posted June 13, 2006 01:22 PM         

If the place is more beautiful, then why do I see the "evil" around me so clearly? OR maybe that is WHY I do see it so clearly.

If I am on the right path, why do I need so much "protection"?

I feel charmed in a way... like if I just keep my eyes open and avoid walking into obvious traps, taking obvious wrong turns, I will be ok. But sometimes I wonder...
Is this questioning the "evil", the "enemy," my own fear? OR is this questioning my intuition silently nudging me, trying to protect me? If my thoughts create my own reality, whose thoughts? Which thoughts? Is intuition only fear? Is intuition the thoughts that are creating my reality? Is intuition "God" or is intuition "the devil"? Is intuition simply pieces of the psychic soup that little me chooses to pull out of the ether to create more "lessons" for myself that only teach me what I have already experienced and know? The familiar, no matter how skewed.
Is anything really "skewed," since all of us interacting and creating our own realities and bouncing off each other and causing chaotic particle dancing could be simply random?
Since there IS a pattern to it all (astrology) that isn't a "firm" pattern, but seems to be firm enough to determine the exact time someone will knock on your door (sayeth Linda)...
does this mean that we are meant to be "food" for those who need it? We all want to feel that we are the top of the food chain, but are we, really? And does it make a difference? Aren't those we are feeding, feeding us in a way as well?

IS there anyone really "out to get us?" And if they are, why?

And for those who just take by accident, if I choose to be with them or share light with them, how do I protect my daughter? Do I wall us up inside our home, never interacting with anyone because their "evil" might rub off on us or they might think angry thoughts toward us at times? Do I spend our days obsessively and compusively imagining protective eggs around us made of teflon and mirrors, complete with showers and drains and oh, I don't know, landing gear and torpedoes, (or maybe some animal print furry seat cushions or pink fuzzy steering wheel covers) for goodness sake?
I worry all the time as I see my daughter's purity becoming tainted by the ideas and people of this world... but if I have faith in her original pure and loving view of the world, I must take a lesson from her and smile and wave at every person and thing in this world from birdies to sinister street-walking crack addicts.

posted June 13, 2006 09:34 PM         

"Concentration and meditation lead to Supernatural Experience which has several stages of ascent,as attended or not attended with deliberation, analysis, joy and self-awareness, or Supreme Independence, is, thus attained. Siddhis or supernatural powers manifest themselves when the Yogi advances in his Yogic practices. These Siddhis such as clairvoyance, clairaudience, etc. are all obstacles on his path. He should shun them ruthlessly and march forward direct to his goal. Real spirituality has nothing to do with these powers which are by-products of concentration. He who runs after these Siddhis may have a downfall if not cautious"

There is a very little structure in new age spirituality. Everyone finds their own path, makes up their own rules and all together we really don't know what are we doing. I think the obstacle desribed above is mistaken for destination and those who has got a little taste of supernatural considered "beacons of faith". I am sure there is a good reason for the oldest religion in the world to see this stage as a potential downfall because at this point the ego is nowhere near surrender. Very gifted healer and a friend said once "The ego is a terrible thing till you get it under control. It feels good to fix folk doesn't it? Wait till you meet somebody who can transfer, and then wonder why you feel so lousy. Wait till you meet a person who knows reflect then wonder why you don't know your own thought patterns"

posted June 13, 2006 10:14 PM         

You leave me breathless sometimes with your eloquence!! Here's a short reply from a Libra looking for a *discussion*

I think I'll wait until the Moon hits Aquarius tomorrow before responding.....

Kamilla, for me "going back to normal" is NOT an option!! There is no reverse on this hovercraft, only the Forward thrust and Lateral stabilizers work

posted June 14, 2006 08:53 PM         

I certainly have more questions than answers here but I think I know where you are coming from. I have had similar experience while trying to help some people. Completely drained.

I think before engaging in any kind of "good deeds" per se, being it tarot reading, healing or simply offering your shoulder to cry on - everyone needs to ask themselves "Am I doing it to help or to feel good about myself?" And be completely honest. I know, you said that you don't feel that way but it can be confusing because our intentions and actions ARE good. I beleive that when motivation is 100% pure we do have protection without asking for it or doing anything about it. If not - even if it might look like some wise strong person helping someone who lost and confused - in reality it's nothing but two weak souls feeding on each other. Just like you said in your first post.

The other thing is to make sure that people WANT to be helped. Not everyone who asks for help really does. Plus, there is a lot of karma going around. And it's better to have a damn good reason before interfering with some stuff they might have to work on.

Anyway, I think experiencing mental and emotional drain is the way of Universe telling us that we are doing something wrong, either to ourselves or others. It's like - don't even go there.

Quote:

"Are these lessons I am meant to learn, or is the lesson to abandon every person I have ever known because sometimes being around them drains me or leaves me feeling like crap? I don't know if I am even interested in going all the way to not caring about anyone or anything or "detaching" from All. (Even though I love many Buddist theories...) That seems to be against everything I've learned up to this point anyway."

posted June 14, 2006 11:22 PM         

I found both of these thoughts very helpful. Some of the other things didn't ring as true. But, wow, those two gems above made all my previous typing worthwhile!

posted June 19, 2006 08:52 PM         

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0937611018/sr=1-1/ qid=1150764600/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-8486496-4252921?%5Fencoding=UTF8&s=books

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0874779219/sr=1-1/ qid=1150764639/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-8486496-4252921?%5Fencoding=UTF8&s=books

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0684835193/sr=1-1/ qid=1150764739/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-8486496-4252921?%5Fencoding=UTF8&s=books
("I have this friend who just completely drains me...")

posted June 19, 2006 09:39 PM         

Particularly anyone with a hard aspect
between the moon and neptune.

Also, I have read that this is true
for anyone with Saturn in the 4th, 8th, or 12th house.

Its something I have certainly dealt with.
Ideally, one should seek out the company
of positive people.
When a certain level of consciousness is reached,
this happens naturally.
At the same time, one begins to distance oneself
from more "toxic" associations.

It may sound calculated,
to speak of "weeding one's garden",
and to think of one's friends as
toxic weeds.
Well, it is.
And so what?
Whats at stake here is your soul.

If you want to help people,
find a line of work where you can help
from a safe, detached distance.
Friendships shouldnt be work.
Friendships need to be based on equality,
and a fair give and take of healing energies.
If your friends need Help (with a capital "h"),
recommend a therapist.
But dont contribute to the creation a dynamic
whereby you are guilt-tripped into
giving away, every day, the kind of energy
that therapists get paid $80+ an hour to give.
That's just not fair.

Also, it is understandable, if you have accumulated,
unknowingly, a good deal of resentment toward these hangers-on,
but try not to let them know
that you are planning to "upgrade".
Ask for space, demand it if you have to,
and, if that doesnt work, say "peace",
and expect not to be appreciated for your time.

We 1st house mooners have difficulty
learning how much, and when, to give.
We need to be careful not to make others
dependent on us.
Our love can be the most addictive of substances.
You may have reached your limit without realizing it,
but, if possible, try not to withdraw
your support all at once,
or it will certainly cause major "withdrawals".

Good luck!
In the meantime,
stay receptive to positive energies.
They are out there.
And they ARE in you.
Keep some for yourself, and,
ultimately, you will have more to give.

take good care,
hsc

posted June 20, 2006 02:30 AM         

or maybe not enough.

Netzach, when I started to spell that I wasn't sure if I had it right, and now since I've opened my book, I can't put it down. Am I drawn to this because of Divine Will or...

It says I am shaking loose debris of this lifetime and those of the past. It says it's a "healing crisis." "Transition" "growth" "highs and lows" "serious self-assessment and self-evaluation"

Daath... The Great Abyss... Knowledge and the Mind... that's what I am talking about. I am trying to tie it all together, but maybe too much too soon.

Here is a gift since you've listened to my thoughts, from the book I was drawn to take from the shelf:
"On a more mundane level, the energy available to us through Daath is astrologically comparable to the energy of Sirius, the Dog Star. In Egyptian mythology, the name of Sirius is traced to the god Osiris, and it was considered the resting place of the soul of Isis. In fact, the Isis mythology can be most easily used in awakening the energies of Daath; Isis is the Supreme Feminine (Binah) and Osiris is the Supreme Masculine (Chokmah), and their union occurs in Daath."

Yes, it has to be the throat chakra because that weekend I sang in front of everyone for the first time. I have been terrified for so long and I have dreamed of doing it for SO LONG. I must have broke loose all the debris in the throat chakra...

Thank you again, hsc, you have given me another gift just by replying and starting me on this thought process. When you add your light to mine, I recieve messages clearly and swiftly. It really is a pleasure to communicate with you, and I hope I can add my light to yours as often as you add yours to mine.

posted June 26, 2006 11:24 AM         

I want to respond to this conscientiously.

posted July 02, 2006 06:18 PM         

You're welcome.

"I want to make it clear that I hope I've long moved past "co-dependent" relationships and behaviors related to that level of thinking."

Awesome!

*graduation cap*
*diploma*

"You are right that I need re-charge time, probably more than most. And I've figured out my limits with certain people."

That's good.
I am still learning to set boundaries.
I'm a sucker for a sob story.

"The problem is How I View these things through the spiritual and mystical tools I've been given over the last decade and a half. As an Air sign (at least I think this is the problem), my questioning starts to deteriorate my reality to the extent that everything comes full circle and I don't know which way is up and which way is down."

I had read this before.
I forgot that you said this.
Funny, this is just what I was
saying to you, yesterday.
I guess you knew exactly what I
was talking about.

"In the past I have solved this by taking a break from esoteric studies, focusing more on the concrete, but I'm not sure that these breaks actually work because I see "reality" as such an illusion that I am never really firmly "back on the ground.""

Interesting. Yeah, its the same with me.
Everything is just another thing
to trip out on.
How do you get out of your own head?

"What is the most disturbing is having no one that I've ever met understand where I am coming from or what I am talking about (to the extent that I understand what I am talking about) which is why I am here. Most of the people that I have met either understand esoteric subjects very darkly or understand them at the Oprah level of Esoteric Arts."

I know what you mean.
I'm glad you are here.

"I don't spend time with the people who understand things darkly, unless I just come across a small piece of information in a place like this, for example. "Hard to see, the Dark Side is." I just think that some of these seeds have sprouted in my mind. And at times I question if I am still on my path. I will be thinking a negative thought about something stressful in my life while I am tucking the covers around my daughter once last time before I go to sleep, and she will visibly wince or move and moan... sensing my thoughts. (This only happens when I am thinking negatively and it happens every time, in case anyone doubts.) I immediately draw back and I pray for her protection (from ME!) and I wonder at my own impurity. I think I do this too much,"

I have similar behaviors.
Some would call them obsessive-compulsive.
But they are probably a natural symptom
when one is coming to an awareness
of the power of the heart and mind.

If something is to be feared,
it is this power.
For this reason,
One ought to assert,
with all conviction,
so as to know,
and realize (in one's life)
that there is truly nothing to fear.
"All is perfect, whole, and complete," etc.

"or maybe not enough."

You are just where you should be.

"Netzach, when I started to spell that I wasn't sure if I had it right, and now since I've opened my book, I can't put it down. Am I drawn to this because of Divine Will or..."

What else could it be?
There is only One will.
For this reason,
the wise call it "Divine".

posted July 02, 2006 06:22 PM         

"Daath... The Great Abyss... Knowledge and the Mind... that's what I am talking about. I am trying to tie it all together, but maybe too much too soon."

It was right to consider these things,
and right to consider considering them.
The past is right, the present is right.
There is no conflict here.

"Here is a gift since you've listened to my thoughts, from the book I was drawn to take from the shelf: "On a more mundane level, the energy available to us through Daath is astrologically comparable to the energy of Sirius, the Dog Star. In Egyptian mythology, the name of Sirius is traced to the god Osiris, and it was considered the resting place of the soul of Isis. In fact, the Isis mythology can be most easily used in awakening the energies of Daath; Isis is the Supreme Feminine (Binah) and Osiris is the Supreme Masculine (Chokmah), and their union occurs in Daath."
Enantiodromia: The complimentarity of opposites.

Sirius, The Dog Star, interests me, too;
It is in my 6th house,
exactly trine my Sun.
Thank you for copying that out.

"Yes, it has to be the throat chakra because that weekend I sang in front of everyone for the first time. I have been terrified for so long and I have dreamed of doing it for SO LONG. I must have broke loose all the debris in the throat chakra..."

That's awesome (and amazing).
I think I get a lot of information there, too.
Do you ever visualize light there?

"Thank you again, hsc, you have given me another gift just by replying and starting me on this thought process."

Cool. Thanks. I mean, you're welcome.
I mean,...

"When you add your light to mine, I recieve messages clearly and swiftly. It really is a pleasure to communicate with you, and I hope I can add my light to yours as often as you add yours to mine."

That's beautiful. Thank you.
You inspire me to think in new
and encouraging directions
(and encourage me to think
in new and inspiring directions)
as well. It is freeing.

I'm having a freeing thought right now:

And,

If you can see no path...

There, make your path!

be great!,
hsc

posted July 03, 2006 03:09 PM         

Yeah, I could definitely use some
lessons in grounding, myself,
but I am generally too ungrounded to heed them.
LOL

It is wonderful,
this meeting of the minds,
with you, Melody.

I just wish I could think straight.
I've experienced a meeting of hearts,
recently, as well.
I met the person I am supposed to be with.
My emotions wont quit these days.
God, I cant stop sighing.
I'm walking around like Percy Shelley or somebody.
Its a little ridiculous.
I feel so weak,
and so powerful,
both at once.
It hurts to be apart from her,
but it is making me strong,
and I feel safe,
so I rarely worry.

Thank you for listening,

posted July 03, 2006 04:12 PM         

God, bored?

Incapable of amusing "Him/Herself"
by any other means than
with the fleeting joys
and recurring pains
of fragmented, dimly conscious
pockets of limited experience
(i.e. mortals)?

Does God have a split personality disorder?
Is God a schizo?
Or is He/She merely capricious, amoral, sadistic?

This is not encouraging.
But, then, that is no real argument
against the possibility of it's being true."
(by hsc)

Was this the other thing I wanted to talk about? I'm not sure... but this was one of a couple things that I wanted to discuss further from the thread.
I said that "As Above, So Below" came to mind and you said, wasn't that thought in itself divisive..? I get where you are coming from there, but I meant it more in relative terms. Whenever I say As Above, So Below, I am not thinking of Wiccan philosophy, although I saw some gems of truth in a book on Wiccan long long ago.. , what comes to mind is the opening scene from the movie Men In Black. Worlds inside worlds inside worlds... what we see as a small cell (or grain of sand) is really it's own universe in it's relative way. When I say, As Above/So Below, I guess I don't mean a traditional Heaven/Earth type scenario, I see more like a mirror within a mirror, within a mirror, within a mirror. I think there are answers in philosophy that will expand answers in sciences and answers in science that will expand answers in philosophy.
So, why couldn't the "single cell" that is "God" multiply into a more complex being? And what if our philosophies and picking apart to find the truth just creates more complexities... which clouds our vision of the "One" that we essentially are? Not that all complexities are "bad" because what fun is it to be one lonely "cell" for eternity?