posted January 18, 2015 12:44 PM            

i wonder, if anyone can see if the rest of the year will bring good news?

i know career wise i will be OK, as it always does (very lucky in that part)

but seemingly i've been feeling empty. i've tried to not dwell by accepting every invitation to go out, friends or interested people but despite the good time i go home feeling empty. I even try to repair my connections to my family and it worked quite well.

still. all I do when I go home is sleep now. no energy.

Seemingly, lovelife continues to be stagnant- again, no problem in getting invitations for dinners etc but i feel nothing but warm friendship to them & good conversations. I suppose my heart still feel for a certain someone. I wonder if this is the end too (never had him in the first place, we were friends). after my cousin's passing i think a lot about what to do about this person.

I'm not sure what i'm asking. I guess i wish i can see what's the best way to deal with this emptiness. i feel quite alone, despite my efforts to rectify it and repaired my broken connections. Everything is well, i have purposeful life but i can't help but question myself:

can anyone see if I am meant to be alone again in this lifetime? I had past life reading and in my previous life I was a celibate monk for a cause (connected to a past life beyond that one). Seeing how my life unfolds now makes me think maybe if i am meant to be alone again in this life (for some purpose), it will give me some cold comfort to know at least so I don't have to expect, if it makes sense.

posted January 18, 2015 08:38 PM            

You do need to make peace with the people who have left and let it go. As for the people still alive- cherish them, even if it's from a distance. I kind of make it a point to meet my grandmother once a week or once every two weeks because I know she's in precarious health.

Perhaps you could try to change your priorities. You now know what you're looking for in terms of love, but it would be a prudent decision to seek it out elsewhere. I do not like seeing people in pain- and you have been in pain for a number of months. Do you feel the urge to relocate? I feel in terms of career it's not te best thing to do, but it would do a lot for your personal relationship (friendships and romance). This move may happen within the next 3 years. This year is going to be emotionally tough now- I do not see that uplifting for the next 6 months.

posted January 18, 2015 10:14 PM            

There's no real urge for me to relocate- I find I have come to an understanding that no matter where I live, it wont matter due to my unsettled core being. I've been blessed with opportunities to live, travel and work in many different countries in previous years, and this year also (upcoming) but that actually showed me a lesson: Unless I come to terms with whatever unsettled in me, relocating is only a band-aid, a distraction until I realize I haven't addressed whatever's eating inside me.

There has been always a calling of priestly work or somesort- in UK, after a talk about religions (politic related) a head nun came to me and asked if I am interested in joining their parish (specific sect of christianity that focus on migrating missionaries) as she felt I'm perfect for it- I am not even religious. When I was younger, catholic nuns also asked the same thing. Which is why I am wondering if this current life of mine is supposed to follow the last one?

The death of my cousin hit me harder than it should because of the whole story behind it- it was a preventable death but I had no power over the financial part- and people's priorities were so skewed by the time they realized how skewed they were being, it was already too late. I felt very powerless. He was a very good man, young, sincere and kind. I even offered my liver for the transplant but it was too late. He wasn't meant to die. It was ****** up- and how his sister in law hid a crucial part info because she didnt want her husband's liver to be used for the operation (stalled the tests, which indirectly lead to his death) it was ****** up, people are ****** up, life shouldn't be taken as lightly as that.

The silver lining is now the two families involved have more open mind and knows priorities better and focus less on 'manners' & pride, and value honesty more but so unfortunate it takes a death for them to realize that.

I feel like, he should have lived and I should have been the one to go.

posted January 18, 2015 11:18 PM            

I seriously do see you moving elsewhere. You're path doesn't always lie where you are. Perhaps not in the UK either. I was seeing the middle east when I was doing the first reading for you. I'm not good with locations though. All I can say that it will not be Indo.

As for being a nun- it could just be them picking up that you were/are searching for some meaning to life. I honestly cannot see you going for it, it's like dressing a cat. The cat is going to yank off the clothing and still be a ... cat. You're just you, and I think finding a somewhat peaceful place away from the noise could help you calm your mind down.It would be good to get away. In London I would go to a very quiet and dusty church and just sit and let all my thoughts come out and to feel why i was feeling a certain emotion. That type of thing would be valuable.. and you don't really need to be a nun/monk!

posted January 18, 2015 11:32 PM            

In other circumstances I would agree but they assumed I was a young 'sister' (in training) the moment I arrived- only when I explained I wasn't, they then realized I was just a visitor. The head nun approached me when I was leaving with my friend's parents- even now they still email me. It's not an isolated incident either, it's been many times.