posted August 28, 2002 07:07 PM         

Men's rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not just to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape

posted August 29, 2002 01:45 AM         

quote:

---

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

---

posted August 29, 2002 02:10 AM         

Just say what you want---right out loud!
We're not mind readers and we don't have to be perfectly attuned to your every nuance to love you.

Please don't ask us if we'd like to go dancing tonight. Hells bells ladies, the big game is on tv tonight! What we'd really like is chips and dip, a premium beverage or two and maybe your fingers massaging our necks to ease the tension when our teams quarterback throws an interception or two
Who knows, at half-time we might forget the game and make you glad we didn't go dancing after all.

But, if you want us to take you dancing, just put your arms around our necks and say
----, take me dancing tonight. Then put on your dancing shoes and meet us at the front door

Just always remember, we aren't mind readers but remember too, we gave you white picket fences, electricity, telephones and a myriad of inventions to make your lives easier, not to mention---Ok, I won't mention them but you find many of them indispensable.

We're pretty literal minded, so what you say is what you get. What could be more simple

jwhop

posted August 29, 2002 08:35 AM         

"so what you say is what you get. What could be more simple?"

oh how i wish it were as simple as you say for a taurus moon man! any advice for the stubborn man? the only thing that has worked is,

"It's not manly to say no."

loves ya,

posted September 09, 2002 01:58 AM         

Oh, no-no I'd definitely make him say it first! I can see the alarm bells going off in his mind. Best bet is to run---just fast enough that he can catch you!

But if you want to be taken out to dinner, don't hint or ask him if he wants to go out for dinner. Chances are that if he knows that's what you want, that's what will happen. And don't offer too many choices. Leo guys aren't too bright, you'll just confuse them.

posted September 13, 2002 04:32 PM         

This is funny.

posted September 13, 2002 06:58 PM         

oh how i wish it were as simple as you say for a taurus moon man! any advice for the stubborn man? the only thing that has worked is,

"It's not manly to say no."

loves ya,
aphrodite

Hey Aphro

Sorry I missed your post but you do pose an interesting question

Suggest you give your Taurus Moon a chromosome test What man could say "NO" to Aphrodite?

Forgive me?

Love,
jwhop