posted December 12, 2018 04:48 AM            

About me:

Cap Sun. I've been single for about 2 years now and been taking care of myself. Focusing on career.

In June I met a guy (Taurus) online and we had a bit of a flirty thing for a few weeks..talked on the phone, Skype, I started developing feelings for him because he seemed perfect. So as usual when things are going my way, I got to investigating what this guy is all about before letting myself get in too deep with him and basically started looking for skeletons. I started fishing around and found out he's married and has a 1 year old. (Just my luck).

Soon as I found out I told him he had to go and we could no longer talk to each other. He told me he wasn't happy in his marriage and has no self esteem and my charms got the best of him. He and I reluctantly went separate ways. I felt proud that I did the right thing faintly, but it left a huge hole in my soul.

This guy (aside from emotionally having online affairs while married) is everything I could ever want. I know that sounds bad because what he did is unsavory.

4 months go by.. and he texts me. Saying thank you for the way I conducted myself and telling me he misses me and all that lovely stuff. He wants to be friends.

I know being friends is wrong and it will only end up in hurt for me staying his "friend".

Questions: If possible spare the obvious "he's no good kick him to the curb" .. instead can someone tell me why THIS guy might be in my life? Is it a lesson.. is it something where he is actually unhappy in his marriage and may someday (without my persuasion) break it off with his wife? Is he just a bad guy? Will I ever be happy with anyone? He's got a huge hold on me.

My chart

Synastry

posted December 12, 2018 09:44 AM            

I can tell you a couple of things: first, your angles are conjunct giving validation this connection is strong. Your Cap stellium also falls into his 12th house and his moon is on your South Node so this is karmic for sure. He has venus in Gemini in his own 5th house so this guy is a natural flirt (whether he actually knows he doing it or not) and can be very restless in relationships. How do I know? I’m a venus in Gemini as well!! You also have a venus/Uranus double whammy which can give an electrical, almost love at first sight like connection. He’ll eat that up.

Second, like Caps, Taureans are loyal to a fault. It will take ALOT for him to up and leave his marriage. Not saying he wouldn’t (his Venus might get the best of him) but he’s not the type to throw it all away...especially with a young child.

Most likely the reason for this connection was for you to act as a catalyst for him to realize how unhappy he is and make some changes in his life. Full well knowing you have developed feelings for him already (and no blame for that because I’ve been there) the best thing for you to do is to be honest with yourself and him. Set the boundary showing self-love and explain to him you cannot just be friends. I highly doubts he wants to be “just friends” either...despite what he may be telling you.

I would kindly reply him you enjoy his energy etc. but you have no intention of actively breaking up a marriage and so the connection needs to stop where it’s at, but you would be happy to re-connect if his situation were to ever change.

I know this answer may hurt and not be what you want to hear, BUT I can tell you from personal experience if you let it continue YOU will end up getting hurt the most in the end. That I can just about promise you. He will also respect you more for setting healthy boundaries with him.

I wish you the best of luck and trust me, I know this situation is not easy. Rest assured if you two are meant to end up together, it will happen in divine timing. ❤️

posted December 12, 2018 04:58 PM            

You are definitely right about the catalyst thing, as when he texted me back recently he said he was in a bad place back in June/July when we were talking and taking a break has left him in a much better place now. ( though obviously not a good enough place to stop him from talking to me and sending flirtatious messages and pictures, emotionally cheating on his wife).

I'll definitely take your advice and cut off things again, because his pull is so strong on me I don't want to get my hopes up for something that's never going to get off the ground. He's got the potential to leave very deep scars on my heart. I'll push him back into the universe.. I just hope the universe doesn't keep teasing me by sending him back.

posted December 12, 2018 07:46 PM            

Just some thoughts on this:

You have your natal Saturn near your 7th house ruler, which typically creates lessons for you, delays--marrying later in life, but also can make you prudent or wise for your age regarding relationships. It can also put the brakes on the Uranus energy coming from having Aquarius on your 7th house cusp.

I've never had kids, but have learned that when women have children it's critical for both partners to reconnect physically as soon as they can after the baby is born or it can take longer to re-establish the healthy physical aspect/connection of their relationship. Some women experience depression, etc. and other health issues afterwards as well, which can interfere with them having a healthy sex life. Where I'm really going with this is that his reasons for reaching out to you may be that the physical part is not happening in their relationship and that he's looking for someone else to fill the gap. Case in point: A neighbor a block away from me (I had been doing community work with them), who lives with his girlfriend and earns a good living, started sending me text messages about him being all alone at their house, etc. While outside doing some work on the common's area in the early morning hours I saw why. He would go to work early and his girlfriend would come home from work an hour or so after he left. There was not much physically happening during the week and the weekends weren't enough apparently for him. Later I noticed that when he came home from work, she would leave for work a couple of hours later. They both were working long days. I wasn't interested in friends with benefits.

Hope this helps some as well.

posted December 12, 2018 10:00 PM            

Another great point you've made about how kids can have that effect on physical connection. The more I think about it the more I realize the baby is keeping his wife busy and they are not connecting. I know his schedule pretty well and it seems like he's almost always alone and available to chat, proving me to believe the wife is always tending to her own work or the baby. They've been married 2 years and known each/ dated at least 8 years. Just boredom it seems too. He loves the attention I gave him. Said he's addicted.

That idealism has a lot to do with it as well.. he's described our relationship as a "dream" and how it makes him feel like a giddy teenager.

His chart :

posted December 12, 2018 11:30 PM            

I'm usually a confident, dominant type woman.. something about him makes me so submissive and "ineffective" as you put it too!. lts ridiculous really, I was thinking he'd be the type of guy I'd marry and want kids from.. and I don't even normally want kids lol.

Hopefully I meet someone whose more available.

Thank you two for your guidance ❤️

posted December 12, 2018 11:35 PM            

Best wishes Starzy….

posted December 23, 2018 02:00 AM            

My luck is terrible lol

I wish he would have lied and told me he has no actual feelings. I feel even worse now.