posted March 13, 2019 06:25 AM            

I feel confused, thoroughly paralyzed by indecision, no motivation and no direction in life. All I feel is sadness and self loathing,so much so that some days I feel dying is better than living but ofcourse I know death is no cure and I have to go ahead with this life,as dreary as it may be.

Without sounding desperate or being over-dramatic, here is a cursory look at some of the biggest incidents of my life so far-

1- Dad lost his job in 2010, no family income, no family property, dad undergoing legal battle, pressure on whole family, even his pension has been taken by his company that has got him in false legal cases,
2-Dad and mom both have health problems increasing each year-diabetes, tension, arthritis, etc.
3-My marriage talks broke down thrice,in 2010, 2012, 2015-all love connections,not arranged.
4-My job results have not been satisfactory in past decade. I am earning money but just so because I do not have proper career path and also because I cannot do a normal job as I have to stay at home to take care of my old parents.
5- Finally, for past 1 month my dad is on bed-rest because he underwent a minor surgery on 15 feb but some complications arose and now his spinal cord and urinary system are giving him trouble and all my savings are going in taking care of him. We are all exhausted.

So basically I would like to know mainly about my career and finances-any new job prospects? Can I go abroad? Can I buy a home anytime soon? Mainly I am just worried about my finances and how to take care of my family. I do not have any savings and I need to take care of my old parents. And we do not even have a home of our own.

And also anything about my marriage prospects if visible in my horoscope.

Every once in a while I keep thinking about my childhood when things were comparatively better and how all my friends are moving ahead in life, marrying, having kids, being happy, buying homes and here I am, stuck completely, not knowing when will life get any better. I don't know what to do. Mentally, emotionally, I feel exhausted and completely drained.

My birth details-

5 December 1984
3.05 PM
Rourkela, Odisha, India