posted August 16, 2019 03:04 PM            

don't know why I didn't think of posting here before.

my ascendant is 26 cap and Saturn 25 cap
sextile venus at 27 pisces.
sat rules 12th house as well.

Pluto is at 16 scorp mc at 19 and poses the 1st issue, idk if pluto is conjunct the mc or not. it feels like it but I guess having a virgo 8th house makes it difficult accept either or with out some concrete analysis. I mean ive always had issues with authority and and been domineering, intense, uncompromising in the work place.

That being said ive always been heavily involved with spirituality, religion, and dealing with foreigners as well as power struggles with in-laws since birth.

I really don't know where to start. my unemployment ended at the beginning of my saturn return. I started working for a company im not to found of may of 18 doing concrete. the company was a business my older cousin (18 years older) suggested. his sun is conjunct Saturn and ascendant, in a grand trine with pluto at the beginning of libra, Saturn ay the end of Taurus. anyway, the company he suggested seems to have a bad reputation amongst other businesses. half decent with clients. As I worked for them there was always an issues with employees eating away from the job site, needless to say it was a hassle around lunch nearly everyday. as it started to heat up the fuss made its way to water.... well lack there of. we would be givin 2 for ounce bottles.. for 2 people. we had a guy complaining it was cold.. on a 105 plus degree day. working 12 hour plus days 6 day work weeks I commenced to calling off numerous times and apparently got layed of for attendance.

with the above paragraph would that be a mini Saturn, pluto conjunction. my south node is in the 7th house north in aquarius so im top tier when it comes to application of energy with projection. it felt like I was reliving his experience with my physical energy. I question my self is that how this Saturn pluto conjunct will be but softer since his pluto and Saturn trine my asc..

(I haven't told anyone but my cousins dad ended passing away in a burning house when I was 15. he'd been in jail for 9 years and when released asked me to let my uncle know he was looking for him. I forget if my uncle came the next day or so but within the next week he died. I subconsciously took responsibility for it. not "blaming my self" or taking responsibility like how im realizing it now. but taking responsibility like im the one who did it. intentionally. like I intentionally didn't say anything on purpose 1. and letting it happen like I caused it.2

like it was part of my plan and I showed no remorse.

before that there was just a way of talking I didn't like. like I would be wasting his time. he'd been in jail for some time so he didn't have the social skills of other 30 plus year olds. not that he talked to me like a child. I think I saw him as a peer, as if I were his age. my older brother is 16 years older than me so I have an easier time communicating with older crowds. culture wise and psychologically. so when he speaks to me as if im wasting his time im taking it as both of us being adults, instead of both of us being children, or me being the child and him being the adult.

this is were the numerolody comes in. I have a maturity number of 11. so at early ages I had the capacity to understand beyond a child. I can articulate now that it was like being spoken to in a military boot camp make you or break you type of situation. it was a do or be done to situation were I did the best I could in this so called "trial". after everything happened I was thinking hell have to respect me. though I didn't intend for my uncle to pass, it wasn't that I didn't care but I wanted to do something to prove my self. to earn what ever respect I felt I was owed subconsciously. though I didn't cause it it felt like a victory like I accomplished something by getting over on him.

with that sense of "accomplishment" came a sense of security I see now correlating to my pluto on the midheaven

I hope this isn't to much lmao.

looking at it now im thinking I received what ever disowned aspect of my cousin he introjected to me and ive been running with the energy ever since. now I have to give it back. or I can keep it and continue on this path and merged it to mine with this Saturn pluto transit. all hell is going to break lose so there will be a chance to consciously integrate everything from the past to the present and increase my capacity greater than the transit would if I let it pass and acted unconsciously. I could set the stage for something exponentially more vast the future.

Ive been dealing with evolutionary astrology since 2015, with numerology I can increase my capacity 3 fold or more and accomplish more in this life time and end the need to reincarnate, because trust me. im getting tired of it. that's the end goal.