posted September 02, 2014 09:47 PM            

I'm sorry to rant in here, but I really don't know what's gonna happen in my life anymore. First, my dad came and told us about his mistress and his kid with her. Then he goes telling us he wants to stay with us but still support his other family. The thing is, he's willing to spend more on them than on us, his actual family. He and my mom got into a fight about this and now he's in jail for threatening her. Today, I also found out that J has liked someone else all along but he chose not to tell me because apparently he doesn't want to hurt me. What I don't get is why he led me on again when we were already over? It really hurts considering he's the first guy I've ever did things with. I feel worthless and insecure right now. I have no job, my family's going through some emotional and financial **** , I've been ****** over, it's the first day of school and I just feel like giving up right now. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I have nothing to live for. I know there's something out there ahead of me but this is all just too much. It's happening all at once. I'm thinking of moving to a new school. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not. Somehow, I'm still hoping that I would get J back if I just stay for a little while. He's already broken up with his girlfriend. I thought me and him had something going for us. I was a fool to think that way. And with my dad.. I'm not really sure what to think about him anymore. He's been the best man in my life until now.

posted September 02, 2014 10:21 PM            

First, you have every right to be hurt and angry.

I know its hard but the poor choices made by other people you should never take out on yourself.

posted September 02, 2014 11:21 PM            

let your mother takee care of the situation with your dad and what's going on with him. there is literally nothing you can do about it. don't over analyze don't try to control situations. this is your mother's battle. no matter how hard you try your father can not convince your dad to spend more money on your family and if your mom chooses to have him stay or go, that is her right thus you're going to have to learn to be more adaptable and go with the flow.

and as far as the guy goes well that's what some guys do that girls on. it was wrong for him to lead you on. but this is a lesson you need boundaries. you need to develop your confidence a lot more because I remember this guy I remember the things that he was doing and he was never a good Guy. nearly all girls and women go through that so this was your first taste of having it done and now you know how to set your boundaries and set the tone and what to be on the lookout for so it doesn't happen again.

I'm sorry this all is coming up on you like that sometime life throws so many boomerang at you at one and it's hard to know the answers of the outcome....but you don't need to. there's nothing to fight. let eacH day pass by...u can't control these events you can only control how you respond to be the events...learn from them

hope you're able to destress and let it all go and I hope things get better soon.

posted September 02, 2014 11:54 PM            

so sorry to hear of your pain. as far as your dad goes, that is a BIG deal. even if your parents don't split, your view of him will change forever. understand that these hurts are deep and it will take a while for things to get better and sink in. try and find your own truth and value in yourself, it will help you weather future storms you encounter. what these men have done says absolutely nothing about who you are and your value as a person/woman. it is their issues, not anything to do with you. you will encounter many broken people in life, just like them. find something you're passionate about and let that take you on adventures, ones that don't depend on others. keep looking for a job, even if it's volunteer. that may lead to you getting a job somewhere, and also help you escape some of the troubles at home.

you are not alone!

posted September 03, 2014 01:21 AM            

All I can say is you have to stay focused on you and try to forgive your father, don't pick sides. It just makes things harder. I remember not even knowing which one of my parents I could trust because of course my mom was angry at my dad, and my dad had committed this awful betrayal but in the end they're figuring things out themselves too. This is the human experience but you have an opportunity to learn so much from it.

posted September 03, 2014 01:41 AM            

I am sorry for what is happening to you. There are bad times in life.

Take them as challenges.

5 years later you will look back and think "It was just one of the bad times".

Every challenging time in life is an experience we always gain wisdom and meaning through.

Sometimes there are rocks on the way. Sometimes while walking through the forest we fall down and get hurt on the knee.

Just remember that nothing is your fault. Feel compassion for yourself.

It's ok to feel bad. It's ok to go in your room, isolate yourself and feel self-pity.

Self-pity is just a mean phrase for compassion for oneself.

But remember nothing stays forever. Neither happiness nor sadness.

We're supposed to get them both in balance in life. Happiness and sadness are ying yang and can't be complete without one another.

Accept the bad things that happen. They all have to happen.

It's one of the times in life the rock erodes while going through its journey.

Life is never in our hands. We may think that we're controlling ourselves, but every conscious decision's root always go back to your subconscious.

It all started since you were created.

Everything happens because of something that happened.

Every idea comes from an inspiration. There's a reason for everything. No matter how much you think you're being original.

Every existence on earth is connected with each other and everyone has a role in other's life.

There are some books you can read to feel better if you want:

- Harry Potter
- Nichomachean Ethics by Aristotle
- Watch videos of 'Osho' on youtube.
- Read psychology books like 'Towards a psychology of being by Abraham Malsow' http://www.scribd.com/book/234157374/Toward-a-Psychology-of-Being

posted September 03, 2014 06:53 AM            

What I can tell you is that the pain and hardship does fade with time. You learn to accept some things and let go of others. You also learn what's important to you and your life, and you start making choices that help you grow and heal. Up to this day, I have a strained relationship with my dad. He never calls and I've only seen him once in the last 5-6 years: on my graduation from college. I still love him dearly and will defend his character to anyone who speaks ill of him, but I've learned that what is best for me, emotionally and psychologically, is to reach out once a month and keep conversation superficial. What I need from him is to make sure he's healthy and okay, and that he supports (as much as he can) my choices. Do I wish for the relationship we had before, when I was a kid? Hell yeah. But I've learned to accept that we've both changed and I need to take him as he is right now. Or let go completely. This is a process, but you'll get where you need to be with your parents one day. I promise you.

As for the J issue... Oh hun. *hug* Let him know he's hurt you and that you want something more than he's giving you right now. If he says he can't give you what you want, believe him and move on. But I'm sorry this has all come down on you at once.

------------------
♍ Sun | ♒ Moon | ♎ Mercury | ♌ Venus | ♈ Mars Rx | ♑ Rising

posted September 03, 2014 09:02 AM            

It happened to me early on and well, I made sure when I wished for a new person, that faithfulness was in my wishes. That was the only one that was unfaithful because I did set a boundary.

posted September 03, 2014 01:37 PM            

My Dad told us of the baby he had with another woman and how he'd like to incorporate his child with us.

My sister and I want none of that.And we have made our sentiments very clear

What's worse is that my Mom met the woman a while back and congratulated her on her pregnancy- Not knowing that it was actually my Dad's kid.

Okay, my advice on dealing with hopelessness may be seen as very controversial by some. But here goes...

When i feel as bummed as you are right now , i don't try to cheer myself up. I go for ease or relief.

So I make a list of all the hings that I would like to do before taking my own life.

But these must be things that I can accomplish without much money i.e dye my hair a different color, get a weird haircut, kiss someone really ugly, hit on a really old man etc.

When you do this, you realize that the list grows longer and longer and you can't do all the things in one day

Also, you realize that you have more to add on the list each day. It distracts your mind from such heavy thinking of your current situation.

The trick, however, is to actively pursue these things. I mean, you are a dying woman/man anyways, so what do you have to lose?

posted September 03, 2014 05:27 PM            

I kind of regret the fact that I told J's ex-girlfriend about what he did because now, his life will be more miserable and he thinks I screwed it all up for him. He's scared her parents might literally want to go after him and kill him. I'm not sure if things are ever gonna be fixed between the two of us, but I'm hoping that if me and him cross paths again, we'll be able to fix things.

As for my dad, I am still kind of worried about him if he's okay or not. He has a suicidal tendency and he could go really depressed. The fact that I'm not allowed to talk to him makes it even harder. I honestly don't know what to think of my dad right now. He was a good father to me until everything that happened.