|
Author
|
Topic: Depth abrood
|
DeepIYM
Knowflake Posts: 109
From: Denver, Co,
Registered: Aug 2003
|
posted May 26, 2004 11:52 PM
 
Okay, I'm going through a bad funk. It's god's way of telling me you need to get on my feet. I've been lazy with school and wasted away the talents that have been given to me. I have so many, I'm a good photographer, I'm athletic, I can jump like 5 feet. It's crazy. I have a good personality, but that's the problem. My personality is weighted down by my lack of motivation and depression. How 17 years old of me.
I wasn't getting my a** in gear, until I fell in love with this girl...  I couldn't motivate myself, so The universe put something there for me. I wasn't going to get that Beautiful girl in the state that I was in. Every now and then my personality comes out and shines, but most of the time It's just suppressed. It hurts me so.
I have a hard time opening up and saying what I feel. SO here I am, last day of school. MY grades barely a C average if that. I aced my final. My teacher said to me: "If I’d have seen this kind of work all year, you would have had an A." There's that girl, All I can say to her: "It's been fun". And all the while I wanted to say so much more. Being down on your self sucks...
Negativity that plagues my soul sucks. I would just ask a favor of you. If you could remember me in your prayers. I just need to put that out into the universe. It feels so very relevant to me, I hope it does to you too. I know that being a teenager is hard. So if you have any stories like that: Feel free to share them here. You know the topic about, your age... well, I'm sorry but age isn't really of consequence to me. Let us stop skimming the surface and dive deeper in to what we feel. The Beauty that we can unearth can be fabulous... Randall III P.S. I hope that girl isn’t just there to get me on my feet. She’s so Beautiful inside and out.
IP: Logged |
MOONAT
Knowflake Posts: 247
From: the bottomless depths of my mind
Registered: Jun 2003
|
posted May 27, 2004 05:24 AM
when i read your post i totally understood what you were saying.
for me it started in yr nine (i'm in yr 11 now) i just completely stopped caring about school and there was nothing that could motivate me. so that kept going untill last year when i got to the lowest ever, i got a D in Maths. what dissappointed me the most was that i wasn't dissappointed at all...i had totally stopped caring.
it was a dam waste as well, i used to be so good at everything, a little bit of revision and top marks every time...i just stopped and now at the beginning of the year i thought i could just get back to it...but it's so much harder now...
lol i am very proud of myself today though, i handed in a essay draft and my teacher told me it was of a scholarly standard  i was so happy! It's good to feel proud again!love...hmm i think what happened to you happened to me right at the beginning of the year, he was here for a week and then he went away...hes coming back in a month...it was sort of like the perfect timing, getting me motivated and then leaving so that i could do some things on my own, be really happy with myself. ohh sorry i babble on, it felt good to get all that out, i hope you get your motivation back...and if it doesn't happen immediately...just pretend it has, if your mind thinks it...you'll follow  toodles
luv naca IP: Logged |
Irish Eyes
Knowflake Posts: 61
From: Bethlehem,PA,USA
Registered: Apr 2004
|
posted May 27, 2004 09:05 PM
When I read what you both have said my heart ached. I remember being 17. It was one of the hardest years of my life. There are so many questions and little motivation. I found that it took all my effort to graduate and after that I left home. When I left home it took very little time for me to get my act together (if I didn't move I couldn'd eat or pay rent). I learned things the hard way but I am a better person for it now. Do not give up DeepIYM, you will find your way. Looking back I realize that I was not unmotivated, I was resting up for what was on the horizion. When it come to love remember that it is better to have loved and lost that to never have loved at all. Granted, I never understood that until I let down my defences and took the chance. MOONAT, I am happy that your funk is lifting. I hope that you continue to do well both in school and in your personal life. -IE IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 17783
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
|
posted May 28, 2004 12:15 PM
 ------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
QueenofSheeba
Moderator Posts: 799
From: California, USA
Registered: Feb 2003
|
posted May 31, 2004 12:29 AM
I know where you're coming from with the depression, Deep. Being depressed is like being in a deep hole, in that you usually can't climb out on your own but need help. It's also like a deep hole in that it's better not to fall into it in the first place, and that at least once you probably will, and furthermore that once you're out you never know when another one will appear.
So being depressed sucks. Just remember that the only defining characteristic of depression is being sad, an emotion that is at once very simple and also difficult to get rid of. Other factors, like how people have been treating you and you self esteem, matter a lot to me too.
Maybe this a good time to quote some Rufus Wainwright:
"Woke up this morning at 11:11
Wasn't in Portland and I wasn't in heaven
Could've been either, from the way I was feeling
But I was alive
I was alive."Wainwright wrote that song while recovering from a certain earthly hell- he had been addiction to alcolhol and crystal meth. Just remember, the dominant fact is that you are alive. Use the gift of life as long as it is given to you- for life is a gift. ------------------
Hello everybody! I used to be QueenofSheeba and then I was Apollo and now I am QueenofSheeba again (and I'm a guy in case you didn't know)! IP: Logged |
QueenofSheeba
Moderator Posts: 799
From: California, USA
Registered: Feb 2003
|
posted May 31, 2004 12:32 AM
As is death. But death is a gift that must taken only as it is given. ------------------
Hello everybody! I used to be QueenofSheeba and then I was Apollo and now I am QueenofSheeba again (and I'm a guy in case you didn't know)! IP: Logged |
MOONAT
Knowflake Posts: 247
From: the bottomless depths of my mind
Registered: Jun 2003
|
posted June 02, 2004 07:47 AM
its back...i feel so crappy...i never thought i would get to this point but i actually think im depressed....not really...but i just feel so awful...one bad mark..after trying hard...i wish i could leave school!  i'm lost...but i guess i should wait it out...and get this essay done...tomorrow will bring a new attitude hopefully  IP: Logged |
QueenofSheeba
Moderator Posts: 799
From: California, USA
Registered: Feb 2003
|
posted June 02, 2004 07:48 PM
You know what I do when I'm feeling crumby? I make some tea, curl up on the couch in a blanket, and read something cozy.
It makes me feel ready to be stoic again.------------------
Hello everybody! I used to be QueenofSheeba and then I was Apollo and now I am QueenofSheeba again (and I'm a guy in case you didn't know)! IP: Logged |
Everlong
Knowflake Posts: 169
From: Southeast Florida
Registered: Nov 2003
|
posted June 02, 2004 11:12 PM
I have this weird... affliction, I guess you could call it. There are really few things in real life that can make me cry. I couldn't cry when my uncle died. Dude, I tried so hard, but the tears just didn't come. And he was a really close family member. But then, when I read a fantastic novel or story, I can cry buckets, just because I'm so happy that I've found something that can make me feel so fulfilled, and that I can completely understand and... I don't know. Like, at the end of reading the fifth Harry Potter book I felt so horrible and empty for a couple of days, which was my sign of what a terrific book it was. Nothing in real life can really make me feel emotions that stories do.I have too many ambitions and can be a bit too determined. The thing is, I'm also a huge procrastinator. I mean, with everything. ------------------
"Out of your depth or not, it's up to you whether you sink or swim." IP: Logged |
MOONAT
Knowflake Posts: 247
From: the bottomless depths of my mind
Registered: Jun 2003
|
posted June 02, 2004 11:28 PM
no i knew it would b ok, today has brought new enthusiasm, the charm of being an Aries i guess hmm im plannin on reading all 5 harry potter books again this weekend, but not til tonight, must finish this history essay!yay! i know what you mean everlong, stories in movies and novels are amongst the rare things that get me to cry...but i love it when they do! on another note, i wanted to ask your opion on something regarding school, anyone who cares to answer. about a week ago i handed in a draft for an essay on Cold Mountain (dont kno if u kno the story, movie is good, book is god awful boring) anyhoo, i handed in teh draft, the teacher told me it was a 'scholarly' effort and ONLY recommended that i change the conclusion and change it to focus less on Ruby and more on Ada. NOTHING ELSE!
so i did that, i get it back, 96.5%.so i was kinda a bit weirded out because someone got 99%. she had taken marsk off my essay for something which she did not mention to me to fix in my draft? is it unreasonable for me to complain or at least ask for an explanation? she was EXTREMELY surprised and SHOCKED that i was complaining abotu receiving 96.5%...but its really about the principle to me... wot do you think? should i just shut up and get on with it? IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 17783
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
|
posted June 03, 2004 01:27 PM
You still have a right to complain.  ------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
DeepIYM
Knowflake Posts: 109
From: Denver, Co,
Registered: Aug 2003
|
posted June 03, 2004 04:32 PM
moonat,
Don't worry about it. I have an Aries moon, jupiter and north node, So I understand, but as a Pisces I will say that i'tll all be over with. they'll deal with them and the teacher will get his injustice, no matter how miniscule it maybe in anther time. just think karma.
As for me. I need to find some focus... a job, some structure. something... AHHHHHHH. It feels like soemthing's trying to keep me down  but, maybe it;s just myself that needs to go and find, a job. maybe I'll do that right now.  I need to help myself find focus. I need structure. then I will ask that girl that I was talking about out on a date. She's so beautiful...  Randall III  IP: Logged |
QueenofSheeba
Moderator Posts: 799
From: California, USA
Registered: Feb 2003
|
posted June 04, 2004 01:25 AM
Good luck with the girl, Deep.
------------------
Hello everybody! I used to be QueenofSheeba and then I was Apollo and now I am QueenofSheeba again (and I'm a guy in case you didn't know)! IP: Logged |
DeepIYM
Knowflake Posts: 109
From: Denver, Co,
Registered: Aug 2003
|
posted June 04, 2004 07:26 PM
thank you QOS, you see any prospects? hmmm... prospects such a miterial word. My intelectual side has been turned off lately, I think I overloaded over the school year. I think, I know i'll get it back in a bit. I'm just having fun while my brian needs rest. I can't write poems, I can't take pictures, all I can do is get a job. and work for money and then buy film to take pictures and help out my friends on the streets. I live deep in the heart of downtown Denver. So I know many homeless people, Artists, and just interesting people left and right. I just realized that I was good looking the other day, and I think my ego has finally come out of it's shell. I'm trying to balance that one out... It's very hard. As a teenager you go through so many flucktuations. Ayyy and I can not speel... Well excuse my brain being turn off. and my depth has gone dorment for the moment. I know it'll come back out. I could not live with out my dreamed profundity.Your disillusioned Pisces friend:
Randall III PS. That girl, i know she's got inner depth hiding to, I wonder if I can bring it out. she's a Scorpio, we all know about how deep they go. I think. Oh and QOS
tell me about your self. what are you up to? What do you like? where do you go and live? tell me something intelectually interesting about your self and your environment. Okay, have a good day. IP: Logged |
Everlong
Knowflake Posts: 169
From: Southeast Florida
Registered: Nov 2003
|
posted June 04, 2004 11:12 PM
Heh, don't worry Deep, you're not the only disillusioned Pisces. Sometimes I wonder if I'm too jaded. I don't get too disappointed when someone does something completely wrong anymore because I've come to realize that my I really just don't expect much of people around me anymore. I just want to get out of here as soon as possible, and start out on a completely new slate. I have no respect for the people I call 'friends', and they've only brought out the badder part of me. The only person who understands me is my Scorpion best friend. You know how they say that Pisceans look at the world through 'rose-colored glasses'? The opposite has happened to me. I've been given clear mental glasses, and now... it's strange. I can so easily find the outstanding qualities and faults in everyone, even my Scorpion best buddy. My world has turned grey, the good and the bad merging together into everything that I see. It doesn't really depress me, as it might to others. Well, it does occasionaly. I can be so detached from my feelings, even though I sometimes feel like I'm super-glued to them. I'm just so full of this determination, this ambition, because I feel as if I know that I'm going to succede one day, if I just keep on going and let everything and nothing get into my way at the same time. I don't know how to describe it. I hate things that draw me back, but at the same time, they just make me learn more. I want to experience. I have no idea why I'm posting this, but I just suddenly got the urge to. Good luck with the girl, Deep. Scorpios are never-endlessly deep, and no matter what, there will always be things you don't know about them. ------------------
"Out of your depth or not, it's up to you whether you sink or swim." IP: Logged |
DeepIYM
Knowflake Posts: 109
From: Denver, Co,
Registered: Aug 2003
|
posted June 05, 2004 02:33 PM
Everlong.
You know maybe you don't respect yourself in the way you feel you need to? Just a thought. I mean if you don't respect most of the people that you find are your "friends" then there's something in you that blocks you from having compassion from them, a lack of compassion in yourself... You for get that the Scorpion is a gray lizard, a scorpion, and an Eagle, Pisces is the only truly pure water sign, our depth and understanding can go deeper then there's, why? because our being isn't bias by Ego like there's is. You have to remember that we as Pisces can see humanity in it's finest and worst and still understand it. yes Scorpios are deep. But as a Pisces, I see through them. Don't get me wrong. I see through me too. Cuz let me tell you I'm nothing. but within nothing there is everything! I'm sorry but that Scorpio girl... Oh boy is she in for trouble when she hits the world, raised in a strict, Mormon, republican home. She is... we not necessarily naive, but very Curious about the world. I want to show her. if only she can slow down and see it with me. I'm not sure I'm going to get that chance... But with the potential beauty that I see in her, she could be amazing. Not only potential, but just outward beauty. Maybe I'm just a disillusioned Pisces, viewing the world through rose tinted glasses. Maybe The world is rose tinted and most people can't see it... Maybe I'm nothing. The endless possibilities are amazing and beautiful. Oh bless my human heart.Randall III IP: Logged |
QueenofSheeba
Moderator Posts: 799
From: California, USA
Registered: Feb 2003
|
posted June 06, 2004 02:35 AM
About me, Deep: At the moment I am keeping an eye on my AIM window. You see, there's a guy at school who I really want to be friends with. We were good friends earlier this year but recently he's been ignoring me. I'm hoping that he'll notice I'm online and say hello. It's a vain hope. He won't. Of course I'm not going to message him- I've chased after him enough already.
I have no one else to chat with. The only other person online right now is a guy who I met on the internet and who wants to have sex with me. I'm blocking him.
It's the time of year at school where we sign yearbooks. It's also the time of year when one's grades are liable to fall through the floor due to apathy. I find yearbook signing to be difficult. One is under pressure to write polite, endearing things to people one doesn't particularly care for. One is also under pressure to write things to your friends, which can be difficult because sometimes all you really have to say is "You're a great friend, see you next year" which obviously won't do, as it is too brief. So I end up spinning out these loads of bull about all the good times we had together and what a wonderful person they are... which is well and good, but not what I would say to a friend if I was never going to see him or her again.
What would I say to friend who I was never going to see again?
I don't know. Probably very little. I might not say anything.
This summer I will be going to Guatemala for six weeks with my dad. My goal is to learn Spanish. I don't know what's going to happen. I want to see some Mayan ruins.
And I'm sorry, Deep, but nothing of intellectual quality has come bubbling out of me recently. The closest I can get is this thought on the nature of happiness and the nature of sadness: That they are essentially the same emotion, both being a reaction to existence.Sheba
------------------
Hello everybody! I used to be QueenofSheeba and then I was Apollo and now I am QueenofSheeba again (and I'm a guy in case you didn't know)! IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 17783
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
|
posted June 07, 2004 04:34 PM
 ------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
DeepIYM
Knowflake Posts: 109
From: Denver, Co,
Registered: Aug 2003
|
posted June 14, 2004 03:11 AM
QOS, what's your screen name? is it the same as on here. I'd like to get in touch with you.Randall III IP: Logged |
DeepIYM
Knowflake Posts: 109
From: Denver, Co,
Registered: Aug 2003
|
posted June 29, 2004 01:40 AM
I haven't noticed many post's in teen spirit lately... I'm sorry. There must be a change in linda land, in the whole world. somethings about to go down, or maybe it's just that something's always going down, we'll see...IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 17783
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
|
posted June 30, 2004 02:26 PM
Every Forum fluctuates. Maybe they are all enjoying their Summer vacation.  ------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
