posted May 07, 2011 11:07 PM            

We saw each other at a summer camp about 4 years ago, and I felt this sudden attraction to him ever since then. It's sort of like love at first sight, even though I would prefer not to call it that- I don't really believe in that kind of thing- but that's the only way I can explain it. Now we go to the same school and have the same lunch period, but we've only talked occasionally. It's like we're afraid to talk to each other! I'm too old-fashioned (and shy) to talk to him, and I don't know what his deal is. But, for some reason, I know he feels the same way; he's always staring at me when I pass by him (if we're not already staring at each other) and the rare occasions that we do talk, if seems like he's trying to flirt with me. I just want him to make the first move already! I don't know if I'm going crazy or if this how most Scorpio/Cancer relationships start? And does it seem like he likes me? Please help!

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That was 7 months ago. Now, I'm completely regretful about how things turned out. The Cancer guy is the one that got away- even though he's still around. He's the one that I met, didn't like, ignored, reconciled with, became friends, and ended up liking a lot more than I ever thought I would. I never told him, though.
Yeah, I should've told him. Trust me. I'd heard it all. And I tried. I honestly did. But everytime that I saw him, all of my built-up courage went out of the window and I started ignoring hom once again.
I'm pretty straight forward about most things in my life, except in matters of the heart. My heart. Thanks to my mother's horrible dating history (which created her cynical view on love- she's another Scorpio), statistics on divorces, and a particularly horrible breakup, I have a wall up that bulldozers can't even break down. I rarely lower my defences, because I don't like getting too close to guys. It never ends well. But this time, it was different.
This guy really caught my attention. I went in with my wall, and I don't know what happened. Something just clicked for me. He perfectly matched the physical aspects that I looked for in guys, which was scary. The more we had conversation, the more I liked him. And I got scared. Why? Because I did what I was NOT supposed to do.

I caught feelings. Sh*t.

At first, I was in total denial. I couldn't like him. And then I realized that I did. So I went back to my old ways, my first instinct... to ignore. To run away from relationships. He also asked me why I acted like he was invisible. I said I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't think I did at the time. But I was. I slowly distanced myself from him. Out of fear. And he was hurt. So now we don't talk. And I totally regret it.
I wanted so badly to tell him what I thought about him. I hated the fact that I could see him from 10 yards away, yet I'd pass by him like he didn't exist. I acted like I was too preoccupied to notice. I was afraid that if I did talk to him, all of those feelings would come out. Once you open yourself up to someone, there's a chance that things won't go the way that you intended- and you'll be left broken. And I never really have an interest for someone, but when I do, I feel scared and just run away. I run away before they can ever run away from me. Like my first love. And it sucks.
It's been on my mind a lot lately. I thought that I was doing the right thing in the long run, but now... I don't think I did. Wondering what could have been from now till the time you meet the next person you end up with is way worse than getting rejected. He's always around though, so he hasn't gotten away in the sense of living far away from each other, but just in the sense that I can't have what I could have had with him if only I had just been smarter. Is it too late to fix this?

posted May 16, 2011 07:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
You might get more responses by posting in Soul Unions.

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