posted October 21, 2002 07:50 AM         

First I was at a place that felt like my grandparents house and in some ways it was but in others it wasn't. I was there with someone who was a friend (not sure who) and we were trying to avoid someone else. For some reason the kitchen sticks out for me. I walked through it and even sat in it. Then the place turned into my apartment. My dad and brother had cleaned my apartment top to bottom in a spring cleaning fashion.

Then the person I was trying to avoid joined me and I didn't object. It was late and we needed to go to bed so we could get up for work in the morning. This person was my husband. We had been arguing. He was in a car accident and was complaining about having helped cleaned my apartment because he hurt so much from the accident. I told him to take something for the pain and go to bed. That I hadn't asked for his help. At this point the man is still my ex. We went to bed in the same bed.

In the dream the alarm clock went off and I hit the snooze button (just like I do in real life). I turned over and had forgotten that there was someone in bed with me. He put his hand on my leg and we moved closer together. I put my hand over his. He put his foot over mine. We stayed that way for a few minutes. This time though, the man was JH.

I remember thinking how strange it was to be in bed with someone after 2 years of sleeping alone. I also remember thinking how was I going to get up and get ready for work. Some stuff happened here that isn't clear to me now. I must have gotten ready for work.

Then the next thing I know, we're outside getting ready to leave. There's stuff going on around us that I can't recall. He gets in his big van looking car and I get in mine. A former co-worker of mine who got fired a few weeks ago is in his car. We're all talking but I'm having trouble hearing her.

Then I follow his car because we work at the same place. We're driving on Interstate 395 in the DC area. JH and I were talking back and forth while driving between the two cars. It was very surreal how this was happening. Suddenly we're at the Pentagon exit but JH almost made us miss it. We pull over suddenly and I almost hit another gold colored van or similar car.

The ramp is forked and for some reason I yell out that we've gone the wrong way but that it's okay because I think I can get us the right way.

posted October 21, 2002 10:24 AM         

I probably didn't express myself very well as I wrote this when I first woke up. As you can tell, I'm not a morning person. I went to bed with my ex but woke up with JH is what I should've said.

posted October 23, 2002 01:54 PM         

I get a peculiar feeling from you. It feels like I am going up and down.

Anyway, my thoughts kind of mirror Stella's, but there are some differences.

I feel that this is about some old pattern (grandparent's house) that you are avoiding. There are choices you have made (kitchen) concerning this avoidance that have brought you into your current situation (your apartment). Perhaps your father and brother - or the masculine forces they represent - have played some role in getting you where you are, or helped you to "clean out" this old pattern from your life.

But old patterns/habbits are hard to break! ... Enter the old pattern ... your ex. It seems to be a love-hate situation! And we do become comfortable, in a sense, with those things we are familiar with - hence the "snooze button", which also suggests a sort of intentional unawareness - denial perhaps.

At this point your subconscious makes a connection between the ex and JH ... an unconscious (sleep) continuation of an old pattern?

The fired co-worker could represent that aspect of self or the old pattern which you have tried to "let go". It is this part of you which is "riding" with the ex - and you are "having trouble hearing her" ... hmmm. Again, indications that you are not listening to this part of you - the part which is attatched to the old pattern - a denial of sorts.

Then "JH almost made us miss" the exit. Are you being misled? And I do not mean this as an intentional misleading - at least by him. The other "gold coloured" vehicle that you almost hit could be a sign that you are "almost aware (gold)" of the path you are on.

Subconsciously you are aware that you have "gone the wrong way", but you think you can make your way regardless - is this another indication of denial? It seems you desperately want to make this old pattern go "the right way."

Does this make any sense?

posted October 26, 2002 03:50 AM         

The feeling of up and down you get from me is because I've been up and down a lot recently emotionally. Hopefully, things will start evening out now.

There is a lot of truth in what you both saw in my dream. As for making things go the right way...It's not about denial but just getting back on the right path and moving forward with my life. I can't change the past but I can change my future behavior. Something I'm working very hard on.

I'm a private person so it's hard for me to gage what to say and what not to say here. I will say that a lot of what's been said rings true and some things are things I was already thinking and acknowledging.