posted November 12, 2002 02:20 PM           

I had this dream a couple hours ago (actually an hour and a half ago).

I was driving down a long stretch of road, very flat landscape. Not a lot of trees. A storm was brewing and I knew it was a tornado cloud. The odd thing was the cloud was forming a circular pattern in the sky like a giant dark grey ring. I could see blue blue sky in the middle like a huge eye of a hurricane. Finally when the clouds connected and the ring was complete, the clouds began sprouting tornadoes. I looked up and could see a funnel coming down on my car but I sped up. Hunter was in the car with me. I felt the car lifted off the gound slightly but I was still able to outrun that funnel. A very large truck coming towards us on the road was taken up by the wind and I was surprised we weren't because our car was lighter.

I saw a big store, like a WalMart or Sears type store, and I pulled into the parking lot, hoping to find shelter. The garage was closing but they kept it open just long enough for me to drive in. There was a man there that helped Hunter out of his car seat and helped us into the main store where he told us to take shelter under something soft and I began looking.

Next thing I know I woke up in the middle of what looked like an expensive mall. I was laying on some sort of velvety couch on my back and my head was propped up carefully. There were all sorts of people milling around and when they saw me awake they were staring at me with a sort of reverance. I tried to get up but there was a guy by the couch who was very kind and he told me not to because I wasn't ready just yet but soon I would be. I lay there and watched some people walking to the elevator and I knew they were dead. Their souls going on to the afterlife. One man came up to me *reminding me of Tim Allen, actually* and was very goofy. I remembered him as my husband at some point and I was surprised that he seemed so goofy and stupid. He was smiling and said he was glad I was alive but he was being reincarnated so he had to take the elevator. Then he said I had a lot of work to do and he got on the elevator. The man sitting next to me seemed annoyed but I said "It's alright.. he didn't tell me anything I didn't already know"

Finally I managed to sit up and made it to a standing position. I walked over to one of the stores and found it was an Alphaville store but it was not yet open for the day. I stood there looking in the windows wishing I could buy stuff. A store keeper came by to open the store and for some reason he didn't like me and he told me I should leave.

I ignored him because I knew he was just threatened by me and that I had just as much if not more right to be there than he did. I looked up and down the mall hallway towards other stores and I saw Marian walking towards me and the Alphaville store. He was looking down and walking heavily and wearing a big parka-type coat with the hood up.

He looked up when he was about 15 feet away and saw me and his eyes got very big and he turned around to run. This confused me for an instant but then I knew why. He didn't want me to see him in his current state? I chased after him, calling his name, but he was very fast.

I caught him when he tried to hide along side another store and he kept saying "no! no! you can't see me like this! I'm not the same!"

I had him by the shoulders so we were facing and he wouldn't look at me at first but finally I got him to and he was so heartbreakingly sad.

"I am old," he said, "I'm not the same."

This is where it becomes very real, very vivid, and I could feel everything I was doing.

I tried to tell him I didn't care about the physical and that his eyes were the same as ever but he was very upset so I reached up and ran my hands through his hair. His hair became instantly thicker and healthy. I ran my hands over his face very softly and then cupped his cheeks and he looked young again, like he was 25. He didn't even look in a mirror but he knew what I had done and he grabbed me for this kiss that would knock the boots off of just about anyone. Then he led me through this door that I didn't even know had been there and there was a small room with a white bed in the middle of it.

There we... well we made love.. and it was very realistic. **enter romantic music here so I don't have to go into detail** And then he got up, very excited by everything, and told me he had to find me my ring that he had given me before.

posted November 13, 2002 03:18 AM           

*bites lip*

*adjusts halo*

------------------
it's the start of the season ..the dawning is near ..the age of fish comes announcing the news of the year ..there's an open horizon before us ..there is a rainbow under my eyes ..we shall be one ..under the sun ..right here in the power of the light

posted November 13, 2002 01:31 PM         

I have a few thoughts as well, but they will have to wait!

posted November 15, 2002 04:47 PM           

Mostly because I'm not terribly comfortable with my life but I'm more at a point where I can't change it. And I don't see my husband leaving for a new life because he's fighting tooth and nail to keep me here. The Marian = marriage thing is a great observation but I see Marian as more of his own identity in my dreams because i've really only had 4 or 5 with him in the past 3 years or so and I consider him such a bright white light. I can't imagine associating him with my marrage.

posted November 16, 2002 01:54 PM           

------------------
it's the start of the season ..the dawning is near ..the age of fish comes announcing the news of the year ..there's an open horizon before us ..there is a rainbow under my eyes ..we shall be one ..under the sun ..right here in the power of the light

posted November 19, 2002 01:41 PM         

Stella, you are very good.

posted November 20, 2002 01:47 PM         

I did not break down every detail - that would have taken forever. This is what I have:

I see the circular pattern/ring as a symbol of self, and therefore perhaps symbolizing emotional upheaval influencing the physical life. There are concerns about parental responsbility (or effects upon child), relationship, life situation. Change, perhaps sudden, is hinted at.

It seems that you will escape the destruction that these upheavals threaten, and that perhaps your husband will undergo some sort of change (dead/goofy and stupid/reincarnated/elevator).

And there will be change for you as well, some sort of realization that hints at a new beginning (ALPHAville/old to young/white bed). This is perhaps connected with some spiritual tenet or truth (Marian) that you will incorporate (sex) into life practice, healing yourself and re-establishing your true connection with the forces-that-be.

The symbolism around the Marian scene is thick and multi-leveled, but time does not permit me - as usual - to go into great detail. After the change in him that you affected, there appears a door you did not before notice - this is symbolic of a realization and an action that leads to an unexplored "room" of consciousness/awareness. White - purity/awareness/newness; the kiss - energy exchange/acceptance; and the ... umm ... love-making - incorporation/balance/etc.

There is much surrounding Marian! There are some interesting similarities between him in this dream and in the last one. In the last, others called him by another name - in this one he says "I am not the same." In the last one he was dressed in black - in this one he is in a hooded coat. And of course, there are the eyes. Perhaps there is something about him or his words/works that you do not yet understand, but will.

You have variously descibed him as a bright light and a guru of sorts, and this is the crux of the symbolism surrounding him. Yet he appears dressed in black or in a hooded cloak or otherwise veiled in some way. There is something important in this - what do you think it is?

I am impressed by the words/lyrics of his that you quote, they seem very enlightened and emotional, but strangely, when I think of him, I get nothing - just like a dark void with a small voice in the middle. This certainly does not mean there is nothing to him - there certainly IS - and there are various possibilities for my lack of sense in this. I just wonder which of the possibilities it might be. Would it be possible to see some sort of picture of him?

Anyway, there is one thing I find quite significant in this dream (besides Marian!). It begins with a "bad" ring, and ends with a "good" one.

What do you think about all of this?

I am not sure I know what to think!

posted November 20, 2002 02:09 PM           

**forgive me... this is going to be LONG LONG LONG... I didn't intend for it to be but I went off on a tangent**

You have variously descibed him as a bright light and a guru of sorts, and this is the crux of the symbolism surrounding him. Yet he appears dressed in black or in a hooded cloak or otherwise veiled in some way. There is something important in this - what do you think it is?

hrmmm I've been thinking about this. He *IS* very mysterious. Let me see if I can go into a little bit why. First of all, even the most die-hard fans I've met know almost nothing about him beyond his birthdate. I've always thought that was strange. I belong to an email list that he writes to and reads and his entries are often cryptic and strange or have to be read in several different ways. Remember the dream I had with him in the sand and the comet killing most of the people on earth? Well a couple months later the band made a song called On The Beach and put it on the website for the fans to download. I already posted the lyrics for that but on the email list Marian said about the song:

OTB is the result/the reaction/the instant moment of a morphology in time and space (the www? the nervous system??) that connected (and still connects) all of us with each other. I had only been triggered. I was only your voice. Thatīs how I understand the term 'dreamscape'.

Thatīs where we all shall meet.

Marian Gold

He's just.... MARVELOUS! Then there are these little things that I feel silly for even telling you but I will anyway because I feel compelled to.

Three days after I posted that comet dream to the list, Marian posted the lyrics to Roxy Music's song "Avalon"... My name on that email list is "WychOfAvalon" so that's what made me take notice.

Now the party's over
I'm so tired
Then I see you coming
Out of nowhere
Much communication in a motion
Without conversation or a notion
Avalon

When the samba takes you
Out of nowhere
And the background's fading
Out of focus
Yes the picture's changing
Every moment
And your destination
You don't know it
Avalon

When you bossanova
There's no holding
Would you have me dancing
Out of nowhere
Avalon ...

Lovely, isnīt it....
M.

On November 6th I was in the PROCESS of writing Claudia (she works for him) to ask her if I could send Marian a cd through her and what address, etc. Half way through the email before I sent it I checked the band's webpage again and there in the News section that had been updated WHILE I was writing the email it said:

you have anything to send us? you can now get in contact with moonbase via snail mail, too. in this case please check out the [contact] section.

Coincidence?? Are their coincidences? I don't know. Then.. I found an Alphaville video I didn't even know existed online through WinMX. "One Step Behind You" I was so excited because it's 9 years old and I couldn't believe I didn't even know the song had a video. A couple lyrics are:

i'm moving
i'm not going to rest till i find you
i'm following one step behind you
i'll do what i do to remind you
i'm following one step..
i've been keeping strange hours, i've been saying strange things
i've been places where i should not go
but i catch conversations that feature your name
and my ears and my eyes never close
i've been all of the places where you used to be
and your friends don't remember my face
i don't know if you wonder what's happening to me
i don't vanish that easy, i'll make you believe me
i'm moving...
did the voice sound familiar on the landing below
are the footsteps behind you like mine
you're a thought in my head i could never let go
and that thought takes up all of my time

Anyway ~ the video was filmed in NYC only a few blocks from my apartment there (I still have an apt there on 11th street. I've only been in LA 3 years) at a little park I used to sometimes hang out in after going to a nearby danceclub. Is that really weird or am I just reading into things?

There is a gentleman involved with the band named j.f. nelson. He writes some stories on their website. One of them is dated September 3rd, 2054. Here's part of it:

i am a traveller. i am a friend, an observer,
a messenger and, as i said, sometimes a guardian angel too. it's curiosity that drives me and a peculiar ability that enables me to journey the worlds which you can only enter via your dreams. i envy you for that ... dreams!!
i mean i don't need them, after all, i know almost all their possibilities, but it must be excellent merriment.

throughout my extensive travels alphaville's music has been a valued companion. marian's unique voice, bernhard's and frank's artistic arrangements, rick's fearless endeavours to find novelty, the drama, the pathos, the music, its grief, its humour, its naivety, the hidden messages, the skill.
there is no world or age in which they were truly bad.

... you see, don't forget one thing: there are boring, lonely universes out there in which alphaville never existed, and in others their career followed a distinctly different path. all this can be heard on "dreamscapes": victories and defeats, hits that flopped in other worlds and vice versa, music that was never written elsewhere and, who knows, songs none of you know which nonetheless climbed up the charts in different verisimilitudes. there is much to discover.

yet it remains but a wee segment of infinite possibilities
... like millions of sailors in parallel worlds ...

j. f. nelson

How could I not be completely captivated?! No one knows who j.f. nelson is and most assume he's some alter-ego of Marian's. Who knows? either way... I'm so intrigued. Who the heck is j.f.nelson and why's he writing from the future?

(the waiting room of kingdom come)

nothing but drinking, drinking, drinking. sucking in, breathing in the ice-cold sea water, being one.

unquenchable thirst, insatiable hunger, a will that never dries up.

swaying with the tide, the ocean breeze breathes around you; sheltered in vastness, waste, blindness, sheltered in sleep, dream, silence, sheltered in rhythm, reflex, oblivion. this is how you drift, day and night, consuming time, innocently.

around you are myriads of others, solitary, glasslike. and when the triumvirate appears at the end of the six-headed night above the seas, the surface of the water will explode into blazing colours and everything will rise from the deep darkness and reach out shimmering sails to the red-green-golden suns.

it is quite impossible for the living to travel to this extraordinary world. still, it may happen that we meet there even if we know not of each other. in fact we know nothing there.
we drift towards and away from each other without nostalgia, sorrow or complaint.

we know nothing of birth or death yet we live, think, feel.

reaching this extraordinary world means being unable to be anywhere else ever again, never.
still, i don't speak of this world with caution, retaliation or threat. sin does not exist there, neither does love, only freedom.

and the ocean offers space for all, constantly placing us at the best possible point during every moment of our eternal drift.

why do i tell you about this world?
i've been sitting here a long time, listening to the music and waiting for your arrival. i've thought long about this world.

if it exists, or if it is only a product of my imagination, is, as you may know by now, of little or no consequence.
it offers comfort, as everything about it is mild, without reason, and for all, it is perfect.

and it is there where i now go...

j. f. nelson

When specifically asked about j.f. nelson.. Marian says:
some say, his full name is jonathan frederik nelson, others insist on jordan franklin nelson and others call him jefferey ferdinand nixon.
reportedly he established the so called 'neslon project' at the end of the seventies that later became alphaville. his identity is a mystery. and it will continue to be. on 'afternoons in utopia' they described his function as 'spiritual light(n)ing', later on he appeared as an 'illuminator'. in the lyrics of 'lies' (forever young) and 'lassie come home' (afternoons in utopia) he was some kind of visitor, and maybe in some other songs as well. the album of Serge Gainsbourg called 'Histoire de Melody Nelson' (Philips 1971 # 6325071; sold out) seems to deal with his person. around 1984 he disappeared. on 'dreamscapes' he was mentioned being a traveller, but his current residence seems to be out of this world ...

I can show you a couple pictures of Marian. Is a newer picture better? See I've only had 4 or 5 dreams about Marian in the past 13 years. I'll tell you my first one when I have a little time to type later today. I think it shows some of the duality, too.

posted November 20, 2002 02:42 PM           

Newer pics:
http://www.nickisadevil.com/alphaville/15lenin.jpg

http://www.nickisadevil.com/alphaville/31park_mg.jpg

This is about 6 weeks ago with a fan who seems like such a nice girl:
http://www.glamourjunkies.com/temp/avmarianlb.jpg

here's a really old one
http://www.nickisadevil.com/alphaville/ave6.jpg

posted November 20, 2002 03:28 PM           

I was in a small venue where bands played. Duran Duran had just played and left the stage and the crowd was leaving and thinning out. The space in front of the stage was totally clear and there were only about 10 or 15 people milling about. I didn't leave yet, but sat at a small round table off to the side to have a drink.

Marian appeared by the table wearing a tuxedo and a long black coat.

"Do you want to dance with me?" he asked. *funny because that's a line to one of their songs *

I don't remember saying anything but just nodding so we went to the middle of the dance floor which was in front of the empty stage. The place was very dimly lit except for one spotlight where we were ballroom dancing. I *think* Dance With Me was playing very quietly in the background...

when the heat of light melts into the speeding time
when the king returns to the ivory cityside
let the magnet mages wave the signals, flashing oh so fast
then you'll meet me there under the moonshine
in a lover's heaven, we'll keep our promises at last
in a lover's heaven we'll forget the past
do you want to dance with me through one of those lonely nights
it's more than a dream, maybe we're reaching the gardens of delight
do you want to dance with me through one of those lonely nights
it's more than a dream, maybe we're drowning in empires of delight
in the stardust dawn underneath the crystal roofs
where the solar boys are playing games they never lose
where the sailors are swaying through the lightdomes shining in the sky
there you'll meet me, darling, anyway
in a lover's heaven, we'll keep our promises at last
in a lover's heaven we'll forget the past

For some reason I began to feel strange and I told him I had to go home. He asked me to stay but I said I couldn't and had to almost pry my hands from his.

I went outside and it was very cloudy. The clouds were heavy and dark dark grey and I had to walk. For some reason in the dream I was staying at a dormatory because in the dream I was in college.

I started walking down the sidewalk ~ it was in the city and it was cold so I had my arms crossed and buttoned up my jacket. As I walked it started to rain great big drops.

I heard something behind me and I looked. I saw a shadow duck into a building. I turned and kept walking and I turned to look behind me again and a shadow ducked behind a car... very quickly so I almost didn't see it but I did.

It began to rain heavier and I was getting nervous so I started walking faster but the person behind me was keeping up and I could hear their footsteps. I knew it was him even though I couldn't see him when I would look.

Finally I started running and I could hear him RIGHT behind me and feel his breath on the back of my neck...

*this is like a movie!*

I had to run up the stairs in my building to get to my dorm room - I think on the third floor. I got the keys in and ran inside and was closing the door behind me but he was there pushing it back open and we struggled like that. I could see his face and hands and they were changing. His eyes were glowing, if I remember correctly they were gold.

I remember thinking there was no such thing as werewolves but that's what he was changing into and he grew very strong and the door just broke into lots of pieces and he pounced on me and.. er.. well.. ravishing ensued but I woke up half way through that.

posted November 21, 2002 01:54 AM           

and since I am tipsy... I will muse to myself. Why am I so affected by music?? To the point that it hurts and makes me ache. How is it that a song can capture everything so perfectly?? I swear sometimes I think my head is invaded and a little piece of me is taken to put into someone else's music so when I hear it I just know it's a part of me and I have to listen to it over and over and over and just float along with it in complete bliss...

*what I am doing now*

And I try to explain it to people but a lot of them don't understand. But sometimes music is so beautiful it hurts...

posted November 21, 2002 01:15 PM         

Oh my. That is quite a bit to ponder. I have impressions, but I also feel ... something ... well, I do not know what it is! Duality is part of it, but there is something else. I am going to attempt a dream about this ... maybe. Something tells me perhaps I should not, but I do not like the feeling of the "something" telling me! This is very confusing. (That reminds me, I dreamt of you the day before yesterday - after seeing your picture - but I do not remember much.)

I will have to give this some thought before I say or do anything. Very curious!

Until later ...

Walk in Peace

posted November 24, 2002 03:33 PM           

*hugs*

posted November 24, 2002 06:46 PM         

If it is alright with you, I wish to continue my efforts, when I have the opportunity. (not every day is a good one for this sort of thing)

Curiouser and curiouser ...

posted November 24, 2002 07:03 PM           

If you think it'll help, you can let me know if you plan anything and I can go to sleep thinking about it... but I don't know if you want that. Let me know.

And thank you again. It's strange you don't remember ANYTHING at all. The past few nights have been pretty boring for me but I've had some really bad headaches again so that might be why.

*HUGS*!