posted February 04, 2015 09:06 PM
Hello! & thank you for allowing me to join, this is my first post. I first started talking to a leo man, age 28 while I was living in England on October 1st, 2014. He is a leo sun, leo moon, cancer mercury, virgo venus. I have a pisces sun, leo moon, aquarius mercury, venus, & ascendant. I do not know his ascendant as I don't know the time he was born. His sun & moon falls into my 7th house & his venus falls into my 8th.
We met online, I messaged him first. He messaged me back maybe a couple of days or so later I can not remember. I forgot about his message & didn't remember until I drove past a sign for the town he lives in. I thought, "I remember the name of that town somewhere". & then I went home & messaged him back.
Some of the answers to his questions on this dating website were peculiar. "Would you marry someone for money? Yes." "Would you marry someone for citizenship?Yes." "Do you judge fat people? Yes." It was almost amusing how open he was about his follies. Still we were a high match despite some different & his dubious ethics. I was very drawn & attracted to something about him, it is a mystery but a strong magnetic pull. "I asked him do you really look down on fat people? Why?" He said, "probably because I was fat when I was younger." I didn't realize in this moment that I made him a bit more reflective.
He becomes sort of clingy at this point & expects me to talk to him every night. I'm still thinking of him in a more casual way so I don't have these expectations but it is very nice to feel needed. He expects us to write long letters back & forth to each other. Again, it is nice but I wonder if I'm talking too much. He asks me if I'm being serious with that question & seems ok with probing into everything about me. Also he always has to say goodnight which I tell him I think is super polite & he doesn't know what I'm talking about.
Out of nowhere maybe after 2 or 3 weeks of talking to me. When I get really comfortable talking to him. He falls off the face of the planet. I feel sad but just write this one off as a lost. I guess he has loss interest. Finally around the very beginning of November he messages me & says he is not even going to bother apologizing or explaining his behavior because he doesn't know why he did that. In the back of my mind I blamed it on a mood swing as well.
& then we started talking again, he gives me a more definite time to finally meet (yes at this point we still have not met person to person). More talking more often but I dial back writing the long letters until we meet. the night before we met we spent a little more time talking to each other online he asks "are you sure we are going to meet & are we going to like each other?" I expressed my nervousness too then he realized we were both over-analyzing & we wished each other goodnight.
We went through everything to see each other on our first date. He was still working 12 hour days, I had the commute from hell to meet him in his town. I forgot to eat dinner, by the time I got there I had a migraine from hell but I didn't want to tell him. I wanted to eat before he got off from because I was so hungry I wanted to scarf down my food.
He found me while I was eating. I was nervous, he teased me for being shy. He said, "Sorry for teasing you, oh I'm flirting aren't I?" I'm black so I don't blush but inside I thought that is the cutest thing anyone said to me. In person we had a lot more chemistry than we have had online. It was almost felt like electricity which I thought it was because that is how I feel when I look at pictures of him. He kept telling me I was gorgeous. He had said it plenty of times when we first started talking online but he really emphasized it now. He said he was in shock I even messaged him.
We had sex. All night. I have no regrets about that. Possibly the best sex I have ever had. I knew our bodies complimented each other but looking back on it we drew each others sexuality out. When we woke up the next day we nearly got into an argument. I don't know exactly why. I was barely awake because I only got 2 hours of sleep. He knows I have problems sleeping. I also didn't want to get dressed in front of him. But he wouldn't stop staring at me. I fumble around with my stuff nervously waiting for him to leave & maybe stop trying to make conversation with me. I just needed a moment. He snapped at me for taking too long to get ready. I looked like I was going to cry & said "I meant to wake up before you." Because this is what I always do with guys, wake up first to fix myself up. He looks sad that he upset me & nervous & rushes out the room. & then I'm ready in 2 seconds. I just wanted to make sure I looked good for him. & my mood is completely sunny again. He still feels kind of nervous around me I think & I had already forgot what his problem was. We are walking to his car & I said "I thought this is the kind of car you might have." I meant a small one. Because we are in England where so many things are tiny & he struck me as environmentally conscious. He took offense to this "my Grandpa gave me this car." I was so tired & kinda put off I couldn't even respond quickly enough to reassure him I wasn't making fun of him. Lesson learned.
He drove me home. No more hellish commuting. We couldn't stop talking to each & he probed more into me. I made a slight joke/pun about being slow & he looked like he might snap. But also that he somehow liked the way I make him crazy & could read his mind. At one point he said he would really like to meet my nephew & dog. I felt like we were melding into one.
He dropped me off got out of his car & kissed me then told me to get more sleep. We texted some more that day & the next day I had to leave England because my visa had ended.
I was supposed to come back 3 weeks later. During this time he was very the loyal, caring, protective man I've come to know. Always messaging me, calling me dear, telling me when he worked nights so our schedules were in synch. I learned I wouldn't be back when I said I would. I knew this blindsided him. I told him to let me know if he can not wait. I understand. Finally a week later he tells me he doesn't know how he feels about me never coming back. I notice on his facebook he builds some type of food processor from his bare hands lol. So it seemed like he was very frustrated & needed to get this out. I also noticed a couple of pictures of him where he looked very sad & almost dead in his eyes.
I try to reassure him but he doesn't even read my message.
3 weeks after this, on New Years day, he is in a relationship with someone he had just met. He didn't take a month to meet her unless he was talking to her since we officially met. Him & this new girl meets & he begins a relationship. It is as if I prepared him to be ready for one. Well I send him texts asking about this & he apologizes but is also cold. I then ask him if we should stay in contact & I guess I came across antagonistic because he said maybe if you feel this way we shouldn't. I said I do not know it is up to you. He tells me to talk to him when I'm not angry. & he also finally reads my last message to him.
His new girlfriend posts more pictures of him on facebook with his dead in the eyes look. I feel badly for him, like he is so lonely that he is living a lie.
We don't talk at all for 2 weeks then he randomly starts liking funny things on my facebook. We've always pretty much had the same sense of humor so I think he must be ready to be friends. Even though he told me to talk to him when I wasn't angry I felt the need to really give him space.
I send him a couple of professional materials he told me he was interested in. One was to learn the programming language python which is the hardest but you make the most money. We had spoke about coding on my date. He wished for me to learn it because I already work in that industry on the business side. I also discussed how I long-term I'm caught between pursuing medicine or arts as a career. He kind of put pressure on me to pursue medicine, even the next morning saying I needed to do community theatre (very popular in England).
Well anyways back to when I finally messaged him 3 weeks after not talking. I only messaged him professional materials, no I miss you, come back nothing. He replied,"Hey I will look at it later, I have police training tomorrow & need to settle down".Well he deletes me & blocks me from facebook. I am so hurt. I can not stop crying & the next day I had the hugest migraine & was puking. I feel as if my spirit had left my body. It sounds very dramatic but why would you do this to someone? I feel a very strong connection to him obviously. I spent so long explaining this because I do not know how to explain what we have & the way he responds to me. He makes me feel like I'm really alive & I exist because he really sees me & acknowledges me for who. It might be unhealthy I'm not sure I always imagined this is what love feels like. A long term love. I have blocked him on facebook too & deleted him linked in. I do not know what I should expect. I shut down too but I think since I only have a moon in leo I'm a lot nicer about it. I know this was very long if you have any experience in this please let me know.
Lindaland
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posted February 04, 2015 09:06 PM
posted February 07, 2015 08:10 PM
posted February 08, 2015 05:22 AM
well anyways I'm starting to feel better even though I'm just so down these days anyways. I try to think maybe his new girlfriend & him are just right for each other at this time. Or even forever. I know how lonely he was & gets. & I know from her instagram she has not dated all last year until him. Or maybe she just has something special I do not. But no matter what I'm trying to have a good attitude & not let this experience hurt me anymore than it already has. If he has opened or cut a hole inside my heart maybe it was much needed for light to get in as they say. & I've learned he must be hurting too besides loneliness because only someone who is hurting could be so cruel to someone who is kind to you.