also split from her then partner and married someone else. She is now coming up against all kinds of antipathy within the field she works in. Karma's a ***** )

As regards money, I do have some help from my dad, which is the first ever time he has helped me in such a way (it was the first time I ever asked for help), but I desperately need to generate more income for myself. Everyone wants something for nothing and I am sick of it. The fact is it is only me doing everything in my business and I do not have the financial or social wherewithal to get people to do things for me. I am so used to the lack of help as it has been going on for many years now, that I am almost resigned to it. Also trying to chase around after business doesn't seem to increase earnings in the long term, in fact it only expends them! I am far better off letting people come to me, this wastes far less cash!!

I seek help from my spiritual guide who is my grandfather about when and whether things are going to improve and he says "just wait and be patient" and my father and others also say they have a hunch that I will be very successful very soon, but at the moment I find this very psychologically hard to grasp, after about 10 years of working hard and continuous frustration. I feel almost ready to give up on myself and I cannot count the amount of times I have felt depressed and suicidal.

Are there any more prosperous aspects coming my way, because I am really fed up with being frugal/ living in one room/ having no money etc. My birth data are identical to the user Ariestiger, if you want to search on LL for that one. I was on here a long long time ago.

posted June 18, 2014 05:59 PM            

As for going through a hard time, perhaps transits of Saturn and Pluto can show what is happening. Pluto squares can be quite intense even for those who are used to Plutonian energies. Pluto is harsh and can make us feel unsure and see our own flaws for worse than they are. Then Saturn can be restrictive and demanding too. These can be quite draining transits for some people, making us feel like we are at our limit and be more pessimistic than usual.