posted June 20, 2016 02:00 PM            

***Disclaimer***

I chose to post here in readings because I need to vent and find some clarity in my life, period.

My birthday (April 21) fell on a full moon this year. Needless to say, since then, my love life, personal life, family life, and work life has been like a roller coaster I desperately want get off. My birthday was somber and depressing. I tried to keep up a brave, cheery face, but all I wanted to do was cry my eyes out and have someone hug me, tight. My family seemed weird because there were a few things going on in the family, my brother was in rehab for exhaustion and my youngest sister, with I've had a topsy turvy relationship with announced to me she was moving to Chicago with her husband ahead of schedule. I felt like Molly Ringwald's haracter in 16 candles, except there was no kissing my crush on a table with a birthday cake and candles surrounding us. I wanted to vanish to a place where I can celebrate my birthday with laughter and fun. I also got into ith my mother a few times over a personal matter. I went to visit her yesterday with flowers as a apology. We talked heart to heart, but I felt like my mother blamed me for feeling the way I've been feeling. In my family, I'm the in-between, the loner, the quiet one. On top of that, I'm divorced and no children, unlike the rest of my siblings. I feel alone, and like a leper because I came out told my mother of the depression I've been dealing with. She basically assumed I'm jealous of my little sister that she moved away with husband and/or the fact I'm not being quote "honest with myself". I tried so not hard not to cry and show my weakness in front of my mother, but it was hard.

I've been eating emotionally, but naturally I'm a heath nut and into fitness. That's how I know this is getting bad. I do it to make myself feel better, but I damn well know it's not good...at all.

In a way, I am breaking away from my family. Emotionally and physically. Every since my marriage ended back in 2010, I've felt that way. I'm 36 and I feel like rebelling and saying screw it, I'm going to do my thing. But, I want to be adult about it, and just soul search and find myself before this depression does it for me.

My love life is no better. I feel disillusioned and jaded that after 7 f***ing years I'm STILL single. I'm **** tired of the BS of it all and I ask everyday if and when I will EVER meet him. I've been loyal, patient, and trying...all the while going further down the rabbit hole trying to claw my out.

Work is stifling, at best. I am trying move up, but there is no where but to move round and round. I'm struggling, financially and professionally. But I keep reminding myself I have to keep this job to survive.

I feel alone, depressed, and vulnerable. No direction...even if god asked me. I wish I knew the way, I honestly do.

Again, sorry for this rant, I needed to get it off my chest.

Can anyone PLEASE help me with a reading...anything?

Thanks SO MUCH!

Much love.

posted June 20, 2016 03:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by cherful24:
You should look into doing a work/live agreement at a Buddhist Retreat or something like that. There's tons in CA. Maybe that might help

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posted June 20, 2016 04:35 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by bella_taurus:
What a great idea! I would not mind doing something like that. But I live in Minnesota...

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posted June 20, 2016 05:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by cherful24:
Can u fly or take a bus. Many other states have them too.

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I could yes, I think this could help me out.